Guitar Players: More Options

This might be interesting to guitar players, especially lefties. Normal people have to decide for themselves.


There's never been a better time to be a lefty guitar player.
This is what we call hyperbole.
Let's just say it's an interesting time to play guitar in general. Music is widely available, there's tons of information on YouTube, including pretty difficult songs to play and demos of gear. And makeup tips.


This missive was spawned by a number of developments by Fender. For the longest time, lefties could not purchase any offset Fender (Jaguar, Jazzmaster, etc). Fender has a configurator on their site, where you can pretty much build your own guitar. They just added a lefty option for the Jazzmaster. Regardless of which Fender you want, you should go play with it, to see what you can come up with for your 'dream guitar'. Your choices are Jazzmaster, Stratocaster, Telecaster, P Bass and J Bass; all available left-handed. You can choose wood, finish, hardware, pickups, and neck shape (you can choose a C neck or a slightly larger C neck).

Speaking of offsets, Fender also announced most of the offsets are available on a one time only basis from Fender Japan. You leave a deposit now and they deliver the guitar at the end of the year.

Speaking as myself, which is pretty much the end of the list of people for whom I can speak, I'm not as excited as some offset fans. If I were going to order one (or several) it would be because I wanted them for the collection. After looking and listening, I'm not sure an offset will fit sonically. The output of the pickups is down below my beloved Strat and the guitars sound kinda plinky, lacking sustain. While this may work perfectly for surf music and whatever else, it won't work for me. You don't see many blues and classic rock artists with offset Fenders. Cobain had a modified Jaguar, but he wasn't exactly know for tone. Oddly enough, you can buy a Cobain model (unless you're a lefty, talk about irony).

My big problem... well... the one I'll admit to... is the neck. There are two very important specifications to me: shape and radius. Radius is the curve of the fretboard. The lower the measurement, the more curved the board. The shape is literally the shape of the neck, from the side of the fretboard, around the back to the other side of the fretboard.  Back when Fender first started (1950s), the necks were huge, with a 7.25" radius, and a large V-shape. I grew up with late 70s Fenders, which were very similar to the vintage ones. Fender now refers to this neck as a U shape (I think - they're weird). You cannot purchase this neck on a stock Fender, including the Mod Shop. I spoke to Fender and was told if I don't like the C neck on all of their stock guitars these days, I'm screwed.

Fender has a long history of reproduction guitars, lately 50s, 60s, and 70s. Every time they do this, they mess up an important feature. The current 50s 'correct vintage' Strat has a fairly accurate neck shape, with a 9.5" radius, which was not made in the 50s. So it's somewhat less than correct vintage. Fender is obviously not bothered by this. In fact, only the crazies (who would that be?) are upset. There are U neck guitars available from Fender Japan, which I am investigating. The hurdle here seems to be a very large body of water, plus an exchange rate.


WHAT OTHER CHOICES DO I HAVE?

Glad you asked. Or I would have had to stop typing at the last paragraph.
If you like Fenders, your other choice is custom parts or custom guitars. I'd recommend you check Nash Guitars, somewhere up the the Northeast US, available on Reverb and a few stores. They are very vintage-correct and feel great (ok, the one I picked up backwards in a store). I can't help you with custom guitars, as there are way too many people who do this.

Parts are where it's at if you read this far. The biggest would have to be Warmoth. They have one of everything, at least. You can purchase stock guitars bodies or necks. You can also configure your own. Each step is explained, so you aren't going in blind. The stock necks start at about $150 and go way too far up, depending on whether you need African Pink Cocobora accents with a roasted quarter-sawn maple fretboard, and solid gold inlays of upright vacuums. There is no price difference for lefty or righty. The bodies in stock range from $260 to $600, but again, this is highly variable, depending on whether you like an in-stock body or designing your own.

Warmoth's options for designing your own body and neck go down to minute details. One of the reasons is that you can order what you specified right at the end. Each option has help available, so you're not scratching your head and squinting thoughtfully, in case anyone walks by. I read that your order does not come complete or built. They expect you to get the finish off the frets and put everything together. There may be an option for getting everything done for you but I haven't looked for it.

There is some wild stuff available. You can get wood you've never heard of or seen from countries you've never heard of or seen. Your neck will consist of one piece or a neck and a fretboard, depending on options. You can pick 2 different woods. Some are very colorful, with tonal details explained. You can pick Vintage, Modern, or Hybrid basic designs. This dictates which options you can select. For instance, the 7.25" radius is not available on Vintage, but is on Modern. There are a ton of options for radius, as well as compound radius, where it starts as 10" and goes to 16" at the end. Finished or non, gloss or satin or vintage stained. Even fretboard inlay shapes and colors. The necks are available in many shapes like current, V, soft V, boatneck, thin, and others. Keep in mind that you need to have some idea what shape you want: you can't return it easily. My problem is that I can't find anywhere to play anything other than stock Fender necks. In the fifth largest area in the US, there is nothing but garbage to be seen. Almost zero vintage.

The bodies are where most of the fun is. You can choose most popular body shapes for guitar or bass. Choose the wood, cap if you want it; clear or color finish; transparent, burst, or metallic colors. Mount the pickups on a standard pickguard or to the body. Most kinds of whammy bar. Lots of pickups, mostly Duncan (I like them). Tons of goodies.

When you're done, don't forget the hardware. You have a wide choice of these or you can get them and install yourself.

Again, when you're bored, sit down and have some fun configuring your dream neck and guitar.

Lots of people tell me to just go to Warmoth when I complain about Fender not having what I want. Warmoth is not a bargain outlet. Fender has a few necks they will sell you for exorbitant amounts, which Warmoth happily beats, but if you want one item different from stock, you will pay. Warmoth also supplies some necks to Fender.

For example:
Both guitars are configured as alike as possible, with no extras.
A Mod Shop Fender Stratocaster, lefty or righty, basic options, will cost $1699.
A Warmoth lefty or righty body is $370, body/pickups/hardware is 682.35.  The neck is about $262 without hardware. The grand total is $944.35 plus other stuff.  The difference is $754.65 plus whatever hardware you need and assembly for the Warmoth.  Neither of the prices can come down much, unless you use in-stock bodies and necks at Warmoth, and no body finish.

Or FUN STUFF:
If I changed from the basics on the Fender, it would still be $1699.
My Big Fun Ultimate Quilt Maple Cap, blue stain finish body is $715; $1067 with pickups+hardware. The neck, one piece flame maple is $416 plus tuners, for a grand total of $1483. If money was the only criterion, I'd save about $200 with Warmoth and get exactly what I wanted. Fender would essentially be a stock Fender that was expensive, with zero options for a neck I would play. Oddly enough, neither of these guitars had a lefty upcharge.



Another place I'd highly recommend is USA Custom Guitars. I haven't purchased anything from them yet, but I know stories of customer service and humanity far beyond regular retail.



your mileage may vary

lefty Gets Loose

Four million Time Warner (now Spectrum) accounts were left open to the internet, via a third party for about seven years. If you're sending them money, you should probably stop. Or at least give them a ring.

• Uganda is building a porn detector that can look at your computer, detect porn, and delete it. All they had to do was ask me - I'm pretty good at that. Sure is a good thing Uganda has cured cancer and has nothing left to achieve.

FEMA has released guidelines in the event of a hurricane. "Leave immediately when told by local officials" is the first one.  Number two must be "Don't go outside in a hurricane."

• ME: You can tell the boss about my difficulty getting the form. HIM: Well, I still have other forms to collect. What does one have to do with the other? This is daily for me. Men are from Mars, Men are from Uranus.

Wisdom for the ages: Do not set yourself on fire.

• I recently spoke to someone called Moon. That is all.

On National Beer Lovers Day, I shall be sitting at home, sipping a cold Snapple lemon iced tea.

• there is now an electric Jaguar, the #Etype Zero. Now you have to have your batteries calibrated if you go drive up more hilly areas.

A British scientist rode a bike fitted with an ultrasonic distance sensor to see how closely cars would pass him. He found that cars gave him about six inches more space when he was wearing a wig so that drivers passing from behind would think he was a woman.  The lesson here? Never mind the helmet - wear a wig.

• Note to Florida: you are in the midst of one of the top seven storms to ever hit the United States. By all means, get those SUVs out on the roads. You can absolutely drive through a couple feet of water, just like people in northern states can drive through feet of snow or on ice.
• We will need selfies: stand in front of the remains of a house or military vehicles. If you're bored of being inside, get one with a tornado.
• Note to Self: it's NAPLES, not Nipples
• Once the storm has passed, call your electricity provider and ask them repeatedly when power will be back. Call the cable company and bother them too; in fact, call someone and ask when the phones will be up.
• In the midst of the storm, call anyone you can to see how your friends or family are. First responders will be happy to go out in the midst of the hurricane to check for you.
• Wait til the wind starts blowing and inquire about getting some wood for your windows. Also ask where to get batteries and water. Then see people charging twenty dollars for a case of water.
• Make sure to get out and loot early. Ignore the fact that many will be armed and the police are actually out looking for you. If you're hungry, there are many places to steal sneakers.
• Start inquiring about the next storm.
• The inadvertent funniest part of the news coverage was watching some poor fellow's car breaking and being rescued by a van. As if this weren't bad enough, one Fox station broadcast continually from this location. If the owner of this car was watching this station, he saw his broken vehicle in every shot the station took from Naples.

There has been a huge hack of Equifax, potentially affecting 143 million people. Among stolen data is names, social security numbers, birth dates, and addresses. In some cases, credit card numbers and driver's licenses, and other personal information. These brilliant souls have an unbelievable amount of your information. Strangely enough, three managers sold a lot of stock before the breach was disclosed. The breach was not disclosed for over a month. Here's what to do. How did they get breached? A nine year old vulnerability.

• Enjoy and use these privacy and safety tips for Windows 7.

Best Buy and many others have pulled or stopped using Kaspersky products, due to the suspicion that Kaspersky is a little too cozy with the Russian government. At this point, the link has not been established. 

• 9-11 is the anniversary of a terrible event, put together by warmongering neocons, in order to get legislation passed and push more war. There are many theories on how this was pulled off physically, none of which agree with the official story. All one has to do is review some of the video on YouTube to familiarize yourself with some of the actual events which diverge from the official story. It is a national disgrace, causing massive loss of life.

I went out with some friends the other night.
It's never a good thing when they choose the restaurant.  I don't get out much (I'm working on my agorophobe certificate) so when I do, I like good food. Since everyone's version of good food is different, I wind up in strange places. I'm going to be polite here and say that my friends have a 'more highly developed palatte' than me.

Since we aren't brimming with cash and prefer our own cooking anyway, we tend not to eat out a lot. I have a pizza place close by with the best pizza I've ever had. This is confirmed whenever anyone comes to visit. It's so good, it's a shame to put toppings on it. I could eat it most nights. Even considering e-coli, we're fond of Chipotle. No one, including employees, can tell us why there's a wooden behemoth taking up one third of the store. I guess it's one of those questions that will remain unanswered throughout the ages.

So my friends suggest a more upscale restaurant. For me, this means any restaurant with slightly dimmed lights and high prices. As if this weren't enough to put me off going out, the food gets to me. I don't want half cooked duck breast. Four kinds of cheese, two of which I've never heard. I don't want anything braised, garnished with tarragon, put on a plate with swirls and drops of this and that, or anything with sun dried tomatoes. Sun dried tomatoes are an immediate sign that I shouldn't be eating at that restaurant. I am not saying that people shouldn't eat that stuff - just that I don't.  The real Final Straw.. the thing that will send me screaming, out the front door, is rosemary. I can identify one part per million of those disgusting little twigs. I can tell if a dish has been prepared in the vicinity of rosemary. I know when there's rosemary in the same kitchen where my meal is being cooked. It might even be genetic: my entire family doesn't like rosemary. So if I see sun dried tomatoes or rosemary on the menu, it's a sure sign I don't belong there.

So, I don't like rosemary.

Further, I firmly believe that figs belong solely in Newtons and that pepperoni pizza should have red sauce on it - not five different, hand-picked cheeses and an artisinal crust. Locally caught fish has no business on anything called pizza, even with lox and a special Stolichnaya glaze. And nothing in the universe should have blue cheese on it. There is more mold in that foul-smelling cheeselike substance than an entire warehouse of WWII leftovers. Is there a plain old burger on the menu? Why yes there is! It is loving garnished with bourbon and thyme, with a special filling of peaches and goat cheese. How about a bacon cheeseburger? You betcha! Except it's our own special prosciutto limburger vegan burger, with organic ketchup and sage pickles.

This is why I don't get invited to parties. Or dinner. And don't get out much.

I'll admit it - I drink like a girl. And when I say girl, I mean a little girl. I only do it once every few months, and it consists of one drink. It must be sweet; I really like frozen strawberry margaritas with sugar around the rim (just like my breakfast cereal, except it's chocolate).

It's not that I don't get out much - it's more that I don't like the stuff they serve.  I'm a simple man... simple but complex.