lefty Gets Loose

Four million Time Warner (now Spectrum) accounts were left open to the internet, via a third party for about seven years. If you're sending them money, you should probably stop. Or at least give them a ring.

• Uganda is building a porn detector that can look at your computer, detect porn, and delete it. All they had to do was ask me - I'm pretty good at that. Sure is a good thing Uganda has cured cancer and has nothing left to achieve.

FEMA has released guidelines in the event of a hurricane. "Leave immediately when told by local officials" is the first one.  Number two must be "Don't go outside in a hurricane."

• ME: You can tell the boss about my difficulty getting the form. HIM: Well, I still have other forms to collect. What does one have to do with the other? This is daily for me. Men are from Mars, Men are from Uranus.

Wisdom for the ages: Do not set yourself on fire.

• I recently spoke to someone called Moon. That is all.

On National Beer Lovers Day, I shall be sitting at home, sipping a cold Snapple lemon iced tea.

• there is now an electric Jaguar, the #Etype Zero. Now you have to have your batteries calibrated if you go drive up more hilly areas.

A British scientist rode a bike fitted with an ultrasonic distance sensor to see how closely cars would pass him. He found that cars gave him about six inches more space when he was wearing a wig so that drivers passing from behind would think he was a woman.  The lesson here? Never mind the helmet - wear a wig.

• Note to Florida: you are in the midst of one of the top seven storms to ever hit the United States. By all means, get those SUVs out on the roads. You can absolutely drive through a couple feet of water, just like people in northern states can drive through feet of snow or on ice.
• We will need selfies: stand in front of the remains of a house or military vehicles. If you're bored of being inside, get one with a tornado.
• Note to Self: it's NAPLES, not Nipples
• Once the storm has passed, call your electricity provider and ask them repeatedly when power will be back. Call the cable company and bother them too; in fact, call someone and ask when the phones will be up.
• In the midst of the storm, call anyone you can to see how your friends or family are. First responders will be happy to go out in the midst of the hurricane to check for you.
• Wait til the wind starts blowing and inquire about getting some wood for your windows. Also ask where to get batteries and water. Then see people charging twenty dollars for a case of water.
• Make sure to get out and loot early. Ignore the fact that many will be armed and the police are actually out looking for you. If you're hungry, there are many places to steal sneakers.
• Start inquiring about the next storm.
• The inadvertent funniest part of the news coverage was watching some poor fellow's car breaking and being rescued by a van. As if this weren't bad enough, one Fox station broadcast continually from this location. If the owner of this car was watching this station, he saw his broken vehicle in every shot the station took from Naples.

There has been a huge hack of Equifax, potentially affecting 143 million people. Among stolen data is names, social security numbers, birth dates, and addresses. In some cases, credit card numbers and driver's licenses, and other personal information. These brilliant souls have an unbelievable amount of your information. Strangely enough, three managers sold a lot of stock before the breach was disclosed. The breach was not disclosed for over a month. Here's what to do. How did they get breached? A nine year old vulnerability.

• Enjoy and use these privacy and safety tips for Windows 7.

Best Buy and many others have pulled or stopped using Kaspersky products, due to the suspicion that Kaspersky is a little too cozy with the Russian government. At this point, the link has not been established. 

• 9-11 is the anniversary of a terrible event, put together by warmongering neocons, in order to get legislation passed and push more war. There are many theories on how this was pulled off physically, none of which agree with the official story. All one has to do is review some of the video on YouTube to familiarize yourself with some of the actual events which diverge from the official story. It is a national disgrace, causing massive loss of life.

I went out with some friends the other night.
It's never a good thing when they choose the restaurant.  I don't get out much (I'm working on my agorophobe certificate) so when I do, I like good food. Since everyone's version of good food is different, I wind up in strange places. I'm going to be polite here and say that my friends have a 'more highly developed palatte' than me.

Since we aren't brimming with cash and prefer our own cooking anyway, we tend not to eat out a lot. I have a pizza place close by with the best pizza I've ever had. This is confirmed whenever anyone comes to visit. It's so good, it's a shame to put toppings on it. I could eat it most nights. Even considering e-coli, we're fond of Chipotle. No one, including employees, can tell us why there's a wooden behemoth taking up one third of the store. I guess it's one of those questions that will remain unanswered throughout the ages.

So my friends suggest a more upscale restaurant. For me, this means any restaurant with slightly dimmed lights and high prices. As if this weren't enough to put me off going out, the food gets to me. I don't want half cooked duck breast. Four kinds of cheese, two of which I've never heard. I don't want anything braised, garnished with tarragon, put on a plate with swirls and drops of this and that, or anything with sun dried tomatoes. Sun dried tomatoes are an immediate sign that I shouldn't be eating at that restaurant. I am not saying that people shouldn't eat that stuff - just that I don't.  The real Final Straw.. the thing that will send me screaming, out the front door, is rosemary. I can identify one part per million of those disgusting little twigs. I can tell if a dish has been prepared in the vicinity of rosemary. I know when there's rosemary in the same kitchen where my meal is being cooked. It might even be genetic: my entire family doesn't like rosemary. So if I see sun dried tomatoes or rosemary on the menu, it's a sure sign I don't belong there.

So, I don't like rosemary.

Further, I firmly believe that figs belong solely in Newtons and that pepperoni pizza should have red sauce on it - not five different, hand-picked cheeses and an artisinal crust. Locally caught fish has no business on anything called pizza, even with lox and a special Stolichnaya glaze. And nothing in the universe should have blue cheese on it. There is more mold in that foul-smelling cheeselike substance than an entire warehouse of WWII leftovers. Is there a plain old burger on the menu? Why yes there is! It is loving garnished with bourbon and thyme, with a special filling of peaches and goat cheese. How about a bacon cheeseburger? You betcha! Except it's our own special prosciutto limburger vegan burger, with organic ketchup and sage pickles.

This is why I don't get invited to parties. Or dinner. And don't get out much.

I'll admit it - I drink like a girl. And when I say girl, I mean a little girl. I only do it once every few months, and it consists of one drink. It must be sweet; I really like frozen strawberry margaritas with sugar around the rim (just like my breakfast cereal, except it's chocolate).

It's not that I don't get out much - it's more that I don't like the stuff they serve.  I'm a simple man... simple but complex.