OMG, I Can't Even, Fam

Language is weird.
Stuff sometimes crosses from social media to the real world.
It's really sad for people who rarely venture into social media, and people who do venture into social media. In fact, it's sad for everybody.

I'm sitting there, minding my own business, as I tend to do a lot, when I hear "O. M. G. I can't believe it."

Excuse me?

O. M. G. I can't believe it.

You don't say OMG in real life. You say Oh My God. OMG is a shortener so you can fit more words in a text. And because many people can't spell Oh My God.

Nu-uh.

[I strap myself in, sensing this is going to be a long chat]
I'm just trying to help. If you say OMG outside the house, people will think you're....  a little slow.

Nu-uh.

[This is going to be worse than I thought.]
Have you been on social media recently?

No.

Then where are you getting this stuff?

Nowhere. I'm not tellin.

It's daytime tv, isn't it?

I'm not telling.

It's that 6' tall black woman, with the size FFF implants, who looks like Frankenstein, right?

Don't pick on Wendy - she's hip.

She must be - she says OMG.

Hey - she have the down-low on the high-ups. She dishes. OMG - did you see her yesterday?

No, I was having elective dental surgery. I don't care what she says. The show is a close competitor to TMZ for worst show on tv, 1954-present.

What EVER.

Are you auditioning for a Disney sitcom?

No. You're a hater.

That's old news, Bae.

Well, yesterday on the show, she said, right after she said OMG, that...

I don't really want to know what she said, and I'm working on something right now, so could you please give me a few minutes?

Well, she said OMG, Fam, you need to see this picture of....

Excuse me. EXCUSE me. EXCUSE ME.

What?

I asked you very nicely for just a few minutes.

I was just sayin'..

Yes, of course you were just sayin'  - you won't stop just sayin'

But I was just sayin'

[Writing this phrase down as a probable issue]
Can I please just have a few minutes of silence, while I finish this proposal for world peace? It's kind of important.

Whatevs.

[Dear Lord, from the top of this bit til now, they updated it. This will not end well.]


-->a few minutes of silence later <---


Thank you - Kissinger and the trilaterals want that by midnight.
Did you hear what Wendy said today?

No.

She said she's not going to say OMG anymore, cuz that's so last week.

Shut up.

No, I saw her.

Nu-uh. Stop spreading lies.

They showed the clip of it on TMZ.

You trippin.

Nope. Just sayin...


Announcer: Tune in next week, when our darling precocious child keeps trying to explain what 'fly' means, to an adult who keeps telling her it's what you do on a plane.

• Rosario Dawson came out as LGBT+ in a new interview.
• Does this mean she's all of them or just one?
• How will this affect Cory Booker?
• Does this make her hotter or notter?

I have this strange admiration for Jimmy Carter. Not as a president - as a human being. As a wish, 10 year old cancer survivor Jimmy Carter (yes) got to meet the more senior and more former presidential Jimmy Carter. They both had cancer, they both have the same name, and younger Carter was co-president of his school. Senior Carter is a gentleman who walks the walk, teaching Sunday School.

“The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant.”   - Maximilien Robespierre

I pick on SJWs, as I should.
Now I'm asking you to read this story about sexual harassment.
It isn't from some crazed feminist harpie; it's from a coder, recently employed at Uber. This poor lady got it from all angles, from college all the way to Uber. When she looked for help, none was forthcoming. When she finally blew the whistle on the widespread misdeeds at Uber, you can guess what happened. As with government whistleblowers, she suffered greatly.

I was getting ready to do an Uber rant, but the article said it better: "..the contempt with which the employees were treated mirrored the contempt with which the customers were treated" (mine would have mentioned rape and killing).

• If you need a laugh, just remember; Disney owns the domain name “Muppet F**ker”

Question on college:

Daughter #1 receives nice letter from Yale saying to apply. Includes cost calculator. Cost for her is $306,000. 

If she invests 306k and surfs for 30 years she ends up with 2.5 million (age 48) 5 mill at 56 and easy 10mil at 65.  Why would she pick Yale?

One blind, aquatic salamander may have sat mostly still for seven years

-continues to represent Pennsylvania in Congress.

• One of the reasons I predict Nothing Good from the Internet of Things was illustrated the other day, when a 'connected' car in California couldn't reach its server and would not start. Would. Not. Start. Every other car in the multiverse starts with a key. IoT cars require phoning home before they start. This has also happened with kitchen appliances. Now add the lack of security and you start to see what's going to happen. It's a very slow motion train wreck.

Crown Royal has done a great job, branding itself as a special, high-end whiskey (wheskey if you're a Scot). You even get that boffo blue velvet bag-like thing. I remember when I was tiny, I made a Crown Royal for my grandfather, when he got home from work. I remember it being horribly strong and bad-smelling. I'm sure nothing has changed. The marketing is more effective than you think, making people question themselves: Gee, I must be crazy for not loving this liquid that takes the coating off my esophagus. Smoooooth.  Or beer. When I was a teen, friends said to keep drinking - I'd develop a taste for beer. Well, it's been 30 years and I still haven't developed a taste for beer. Or dirt.

Today I identify as  spam

We have a good relationship with one neighbor (not the 439 year old one).

She's such a sweet older lady. She was Marshall's buddy - they used to hang out together when she was planting. When she moved to a different spot, Marshall moved with her. They'd chat (or at least one of them would). Mrs lefty found out they like cupcakes, so she bought a package of 6. On the way home, it inverted, gracing the lid with bunches of icing. A day later, I went to the store and procured replacement cupcakes. These inverted on the way out of the car, but lost considerably less icing. No matter, they can't go to anyone like that. Yesterday another 6 cupcakes appeared. This morning there were 5. One of the kids required one emergently, at 3am and no one told her these were for the neighbor. We'd get them a cake, but we can't deal with the mess when it inverts.



SJW Snorkeling

Homophobic, sexist and racist patients could be barred from non-emergency care at NHS trusts, under new rules from April

No Sex, Please - There's a New Star Wars

Unfortunately I've been saddled with Windows 10 at work. Further up on top of this is our Pages section. Read Windows 10 if you want to hear the stories.


"The Walt Disney Co. is asking exhibitors worldwide to warn moviegoers that Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker may pose a seizure risk to audience members with photosensitive epilepsy," 

[correction]
"The Walt Disney Co. is asking exhibitors worldwide to warn moviegoers that Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker ticket prices and tired, endless drawn-out sequels may pose a seizure risk to audience members" 

• RIP Marie Fredriksson (61), from cancer. Sang in Roxette (The Look, It Must've Been Love).

Dear lefty:  

• What's the difference between a smart tv and a dumb tv?
• Its owner

The man who called 911 to report that he was injured by his homemade contraption, which authorities thought was a nuclear reactor may be charged with inducing a panic. There was no radiation, no nuclear power, and the device was a homemade capacitor.  The neighborhood was evacuated for a few hours. The guy didn't purposely incite panic. Now that his neighbors know who he is, he'll no doubt be very popular with them.   Hey Bob, I need a few capacitors - can you whip me up something in the garage? 



Tesla wants to clean windshields with laser beams.
I want people to clean my entire car with bikinis.

• Check this out, by Richard Dolan - a great ufo researcher and author. Watch a few of his videos and make up your own mind.

Today I identify as  a folding chair

In his latest emission, Bernie Sanders promised free high-speed internet for all.  He also announced free houses, free cars, and free wildly-increased taxes.

• Your privacy is gone - you just don't know it yet

Mercedes Benz and Bosch are testing self-driving taxis in San Jose.

What kind of leap of faith does this require? Drive - watch out for that.....OW!

Essential smart tv security tips to protect your privacy.

1. don't buy a smart tv (good luck)
2. don't plug it into a network
3. if the FBI has issued a warning about smart tv's, you should probably start taking an interest (they're just jealous)
4. READ the agreements before blindly agreeing
5. read the article

Yes, I want to go to the recording studio

But they use Macs. 

As soon as they hit RECORD, either the Mac or I will sizzle

This is a predicament.

Work asked me for a personal development plan.
How the hell should I know? Nobody ever discussed it with me.
Guess I'll have to wing it...

• Develop my ability to keep the job
• Develop skills to answer any boss in the correct way, so they leave me alone, while feeling satisfied
• Develop raise-earning strategies
• Develop ways of ensuring that my skills do not make me look like a leader - just a bright tech guy. Don't make me manage people!
• Knowing when to stop. Also, the ability to stop

Cinnamon Coke?
Revolutionary.
Also new for 2020: Oregano Coke, Garlic Coke, Diesel Exhaust Coke, and Orange Vanilla Diet Coke.   Oops, one of those already exists. Guess which one.

Science News: licelike insects munched on dinosaur feathers around 100 million years ago.  Politics truly is the oldest profession.

Heroes of the Stupid  

5 myths that anti-porn crusaders keep repeating

Ring footage will give location to the square inch. So get out there and buy!
Get another for inside the house!

AT&T is raising DirecTV prices again, despite losing millions of customers.
Then they'll complain while customers continue to drop cable.

SJW Silliness   

Greta Thunberg is on the cover of Time, as their Person of the Year.
Fighting the patriarchy does pay!

Do not mourn - celebrate a man who lived life entirely on his own terms

You Picked a Bad Morning to Run Windows

If you haven't patched every version of Windows you use DO IT NOW, per earlier blog post, lest you lose all your files to ransomware. BACK UP YOUR FILES OFFLINE.

In case you're curious, everybody's best friend, the NSA, hoards vulnerabilities as weapons, not reporting them to (in this case) Microsoft. Unfortunately, these vulnerabilities got leaked and the Bad People are now using them. The letter agencies are completely out of control.

A very side effect of this is that medical equipment is getting infected. Do you want those machines that go PING next to your hospital bed to be infected? Why does this happen?  Since many medical devices run on Windows and they are connected to the local network, they can easily get infected with WannaCry."

Odds are my readers are not employed as security professionals. That said, reading the above sentence, what would you recommend? Yes, this is your future... your fridge will eventually hold your food hostage.

• United Airlines has taught themselves (hopefully) and us important lessons. One of their attendants leaked the cockpit door combination online. The lessons are to not drag people off planes when there's video and no matter how secure you are from the outside, there's always idiots on the inside who will screw things up. We have seen the enemy and it is us.

In the latest installment of Hackers Have Your Movie, Disney's new Pirates of the Caribbean is being held hostage and Disney isn't paying up. CEO Bob Iger has the Feds involved, but I wonder how long it will take until Bob's private files, featuring the donkeys, become public... or the Mouse House comes down on the private parts of the hackers.

In other, deeply personal hacking news, Brooks Brothers has been hacked; the hackers made off with payment card details.  When I think of all the money I paid for a closet full of high quality suits, I realize I can't even tell you where a Brooks Brothers store is. They want you to know they're right on top of the matter, though, as it has only been going on for about a year.

• I bought a laptop stand. It's pretty much a tray table but looked like it would do the job. I enjoy the thing, but not near as much as Marshall, who has taken to camping out underneath it, like an awning, or right next to it, so I can't get around him. It's almost like he's part cat. Currently he's in doggie dreamland, farting up a storm and choking off my oxygen. If anybody strikes a match, the whole place is going up.

CBS has been slammed for new fall shows, all starring men. 

Whine whine... 

Let's get together and collaborate on some possible starring replacements for men:

• talking breasts
• fish
• dust from vertical blinds
• carburetors
• elephants

please chime in.

• James Patrick Page, guitar player of some note, in a band called Led something or other, is dating a 26 year old woman. Fame and talent hath its privileges, as she's one-third his age. Are you getting the idea about why I want to be a Big Rock Star<tm>?

A woman stabs her boyfriend. This is generally acknowledged as a Pretty Bad Thing. Well, she may be getting off because it will hurt her career prospects. Is this what they refer to as Male Privilege? 

• Cardiff, Wales, home of the fictional Torchwood, is gearing up for its Naked Bike Ride protest.  It is not immediately apparent whether the protest is against naked bike riding or something else, but I dare not click the link, as it goes to Faceyspaces.  This event could go spectacularly wrong, so I advise caution if there's a live feed.
• As if anyone could get enough of Wales, people are OUTRAGED at the ASDA retail chain is selling a jumper that says "Boys will be boys." The lead malcontent claims this maintains damaging stereotypes. Not mentioned was the other boys jumper that says "I have a penis," which also maintains the damaging stereotype that boys have penises (and can't identify as girls, presumably).

RIP Chris Cornell, former frontman for Soundgarden. He died suddenly and unexpectedly (of suicide). Another of rock's great lead voices gone. He was an original.

Please talk to someone. Seek help. Tell a friend. There is assistance. You don't have to feel this way. And there will be a lot of people left in your wake after you go. Condolences to Chris' wife and two children.

Lastly, this means people will pay more attention to Eddie Vedder. Nothing good can come from this.

• Qualcomm has a patent on for internet-connected shoes. What could possibly go wrong?

Twitter has updated its privacy policy. Remembering that everything is opposite from the way it sounds, this means that Twitter has updated the way it ruins your privacy. The results are fairly astounding. Check it out.

• Tired of the ridiculousness coming out of the college professors, a Portland State University professor and mathematician collaborated to write a hoax paper called "The Conceptual Penis as a Social Construct." Reviewers loved it, even though the authors tried to make is as incoherent as possible.  Nice to see a little humor in the process.