A Watched Elephant Never Flies

Shit got hacked. 
Info got taken.


Also, here's another completely disheartening flaw, in your SIM card, by which hackers can hijack your phone with a simple text. There's a great bit in the article about a private company that works with governments using this for 2 years for surveillance.  soooo.... tired...



Lions can see in the dark. Know what else can see in the dark?
Humans. With infrared goggles.
And pussycats.
Know what this means?
It means that dogs with infrared goggles are lions.



RIP Ginger Baker (80) - Cream, Blind Faith, etc



Dear lefty

• What was my biggest mistake?
• Performing oral in back alleys for $10. 
• (the going rate is $20)

Today I identify as: the F22 Osprey aircraft - for every hour in the air, there's 16 hours of maintenance.

• BREAKING: Chimpanzee on the loose in Santa Fe, Texas, harassing residents and reportedly attempting to steal cats
• Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Please tell me what to think.

NPR (yuck) Fresh Air (yay) had an interview with the author of a book about Sidney Gottlieb. You can find a transcript online. Sidney worked for the CIA, who wanted to start looking into mind control, for the purposes of spying and carrying information, unknown to the courier (Manchurian Candidate). Thus began MK-ULTRA in 1953. Gottlieb ran the program, which included electric shocks, sleep deprivation, personality wiping, LSD, repetitive audio reinforcement over weeks, and heaven knows what else. This also ran in Toronto.

Gottlieb eventually went away and in 1975, the Church Committee discovered who he was, via exposing MK-ULTRA. Gottlieb went straight to the records warehouse and destroyed everything. On the stand, he developed an incredible case of memory loss, almost as bad as the people he tortured. The politicians didn't really know the extent of the program so they let him go.

The leftovers are slogging around Canada and the US. Broken people, some with their memory wiped, so they don't know their own families. Some with multiple personalities. Some developed alcohol and substance abuse issues. Some just wander in and out of hospitals.  A few people sued and got settlements.

Gottlieb was friends with Frank Olsen, who was thrown jumped out of a hotel window and died. Eventually President Ford admitted to it, met and apologized to the family, and awarded them compensation.

This is your tax dollars and your government. This is what we know. Imagine what we don't know. MK-ULTRA was closed down, but you're a fool if you think the work stopped.



No thank you, I'd rather have sex with Charlie Sheen

• Little Feat, one of my favorite bands, is celebrating its 50th birthday. Tune in and watch them play a few songs. RIP Lowell George and Ritchie Hayward.

Direct from the NSA:
Discover more about our commitment to protecting civil liberties and privacy in our 1st semi-annual NSA Civil Liberties and Privacy Officer Report.   Cut it out. Stop. Next up: Dick Cheney's report on making and keeping friends.

• Did you hear about the partying dyslexic?  He swallowed the LDS.

Faceyspaces suspended the Israeli Prime Minister's page for 24 hours over 'hate speech'.  I'm laughing too hard to find the link.


Everybody's favorite always mad lady, AOC (see below), says it is 'barbarism' that the US does not guarantee a 'right' to housing.  Everybody's most-tolerated blogger, lefty, says if this is true, when is she paying my mortgage?




It Has Started.
2 men from the Netherlands have been arrested for trespassing at Area 51. One told police he was a YouTube personality. They were arrested 3 miles inside the gate.

But but but... I'm famous! I'm a YouTube celebrity! People love and respect me! They get up early just to see my videos.. I'm popular. An influencer. Girls like me. Really. YouTube celebrities don't lie.

I've never been to Nevada, but I understand it's incredibly difficult to get near the gate, no less 3 miles in. They have vibration sensors and audio. They have very serious men in camo, with the guns people want taken away. They are private security and call the sheriff to arrest interlopers. The sign says shooting is authorized. You can search YouTube for videos of people trying to get in and watch what happens. They're watched the entire time by the guards. The moment someone crosses the line, they're there. Claiming they were 3 miles inside doesn't seem to fit with reality. Add the fact that the base knows The People From Faceyspaces are coming, and you smell something off. As Flounder said, about the upcoming hordes....




Heroes of the Stupid

A North Carolina woman cut off her husband's penis after tying him up. Deputies found the severed limb and gave it to medics.  All together now - OUCH




SJW Silliness

Dateline San Francisco, California: SJW Central has just announced that White blood cells are a tool of the patriarchy and will be renamed Pink blood cells, to be inclusive. The red blood cells will absolutely not work because Trump Hat, so the red blood cells will identify as blue.  [ThermionicEmissions, by lefty]

Illegal alien charged for alleged sex with a cow arrested again. Things sure must be different south of Texas.

Pete Buttigieg, presidential democratic candidate: Using a straw or eating a burger means you are 'part of the problem'

Why the way we teach kids table manners is actually kind of racist
The message that eating food with your hands is unmannered is dripping with the control and shame of colonization - and we need to rethink our idea of "good manners," says chef and food activist Joshna Maharaj.   Food Activist? Me too - everybody eat a candy bar.

Bottled Snakes?

So we smartasses know we're being tracked by our cell phones. Some of us don't care. Some of us are positively incensed, bordering on explosion. We turn off Location functions and the GPS, but we know we can still be located by cell tower triangulation.

We also know that apps use ad networks, potentially both spying on your location, and whatever other info they care to gather.

Well, guess what.... there's a new way to track us suckers. It takes 2,000 lines of code, inserted into an app that can go tens or hundreds of thousands of lines.  What can we do? Absolutely nothing at the moment. Well, that's not strictly accurate: you can turn off the phone. There are hardware and software features than can be implemented, but that depends on the phone manufacturer and Google (for android) or Apple (for iOS). Considering that manufacturers don't seem to bother pushing out security updates, I doubt we're going to see privacy upgrades.  Having said that, I'm not sure if we're going to see this code in apps, as there's detective work to be done to find where the phone thinks you are. This doesn't mean the operating system won't have it in the future.

When I said the only thing you can do is turn off the phone, I wasn't completely accurate. You can also firewall the phone and decide specifically where the app can go to, but that's only for really strict privacy weirdos, with control issues and way too much time on their hands (raising hand, sporting evil grin).

• New Zealand's airport customs folks, while examining packages, came across (non-live) snakes. Because there's always (non-live) snakes being sent all over the world.  Two of the little beauties were positioned on a base, 'standing up.' The other two were in jars. Because when we don't send taxidermied snakes, we send them in jars.

Knowledge Transfer

I believe in sharing knowledge, both at work and at home. Knowledge is power. 

Let's say you're going to England and want to sound like a native. Well, the first thing you have to do is learn the accent, which tends to vary from block to block. Then you have to learn the lingo.

Let's start: 

• When you need your car repaired, you take it to the GARRidge.
• If the plane goes down on the way over, the National Transportation and Safety Board (NTSB) will look for DAYbree. This is the kind of word you can be smug in knowing, but will not get a chance to use after the plane touches the ground.

Learning the accent and language are only two thirds of the package. For some reason known only to Julius Caesar (inventor of the dressing), the Brits spell words incorrectly. A lot of words. They watch their favourite television programmes in their vividly coloured pyjamas. In their defence, they pay for a television licence with aluminium foil. They keep their spare tyres in the boot of the car. Instead of a wrench, they use spanners. I have a cocker spanner.

England and the United States: two countries separated by a common language.

• There's another nephew orchestral concert this week. I'm already building myself up for the event. Wife suggested copious amounts of drugs. I may just go with the flesh-colored earplugs.

It's Saliva Time, Kids!

There is a Chinese delicacy called bird's nest, which is made from bird saliva. The Chinese are a very silly people.

Since this lovely dish is a delicacy, we can reasonably expect that Bird Saliva Harvester is an honored position in China. WANTED: Bird Saliva Collector for 1,500 year old Bird's Nest dynasty. All male heirs have killed themselves in advance, rather than take the position. Fair pay and ducks to hang in your window. No forks.

In the name of humanity, who thought up this dish?

After a bit of digging, it is rumored to have originated with a Mr. Too Faht, special cook to the King of China, in or around the year 245BBS (Before Bird Saliva).  The king wanted something new, something special, something so rare and delicious that the kings of other countries would be terribly jealous, when they gathered at their King Retreat, located at the fabled Basketball Stadium of China. Interesting historical note: archaeologists have ancient China mapped out, but have never been able to locate the Basketball Stadium. It is rumored that the reason the Stadium cannot be found is that it was located next to the mythical Chinese Driving School.

Too Faht, the cook, was a fat, lazy man, with the occasional brilliant idea. Unfortunately, the majority of his ideas were total shit. After the King's demand, Too Faht didn't want to bother because he had a planned an entire night of sitting. It was then that he came up with one of his more brilliant ideas. He would suggest something so disgusting, so supremely vile, that the King would lose his appetite and suggest Too Faht take the night off.

So the cook told the King of his latest idea for a delicacy, called bird's nest, made entirely of bird saliva. Too Faht stood there, visions of ChinaLoungers in his head, when the King thought about it and declared, "That must really be something Faht... make me one." And that is how we got Bird's Nest.

How the bird saliva is collected is a closely guarded secret, known only to Bird Saliva Collectors and their mentors, at Chinese Driving School. With that name, no one would think saliva collecting was going on, plus no one would show up at the school anyway.

• There is now a hair shampoo with caffeine in it. This way, at least your hair will be awake in the morning.

Our last installment featured news of more human feet washing ashore in Canada. In true American spirit, Detroit floated to the top, where human organs were found at a wastewater treatment plant. But that wasn't all. This was the second time in two days. Either the mafia is getting lazy or rank amateurs are attempting body disposal again.

• RAF Mildenhall is an American base located in England, where today, a man drove onto the tarmac, stopping just short of a CV-22 Osprey. After a brief firefight, the man was taken into custody. This is, of course, not terrorism. The base spokesperson hasn't see the video and the investigation is in its early stages, but she already knows it's not terrorism. America is lucky to have this kind of psychic talent on its side.
• He drove onto the airfield of an American base and parked near a plane. How in the Sam Hill (where did that come from?) did the man get near the military base? You have to have all your papers in order, including your birth certificate and whether or not you were breastfed to get onto a military base (don't ask how I know). If you attempt to breach the gate, you will quickly gather more holes than Swiss cheese. Maybe the airfield is accessible via a route other than the front gate, but that doesn't sound so tactically smart.
• Our friends at the TSA are worrisome enough, but now this?
• I remember when the Ospreys first came out. They had so many problems with it that the saying was "Boeing killed more of our people than the enemy." You'd think the guy would get out of the car and an engine would fall on his head or something.
• at least it's not terrorism.

How's Marshall?

Glad you asked. The previous chemotherapy stopped early because he's doing so well. He will likely go on oral chemo. The oncologist wants to do another operation, most likely due to the new kitchen she's planning. After all, we just finished paying off her Mercedes.

Meanwhile, Marshall is in great shape, physically and attitude-wise. He's running around like a puppy (at 13). He still whines a lot when he wants something. When we've had enough, we tell him. Then he goes to take a nap in the bed. He's an enigma, wrapped in fur.

In the Ridiculous Coincidence department, we were overjoyed that the oppressive vet bills have ceased. Maybe the Flying Spaghetti Monster would visit for FSMas after all! But it was not to be... somehow the city heard that there might be some discretionary income and sent a huge bill for funds not taken out of my check by my awesomely alert employer.

Certain schools of thought state that we live many lives, each time to learn a lesson.  If this were true, this time around, I'm learning to value what I have, as something always manages to suck up every dollar I make. I'd let you know what I find out, but there seems to be inexplicable difficulties involved in communicating post-mortem.

• it's another one of those weird weeks. For the second week in a row, it wasn't raining when I took the trash out (at gunpoint). Something's up.
• Speaking of weird trash, I've got something wrong with me. At this point you're saying "and it took you this long to notice?" I am utterly incapable of putting things in bags. Sure, I can grab some fries and put them in a plastic bag, but if I have to put something in an open trash bag, I will wind up wearing it or cleaning it up off the floor. My wife wonders why I won't go near her if she's holding a bag open, asking me to dump something inside it.
• It doesn't matter if she's holding the bag open with a three foot radius - whatever I try to put in it will wind up everywhere but IN it.
• I have yet to ask the doctors what happens in childhood that would cause this, because I have much more pressing issues to discuss with them.
• Someone suggested it might be related to my lack of basketball skills, but I pointed out that I'm equally horrible at all sports.
• I can put things into other things.... in fact, it's my favorite hobby. No one ends up wearing it*, nor does it wind up on the floor.  *unless specifically requested
• Sometimes I wake up screaming in the middle of the night. It's because I just had a horrible nightmare about trying to put one small bag into a larger bag. Eager to help, my wife bought earplugs.

France just halted an auction of a manuscript by the Marquis de Sade, referring to it as a national treasure. Eh - national treasure... instruction manual... whichever.

• President Trump, and his cadre of Very Smart IT People, have officially blamed Wannacry on North Korea. North Korea's response, from King Kong very Ill, was, "Nyah nyah, you can't catch me, imperialist pig, with your hair even sillier than mine!"

I'm thinking of getting politically involved...