The Chinese Are Bugging my Instant Noodles

Your love is like  3 broken kneecaps


The Russian election interference continues. I think they're under the bed.
I keep inviting them up, but they keep pretending they're not there.


Dear lefty

• Why do people keep pretending they don't watch pr0n?
• because of a lifetime of being told 'that's dirty'  
• That's all you got?
• and because your mother sniffed glue through her pregnancies.

Mrs lefty just got home from shopping.

Or rather, the ambulance carried her in.

The line at CostCo was out the door, even before social distancing. It's almost like their management didn't expect people to be shopping. The stinky old ladies gave her an idea: farting, to enforce distancing. See why I married her?

We learned very early that I cannot accompany her. In a stunning gender turnabout, she would do her Shopping Business, while I would wander around, comparing chainsaws, tires, and computers [TIP: they don't compare]. 

We also learned very early that the courts do not take kindly to running down old ladies with your cart. Mind you, the police were very understanding, and admitted they did it themselves, but they had to take her in. This was more my idea anyway. Hey, we can all get along together, in peace and harmony, until you leave your cart in everyone's way, then wander off to look at something. It's the unspoken rules of civilization (they only have civilisation at CostCo UK). Then there's the people who reach in front of you. I find that biting their hands dissuades them, but you have to keep biting each new person.

Then there are the talkers. These people piss everyone off. They are on their phone, naturally (because this is a store), talking as loudly as humanly possible. You can hear them across the store, and we all know CostCo is 4 miles long on each side. If they talk loudly near me, I participate in their conversations. YES. OH, THAT's NICE. DID HE REALLY? A POUND OF KANGAROO EGGS? Either they get the message, or call Security (mostly Security). Sometimes I walk behind them as they shout into their device that can 'hear' the cockroaches that crawl all over the phone at night, while they're sleeping. 

You know me - I have the patience of an infant, along with some of its behavior. The last time I went, the lines were ridiculous and I wasn't of a mood to stand there. So I did what the adults told me; I used my words. I'M NOT STANDING IN THOSE LINES. I'D SOONER LEAVE THE CART HERE AND GO HOME. The adults were right - they opened a lane immediately. Ever since, there's a loud siren that goes off whenever I enter. I suspect a custom lefty detector.

Since it's 90 degrees outside, it's a great time to shop for winter coats at CostCo. I thought this was just a Store Thing, but CostCo is really out there. In 90 degree temperatures, your air conditioner  or fan is going to break. When it does, you better not go to CostCo, unless you want to replace them with space heaters. At one point I was told they have some nice couches. When we went to look at them, being a champion of the obvious, I noticed they weren't there. Perhaps we were shopping out of Couch Season. Unfortunately, nobody told us when Couch Season is. She suggests we can order online. Oh, sure, let's order furniture we've never really seen or sat upon - that sounds like a good idea. When we're done, we can order a car we've never sat in or driven; perhaps some potentially poisonous seafood we've never tasted. Welcome to Backwards Shopping World<tm>, where even the women can't figure it out.

If I'm particularly aggravated or bored, I ask one of the Cheerful Salespersons where the plastic explosives are. Their days are so mundane, I'm doing them a favor by introducing a little spark, so to speak. The real pains in the ass are the demo ladies, who stand there, cooking things, that customers shove down their throats because it's free. Some have dinner there. Ok, it's not their fault - again, it's the rude customers. I don't care if they're choking on their Deep Fried Grease Bits - stay out of the lanes of travel. It's a simple matter of respect and convention. Someone will eventually jump up behind them, put their arms around them, and yank. Someone might even try the Heimlick Maneuver. Meanwhile, the rest of the shoppers can finish up their list, provided they finally found that little black thing that goes in the toilet... not the bowl - inside the tank. Near the bottom. You know what I'm talking about, right?  [sound of explosion]

• The FDA wants you to know NOT to drink the hand sanitizer, even if it's sold in what looks like a beer can.
• Don't forget - these people can mail in their vote...

Impressive: you got a Tesla

Embarrassing: you hit a car
Dumb Shit: it was a police car

Seriously?: you were watching a movie

This is only going to get better  

RNC 2020: Trump warns Biden will 'demolish' American dream.

That's not fair.. he won't demolish it, so much as take away its guns and tax it to death. Let's be accurate: the American dream was gone long before we were born: Trump merely made things more amusing.

BeagleBoyz: 2020's hottest country-rap band... HOLD IT. Doesn't anyone see anything wrong with this?

I'm gonna hit the store
and I'm ridin in my truck
It's rainin outside
but I don't give a .... damn


You want protest? I'll give you protest.
All the sports teams that are on strike?
Their fans should go on strike. No games (when they start), no tv, no official merchandise, and perhaps a little reproducing without the express written consent of the NFL. 

I am not shilling, nor do I get so much as a free straw, but iced mocha coffee and frozen hot chocolate make my day (Dunkin). They shortened their name to Dunkin, because people might not be able to deal with the complexity of Dunkin Donuts.

Let's all raise a sympathetic paw to Penny, whose mommy is visiting folks for a few days. The poor dog will spend a day or three sitting alone, looking out the window for her mommy. Even though I'm home. She'll eventually sit near me and will sleep with me, but only because the room is cool. Meanwhile I need a babysitter to keep me attentive and busy while Penny's mommy is gone. Sandra Bullock isn't busy, as the film industry has shut down, nor is Linda Fiorentino, nor is the lady who owns our personal pizza place, none of which would entertain babysitting me. I think.

For new readers, you know that when the president is unable to fulfill the duties of his office, the vice president takes over. I figure that when the wife is unable to fulfill the duties of her office, the vice wife should take over. Strangely, this concept is not popular with the wife. She said she wants a vice husband. I agreed - I don't always fulfill my duties, like mowing the lawn. She could have the vice husband do it. I can fulfill all the other duties just fine.

UPDATE: Mrs lefty felt so much Catho-Jewish semi-Armenian guilt about leaving her doggie, she's cutting her visit short. She doesn't want her child to suffer anymore; sitting, looking out the window. You will notice there is no such concern about her husband...



Mrs lefty is not always gud wit words, so I fix her when I can.
I explained that a baklavah is what you wear to peacefully burn cars, and a balaclava is eaten for dessert. She's lucky to have me.



I've about had it with searching for things on shopping sites.
Today on Amazon, I searched for "MI Audio Super Crunch Box" (a guitar pedal). I got returns for UNBLOCK PROS, SUPERBOX theater bundle, 6 zone speaker selector, take out food containers, fast food takeout menu book, a Beavis and Butthead book, and Pussy Natural Energy Drink. I believe in honesty: if you don't have it, go ahead and tell me. Besides, I didn't know pussy had an energy drink.

Furthermore, it's very difficult to get a left handed Bluetooth mouse. Yes, there are left handed mice, but most mice have this ridiculous RF wireless that requires a tiny receiver, plugged into a USB port. Naturally, when I search, I get only right handed, few Bluetooth mice. Suck my algorithm, Amazon.

I highly recommend the Microsoft (no, really) ergonomic keyboard and the mice that you operate as if you're shaking hands.

SJW Sleeze 

• Princess Diana statue to be installed to mark her 60th birthday
• the next day, BLM will tear it down, citing racism 

JK Rowling said she is giving back an award associated with the US Kennedy family, after being criticised for her views on gender and trans issues. Harry Potter puts a spell on award that makes it keep reappearing at Rowling's mansion.

BLM pushes Japan to confront racism (not that this group is spreading faster than the Flying AIDS).

Peaceful protesters in Sacramento, dressed in black, faces covered, smashed windows and destroyed buildings the other night. We never thought we'd see the day that peace spread throughout America.

There is a relatively new newslady on the news here. She's kinda pretty, with long, straight black hair. One day she appeared with a style that can best be described as Poodle. The next day it was straight again. We both looked at the tv, with that 'you did WHAT?' grimace. She just announced she'll be keeping the Poodle, to show her black roots. In addition, I just announced that I'm going to shave one side of my head and appear shirtless, to show my ugly slob roots. Ugly Slobs Matter!

Bill Gates in Captivity?

Bill Gates is a war criminal, for Windows alone.
As it turns out, he's up to other things that would qualify him....

I have been an advocate of sending the UN elsewhere for a long time. It may have served a purpose in the beginning, but now it drains money and resources.

Gates has been involved in Sustainable Development Goals for many years, I just learned. When people and organizations are looking to pull off a big one, they frequently hide it in plain sight, as they have here.

Sustainable Development is a phrase that is a cover for World Government.
I'm not asking you to take my word... read the UN page. Here are a few things that should rattle us... some of it sounds really nice... read carefully...

• All people must enjoy a basic standard of living, including through social protection systems  and if they don't, who pays for it?
• we must achieve universal health coverage and access to quality health care   we're still trying to get past that - how do they mandate our healthcare system?
• This will only be possible if wealth is shared and income inequality is addressed  People work for their money - their money. No one else's, unless the person wants to donate.
• promoting youth employment and women’s economic empowerment, in particular   We're going to socially dictate and manage.
• We recognize the positive contribution of migrants for inclusive growth and sustainable development. We also recognize that international migration is a multi-dimensional reality of major relevance for the development of countries of origin, transit and destination, which requires coherent and comprehensive responses. We will cooperate internationally to ensure safe, orderly and regular migration involving full respect for human rights and the humane treatment of migrants regardless of migration status, of refugees and of displaced persons.  You will accept illegal aliens.
• States are strongly urged to refrain from promulgating and applying any unilateral economic, financial or trade measures not in accordance with international law and the Charter of the United Nations that impede the full achievement of economic and social development, particularly in developing countries.  Listen to us, not your country's laws. One world.
•  We acknowledge that the UNFCCC is the primary international, intergovernmental forum for negotiating the global response to climate change.  Listen to us, not your country. One world.
• The new Agenda recognizes the need to build peaceful, just and inclusive societies that provide equal access to justice.  Agenda. Socially manipulate.
•  We pledge to foster inter-cultural understanding, tolerance, mutual respect and an ethic of global citizenship  Some of these things are great. But as a sovereign nation, nothing from the UN should supersede our Constitution. We're tolerant people, but not because an organization has decreed it. Global citizenship... getting us ready....

It's a nasty agenda, but largely it's about World Government, that renders your government moot. We're Americans.. we fought for what we have. We don't take things like this well.

Bill and Melinda Gates are in this up to their necks, across many foundations and entities. They are also behind a vaccine. 

Hey, look at the world wearing masks and adapting and dying.

In. The. Open.

Read the rest and weep....

All is not lost... 

Today Mrs lefty went to Dunkin to get some frozen drinks. The guy behind the counter knows Penny loves the whipped cream so he put extra whipped cream on top of the drink. Ask yourself if you have this kind of relationship with any retailer.

On the first day of Code Green, I celebrated by sleeping. The whole day.

On the second day of Code Green, I shot blowdarts at the noisemakers.

On the third day of Code Green, I worked. Then I made dinner, which sent everybody scurrying every which way. Nobody knows why. Even the dog.

On the fourth day of Code Green, I will have written something a lot funnier.

GUITAR RELATED STUFF

Almost review of Tech 21 Fly Rig 5

I won one on Ebay.

It works, sorta.

It tends to motorboat/oscillate at low frequencies the higher the gain is set.

The lights also flicker in time with the motorboating. I didn't have to pay extra for it at all! Might be power, might be a right handed unit. 

It does perform its functions until it hits oscillation.

I hope to have a review shortly, assuming it doesn't have to go back.

In other musical news, I ordered 2 pedal kits from General Guitar Gadgets. I really wanted to put all the parts and everything else needed together, but these guys have it all together, case included and drilled, in one pack, for about what a cheap pedal would cost. I ordered the BSIAB (Brown Sound in a Box - Van Halen, sort of) and whatever the Klon clone is. If you would like to build your own pedals, this is the place to look. He has kits that are similar to everything you've heard of. If you want to audition any, he has samples, or you can check on YouTube. After hearing them on YT, I decided to order. Review forthcoming.

Captivity - Day 76 Motel Hell

So we're minding our businesses, as we always do, in partial silence, and I'm working from home, enjoying the partial silence. Then I hear LOUD winds and rain. Then several huge BOOMS. Apparently is was raining. Well, too.

The BOOMS must have had something to do with all the neighbors, standing outside, with their masks and color-coded umbrellas. I think all the trees decided to go on vacation. They went down the block and embedded themselves  in the convenience store. It looked like a porcupine or that stupid Covid graphic.

Called Power company - all lines busy. Uh-oh.
It's all over the city and suburbs. They said it would be 24 hours for a fix. Impressive.
The guy who works at the provider said DAYS.
Ummmm.....

Mrs lefty said NO.
I can't work with no power (I'm powerless), so we found a hotel that was dog-friendly. Mrs lefty was absolutely in heaven because I had to register and she didn't have to listen to my extended grumbling about having to wear a *$#*ing mask. At least the room had a bed.

The dog was impressed too. She barked. At ridiculous times. For no reason. And when she barks, she won't stop, no matter what you do. So I went into action and slammed my finger in the heavy metal door. It was a good night.

You can't find or buy food in the area. Our power outage caught most of the restaurants (that weren't closed). We actually got voicemail at a pizza place. No convenience stores. Most traffic lights out. Even the vending machines were empty. It's 2020, people.....  Why did this happen? Some bizarre weather event we're not even supposed to get: a derecho.

While I'm at a virtual meeting, the dog starts barking again. I run to stop her, with my usual lack of success. Her mommy is taking her back home, but she has to change her clothes first (mommy, not the dog). I'm standing there, dog barking, missing my meeting, open-mouthed, because a change of clothes is needed. I was worried the car would start to fly and the hotel would turn upside down, cuz I wasn't dealing with reality - just watching it.

We're living in the Twilight Zone. More accurately, the Twilight Zone Hotel.
We were lucky... power was back early. All color-coded umbrella neighbors happy, and most of the trees removed from the convenience store. Dunkin was open, so frozen hot chocolates for breakfast and a thank you for staying open during the Flying AIDS crisis.


To recap, we have the Flying AIDS, looting, massive power outages, and the cicadas are ready to come out. The favorite tv show in America features furries, we can buy candles with the scent of Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina, Black Lives Matter has split with Looting Your Stuff Matters, and police are learning how to dance on a neck. The president came in with a long list of people he wanted to piss off and by God, he's nearing the end. His opposition fondles little girls and can't remember doing it (or much of anything else).  Maybe them there televangeelists have a pernt. Will there be beer in heaven? Will there be beer for those of us staying here?


So how's your day?





George Floyd, RIP, was contacted by a spiritual medium today. Asked what he wanted people to do in his memory, he said, "Well, peacefully protest. And loot. Definitely loot. Peacefully protest AND loot at the same time."  Asked what he wanted at his funeral, he said, "Oh God..noooooo.....not Al Sharpton!! He'll just make things worse! He didn't bring Jesse Jackson, did he?" Asked about racism, he said, "Sometimes it ain't about race. People see racism everywhere."


Idiot Governor says PA will move from red to yellow tomorrow. For those of you following along at home, he means PA will officially allow things Pennsylvanians have been doing anyway.  I remind you again: I didn't vote for this half-governor. We're being TOLD what we're ALLOWED to do. Not what our founding fathers had in mind.

Vote libertarian- you won't get this crap.