Blue Strawberries

Your love is like  hitting your finger with a stapler

• WARNING: It's that time.. pumpkin spice is back. Keep your kids off the streets and ask Dr. Fauci if we need to be vaccinated against it. If you're still using last year's pumpkin spice tires, you must keep your car six feet from all other cars.

I think it's the house. Everything turns blue eventually.

The worst is bread. Given about a day, it turns blue. Everything has to be refrigerated, including the strawberries. The only thing that doesn't grow hair is the top of my head. If it were blue, it would go unnoticed these days. Blue macaroni and cheese is the worst.

Today in Olympic News:  Something not involving a ball came close to a record in something

Today I identify as  Ultraman

• Know what's interesting? Stats show that adding more lanes to highways doesn't help.

It was a gray, rainy Saturday. The forecast was Generally Ugly.

I was (more) unpleasant, having been awakened at noon.

We took Mom out on Saturday, so Wife had the unpleasant duty of waking me. Things were even worse than normal because the ten foot pole was in the shop for a tuneup, so she had to get within arm's reach of me to get me moving. She established, long ago, that it's best not to be near me when waking me. Or when living with me.

Time is weird when being dragged, painfully, from sleep. I feel my eyelids drifting closed and want to fully support them in their efforts, but realize I can't, just before they slam shut. This usually results in one eye open and one eye shut. It takes roughly 20 minutes to fight the Waking War and actually move a centimeter. Then, with my legs hanging off the bed, it's another few minutes for them to apply themselves to the floor. Socks take a while, though. I have to generate the energy to get one on, then rest for a bit, while I consider if I want two socks that morning. It occurs to me that I should have my coffee before I wake up, making dressing so much easier.

I woke up with a headache - it was my Saturday headache. The Saturday headache is drastically different from my other headaches. I think it's my body getting even with me for getting more than six hours of sleep. It's revolting. I've been told my body is revolting for years. Normally I feel the headache and combat it by going back to sleep.

But I had to soldier on. The problem here was that the headache had invited a few of its friends. They were taking up places in my head and causing clanging noises off and on. I've never had more than one headache, so I was a bit flummoxed. After a while, the headaches started arguing. When Mom asked what I wanted for breakfast, she too was flummoxed at the small motions and tics on my face. She was concerned, because she's never seen me short of words. I'm reasonably certain one of the headaches ordered pancakes when we got to the restaurant, cuz that's what was on the plate. I have to hand it to him - he has good taste - the pancakes were great.  [IHOP Tres Leches]

One thing that pissed off millions of people at the start of social media was the people who went out to eat, took pictures of their food, and described it in detail. They became Foodies. Foodies were only slightly more popular than Furries. The reason I mentio
n this is that this blog is kind of an anti-foodie service. One reads along and sees what I like. Then one strenuously avoids it due to sugar, calorie, or fat content. This is like a free public service. Ihop had a promotional hot chocolate last year that had something like maple syrup in it. I think they called it French toast hot chocolate. It was delicious. Unfortunately it's no longer here and the waitress had never heard of it.

It's not that coffee outside my house is bad, but I prepare large travel barrels to take on the way to the restaurant. The Coffee Police should come down on Ihop and Waffle House in a serious manner.

Temporarily almost caffeinated, I ate. This calmed the inter-headache sparring. Some of them even took the rest of the afternoon off, while some came and went. It was near 5:00 when I got home, without my first nap. Sometimes my first nap comes as I transition from the bed to the couch, so this was a glaring problem, as reinforced by the headaches. They stopped arguing and decided to work together for evil, teaming up to sing some current hits. I threatened them with "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" and they quieted down. Stuffed for the next seventeen hours, I did what was right for my body and started my first nap. When I got up, a few hours later, the headaches were gone. Let this be a lesson to me... if I take naps, the singing stops? Was this a cluster headache, because there were so fsking many of them? And to stop getting up before 1:00 on weekends.

• Yes, the food and culture are great, but why live in New Orleans? The entire city is without power due to Hurricane Ida. No matter what happens, New Orleans gets it. It's like the state flag says "Hey hurricane - come get me - nyah nyah!" 
• some areas won't have power for weeks

How are broken clouds different from scattered clouds? Or mostly cloudy? Or mostly sunny? I've obviously been checking the weather today, in a last ditch effort to avoid.....  mowing.  On the other hand, it's more difficult to mow wet grass and it grows faster due to too much rain. When I first visited the southwest, I noticed few lawns. It was a life-changing experience for me.  [notice I didn't say g*me ch*nger]

Every other house on the block has nice grass. I mow weeds, that grow while I'm cutting them. My grass is the kind that doesn't need sun - only rain. It's perfect for the climate. It's called Philly Raingrass.

• is it funny that I can't even get my own relatives and friends to read this blog? I feel really weird about sending out an email, asking them to check it out. Got any suggestions?

I just saw a listing for "Politics Nation with Rev Al Sharpton."

Remember: the two people who watch it vote and their vote counts as much as yours.

• President Taxes called on leaders to mandate vaccines
• #ImpeachBiden

I'm not suggesting you get your shots or not - that's your decision. I will not have mandates, especially the kind that come from government. The shutting down of businesses by state government was a disaster. Nanny State needs to be stopped. You're old enough to make your own decisions.

• Faceyspaces has trackers in 25% of its websites and 61% of the most popular apps
• I don't use Faceyspaces, but I'd advise using 'private browsing' windows for all browsing. When you close them, everything gets deleted.

Moderna Vaccine Shipment Crashes, Prompting Hazmat Cleanup and Shuttering of Airspace

Huh?

And we put this in our bodies?  

• Federal government to expand use of facial recognition despite growing concerns
• They don't care what you think, they don't care if it's illegal or unconstitutional - they're the government

 

With all that's wrong with Google and Gmail, I have to give their spam filter credit. The worst I've had is a few false positives.

• Ok, we all have musical guilty pleasures. Right now I'm listening to Slade. What's yours?

 

[Guitar Only]

I have no idea what possessed me, but I bought a Vox VBM1, the Brian May model. It's small, white, and looks like an AC30 put in a dryer and shrunk down to roughly 12" across.

It has just a few knobs, which is good for guitar players, who can't handle complex equipment. It has a switch too. Save the limited space in your brain and leave the switch depressed (or you'll be depressed).  The knobs are GAIN, TONE, and VOLUME. GAIN controls distortion, you should know the rest. The switch is a gain switch. There is a preamp output, as well as a few others.

How does it sound? Depends on how long you've been playing and what you're looking for out of an amp. The thing is much louder than it looks. The clean tone is... among the most recent clean tones I've ever heard. The fun here is with the GAIN switch depressed (not depressed is lower gain, which didn't sound at all good). You can control the GAIN by degrees with the GAIN knob. This is a real powerhouse of a gain box. It can take you over the top, where there's too much gain (did I say that?). 

Let's be real: this will not make you sound like Brian May. It was put together to emulate his Deacy amp, built by bandmate John Deacon, out of an old transistor radio. The Deacy was used on several older Queen songs (none of which I remember). As it is, it's a really fun toy. The hidden key is the preamp output. Brian uses a treble booster to overload his amps, so this is allegedly the same circuitry. You can plug the guitar into the Vox, run the preamp output to your real tube amp (Brian uses 9 Vox AC30s live) and punch the hell out of the front end of the amp(s). Hang in for a review using the amp this way. May isn't the only famous player to use a booster in front of his amp. Jimmy Page used a number of Tone Benders. If you look closely, Ritchie Blackmore used a reel to reel deck into his Marshalls. Tony Iommi used a sledgehammer.

OVERALL: it's another cute living room toy. The amp itself is cheaper than some of the current treble boosters, so consider that. It's a decent, cheap practice amp. I don't have a lot of use for it. Will probably sell or trade. It's between $250-$300 used. For May enthusiasts, there's also the Digitech pedal that gives you a bunch of his signature tones. That's going to cost you around $300+ used at this time. Unless you sing like Freddy Mercury, it's unlikely to get you laid.

kudos to me for reviewing something put out years and years ago.

I will not be reviewing the mini Marshall stack because someone bought it before I did.

Think of the money I saved.

• Oh poop - right-wing NRA hottie Dana Loesch is married

Taliban militants stormed a Kabul tv station to demand anchor praise the terror group

Over here, that's just network news (without the storming).

 

Noisy Negativists Napping Nocturnally

 Your love is like  most of the things penicillin cures

• Biden Forbids Immigration Judges From Using the Term ‘Alien’
• Workin on the big issues... after the tax increases, of course.

Today I identify as  a damn attractive guy (to women)

Higher Flying AIDS Rate Found In Some Counties With Higher Vaccination Rate – Why, And What It Says About The Delta Variant

Ron DeSantis, Praised for Florida COVID Response, Faces Surge in Hospitalizations

They're Back...

Med Schools Are Now Denying Biological Sex

Professors are apologizing for saying ‘male’ and ‘female.’ Students are policing teachers. This is what it looks like when activism takes over medicine.

Next up: Med schools deny humans have 4 limbs

I identify as 3 kidneys

Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot doubles down on only granting exclusive interviews to reporters of color, saying she is 'unapologetic' because city hall press corps 'looks like its from 1950s'

My 3 month saga to procure a new work badge has continued, on purpose, to yield a complete absence of badgey goodness. Not so much as a word on status. It's lonely out here in Badge Limbo.

I'm also in Rental Car Limbo.

If you remember, my insurance stopped paying for my rental car over 2 weeks ago, and everyone decided to keep it a secret from me. I have spoken to my agent, who spoke to her contact, who was speaking to her boss, only she's on assassination leave, so they have to find another boss. This is going slower than frozen molasses through a kidney stone strainer. My rep told me they're getting old and slow up in Corporate. I suggested one of the new tests they've developed for Alzheimer's.

The rental car company said all will be well, as soon as I give them $1500. I've been speaking to them daily, as I deal with the insurance company. POOF - a huge debit from my account today. From the renter, of course, who never told me about it. Now the rental car is going back because we can't afford the random debits from our account, when the insurance company is supposed to be paying for it. The math here is way beyond my comprehension. I figure whether or not insurance pays for it, I will owe money somehow. The rental goes back a week early because it makes more than my salary weekly.

I lied... the rental rate is more than my salary. I am getting the dry heaves reading the receipt. Renterprise screwed us so badly, we won't be able to drive or walk for a month. The state got in on the gang bang, getting $35 for doing absolutely nothing (tax).

My sister-in-law just said, "Man, it never stops for you, does it." There is nothing sweeter than validation. And there's no deductible.

 

This Website Is Selling All The Junk TSA Confiscated From You

You walked in, had something taken from you, were not given a chance to get it back, and now it's being sold. Your government at work.

Dallas has a beauty pageant.

That's not abnormal.

The contestants are from 60-75

How did this not make the Olympics?

• Schizophrenia Linked To Marijuana Use Disorder Is On The Rise, Study Finds
• on the bright side, you can't smoke a joint while it's talking to you...

Know what bothers me?

Everything.

Specifically the phrase 'he's good people'

No, he's a good person.

People with multiple personalities are good people 

People are OUTRAGED at multi-billionaires like Gates, Musk, and Bezos, for some reason.

-->  Microsoft made $167m a day in profit, every day, over the past 12 months

This will go unnoticed by the same outraged people, and Windows will continue, unmolested. Only your computer and your wallet will be molested.

OH FSCK.... Dusty Hill, bassist for ZZ Top died (72)... in his sleep.

Another legend. One of my favorite bands.

• Want your unemployment benefits? You may have to submit to facial recognition first
• slowly...slowly...

D'oh! Misplaced chair shuts down nuclear plant in Taiwan

No, really.

This is just the latest in furniture disasters in nuclear reactors...

• in 1979, an armoire took out electricity to PA (see China Syndrome)
• in 2010, a rogue metal folding table caused rods to overheat (see Chernobyl)
• in 2013, a chair with a desk attached caused a tsunami (see Fukushima)
• in 2017, a California king mattress smothered 6 people at an orgy

Anal Recognition in Stores

 Your love is like  warts

Facial recognition is bad, wrong, racist, privacy-invasive, and makes your nose itch. Stores like Walmart, Target, Lowes, Albertsons, Macys, and others are currently using it. Sign the petition to ban facial recognition.

Another intrusive technology involves your phone. Turn off BlueTooth and wifi at very least. Turning off the phone is better.

• crab ice cream?

Demolishing another world problem, Biden talked to Putin, who agreed to do something about Russian ransomware. Putin kept a straight face, as did I, while typing this. Even the interpreter snorted into his borscht.

In case anybody's keeping score, SolarWinds, who got hit in a major storm this year, just got hit in another. I'm not sure why companies choose to continuing to use this disaster, but then I think of Windows...

Salmon Going Nuts at a Fish Farm Possibly High on Cocaine, Officials Say
last issue was worms on meth.... 

“The salmon panicked and attempted to jump out of the water,” Daniel Fey, head of the Ecology and Aquaculture department

The drug was not found in samples taken of the tank itself, but the researchers think this was likely because the tank is highly diluted. 

So the salmon have been snorting coke, but there's none in the water. That's what they told the cops anyway....

So what's up with the car?

Funny you should ask. Got a call from the collision center; they just got the car.

Just got the car.

The car that was being taken there last week.

For their part, they called within a few hours. That's a hell of an estimate. Damn. Should be done early next month. Need to get rental days extended again. I don't get a lot of headaches, but I think one is brewing.

 To keep you entertained, How's Mrs. lefty's phone?

Funny you should ask. For those of you playing along at home, it developed a crack, two days after the warranty ran out. Like most things that sit on the couch, the crack got bigger and the phone refused to work, like a city worker. Two days after the warranty expired....

After much research, she went to CostCo. My nephew says you go for a box of cereal and come out with $350 car tires. If it were that simple... as she got to the phone counter, they were closing (at 5:30). Their hours were cut back due to the Flying AIDS.

We have a lot of trouble, but it's all in the service of this blog and my readers. Our misery is your entertainment.

We'll just hold our collective breath to see what today brings at CostCo. I'm not discounting "spontaneous combustion at phone kiosk at local CostCo."

The other gross inconvenience is that I give her my phone when she's out, for safety reasons. I had to do some quick thinking.... what if one of my many girlfriends call? [cough]. Or my alternate sources of income? [cough cough] She said not to get anything for her birthday, but she got cards from three shoe stores. Meanwhile I had to find some locking programs to lock up certain.... sensitive.. files on my android. I think of it this way: she already has a set of boobies - why would she need to look at more?

I still can't remove my user picture in Windows. There are 237 answers to this question at Duckduckgo.com, and none of them work. This is, I would think, a relatively simple operation. What have we learned? As of last week, you could hack Windows via an insecure print service, but you cannot delete your picture. One of the answers said deleting and changing are two different operations, requiring two different solutions.

People pay for this crap?

 

  

I tried telling Wife that it's 92 degrees celsokevin outside, so I can't bring in the trash cans. She was not amused.

Mind you, the Crazy Lady next door, who just turned 489, has neighbors all over the place taking her trash out and mowing her lawn. 

I want in on this. The problem, as I see it, is that I'm not in the 450+ age range, and I don't present as particularly old. So when I don't want to mow, it's just because I'm lazy. Nobody knows the trauma I suffer... I get the bends thinking of mowing... I begged the doctors to help me with the repressed memories of getting attacked by a mower when I was little or something, but they can't hypnotize me. To make matters worse, one of the docs is really attractive, so I can't concentrate on the birdie. I asked her to concentrate on the birdie and she slapped me. This is going to nuke the doctor-patient therapeutic relationship. And shit.

Pronouns? 

How's work? Lemme tell you... there's talk of pronouns.

You know, the current pc he/him/his  she/her/hers

I guess after Pride Month and all the other months, we shoulda known this was coming.

I think I just discovered we have a Chief Silly Officer (CSO) he/her/yous.

Flummoxing aside, I can't leave this unparodied. Aside from male, female, and neutral, there are other groups...

• they/them/theirs  multiple personalities
• he/she/it  fluid
• yo antny/antny/antny's  South Philly Anthonys
• it/it/its  Cousin Itt or any Addams Family character
• no/thank/you   me
• no/fscking/way  most of the company 

Tokyo Olympics: 'Plague of oysters' threatens key venue

Massive numbers of them had attached themselves to floats intended to stop waves bouncing back across the water and on to the athletes. 

The history of the Olympics is a long and storied one

• in 1954, massive goldfish attacked swimmers
• in 1978, crabs infested the playing field (and the athletes)
• in 2003, China hacked the games, only to realize there were no games in 2003
• The Flying AIDS was expected to ruin this year, but there's only been one case

Hubble space telescope's function is restored

They had to remotely clean out the cat hair 

Prospective emojis include a pregnant man

ThermionicEmissions remains 100% emoji-free, largely because it can't stand the stupid 

Lots of apps use your personal contacts. Few will tell you what they do with them

enlightening 

• Huge data leak shatters the lie that the innocent need not fear surveillance
• It's for the children. It will only be used to spy on foreigners. We'd never spy on Americans...

Traffic Jams on Mars

 Your love is like  "War and Peace" in one evening

The good news: China's Mars Rover is now operational

The bad news: it is causing a horrible traffic jam because it goes way under the speed limit and frequently stops for no apparent reason. The US Rover has lodged a formal protest.

If you're a drug dealer in Liverpool, using the EncroChat program, stay away from Stilton cheese. Fingerprints in a picture of Stilton were used to identify the dealer. If he had gone to Monty Python's cheese shop, this wouldn't have been a problem.

You get a better understanding of hierarchies when you look at something like facial recognition. It has proven racist, yet is still in use everywhere. Racist: yes. Surveillance State: yes. Surveillance State wins (every time).

• Texas legislators have passed a bill which would allow most people to carry concealed handguns without a permit.
• in other words, they have become Constitutional. You were guaranteed the right to keep and bear arms before the Constitution - the Second Amendment codified it. Gun control goes against #2A.
• next up: pets, cars, etc.

Anthony Fauci testified it would have been “almost a dereliction of our duty” if the National Institutes of Health had not worked with China to study coronaviruses as he defended NIH money going to fund “collaboration” with “very respectable Chinese scientists.”

Fauci and Francis Collins, the leader of the National Institutes of Health, are adamant in insisting that NIH did not fund "gain-of-function" research at the Wuhan lab. But Fauci and Collins also admit they don’t actually know what the secretive Chinese lab has been up to.

Ummmm......

Houston, I think we have a problem. And a candidate for nailing to a cross.

Watch how Congress works. Elon Musk's space company wins a NASA award. Then Congress funds a backdoor award for Jeff Bezos' space company. 

It's your money.

Walmart sent a ton of racist registration emails the other day.

"Welcome to Walmart, Ni**er"

Walmart naturally has no idea how the emails went out.

Well, the outside street ripping-up/noise project has moved away (I think). There has not been a peep since yesterday, when I finished work. If that ain't personal, what is? Per signs, there are no cars parked on the street. There were two down the block, but the construction guys drove up with one of those huge Magnet Trucks, stuck it to the car, and moved it to the owner's roof. The second one got attached to a different truck, which repeatedly dropped it on the ground. They discovered it didn't make nearly enough noise, so they went back to the original Noise Truck, which literally shook houses.

Meanwhile, my car, and everything else, is so covered by pollen, it looks bright green. My trashcans look bright green. If she sits in the yard too long, the dog looks bright green. My #1 guitar is a sickly shade of green, but it's supposed to be that way. I call it Pukeburst. It could be the ugliest stock guitar finish on the planet, which is how it captured my heart.

The picture is horrible and there's no light. The finish is horrible regardless.

If you lived through the 70s, or know somebody who did, the 2 colors are avocado green and harvest gold. Your appliances were one of these colors in the 70s. The actual name of the finish is antigua, but who wouldn't prefer Pukeburst?

Most everything else is black, because it is The Law. Amps and guitars. Black. If they were near windows, they'd be pollen green too.

I don't like to complain about summer weather, because it could be winter weather, which I despise. Where are spring and autumn? Idiot Governor had them banished, along with the state economy. They barely exist anyway. Gloom is about 300 days per year, all seasons. Humidity is deathly in the summer.  In the winter, we either get snow or no snow at all. The only reason we stay here is our favorite pizza place won't open a branch in the Southwest anywhere. One doesn't want to be stuck in the land of low humidity without one's favorite pizza. Low humidity is lovely, but you're not going to find it in the east. I have actually seen paper wilt in the summer, when it was 92 degrees with 92% humidity. If you go south, you get humidity and hurricanes that make the news.  I dunno about you, but I don't want to keep track of the next weird hurricane name.

I was just advised that Jeffrey Epstein's cell guards admitted they were sleeping instead of guarding.

So that's 2 lies.

SUPERVISOR: So how did Jeffrey Epstein wind up dead on our watch?

GUARD1: we were guarding, but the cameras went out for 5 minutes. Just like Lady Diana's, in that tunnel.

GUARD2: nah, be fair, we were napping. Epstein hung himself then slit his throat.

GUARD1: No, it's wasn't like that, I swear. We were napping and someone lifted the keys. 

GUARD2: Yeah, that's it. We sleep soundly, so they could have stolen an entire desk and we would've slept through it.

GUARD1: Yeah, they stole the keys and gave Epstein a heart attack, THEN he strangled himself.

SUPERVISOR: there wasn't anything in his cell to strangle himself with.

GUARD1: about that.....

GUARD2: we might have forgot and left a bunch of belts and tubing in a box, next to his bunk.

GUARD1: Oh yeah, the Suicide Box. I think it had blades too. Maybe some pills.

SUPERVISOR: you idiots! Why was the Suicide Box in Epstein's cell?

GUARD2: Uhhh... napping again, Sir.

SUPERVISOR: You guys sure nap a lot.

GUARD1: That's not true. We only nap at work.

SUPERVISOR: Is there anything else... any other tiny detail you might have forgotten?

GUARD1: Well... the unlocked medicine box

GUARD2: and the gun cabinet

GUARD1: the open cell doors

GUARD2: the visitors

SUPERVISOR: What visitors?

GUARD2: Any visitors.

GUARD1: Yeah, we don't discriminate. We're not that kind of prison.

SUPERVISOR: So anybody could walk in, grab some pills, pick up a gun, get some strangling tools, and walk into any cell they want.

GUARD1: Yeah, that's about it.

GUARD2: Phew... it's a good thing we didn't put Epstein at any risk.

GUARD1: Yeah, that woulda been really bad.

Idiots in Space! 

Discovery TV is setting up a reality show for the International Space Station

It was inevitable. It turns out the US is not conquering space for military superiority - it's for more reality tv shows. Can you imagine the one on Mars? Here are some topics for the ISS:

• these are my dirty diapers from liftoff
• I think Betty got a better seat than me - NASA likes her best
• we wanted to do it in a closet, but there are no closets
• can't I get some privacy up in this jawn?
• the pilot is racist because I saw some stuff he posted 20 years ago on a bulletin board
• NOW I find out there are no facilities for trans women...
• I want the camera exclusively on me, but it keeps flying away

Half of US adults are vaccinated against the Flying AIDS

I'm stunned. It's a shame half of US adults don't show their disapproval in the voting booth.

• In a first, neutrinos were caught interacting at the Large Hadron Collector
• they were given a strict lecture and provided with condoms 

From the We Have Too Much Time on Our Hands and Think a Lot of Ourselves department: 

French films show far too much smoking, campaigners say.

Also too much mauve, too many Fords, and not enough sex 

Russia tried to spread dangerous lies about Pfizer vaccine, France suspects

that it worked?

Microsoft president: Orwell’s 1984 could happen in 2024

Sheer genius. Who's going to protect us from Microsoft?

He's only 15 years late....

• Scientists induced hallucinations in mice to learn more about human psychosis
• after the study, the mice kept following the scientists around, looking for more
• a secret study was done on people, with the most psychotic subjects going to Congress

the photographer is Linda Eastman, before she was Linda McCartney

Voluntary Captivity

If you're bored and happen to have an Alexa, Siri, or Google Assistant hanging around, here are 1,000 phrases that 'false trigger' them...


The US has purchased the world stock of Flying AIDS drug Remdesivir.
Little is known about the drug, which may or may not treat the Flying AIDS, on several days of the week, but at least we own it all now, nyah nyah.


According to the Detroit police chief, facial recognition software misidentified 96% of the time, which is "good enough for us."


Happy 4th to everyone!
People died so you would have social media. Thank them.




Don't forget about your unconscious bias.
You know... the bias you have against certain groups, of which you're not aware.

A recent study revealed that 95% of people had an unconscious bias against people pointing guns at them. The Union to Destroy Unconscious Bias said this was unconscionable and would work diligently to remove this stigma on people who just happen to be carrying weapons. The Union further said this is a particularly nasty bias if the weapon-holder is black. They suggest that if you encounter a black person pointing a gun at you, you should give him everything you have, even taking him to your house and giving him everything you have there too, to atone for your unconscious bias, white guilt, and the lack of reparations. Perhaps if you admit your bias and give up all your worldly possessions, the person with the gun won't shoot you. You must understand their struggle.

The Anti Defamation League is revving its engines, figuring out how to get in on the Guilt Thing.  They have seen what black people are able to accomplish and believe they can rise to the occasion, after the black people are done, and take advantage of Guilt. What the ADL is not counting on is Guilt Fatigue. This is when the crackers give and give and give, so they have nothing else. They're not interested in hearing more guilt: the black people have worn them out.


I need all my readers to get on this: visitors to national parks are still over 70% white. We cannot let this go unanswered.



I was bored, so I thought I'd go out surfing to find some new stuff.
I finally found the solution to all net boredom: find the lists of sites to be blocked for children and visit the sites it recommends. There are porn new sites I never heard of!



Hillary Clinton mourns the upcoming suicide of Ghislane Maxwell, associate of Jeffrey Epstein.




GUITAR CONTENT

So, that Tech 21 Fly Rig from ebay..... it had a little trouble, in the form of motorboating or oscillating. Whenever I turned the gain up, the thing started making noises. At one point, it was so bad, the box seemed to have a built in tremolo. It was a pretty cool box, when it wasn't motorboating. It had 2 preamp sections, Tech 21 and Plexi. Tech 21 sounded like any old tube amp, but with a master volume. Plexi sounded a little like a Marshall, plus it had a boost on a separate switch. It had delay and reverb, but the reverb was only available with the Tech 21 setting, which I found odd.

Since the rest of the Fly Rigs are pretty expensive, I'm looking around for something else. Doug Aldrich has a signature distortion pedal out for about $100, that seems to do everything from light boost to distortion. I'm leaning this way. There are over 14 billion different overdrive/distortion pedals. If you don't believe me, check ebay. Some are just rebranded, like Mooer and all the rest. Just in case you're asking, a $90 Mooer is not going to sound just like a $400 whatever it's attempting to be, but it can get close. Your best bet is to head to YouTube to listen for a demo. That Pedal Show is really good. Their Dumble shootout was very interesting.



ROME — Pope Francis told members of the Catholic Press Association Tuesday that the media should build bridges, defend life, and help people, especially the young, “to distinguish good from evil.”  Because we're very busy molesting little boys.

Welcome to Silicone Valley

Are you short on details about the Boeing 737 MAX fiasco?
Let me help: I will attempt to describe the Boeing 737 MAX situation to you via the Argument Sketch.



737s have been falling out of the sky.

No they haven't.

Yes, they have.

No they haven't.  I'm sorry, are you here for the the FAA version or the NTSB version?

Oh, sorry... the FAA version.

Anyway, no they haven't.

Yes they bloody well have. They fail at the relatively simple act of remaining in the air.

No they don't.

Yes they do. My cousin had a friend that was squashed by one.

No he didn't.

No he didn't what?

Your cousin. He didn't have a friend.

Yes he does.

No he doesn't.

Yes he does.

DING - time's up

Look, the FAA allows more time than this.

I'm sorry, I am not allowed to talk about the FAA, or even the NTSB until Boeing puts out a new aircraft. Wait - Boeing has a new aircraft!

No they don't..

Look here, matey, here's a picture.

That's not a 738 MAX, that's a 737 MAX with the 7 crossed out and an 8 sticker over it.

No it isn't.  Oh, alright, here's $10 billion in loans.

Thank you, but they definitely didn't.

Didn't what?

Change the firmware. In fact, they found another really nasty bug over the weekend.

No they didn't.

Yes they did.

Look, I don't want you to argue about this.

Yes you do.

An argument is a discussion of whether the airlines will require a federal bailout.

No it isn't. An argument decides whether the FAA will bless the 737 MAX with the Flyable Award. Judging from present performance, they won't.

Yes they will.

No they won't. We both know they'll bankrupt the entire company, fire everyone, take away huge bonuses, and magically open up a new airline called Roeing.

No they won't.

Yes they will. And I will further mention that the pilots' association said their membership will not set foot in a 737 MAX until all the problems are worked out (except the French, who have scheduled a riot for it next week).

No they won't. It's going to take more than the demise of a very reliable (til now) plane to bankrupt Boeing.

Aha - I got you: the plane division is not the same as the military contract division, which will never go broke.

No it isn't. Boeing is Boeing.

Further, the NTSB backs the pilots.

No they don't.

Look, if I want to bring the NTSB into this, I bloody well will.

No you won't.

Boeing is working diligently on resolving the issue.

No they're not.

Ok, you got me there.

• Twitter just announced emojis available in DMs
• NO. JUST NO. 

It's so cold outside....
HOW COLD IS IT?
It's so cold that we have to drink a Coke from the fridge to warm us up.


Augmented Reality is the next big thing, says Apple CEO Tim Cook.
We're guessing that it will not be encrypted.

• Cruise's first driverless car doesn't have a steering wheel or pedals.
• So if there's a problem, at least you're sure you're going to die.

I'm nothing if not unfair. Thus I must apologize to Philly for calling it a bottomless pit that only a large fire could improve, that thinks Center City is New York and prices everything accordingly. Today we discovered a $25 parking garage that charges you $5 if you're there under 2 hours and have a restaurant receipt.

What I meant to say is it's a bottomless pit that only a large fire could improve, that thinks Center City is New York and prices everything accordingly, except one really considerate garage. And the gay males stare at me like they haven't had food in 2 weeks and I'm a steak.

UPDATE: just hours after I typed this, I had to drive to Center City. I don't like to drive to Center City, because it involves the worst of every type of automotive bad experience: traffic stopped dead for no apparent reason at 8pm, random lane closures, downtown stupid drivers, highway stupid drivers, random stoppages in lanes so some malnourished rich idiot can run into a restaurant and get something... I can't imagine why anyone would find this fun (and I used to work there).

The city never fails to disappoint and last night was no exception. The new thing seems to be random street closures. They closed every 3rd street, for no reason. Unless the 3rd street was an even-numbered street, in which case they closed every other street. Just to keep you from correctly guessing which street you could use, they closed every street in certain sections. They changed the Welcome sign to "Welcome to Philadelphia - You Can't Get There from Here." After this debacle I foolishly attempted to go home. Oops - the new Neighborhood Beautification Project took all those ugly street signs down, and it was anybody's guess how to get to a large highway. I found more or less where I needed to be, but too bad, 3 lanes going straight had turned into 3 lanes turning right because of... you guessed it... another police lane closure. Because not even in Philly is there room for 3 lanes to turn right, I got thrown onto the highway I wanted, but of course in the opposite direction. I had barely made a noise the entire night, but being downtown always has this effect on me - I screamed like a loon for several minutes, causing William Penn's statue to cover its ears and his bones to rattle in their grave. If you listened closely, you would have heard Mr. Penn saying, "Don't blame me for this shithole."

• Dr. Phil annoys me. Does that put me in the majority for once?

NASA is getting ready to name its Mars 2020 Rover.
The first suggestion rejected was Mars 2020 Rover.
Maybe ThermionicEmissions can help name it...

• It Cost How Much Rover
• Zero to 20 in 10 Minutes Rover
• The Second Rover
• Rover II - this time it's personal
• The Aliens are Messing with Us Rover
• No Fossil Fuels Rover (because we can't find any fossils)
• Bob (my personal favorite)

Speaking of which....

• Mars Rover frozen in place following software error
• Microsoft force-updated it to Win 10 

Boeing, a recent favorite target, for killing 346 people, is in even deeper today. The software fix to make it flyable won't happen in the near future and due to certification, may be several more months. Their new slogan: Boeing - Failed to Fly. The company has officially stopped building the plane until it gets the OK.

• a brothel owner was detained for pouring Viagra in the water of his town.
• Oddly, no local women were available for comment.

The first chocolate chip cookies in space took 2 hours to bake.
No offense, but people with Alzheimers don't take that long.




I went to a new doctor the other day.
He seemed surprised that I hadn't seen a doctor in 10 years.
I seemed surprised that he didn't have a lot of really attractive nurses.
He said I needed a colonoscopy and prostate exam.
He put a finer point on it by disagreeing that every 10 years was a fine space between prostate exams.
"What is your focus on the butt?" I asked. "May I recommend a mental health professional?"
He suggested bloodwork. More than suggested - he gave me a paper the size of War and Peace, that the techs told me would require blood draws every week or so because they need so much of it.
I told him I passed out at the sight of blood. He felt sorry for me and scratched off 1 test.
I recommended the best pizza in the area. He grew up down the street from it.
I finally won when I lectured him on the importance of left-handed ergonomic mice and proper ergonomic posture to avoid carpal tunnel and various other infirmities (none affecting the butt).

• How much longer will we trust Google's search results?
• Do we trust them now? 

I want to warn you in advance about this next subject. It will shock you to your very soul. If you insist upon reading it, at least sit down in a comfortable chair, so there's less room to fall to the floor:

The surveillance video taken from outside Jeffrey Epstein's jail cell on the day of his first apparent suicide attempt has been permanently deleted, federal prosecutors said. Epstein, the disgraced financier who was facing federal sex-trafficking charges, was found semiconscious in his cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, or MCC, in New York around 1:27 a.m. on July 23. But that video is now gone because MCC officials mistakenly saved video from a different floor of the federal detention facility. The FBI made the discovery last week while reviewing a copy of the video provided by MCC officials. "After reviewing the video, it appeared to the government that the footage contained on the preserved video was for the correct date and time, but captured a different tier than the one where [the cell housing Epstein and his cellmate] was located.” The filing was made in a case involving Nicholas Tartaglione ... who was Epstein's cellmate on the day of the incident. The July incident was investigated as a possible suicide attempt, assault or ruse by Epstein to get himself transferred to a different facility. Tartaglione's attorney, as part of an effort to exonerate his client, asked the jail to preserve video from outside the cell. The MCC agreed, but "the MCC computer system listed a different, incorrect cell for Tartaglione," prosecutors said in the court filing. A backup video system was in place, but the requested video wasn't available because of unspecified "technical errors," the court filing says. 

I am sorry to be the one to bring this to you, but I thought it would be less startling coming from ThermionicEmissions.

• Scientists discover why stress turns hair white.
• Voting.

London police to deploy facial recognition cameras across the city.
NO.
C'mon, is this sort of thing acceptable? In addition to their already ubiquitous surveillance? Don't forget - England and Australia are test beds for things to come....



Heroes of the Stupid

On a paranormal discussion show, a reader called in and asked how she could get in touch with the aliens. The host asked why. She said the aliens could help her out with her teeth.   Ok.

Bernie Sanders' Deputy Digital Communications Director locked her Twitter account.



SJW Statistics

"trad wives" are white supremacist women who devote themselves to domestic duties in the service of perpetuating the white race. It is a dog whistle to sound less white supremacist than it is.     Twitter -  @beccalew

A delightful frequent-flyer, Jessica Yaniv (WAX MY BALLS!) has been arrested and charged with assault. The same day, she (falsely) accused a journalist of sexual assault. As Canadian justice goes, Yaniv was "released back into the community," with a Friday court appearance.  I hope her balls are waxed by that time.

Elizabeth Warren (D-Uranus) promises her cabinet will be "at least 50% filled by women and non binary people."  They don't even have to have any qualifications - just woman and non binary! What a great step forward for Indiankind.

Taking and tweeting a picture of a woman breastfeeding is the foundation of fascism: stigmatizing basic care and empathy and promoting (species/cis/white) supremacy.

Luscious Pole Licking in Summer

Our good friend, AOC, says facial recognition is nasty.
You cannot argue with the truth.
And even a broken clock is right twice a day

The many faces of AOC

I'm sorry - sometimes the intra-cranial pressure builds up...

if Trump doesn't win in 2020, I'll have nothing to do!

let me guess - I left home without my makeup again. 

this is my lovey-dovey face, for my honey.

Don't tell them I'm only a little pissed today.

if I have to tell you one more time....

Hillary taught me to eat babies. Do you really want that on your conscience?

They caught me smiling. I'm ruined! They cannot know I'm actually pretty.

you take-uh da cheese, you put it onna capicola - capeesh?

I will not smile. I will not smile...

I see you taking this picture and I will kill you in your sleep

They're not watching.. I can rest my face now...

Good morning, people. I love you all.

• It's 23 outside. With the Wind Chill Factor, it's 15.
• Yearly rant: WTF is this - a new method of making you feel worse in the winter? 23 isn't cold enough, no sir, it's 15.  In Alaska, when it's zero degrees, the Wind Chill Factor says it's -40. 
• And they're wrong most of the time.

Remember the GirlsDoPorn scandal I wrote about a week back?
The website just went offline.
The owner fled to New Zealand and is still there.
He's also charged with child porn, after flying a 16 year old to California.

Today's item to ponder: is child porn with a 16 year old the same as child porn with a 5 year old? They're both illegal, as they should be, but is it the same thing?

• Ya know those beeps in astronaut audio? They're there for a reason.

Remember that Major League Baseball regulations prohibit the use of electronic equipment... ??

This only applies to you. They can and are using it against you.

• Dear Ebay: when I do a search for lefty guitars, "other things you might be interested in" probably shouldn't include righty guitars. Just a thought.

"Richard Nixon got kicked out of Washington for tapping one hotel suite. Today we're tapping every American citizen in the country, and no one has been put on trial for it or even investigated. We don't even have an inquiry into it." - Edward Snowden

• US Congresswoman reveals alopecia diagnosis
• That brave, courageous woman, telling the world she has hair loss.
• I told everybody about Male Pattern Baldness years ago.

IT NEWS
I'm (almost) sorry about including IT news today, but it's relevant to all readers.

With a spare 3 minutes, I decided to have a computer race: Win 10 laptop against linux laptop. It wasn't exactly fair... the Win laptop was brand new, with 16G RAM and current i7 snappy processor; the linux laptop was well over 6 years old, with 8G RAM and an obviously much slower processor. They would both boot from power off.

Off the line, linux in first, entering the first turn. Win10 coming up on the left. Coming up to the 2nd turn, we have definite activity, with the brand new Win10 machine having something on the screen. Turn 3 and we've selected which boot system we'd like on linux. Ladies and gentlemen, at the finish line, it's linux, reading its email, while the Win10 machine has yet to even put up one of its goofy pictures or a login prompt. Linux is drinking its coffee, when it's interrupted by a Win10 login prompt. This is exactly how it happened, except I drank the coffee, not the laptop.

New facial database used by the police. It's beyond creepy and disgusting.


Google and Microsoft weigh in on facial recognition technology and laws concerning it. Strangely enough, Google is finally on the right side of something. Microsoft, naturally, is on the wrong side.

• Apple is genuinely concerned about your privacy. Except if the FBI asks.

Over 1,000 devices went missing from London councils last year.
Now for some Real News<tm>: prosecutions of people who say 'fuck' and use 'racial language' are up! Prosecutions of people who say bad things online are also up. 1,337 people a week are thrown in the pokey, the most ever, for saying, "Not tea - I'll have coffee, please."


The final Win 7 update includes black wallpaper on some systems.
Good thing I'm not at my last job... I'd have the entire team spending the entire day changing backgrounds. The ticket system would die from volume alone. You'd think the entire company had gone down. The FBI would be brought in to investigate this cyberhack.

• Why Win 7 users should switch to linux
• they list some good reasons...
• Win 10 should have started a stampede to other OSes

Above is a positive.
Now here's my negative: the announcement that Xubuntu 20.04 will include a dark theme. Absent actual vision problems, this is what we have as an announcement? Not 'it's faster and safer?'  We, as people, are way too focused on looks and blinky lights. In the earlier days of cell phones, there was great excitement over the ability to put a different startup automation on your phone.

Related: watch car commercials (like you have a choice). Very little about the actual car. Very much about the colors, On-Star or similar systems, how many cameras in it, and how you can make the driver's side door open with just your genitals. This bothers me (like most things).


Small Business Matters: Boeing seeks $10 billion in loans as 737 MAX crisis continues.  Good thing they have those huge military contracts....

But WAIT!  If you lend now, you get up to the minute news of 737 MAX issues, of which they just found another....



Today's Game: you're running for president. Your slogan is [name] 2020: [last thing you said to your dog]. I'll start..

lefty 2020: Ok, stay in bed with your mommy


It's 7am. Mrs lefty is in the bathroom, Penny is demonstrating her "I HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE" dance. Then she tries it on me. Being a dog, she's not entirely talkative, but she jumps up a lot when she wants something. No problem, I'll take her out. Penny, let's go outside.  PENNY - OUTSIDE (both of us). Finally get her to the door and she turns and runs. Apparently I don't take her out well enough. Mom leaves the house. An hour later, Penny appears, telling me she wants something. Yes, she wants to go outside. This time I'll be sufficient to let her out. An hour after we first asked.

I get my validation from the dog.


Speaking of dog, when her mommy got back home, she went out back to smoke. Penny did her traditional thing: came running to me, insistent on me taking her to find mommy. Penny fails completely in the recognition that I might be doing something. So she walks in on me and sits down, waiting for me to say something. Whoever had her before us (she was a stray) must've gone over manners with her.. if I don't see her, she hops up and gently touches my leg with her nose. Then she does it 4 more times until I do what she wants. She sits there, looking at me with those huge, sad brown eyes, deliberately being a spaniel.

When mom comes back and goes into the bathroom, she stands at the bathroom door and whines. But she whines softly.  It's definitely the house - she wasn't like that when she first got here. The house turns cockers neurotic. Yeah, that's it - it's the house.



People can be identified by the way they dance.
Kill me now.
Mood, level of empathy, how extroverted or neurotic can point to identification.

Every election cycle I get asked to participate in “get out the vote” public service announcements. But I figure if a TV game show host has to convince people to vote, they probably shouldn’t.   - Pat Sajak

Heroes of the Stupid

• PornHub sued by deaf man over lack of closed captioning in videos
• Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.  Man: mrnmmmmph  Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.  Man: I'm gonna explode   Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.

SJW Symptoms  

Trinity College removes ad for 'Campus Reform Early Responder'
They wanted someone to monitor a 'right wing' website. Job ad pulled.





I saw this absolutely bizarre, hysterical show on public television. I was glued.
Some guy was standing there in a dress, and some other guy was on his knees, looking up the dress.

The dress was a kilt.
The show was Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I was young.
I was hooked.
Every week I had to wait for the night Python was on.
It was the Most Important Thing Ever, for most of my life. It completely corrupted my sense of humor, rendering me an honorary Brit and forcing me to seek out other British comedy.
I met other, similarly smitten, people who agreed: Life is Python - Python is life. No, we weren't deranged fanboys - we just noticed how inappropriate they were and used Python Quotes a lot. To this day, I still speak in Python. We all saw the movies when they came out. We bought anything Python. I have a t-shirt from the final live appearance at the 02 Center in England. We saw John Cleese a few months back.

We were sad when Graham Chapman died.
We are now sad that Terry Jones (77) died (of a rare dementia that first took his speech). The other Pythons are more worried than a parrot going to a pet shop in Ipswitch.

There is some bad footage of Graham Chapman's funeral that's really funny - an appropriate sendoff. Maybe there will be some Terry Jones footage too.

This dying stuff has to stop.

The 2020 Prolapse Awards Are Here!

There are way too many videos online.
Most of them are ill-advised.
You can talk at them and tell them and advise them, but POOF - up they go.
Learn from these misguided ballfaces.
Ask yourself one question: "Will I be proud of this when I'm somebody's grandparent?"

So, kids, take your penis out of that woman (or man), put it back in your pants, and sing or something. That will be a lot less difficult to explain to the grandkids than sodomy. If you don't care, wait 5 years and ask yourself again.


Bob: Bill! Howya doin?
Bill: Oh great, man. How are you?
Bob: Couldn't be better. How's the family?
Bill: Well, Susan's fine. You remember my daughter, Wendy?
Bob: Sure - how's she?
Bill: Great. She's an escort.
Bob: You must be very proud.

And they say *I* have no filters....



It took the better part of a year to figure out the dog's smarter than me.
Penny - wanna go outside?  POOF - to the door.
Penny - let's go nite nite.  POOF - up the steps, into bed.
Penny - wanna go for a ride in the car?  POOF - to the door.
Penny - take out the trash, please - [dumb look]



Oldest material on Earth discovered
Unrelated: Nancy Pelosi strongly objects to her baby rattle on display.

• Cut undersea cable plunges Yemen into days-long internet outage
• Last time there were 2 cut, a letter agency's ships were in the area

The military is building long-range facial recognition that works in the dark.
Of course they are.



Google plans to drop tracking cookie support by 2022.
Since this amounts to shooting themself in the foot, wait for the other shoe to drop.

Verizon offers no-tracking search engine - promises to protect your privacy.
Kick the ball, Charlie Brown.


Want to try linux? Check out Linux Lite  
Should you use linux?

Microsoft's new Edge browser released - what you need to know
Don't use it.



US may subsidize Huawei alternatives with $1.25 billion fund
Oh look - reps and dems came together and it's going to cost you. Every time they come together it's going to cost you. Like the recent budget bill....



European lawmakers want all phones to have same charger
Apple wet its pants laughing.


Bose is closing all of its retail stores in North America, Europe, Japan, and Australia
Requires closing 8 countries and a special adapter for full fidelity




I'm at work, on a conference call. The audio is LOUD, and the volume control won't turn it down. *$(#ing Windows 10, I say to myself. After some examination, I figure it out: Bluetooth managed to connect one machine's audio to another machine's speakers. By itself.



Today I identify as   large crud cottage cheese with anchovies



Alex Winter (Bill and Ted's Great Adventure) has finally finished his documentary on Frank Zappa. Alex had unprecedented access to all the music, interviews, and family documents. This was a labor of love and backed by fans (I contributed to the Kickstarter). It will premiere at the South by Southwest Festival in Austin, Texas. I won't exactly be able to fly there, but can't wait for it to go national.

Speaking of the great Frank Zappa, he often cited Edgar Varese as an influence. I listened to some Varese recently, and there's absolutely no doubt about his influence. This is not the influence that made it to Catholic Girls or Titties and Beer; it's the one that led to what I've heard called 'cartoon music'. Orchestral music plus binging and bonging and percussion. Give him a listen if you like the Zappa stuff.

• Google researchers used neural networks to make weather forecasts
• They had to be more accurate than the guys on tv

The president wants Apple to unlock the phone of a shooter.
Meh- it's only the Constitution.

Dating and fertility apps among those snitching to 'out of control' ad tech

• Text alerts: Time to Fuck!
• Text alerts: Call her, dammit
• ads from diaper companies
• ads for pregnancy tests
• ads for maternity bras
• ads for lacy bras

DING: text message
Welcome to Bob's Health System appointment reminders.

DING: reality
Why yes, I have an appointment, but my welcome did not remind me of it.

• A Komodo dragon destroyed a BBC camera by trying to have sex with it
• You know you're doing it right when your partner can no longer move!

How digital sleuths unravelled the mystery of Iran's plane crash.
Iran had to admit they shot it down. "In error".

• Parasite that makes mice unafraid of cats may quash other fears. 
• Dentist?

Heroes of the Stupid

"Nasal Ranger" nasal smell-amplifier to crack down on marijuana
I keep looking for the April Fools date.  
The war on drugs is a dismal failure. The only people who benefit are the people hired for it, plus the contracts, like above.




SJW Snottiness

Associate dean at University of Illinois came out in defense of mandatory diversity statements in university hiring practices... because "traditional markers of mathematical excellence" get in the way of diversity."

In other words, smart people are disrupting the cause of diversity.

Cloning my Service Elephant

I've mentioned the Ring doorbell cameras.
So has Amazon: to the police. They gave the police a 'heatmap' of all devices in an area. While the feature was removed, you can be sure that Amazon would never do it again, nor would police expect them to.



You know how some kids were always the last to be chosen in sports? I was that kid.  No, wait, I was next to last. The fat kid was last. The joke was on them because the fat kid knew way more about sports than I did. That was probably a consequence of growing up without a father. I can't blame my mom for not teaching me about sports (even though she still knows more than me to this day).

I played with the neighborhood kids. They gave me the basic idea and I played along. It was fun - we were little kids, we had a huge drive, and it was very hard concrete. My philosophy on sports (philosophy???) is all applied to the one sport I almost liked; bowling. We can face the fact that nobody, except maybe Einstein and famous supercomputers can score, but bowling was good for me: pick up the heaviest round thing* you could find, and throw it as hard as you can toward the white things. You had to knock down as many as possible. I applied this to baseball, tennis, football, and whatever else we played on the concrete. Because I had no fear, public school gym class was.... interesting. I led a strange tribe, called lefty's Lunatics, who jumped over various pieces of equipment, then (here is the important part) landed on their heads. This explains an awful lot, no?

* you have to find a left-handed ball. You think I'm making this up? Nope - it has to be drilled so the left hand can pick it up.

One day the local kids got skates. This was a little foreign to me, plus I didn't have any, so I'd watch. One day I got skates. Needless to say, I wasn't very good at them, probably because I couldn't apply my bowling philosophy to them. It was all I could do to stand. So there I am, in my non-moving state, and I notice the neighborhood smartass coming in my direction, on his skates. So this is the second time I've been on skates and I didn't have the chops to move out of his way. This little bastard was a few years younger, but everyone knew they were going to find dead animals buried in his yard, after they finally pinned the mass murder charges on him.

Think quick, lefty!
I stood there, arm extended, fist closed.
And the little bastard literally punched himself in the nose with my fist.
He went crying to his mommy that I punched him. Can you see me, barely standing there, trying to explain to Mother Mary that The Anointed One ran into ME? This was a good lesson, although I didn't know it at the time. There's always one asshole, who turns out to have a tiny penis and takes it out on the rest of humanity.

The moral of the story?
There is no moral of the story.
The moral is that if you don't like stories without morals, complain in the comments section.
If you like blogs without morals, bookmark this one.



A Dutch politician is facing 3 years in jail for hacking women's iCloud accounts and leaking nudes.   Sure, one politician who finally does something useful, and they want to jail him. We shall need to see the evidence.



I'm thinking of a new career..... . I want to be a Porn Critic. Just like those fancy d00ds and d00dettes in those New York fake news papers and magazines. Go ahead and review the latest Nora Ephron movie - I'll review Nora's Nasty Nuns (God Never Had This in Mind). One of the movies is demonstrably better than the other. I'll let you decide....

If I were one of those snotty reviewers, my entire job would involve writing two words: "Lacks plot."  Being a porn reviewer, who loves the milieu, I can say anything I want and mean it, without being snotty or holier-than-thou.

• While the anal scenes were spot-on, the fisting lacked realism. 
• When the 12 guys abused the hell out of that 5'2" girl, she kept crying, "More! More!" This is the kind of in-your-face moment that had me rewinding to see it again and again.
• No. I refuse. No clowns. A porn reviewer has to have his standards.
• This reviewer has never beheld a movie with such dedication and reverence for the form: of course I'm talking about Greta Does The World. It's the heartwarming story of an (of-age) girl, driving around the world, going around the world. Spreading her message of spreading in many countries. Becoming a world celebrity for f_ckng. It was 90 minutes of pure joy (and countless money shots). Of special mention was the scene where she tried to fsck the entire United States. People argued for and against her message, but her message of love got out, as did many other things. SEE THIS MOVIE.
• Quick review of Barbara's Bouncy Balloons: normally I enjoy any movie with semi-naked women sitting on huge balloons, bouncing, but this one just didn't... finish. The balloons were all wrong, and Barbara had the rhythm of a child with cerebral palsy and the verbal output of someone with Tourette's Syndrome. Avoid.
• Very few movies take women into mind, but here's one: A Hard Man (Is Good to Find). The men were all over 10" and the women vacillated between frightened and wide-eyed with naked lust. Ok, it lacked plot. Ok, it might have been unrealistic in spots. But foreplay went on for 43 minutes per scene. A must-see for women. Men should consider it a training film.

Our good friends over at DHS want facial recognition scans used on Americans, in addition to existing scans on everyone else.  Who could have seen that coming?



Remember?

• computer shows?
• on the steering column gearshifts?
• bright light switch on the floor, under the emergency brake?
• touch tone phones with no # or * key?

"This Entire Century Has Been An Unmitigated March In The Direction Of Stupidity"   @zerohedge

• 5 ways to protect your privacy on Chrome
• Like it or not (I don't), it's the most popular browser, whether by itself or built upon.

Just in case you need surgery, you should know that docs are now consulting YouTube for direction(s).  This means that if you're good at printing fake diplomas, you can be a surgeon too!

• I'm over the moon delighted that this blog has gotten past its 2-6 hits per day, so if I need to feel disappointed, I just check ThermionicMalware, which has 15 hits over its lifetime (ok 2 weeks, but still.....)

Hey, how about that opioid crisis?
Related article: Suicides associated with forced tapering of opiate pain treatments.

• Wife's new acquaintance called six times and texted four times last night.
• I have a strange feeling about this one... some sixth sense tells me it may not work out well.

How to keep a cat off a Christmas tree
Long time readers may remember Ren, our exceedingly intelligent FDU (Feline Destruction Unit). We got him when he was a few weeks old and he was a precocious little bugger. We only had one cat before (Fred) and he was pretty well-behaved, but died early. Ren grew up and grew and grew, to where he was almost as large and 10 pounds shy of Marshall, the wonder-cocker. Ren would torture Marshall, whose main wish was to be an only child. Ren would also hang from under Marshall, yet they'd sometimes nap together. For some reason, Ren was highly antagonized by the xmas tree. We had one that went up in stages.. maybe he wanted a real one, but he would get into it, push off some very expensive baubles, rewire the lights a bit, and eventually disembowel the tree. It became too much of a problem so I decided to meet him halfway: I took just the 12" top section of the tree and hung it from the ceiling, so he couldn't get it. He tried leaping but failed. We won!!!  Well, not really. By later that day, he figured out how to get it off of the ceiling. We lost. No more trees til he left us. Marshall left the trees alone, unless there was food under them.

• Best book title this week: Ask Me About My Uterus
• Best audio title: Bonny Tyler - the RCA Years    Huh? Was there more than one year?
• Best job title: Ethical Hacker.  Ethical?

Dammit, I hate to be serious, but here goes.

You sure picked a bad time to be Catholic.
If I were Catholic, I'd be out for blood (sorry). There's nothing wrong with the religion - it's the Upper Corporate Administration. Never mind all the secrecy, the trillions in goodies in vaults, and the politics.. they allow and turn a blind eye to pedophilia. This is not acceptable (notice my gentle phrasing, which you don't see often here). This 'secret' has been out in the open for God knows how many years, yet nothing is done.

Pope Francis has accepted the resignation of Buffalo bishop Richard Malone following reports that he kept a secret binder full of the names of accused priests in a closet in his office.

It's so far out in the open, it might as well be featured on a Kardashians show. This is enough proof for anyone, yet nothing will be done.
I'd like to suggest that Catholics, who are innocent of this, jettison the corporate structure. Find different places of worship. Let the collection plate go empty. Most importantly, call for a legal investigation into these evil practices. One child abused is one too many.

Isn't it time?



The good news: NASA satellite found India's Moon lander
The bad news: AAA does not send tow trucks to the Moon.




Heroes of the Stupid

L.A.'s Head of Homelessness resigned after a 33% increase in people sleeping on the streets.  They expected him to hit at least 50%.

Kamala Harris is out of the democratic race for president. If she continued, she'd have to spend her own money. I'm serious.



SJWery

One huge drawback of nuclear power is that it doesn't dismantle systems of oppression - it only produces clean energy.   Next up: how air is racist


I left Greta Thunberg alone. The situation needed to simmer a bit. And sure enough, it germinated and grew an SJW:

After all, the climate crisis is not just about the environment. It is a crisis of human rights, of justice, and of political will. Colonial, racist, and patriarchal systems of oppression have created and fueled it. We need to dismantle them all.


San Diego State University launched an online portal for reporting incidents that include "messages of bias."  They also launched a "free speech" website, where students can learn about their First Amendment rights.  Strangely, there are some clashes between the two.