Your love is like painful hangnails
RIP Charlie Watts (80) Rolling Stones drummer. He had to drop out of this year's tour, on medical advice. He had recently rescued a greyhound.
Today in Olympic News: the Mexican Skiing Team was disqualified when they couldn't correctly identify snow
- Today the FDA ruled that Chicago style pizza cannot be called pizza and must be referred to as Chicago Style or Chicago Style pizza-like substance
Today I identify as escargot
- Facebook reveals most-seen posts are inane questions, not politics
- who saw that one coming?
Success Story
Responsible for 82% of the world's opium supply
Amazon, out of the news for 48 hours, announced it will be opening department stores.
- cashiers have to pee in bottles
- Intravenous feeding tubes eliminate need for lunch breaks
- restockers are monitored per-item and don't get paid to talk to customers
- many items still come from China and customers must wait in the store 4 weeks to get them
- customers advised that checkout is quicker with the Amazon Chip in their foreheads
- UPS will not carry your purchases to your car
Famous naked picture and video site Onlyfans is now banning sexually explicit content because banks and payment services demand it. This is a site that allows people to make money by performing acts that people pay to watch. Not anymore, apparently. Visa/MC and banks have been tightening up on what they'll allow, as we saw recently with Pr0nhub. Nudity will be allowed, but there has been no word on how far things can go.
Looks like Onlyfans is trying to flush itself down the loo. Adult content is what made Onlyfans.
Star feels betrayed
Also interesting is how many sites are affected by the payment/banking industry and why.
It's very sad to note that the government jumped in and stopped people from earning money during the Great Flying AIDS Business Shutdown. Now that some have turned online, that avenue is being shut down too. Why is this? As we know, the banks and credit cards' prohibition is arbitrary and not new. Also participating in the downfall are religious groups, who want pr0n off the internet.
KEEP YOUR RELIGION OFF MY PRoN. And everything else.
- sit back and enjoy tonight's movie "A Funny Thing Happened to me on the Way to the Gangbang"
Sir, I think we've been hacked!
Nope.
No, really, we've been hacked.
Nope.
Sir, our IT department tells is there is a 70 million users database for sale.
No there isn't.
It's right here on the Dark Web.
I don't see it.
Look again.
Nope.
What do we tell the press? Sir, would you please take those dark glasses off?
Nothing happened.
The FCC is going to crucify us.
No they're not.
We could blame a contractor for not putting a password on a container.
Never happened.
The public is going to eat us alive.
Jenkins, we're AT& friggin T - would we ever lie to customers?
- Report: Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine may get full FDA approval Monday
- yes, that's right, it's had an emergency authorization
- so the billions of you who got a vaccine should know it's now approved
Man, it's great to have our car back.
And when I say have our car back, I mean I haven't actually been allowed to drive it and it's out of town, with the dog. Wife and Dog took off, visiting. Which means I'm at home, not visiting. Mind you, not visiting is its own reward. The problem is I'm starting to get bored AND I miss my dog. Since no babysitter was obtained, it might be time for Hijinks. Now would be the perfect time to get those nasty neighbors back for shoveling their private drive snow onto my car. They'd never see it coming. I'll probably use something other than snow. Or that 240v electrical prank.
Wife gets excited about going visiting, and starts 'getting ready' a few days in advance. Her process of getting ready is unlike anyone else's so it's naturally fair game for the blog. She starts with lists - several of them. Then decides what she's going to buy for the relatives. Then buys it, but shifts the date of her visit, having the expected effect on the bought items. On the Day of the Leaving, it gets a little loud. I ask why. It's because she doesn't know what she's taking. I suggest looking on one of the three lists she prepared. She can't find them. So she randomly starts putting stuff into bags and a few hangers. As I help carry the stuff to the car, I wonder aloud why she needs enough clothes for a month if it's a weekend stay. You're not gonna believe this, but she gets MAD at me when I ask. We purposely buy large cars and by the time the car is packed, there's no room for the dog.
Then there's Leaving. Leaving is also a drawn out process. Whenever she goes somewhere, she returns in five minutes because she forgot something. On larger trips she returns again for a pocketbook or phone. The third time was for a 5lb (2km UK) bag of peanuts. I didn't see the bag come in, which makes me wonder what else is hiding about the place.
Honey, can you get me the tiger?
Uh, the tiger?
Yes THE TIGER (as if it's the most natural thing on Earth)
Where would this tiger be located?
Behind the couch.
Dear, why is there an outdoor patio set in the bathroom?
Oh, that's a birthday present for Aunt Barbara.
We sure are getting generous.
Why is there a terrarium in the kitchen?
We're watching it for the niece.
Couldn't we watch it at her place?
The fish like to be near people.
The dog really likes to go. Anywhere, apparently.
She watched the packing, knowing Mommy was leaving.
When I picked up her leash, she went batshit.
I swear she hovered above the floor for a bit, then ran to the door and back, then made screaming dog noises, then tried to sit so I could put on the leash, then screamed and ran some more. We have to allow five minutes to put her leash on. I'm starting to wish I could get that excited about anything. My leash is in the bedroom, but that's a different matter entirely.
Flying AIDS Updates
Speaking of women earning money taking their clothes off, the woman interviewed above, Star, had a few safe pictures in the story. She is one of the top percentage of earners on Onlyfans, which is a significant amount of money (and good for her). Sometimes I think I'm in the tiny percentage in preferences. This woman looks large to me. Not fat at all. Just large. The posterior must be outta site. That seems to be a thing these days: a huge bum. And huge silicone boobs.
But that ain't me. I don't like tattoos, butt implants, or bolt-on boobs. We have managed to avoid them in our house. Marshall the cocker wanted buttocks, but we kept that on the back burner.
Butt implants. Seriously? I only recently heard of these things, when a local lady got arrested for doing implants with concrete. I'm thinking heavy cottage cheese. We've gone from 'is my ass too fat' to 'do I have enough booty?'
And who was the first person to come up with Butt Implants?
"All these women feel inferior because their boobs aren't big enough. So I give them breast implants. Now women are complaining their butts aren't huge and round enough. Hey, I know.. I'll invent Butt Implants!"
God: Man, the humans are at it again.
Moses: What is it this time - polluting the air, cutting down the forests, or anal?
God: Butt implants.
Moses: BUTT implants?
God: Yes. Why do people repeat everything I say as a question?
Moses: Oh, sorry, I'm starting to sound like a human.
God: First it was breast implants. They are perverting human nature.
Moses: Oh, that's not good. How?
God: They are wired to reproduce. The cheerleaders will go for the football players because they're large and can provide for the family. The cavemen didn't know this, but that's how it works. By the same token, men are entranced by boobies because they produce milk for his babies. But larger fake boobies do not provide any extra milk.
Moses: I get it.
God: You're slow, but nice. Now it's butt implants. Men look for child-bearing hips in women, not butts the size of a Chevrolet. The whole thing is messed up. Mother Nature's out back, getting rid of her breakfast into the bird fountain. The birds like it, but that's not the point. Everything's gone higgledy piggledy.
Moses: Is this why world reproduction rates are going down?
God: Yes. Well, that and RuPaul.
Moses: Ummm... God?
God: Yes, my son?
Moses: just between us, Mother Nature's weather has gone.... a bit bipolar.
God: Yeah, it's been that way since her vagina implants. Her lips look like they're talking to you.
I recently discovered I was neurotypical.
No, I didn't have to go to the doctor or take tests. I found out the new way: Twitter.
I follow a person who's 'on the spectrum'. She refers to everyone else as neurotypical.
Ok, I get it. But there's something funny about it to me.
It's like I'm being assigned a diagnosis. Moreso, a diagnosis for things running as they're supposed to.
My gay buddies call me a Breeder.
I call everyone who's right handed 'backwards,' even though lefties are only 10% of the populace.
It's only a matter of time...
The person with one leg referring to people with two legs as duo-dexters?
The depressed person who calls people without depression 'Happys'
People with multiple personalities already refer to people without them as 'singletons'
the guy with rebar through his brain refers to the rest of us as 'rebar-less'
the guy missing a testicle says "go ask the Two Balls"
- Hey, if you're swimming around and are attacked by a sea snake, no worries - it's probably just horny
- Scientists recommend showing it a picture of Michael Moore
- if you are attacked by a swimmer, kick them in the face, unless it's a particularly fetching face
