Will Biden Ever Run Out of Things to Tax?

 

Your love is like  Plan B souffle

At this point, the answer is NO.

Today I identify as  a failed abortion

• I can only do one thing at a time and I can't really do that well

Looks like Pride Month is coming up.

I'm gonna be proud of being a straight guy who plays guitar left handed and is the CEO of Sarcasm.

Something tells me I'm going to get a lot of crap. As usual.

People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon

Man, I hate when that happens. If nothing else, the environmentalists better get on this, because climate change flatulence damage is significant.

Emergency calls have been put into Fauci, because if the virus can be declared a pandemic, the federal government will send $$$.

Beg-a-Thon

It ain't your fault, but yesterday three people stopped by this blog. All day.

Tell your friends. If you don't like us, tell your enemies. Let them know the blog can be automatically emailed to them. Tell your service elephants and peacocks. Tell your air conditioners, because it's spring and fun to watch people talking to inanimate objects.

I turned off advertising, so I make nothing. I'd just like to soothe my fragile ego by having a few more people coming by.  Thanks! 

Tech Companies Won't Say If They’ll Give Cops Abortion Data

Understand this: data will become available on people at protests [turn your goddamn phone OFF].

Tech companies ready public stances on Roe v. Wade

• the Ugly has just started...
• Faceyspaces will offer abortion in their cafeteria
• Amazon will do abortion, but only on the shipping line, to minimize down time

Facebook Is Banning People Who Say They Will Mail Abortion Pills

Keep dem people in line

 

Congress Wants to Spend $45 Million on Nukes the Navy Said it Doesn’t Need

So long as it comes out of their pockets, I don't see any problem.

Three changes to legislation demanded by ThermionicEmissions

1. all legislation be vetted for Constitutionality - this will cut down a lot of unnecessary legislation and fighting later on
2. all legislation be on One Topic only. No inserts, no exceptions, no pork.
3. Some sort of responsibility for all legislation. If your bill fails and cost the taxpayers $25 billion, you (Congressperson) must be responsible for it in some way, to be determined later. Watch the cockroaches scatter! 

Ukraine war: US to ramp up military presence across Europe

Gotta get in there somehow..... don't short Boeing

 NASA wants nuclear reactor on the Moon by 2030

• NASA wives want shoe store on Moon by 2030
• Astronauts want Victoria's Secret on Moon by 2030
• Bernie Sanders wants free education on Moon this week
• Biden wants 'a nice place to nap' on Moon by 2030
• Biden wants tax revenue from everything on Moon by 2029

Amtrak derailment: Three killed in Missouri after train hits truck

Some historian, long in the tooth and dressed very strangely, will finally put together the figures on trucks hit by trains and discover the phenomenon he'll call Truckus Blockus. This is the condition that results from complete stupidity, wherein a driver decides to just park his truck on the tracks - what's the worst thing that can happen? Related is Vehicle Idiotus, in which a clearly deranged driver thinks he can speed by the blinking lights and beat the train. This is usually his last thought.

Texas Supreme Court Rules This Train Is a Train

The Texas Supreme Court is on a roll lately, having ruled that this gun is a gun, this washing machine is a washing machine, and George Bush is.. well.. they don't know what George Bush is.

As if Alexa isn't creepy enough, they just announced that they will be able to read stories as your dead grandma. Will this finally be the thing that makes me buy an Alexa? Does the pope shit in the woods?  

I want to hear all of my dead relatives sing "It's a Small World."

Fauci reports COVID rebound, says his is “much worse” than initial illness

God snickers....

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Biden administration launches $1 billion effort to correct racist highway designs of the past

#ImpeachBiden - I don't have to make a single headline up (unfortunately)

 

The mowing situation has gotten even worse, if you can believe it. The constant rain causes the weeds to grow, requiring mowing every 2 weeks. It's gotten so bad that we're now at ONE week. Pretty soon someone will sneeze and we'll have to be out there again, with our environmentally-supportive electric mower.

I tried asking Iqbal, my emotional support elephant, to mow for me. He looked at me in the way he does, with slanted eyes, and said, "Not my yob, mang."

The Demand for More Anvils in the Inclusive Blog

Your love is like  mashed glass and gravy

A California court ruled that bees are fish.

California is a large planet that circles the United States.

Also, grasshoppers are doorknobs, recliners are lawns, and Led Zeppelin is Britney Spears.

Today I identify as  prune juice

 The President's Council on Blog Diversity has decreed that all US blogs be more diverse and inclusive. Despite my initial reaction to deny or ignore everything he says, I got to thinking how he'd know these things. There's only one of me, unless you count Mrs. lefty, but she doesn't contribute, except by example. I could be very diverse, but how does one tell? Mrs. lefty has a pretty diverse collection, or so I hear; I have never seen them, but I know they're there.

Plus there has been a significant development in my blogging and working: I have graduated from two cups of coffee to three cups. It's a momentous occasion in attempting to remain appear awake. I wish I could be sponsored by the coffee and creamer companies, but I pay full boat.

I think my laptop's getting up to things while I sleep.

I go to sleep with it clean and disconnected from the wireless. When I wake up, it's dirty. Sometimes it's hooked to the wireless. Mind you, the device is locked, so no one, not even the dog, can get into it. And there's a tv remote on the keyboard. The remote is a good indication it's also is not the dog. It's Wife, who always expands to fill out all horizontal space. Then then kids eat something, which winds up on the screen, the keyboard, and the tv, which is all the way across the room.

Either that or the laptop hooks itself to the wireless and has some snacks. It's not a quantum laptop so it (probably) can't use the transporter to get food. In my house, it's a tossup between these two explanations.

• We might have a new neighbor.
• They can see through the office window. I'll probably have to restrict my pr0n to one small screen for now. Who knows how they feel about hamster pr0n.

Mrs. lefty is watching Les Miserables, making the rest of us More Miserable. I don't know what it is, but I detest musicals. And opera. And sports. And most other things. But she likes it, so it's ok. Up until she starts to explain it to me. This is when it becomes an act worthy of prosecution.

2nd District Police, Sergeant Ballzac, how can I help you?

It's my wife.

Is she missing? Dead? Does she have weapons? Has she murdered you?

No, it's worse. She has Les Miserables on.

That's not a crime, Sir.

She's explaining it to me.

We'll be right over.

The PA democratic candidate for governor, and current Lieutenant Governor, John Fetterman, neglected to disclose a heart attack and didn't follow the advice of a cardiologist. Gee, maybe the cardiologist should have mandated it. Hypocrite Fetterman.

Flying AIDS News

Dogs can detect the Flying AIDS better than PCR antigenic tests.

Can long Covid lead to death? A new analysis suggests it could

June 21 is expected start date of COVID vaccination for kids under 5

 

 

We're not going to get away from mowing. Well, I'm not going to get away from mowing, which means you aren't either. Boy does my back hurt. So long as I don't lay down, get up, sit, sneeze, reach, or carry anything, I'm ok. I'm all set to use this as an excuse not to mow, then I remember I'm the only one in the house who can.  It's not that my back's killing me, but my back's killing me. They tell me 7 is the lucky number for ibuprofen, but only with vicodin. No, wait, that's Viagra. No, it must be vicodin, because Viagra will make me hurt myself even worse. But then again, boom boom releases endorphins, the body's painkillers.... some of my friends would try both.

• Woman performing oral sex on driver causes vehicle to crash into FedEx truck, officials say
• Where, you ask? Florida, of course.
• meh - what's the worst thing that could happen? 

The Apocalypse Will Be Televised
And it will look a lot like ‘The Masked Singer’

It's funny when reality catches up with me....

And sad.

Biden urges ban on assault-style weapons and gun age limits

Wow - who saw THAT one coming?

#ImpeachBiden

Presidents and Congress have been hacking away at the Constitution for years and years. Let's make sure they get no further.

• Ringo Starr has received an honorary doctorate from the Berklee Academy of Music
• This set off a twelve hour scholarly debate on whether he was Sir Doctor Ringo Starr or Doctor Sir Ringo Starr.

Johnny Depp is playing on the rest of the Jeff Beck tour. 

blah.

Don't get me wrong- I like the guy, but he's not exactly in Jeff's league.

They may be working on an album. 

Sometimes Jeff's judgment....

2022 is the Year of Hyaluronic Acid

 Your love is like   Jeffrey Epstein's

Here's some interesting hacking news:

Hackers who released info on Arab royal families apologized.

Turns out Arab royal families don't argue - they send out hit squads.

They may have something there, although I'm not sure hospitals could justify hit teams on their payroll.

Biden crusade against ‘domestic extremism’ spurs thousands of FBI probes, fears of a police state
President Taxit has not left the damage at taxing us to death - now he's on domestic extremism. Bush the Lesser did this too. There was a naughty list that included Ron Paul supporters, people waving flags, people talking about the Constitution, and Insane Clown Posse fans. ICP sued and got off the naughty list, but the rest of us....

Biden must go. Start with impeachment.

Today I identify as   Christmas music in October

Where, oh where, has our Gavin gone?

California governor (and part time Christmas tree stand) Gavin Newsom has disappeared from public view for ten days,

It's ok, I got this.

Gavin was caught saying things like, "socialism is bad" and "we must keep the homeless from shitting on the sidewalks." Alarmed that he had attained a modicum of sanity, Newsom was spirited away, to an undisclosed location, to have the tiny amount of sense vacuumed from his head. Not to worry, California, the same old hilarious governor will be back soon.

• The head doctor of a B.C. clinic just diagnosed a patient with 'climate change.'
• the doctor was summarily diagnosed with overload and took a few weeks off to visit the Happy Place

Flying AIDS News

Molnupiravir: First pill to treat Covid gets approval in UK

Alaska Governor orders state agencies to ignore federal vaccine mandates

Northern Ireland’s health minister is suing Van Morrison after the singer called him “very dangerous” for his handling of coronavirus restrictions.

Bizarre Covid side effect caused woman to strip naked ‘inappropriately’ and wash her clothes in the LOO

I just want to point out here that America doesn't get these kinds of side effects. But it's not worth moving to the UK.

Pfizer says its antiviral pill can cut 89% of COVID hospitalizations and deaths

And another thing.... a Russian porn star was 'detained' after flashing her bare buttocks in front of the Kremlin.

Again, not in America. America needs to lead, not follow.

• You think you're talented? I can tomato sauce stain my shirt without actually eating

Local News 

A Pennsylvania fifteen year old girl is in the news after a video of her having sex with twenty five guys went viral. Unfortunately, ThermionicEmissions is not able to locate the video and does NOT support video of underage sex. We cannot reveal her identity, due to her age, but we got an interview:

TE: So, howya doin'? 

Girl: Fine, thank you.

TE: Still sore?

Girl: you have no idea.

TE: So, uh, why?

Girl: I've been thinking about it. I think there are a number of reasons...

• After looking online, I discovered you can't have sex without taping it. It's against some law or other.
• I have the mother of all daddy issues
• Ten guys just weren't doing it for me
• practicing for the Olympics
• my girlfriends all did twenty, so I wanted to show them up
• my mom has been great to me and stayed home to raise me. I needed to act out.
• I'm on tv and the queen of the internet!

So how about that tragic Travis Scott/Drake concert. Eight dead.

They were running away. From the music.

• Why You Should Delete Google Chrome On Your Phone
• They're years behind me. Delete anything Google.

The American Trucking Associations (ATA) estimates that the US is short 80,000 truckers - an all time high for the industry. And if nothing changes, the shortfall could reach 160,000 over the next decade.

I never got an answer to the honest question: why do most black and latina women have large backsides? I need to know the science. Why is it genetically important?

Speaking of genetics, a recent article mentioned that the most popular category of pr0n is incest.

There seems to be something wrong here. 

I'm sure you're with me: at no time during your years did you want to boink anyone in your home.

I realize it's fantasy, but it has to be based upon something.

I had a few cousins I wanted to be more friendly with, but that's kinda boring.

"Hey Mom. you look pretty good there, stuck under the couch...."

"Yo, Bro... it's ok cuz you're my STEP-bro."

"No Dad, I will not do stuff Mom doesn't do anymore.."

"Sis - why don't you fill up my tank instead of having sex with me to borrow my car?"

Apologies to all of you who don't watch pr0n.

Oh cut it out.

I attended the Philly Fall Guitar Show recently.

It wasn't much fun if you were a lefty, but it was great to get out and be with all that equipment (see guitar blog).

For the first time in a long time, I was an asshole magnet<tm> while driving.

After a while, it appeared the curse was back. 

They love me.

They only want to be close to me.

And by close, I mean in front of me

And by in front of me, I mean doing 20 miles under the speed limit. On the Turnpike.

They love me.

Most of the time, people are whizzing by at 20 miles over the limit.

This time they couldn't wait to get near me, so they could slow down.

Granted, our roads were planned by drunk monkeys, and the 'improvements' made things much worse.

But they love me, and only want to be near me.

On a Saturday morning, there was traffic. I feel sorry for the people who drive during rush hour.

"LEAVE ME ALONE," I cried.

"But we LOVE you." they said, lovingly.

"Get fscked," I countered.

"We only want to be near you," they said.

"I''m doing the speed limit, whether you like it or not," I told them.

"Oh no you're not!" was their response.

The spring guitar show isn't til July, so I don't have to leave the house again til then.

• Peruvian family dog turns out to be a fox
• cuz they look so much alike... cue Peru jokes...

Everybody's talking Climate Change.

I want to do my part, even though the real polluters aren't.

1. cut down farting to Tuesdays and Sundays
2. I get carbon credits for rarely leaving the house
3. holding a sign about climate change on weekends. Preferably outside.
4. masturbating in the dark
5. talking about electric cars a lot
6. watching pr0n on battery power
7. having sex on Saturdays (which would be a 100% improvement)

Back on the left handed horse... we demand PARITY!

Police pull us over. If we were black, we could scream RACISM!

Screaming "You pulled us over because we're left handed" just won't work.

We will never be truly equal until being left handed can get us something.

• California couple sue clinic for alleged IVF swap 'horror'
• named baby Abby. Abby Normal.

Bishop Who Left Clergy for Erotica Writer Accused of Being ‘Possessed’

Former Bishop Xavier Novell reportedly began a new job at Semen Cardona, a company which produces and exports high-quality pig semen to over 20 countries.

I'd say the people who accused him are possessed.

But PIG SEMEN!

There's a show called "Nightmre Neighbor Next Door"

These people are truly warped, and not in a good way.

One lady pushed another lady down steps. Parking and trash fights, online tirades, police, etc.

This is nice, but hardly compares to some of my experience....

• the lady next door took exception to my flamethrower, even before her house burnt down (not my fault - I was out on that day).
• the Homeowners' Association sued a neighbor for painting her steps
• the lady next door took exception to my automatic weapons (even before the holes in her house)
• the guy on the other side parked his car. For 10 hours. Every night.
• the lady next door took exception to my stockpile of nuclear weapons...