Who Came Up With Anal Sex?

Apologies from the staff of ThermionicEmissions.

For reasons not known even by Google (blogspot owner), they changed the blogging interface that I see. This made it confusing as to what was and wasn't published. It also introduced change just for the sake of change - there were no improvements. So things might be out of order here and there. I'll try to keep things straight manually.  

-thanks

Anal Sex
Think about it.
Modern caveman?
Modern Frenchman?
Modern homosexual?
Hey, this feels great....  What if I put my..  I wonder if that feels great.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWW
It does. At least for me.


Your love is like  eating an ironing board


I'm sick.
No, not that way.
I'm at work and noticed the room spinning more than normal.
Men aren't sick until a woman tells them, so I asked Wife, who said I'm burning up. Alright then...  I'm sick.
Do I take the nighttime cold remedy or the daytime cold remedy? Do I even have a cold? Aside from spinning and fever, there are no symptoms. Spinning and fever are more than enough, though.

Feed a cold, starve a fever?
Starve a cold, feed a fever?
Whatever it is, give it chocolate. This is a solid concept.

I'm perfectly clear in the head, so why not, while the room is spinning, pick up the soldering iron? Maybe a blowtorch or sawzall? Maybe a long sit on a long couch. Yeah, that's it. I tried playing the guitar, but we were both spinning in different directions. This might be ok for hit music, but I have my standards.

What I've found that helps is zinc, vitamin c, and echinacea. I'm taking so many pills I don't have to eat. I want to read what's in the nighttime medicine, but even the ants have to put on glasses. Mrs lefty just announced she feels sick. She always copies off me. Can't I just be sick for a very short while before she gets sick? On the bright side, my napping has gone nuclear.

I believe in sitting and resting while sick, which feeds right into my love of sitting and resting in general. When Mrs lefty is sick. I tell her not to run around. She says, "I'm not running." A man's gotta know his limitations.

Whatever I had enjoyed messing with me.
I said that I'd like at least one day of my 3 day weekend free, and I could feel it saying, "Well, that's not totally unreasonable" and moving away. Next morning, I was as bad as the first day. Now it's Back to Work, with the Industrial strength vise (mostly) unclamped from my skull. No, it wasn't the Flying AIDS, sorry.

I called my doctor. They asked me if I ever did telemedicine. Unfortunately. The doctor doesn't want me coming to the office because I'm sick. 2020 is weirder than I thought.

While relaying this to Mrs lefty, one of the kids popped out and asked, "Who's going to take care of me if you die?" Apparently I'm good for something.

• It's been a year since my dad died.  
• Sonofabitch. 
• He had a lot of nerve having all that cancer.

Russian interference in the upcoming election continues, when Irina Teplitzki asked her friend how hard it is to speak English.

• Colin Kaepernick calls for abolishing police and prisons in new essay series
• Colin Kaepernick can spell 'essay'? 

Archbishop Burns Altar ... After Priest Has Sex in Church

Pope in TED talk: Earth cannot be squeezed ‘like an orange'

Still no word on child molesting



Today I identify as  a KitchenAid mixer



Today President Trump received the endorsement of the Taleban.

"We hope he will win the election" and withdraw U.S. troops

Ever think you'd be agreeing with the Taleban?





Dear lefty

• You like boobies, right?
• It's my main area of focus 
• Do I ask my date if I can touch them?
• Are you on any lists or anything?

There's a hair loss commercial, wherein you put on a cap full of LEDs that brings your hair back. It's only $800. No. I've worn hats all my life and lost my hair. I hear it runs on your mother's side, so I'm suing her. So does alzheimer's disease. This suit will be unprecedented.



Coinbase has had it: I posted before that they were giving up on politics, and if any employee, didn't like that, they were free to leave, with some sort of severance packet. 5% left. The best part of this were the screeching, fainting commentators.

• Since Silicon Valley leans left, you're saying, "It's not ok to lean left."
• “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”

Do they sit up at night and think this shit up? Does it flow naturally, with all the rest of the noise excreted from their oral cavity? I've been working for quite a long time and never once was I given leave to go support a social cause. You wanna talk privilege? These whining children, who think 'work' is just an extension of 'home' for their cause, whatever their cause is.

I think Coinbase is well within their rights to want a dollar's work for a dollar's pay. Deal with your personal social causes on your personal social time. Imagine a company not wanting to be involved in any of this, then taking crap for it.

• Have you noticed that the newspapers crowing that Lord Zuck finally removed Holocaust deniers are the same ones who had a fit when Faceyspaces wasn't 100% free speech?

Happys

Paul Simon - Art Garfunkel's pal
Sammy Hagar
John Denver
Daryl Hall - John Oates' pal

40 Years Gone

I watched Dan Rather interview Robert Plant.
Dan's in his later 80s and is a solid interviewer.
Fortunately at the bottom of the screen, they referred to Robert as "Led Zeppelin singer", because some of us might not know that.

It seems like last year that I heard Robert's young son, Karac, died.
Per Robert, it's been 40 years. My heart bleeds for him and family.
Where the #&@) did time go?
Remember - when you're in school, bands are a religion. You had to have their likenesses all over your books and clothes. You argued with your friends. You paid even more outrageous prices for good tickets, sometimes camping out. Am I dating myself? Do I put out on the first date?

The Zep is one of my favorite bands - you can't deny them. They paved the path, sometimes through hotels and bars. The whole is definitely greater than the sum of its parts. RIP John Bonham, rock's greatest drummer.

If you've spent time listening to Plant's lyrics, you might guess that interviews are 'interesting', and this one was. The answers tended to go on. I tended not to understand some of it... a combination of flowery and over my head. It's odd for my 69 year old hero to refer to Tony Bennett.




Dear lefty:

• What do you call a fat, bloated, actively nasty, expensive parasite that does nothing?
• Congressman

The current legislative hoo-ha is around allowing males who identify as females (or transexuals) to play on women's sports teams. Tennis luminary Martina Navratolova says it will kill tennis. Since men have a physical advantage, it seems reasonable to keep the genders separate.

If I identify as black, will I be more talented at sports? Or talented at all? Will my wife enjoy the bonus?

• Google stored plaintext passwords since 2005.
• Now Google has all your information and everyone else has your password.

Washington is the first state to legalize human composting.

So let's hurry up and get those bodies in the ground. Ignore the screaming.

• North Korea called Joe Biden an imbecile for Kim criticism.
• keep him away from your wife and kids, Kim.

When thinking about politics and laws, think of this simple statement: You own yourself.

It's News Time again!

FOX: We're here on an aircraft carrier for Fleet Week, made from 9-11 steel.
CNN: Democrats consult professor of psychology - says Trump losing grip on reality
CBSN: Harriet Tubman won't be on any currency

Apropos of nothing, the US has no test for aging or sickness or mental state on the Supreme Court or Congress.  While one would assume they're all crazy, there is no test or requirement for sanity. Witness Justice Ginsburg falling asleep, Hillary's tremors and tripping, and Pelosi's gaps and halting speech. And Harry Reid's black eye.

• A Mississippi lawmaker punched his wife because she undressed too slowly
• If only there were a law for this...

The Patriarchy Strikes Again:

According to the UN, female artificial intelligence voices reinforce existing gender biases.

• I don't know if this should worry me, but QVC just called to ask how Mrs lefty is doing.

Taleban supporter John Walker Lindh is being released from prison after 17 years. What to do?  Accuse him of selling drugs so he'll be put away for life.

A Florida (YES!) man did not pull over for police because his passenger was giving him sexual favors. There's a man with his priorities in order!

John McCain: This Means WAR!

Yesterday I heard an interview with John McCain. I didn't get to transcribe it fully but here's the gist from memory:

Welcome to Beat the Press. Today's guest is Senator John McCain (R-Lockheed).

Good morning, Senator.

WHERE?

Here, Senator.

Oh.

Senator, we're discussing the recent bombing of a hospital in Afghanistan.

Yes, it's a crying shame (that we didn't get more of the commie bastards).

But Senator, the hospital was full of sick people.

Taleban. TALEBAN.  Kill. KILL!

Doctors Without Borders says there was no Taleban in the hospital.

Doctors Without Borders is a terrorist organization, bent on getting in the way of exporting democracy.

Were there any Taleban in the hospital?

No, but they were certainly in the area.  Somewhere.

But not in the hospital?

No. But those Doctors were, so we stepped up and dropped a few. Dropped. DROPPED. KILL. BOMB! EVISCERATE!!!!!

Senator, there has been some criticism over using the B-34 Flying Uncontrolled Country Killer (FUCK). This plane features enough tactical killing power to take out small regions of the planet. Do you believe this was the correct way to take out a small hospital?

Bob...

My name is Ted, Senator.

Bob... I believe the right tool is the one that gets the job done. We flew in and took out the target. If we could have used more bombers, we could have taken out the hospital and the rest of the country where the Taleban must be hiding. But we are using more surgical strikes lately, so as not to interrupt the cocaine trade. President Kennedy pissed the CIA off once and look what happened to him. And Bob, I'm no John F. Kennedy.

But there were innocent sick people in the hospital.

Bob, have I said ISIS yet? Because ISIS. New munitions needed. More contracts. Boeing, Lockheed, Halliburton.. MORE CONTRACTS!!!  CIA Secret Missions!!!! Think of the economy, BOB!!!

Ted.

Casualties of war, Bob. Collateral damage. We are very sad at the loss of life but it's the black guy's fault. If he didn't start that drawdown, we could have continued our mission indefinitely. More troops. We will complete our mission, even if it takes longer than Vietnam.  ISIS, Bob.

What is our mission in Afghanistan?

We are working towards ramping up our casualties... errr.... troops... because of a very large contract with a huge, influential defense contractor.  We just gave them hundreds of billions for new explosive killing vehicles (EKVs). It would be a horrible waste of taxpayer money not to use them. Killing vehicles... killing... KILLING.. BOMBING... WIDESPREAD DEATH AND DESTRUCTION!!!!  baaaaaa........ [falls off chair, foaming at the mouth]


Beat the Press would like to thank the (very) late senator John McCain.