Street Thumpin', Rental Pumpin'

 Your love is like  skin scrapes on concrete

It's been quiet around the neighborhood, so we've been waiting for the other shoe.

In fact, Waiting for the Other Shoe would be a great blog name.

Naturally the other shoe arrived, in the form of the Neighborhood Mover Slamming Thing from last time. It has the flat platform that it launches at the ground with great force. This causes the houses on the block to shake each time. It knocks pictures off the wall and moves furniture to different floors. Many of the neighbors like where the furniture wound up and are keeping it there. Since we live in the No Design Ability House, any movement is an improvement. The couch on the roof may have to be overridden, but we'll live with it for a week or so.

It must be a new physical year, or fiscal year, depending on pronunciation. There are ripped up roads all over the place. Don't tell anybody, but the improvements are nothing but ripped up roads, for the fun of it. The streets department has a wicked sense of humor. Different departments have a Noise Contest, judged by City Hall, when they can be bothered to come into work. They bring out a noise level meter and the loudest machine wins. This led to a little cheating this time, with some crews using fireworks and explosives under the machines. One used gas tanks. A fun time was had by all. Except the people that live in the houses. It was even louder than a Who concert or a Boeing 787 taking off, assuming it managed to pass inspection.

But wait!!!!!  The trash truck is here, in bold competition with the Great Bang Truck.

So naturally I had to get on the phone with Support four times. I was 90 minutes 'late' for work.

Today I identify as  mixed gender pronouns. 

• it's not like the band I just saw on tv is put together for the show, but the left handed bass player is strumming the bass like a guitar

CAR(s)

The collision center continues to move forward with the repair. The repair cost is more than I paid for most of my old cars.

The rental squad decides to charge you random numbers randomly. They like to keep their customers on their toes. If you no like, dey come around you house, capiche?

We still haven't figured out how to turn down the tsunami of air conditioning or pair it with BlueTooth. But it starts every time, and we're used to settling. Strangely, there is no USB port.

• Duckduckgo, the search engine that doesn't track you, now has an email service that removes trackers. You can get a free @duck.com address now.

Biden blasts social media after Facebook stonewalls admin over vaccine misinformation

When the president, or any member of government, tells a site or person what they can and can't say, it's a violation of the First Amendment. Not that Joe gives a rip about the First Amendment. Or the Second.

• How your personal data is being scraped from social media

Finding 'Grace': Murder, DNA and ancestry

Great story about solving an old murder

Reminding you that the ancestry sites are used by the authorities (and marketers)

• Reminder from the lDC [lefty Disease Control] that if you are on birth control pills and taking antibiotics, use a different form of birth control.  The antibiotics make the pills less potent and you won't like the result.

I could have been in the Olympics..

No, really.

There's just no event for napping.

• Less Than 7% of the Human Genome Is Actually Uniquely Human, Study Finds
• you really are a slug

15,000-year-old viruses discovered in Tibetan glacier ice

Fauci says we must all be vaccinated against every one 

This is America

A Texas man cited 7 times for grass over the 12" limit opened fire on landscapers and police who were there to enforce the limit.

Fortunately no one was hit in the 4 hour SWAT standoff.

The man was arrested and had on some sort of hazmat suit

It's only a matter of time til this is me, right? Without the gun, of course.

But seriously, folks... why are there grass height laws, and why do police come out to enforce them?

Another example of government in action: using force 

I got an overnight envelope that required returning.

I went online to schedule the pickup.

This was my first mistake.

There's nowhere to schedule a pickup.

I can make an account if I like. I can schedule babysitting or auto repair, but not a pickup.

In the Good Olde Days<tm>, you called a number or scheduled online.

These are not the Good Olde Days<tm> 

The website is very easy to navigate, so long as you're not trying to schedule a pickup.

There's a HELP function, which connects me to a virtual assistant. This is not actually a human, nor can you find one, possibly at the entire worldwide, well-known service. This is a bot, configured with the help of Artificial Stupidity, so if you enter "schedule pickup," it responds with 13 suggestions, none of which are correct. Now I'd think scheduling a pickup is roughly 50% of their business, so not being able to find it seems... I dunno.... weird?

I continue with HELP, trying "pickup envelope," which gives me another 13 suggestions with the word 'pickup' in them, but - SURPRISE! - nothing helpful. Even if it were to make a horrible mistake and include helpful information, you can't click it. So it will say "schedule envelope pickup" but you can't go anywhere from there. This website was clearly designed to be user-hostile.

I could schedule a ground pickup. How am I supposed to know what a ground pickup is? Well, the truck runs on the ground, no? But this is an envelope, which may not be ground.

So the best way to deal with this is to ignore it. Unfortunately if I ignore it, I won't win the Idiot's Clearing House offer of 15 cents a week for life. So I gotta get this in.

I finally figured GO and scheduled a ground pickup, as my house is on the ground, firmly, I hope. It told me to wait a few (years), then check the status page. WHAT status page? There is NO status page, as there is no schedule envelope pickup page. I think they're just messing with us now. 

So I may or may not have scheduled a pickup - I have no way of knowing. Guess I'll have to wait for the imaginary status page to indicate I have an imaginary pickup on some imaginary day this week.

It's not like they can't slip me in - I don't get out much, so they can show up whenever they want. In fact, they can take it from me when they make one of their 3 daily deliveries from the Shoe Delivery Network for Wife. Why didn't I think of that in the first place?  Nah, they'd just tell me I have to schedule online. My street might become a very dangerous place for these trucks if I can't get this envelope out. Of course if I stopped the shoe deliveries, my house might become a very dangerous place for me.

TOKYO (AP) — The chiropractor for the American women’s wrestling team has apologized after comparing Olympic COVID-19 protocols to Nazi Germany in a social media post.

We're offended so were automatically right.

Monsignor Jeffrey Burrill, former general secretary of the U.S. bishops’ conference, announced his resignation Tuesday, after The Pillar found evidence the priest engaged in serial sexual misconduct, while he held a critical oversight role in the Catholic Church’s response to the recent spate of sexual abuse and misconduct scandals.

They are a criminal organization and should be investigated as such.

• Sperm Bank Holds Contest to Find Out Who Has the Best Jizz
• Had to turn away 100 women and 13 men - swallowers not allowed as judges

The new Flying AIDS (D) has affected vaccinated Capitol staffers in DC

Former surgeon general: CDC should fix ‘premature, misinterpreted’ mask guidance

We. Have. No. Idea.

We had a power outage the other night.

Power outages are ugly because they cut off Important Services: air conditioning and internet. We looked at each other and said, "WHERE'S THE INTERNET?" 

This started a cascading effect, namely, no pr0n and no napping, because it was close to 90 and ridiculously humid. Just sitting there was an activity that would cover you in sweat and grunge. If we were going to be sweaty and grungy, that was not the activity we wanted to cause it.

We 'found' the internet, in that we could use our phones to hook other stuff into.

Power outages have met the future with electrical provider websites;  you can look at the outage and get an estimate of how long it will continue. PECO has gotten into the future, that's fer sure. After a few hours, they were 'aware of an outage in the area, that affected 1200 houses.'  Ummmm..... no. This went for as far as the eye could see in all directions. Some of the traffic lights were out too. Businesses were open, but you'd never know it to look at them. Six hours later, PECO was still aware there was a problem. No estimates. Only 1200 houses without power were closer to 47,000. Small math error. 

So after 12 hours, electricity returned, around 4am. We were offering prayers of thanks to the air conditioner gods.

Wife got another 'great deal,' this time on a car battery-sized brick to power things in an outage. I wanted to know how they claimed it would run a fridge, because it was pretty light. To its credit, it charged my phone. I couldn't quite get across that this device was not the same thing as a unit that would power all the computers during an outage. I'm sure the commercial was awesome. THE NEW POWER 9000. GOT A POWER OUTAGE? THIS IS THE UNIT FOR YOU. IT WILL POWER YOUR PHONE. IT WILL POWER YOUR LAPTOP. IT WILL POWER YOUR CAR. IT WILL POWER YOUR PHONE. IT WILL POWER YOUR ENTIRE KITCHEN AND THE REST OF THE HOUSE. IT WILL POWER YOUR PHONE. BUT WAIT!!!!!

So I have to get a UPS, a real device to power the computers. This will be expensive, because it has the word Battery in it. Everything with the word battery is expensive. Even a battery holder is expensive. I don't know how, but I have a little Texas in me: bigger is better. I like big cars and big 17" laptops. If you're bored during a power outage, run a 17" laptop off battery and watch the gauge go down. Use it as a counting game for children. I lowered the brightness by 50% and it didn't matter.

TIP: get a tablet. Set it up to get your email and with your bookmarks. Use it during outages.

Or, you know, have family time. Or some sex. Try reading in the dark. Count salt shakers. Count salt.

here's something you don't see often..

Captivity - Day 76 Motel Hell

So we're minding our businesses, as we always do, in partial silence, and I'm working from home, enjoying the partial silence. Then I hear LOUD winds and rain. Then several huge BOOMS. Apparently is was raining. Well, too.

The BOOMS must have had something to do with all the neighbors, standing outside, with their masks and color-coded umbrellas. I think all the trees decided to go on vacation. They went down the block and embedded themselves  in the convenience store. It looked like a porcupine or that stupid Covid graphic.

Called Power company - all lines busy. Uh-oh.
It's all over the city and suburbs. They said it would be 24 hours for a fix. Impressive.
The guy who works at the provider said DAYS.
Ummmm.....

Mrs lefty said NO.
I can't work with no power (I'm powerless), so we found a hotel that was dog-friendly. Mrs lefty was absolutely in heaven because I had to register and she didn't have to listen to my extended grumbling about having to wear a *$#*ing mask. At least the room had a bed.

The dog was impressed too. She barked. At ridiculous times. For no reason. And when she barks, she won't stop, no matter what you do. So I went into action and slammed my finger in the heavy metal door. It was a good night.

You can't find or buy food in the area. Our power outage caught most of the restaurants (that weren't closed). We actually got voicemail at a pizza place. No convenience stores. Most traffic lights out. Even the vending machines were empty. It's 2020, people.....  Why did this happen? Some bizarre weather event we're not even supposed to get: a derecho.

While I'm at a virtual meeting, the dog starts barking again. I run to stop her, with my usual lack of success. Her mommy is taking her back home, but she has to change her clothes first (mommy, not the dog). I'm standing there, dog barking, missing my meeting, open-mouthed, because a change of clothes is needed. I was worried the car would start to fly and the hotel would turn upside down, cuz I wasn't dealing with reality - just watching it.

We're living in the Twilight Zone. More accurately, the Twilight Zone Hotel.
We were lucky... power was back early. All color-coded umbrella neighbors happy, and most of the trees removed from the convenience store. Dunkin was open, so frozen hot chocolates for breakfast and a thank you for staying open during the Flying AIDS crisis.


To recap, we have the Flying AIDS, looting, massive power outages, and the cicadas are ready to come out. The favorite tv show in America features furries, we can buy candles with the scent of Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina, Black Lives Matter has split with Looting Your Stuff Matters, and police are learning how to dance on a neck. The president came in with a long list of people he wanted to piss off and by God, he's nearing the end. His opposition fondles little girls and can't remember doing it (or much of anything else).  Maybe them there televangeelists have a pernt. Will there be beer in heaven? Will there be beer for those of us staying here?


So how's your day?





George Floyd, RIP, was contacted by a spiritual medium today. Asked what he wanted people to do in his memory, he said, "Well, peacefully protest. And loot. Definitely loot. Peacefully protest AND loot at the same time."  Asked what he wanted at his funeral, he said, "Oh God..noooooo.....not Al Sharpton!! He'll just make things worse! He didn't bring Jesse Jackson, did he?" Asked about racism, he said, "Sometimes it ain't about race. People see racism everywhere."


Idiot Governor says PA will move from red to yellow tomorrow. For those of you following along at home, he means PA will officially allow things Pennsylvanians have been doing anyway.  I remind you again: I didn't vote for this half-governor. We're being TOLD what we're ALLOWED to do. Not what our founding fathers had in mind.

Vote libertarian- you won't get this crap.

Elephantiasis at the Zoo

Want to help keep ads and crapware out of your computer?
Replace the HOSTS file.
Head here, download the file, and follow the directions. Works on Windows, linux, probably Mac. There's an explanation of how it works, if you care. It's updated monthly or so.  Nothing's perfect, but it will definitely help.

ANDROID users: if you use UC Browser, uninstall. It breaks several goog mobile app rules, and puts more than 500 million users at risk. Try Firefox, Bromite, Tor, and Privacy Browser (from f-droid repository). Privacy Browser is really what it says, doing more to block crap than any other browser.

• The king of Thailand has stripped Sineenat Wongvajirapakdi of her royal consort title, as well as all royal titles, decorations, status in the royal guard, and her military ranks. Also the name that was really hard to spell.
• Royal consort?  Damn... I wonder if Mrs lefty would allow that
• We have that here, but it never had an official title.

Know what would be neat?
Good phone service.
The providers have no trouble charging you exorbitant fees, yet there is no service guarantee, especially quality of service. I just dialed a call and the phone sat there, deliberately doing its impression of a tree. I heard it dial, unlike a tree, but that was it. What's going on when this happens?

Then there's the coverage, or lack of thereof. If you live in a remote area, good luck... you're probably fortunate to have landlines that work during a storm. And electricity.  How about dropped or fuzzy calls? They're certainly not rare.

With cell phones being around for longer than many people, things should really be sorted out by now.  We're being bent over a table by phone and cable providers. Incidentally, people outside the US laugh at us... our internet speeds are lower and way more expensive, cable is way too expensive, and pharmaceuticals are astronomically more expensive. Cable companies operate at the city level, paying politicians to see that there are only one or two providers available, so the price can be kept high. If competition were allowed, the price would drop. It's good to be an American.

• Former Faceyspaces workers: we routinely suppressed conservative news

Dear lefty

• Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
• Because he was dead.

ThermionicEmissions asked its California Consultant why electricity was turned off on purpose in northern California (called Public Safety Power Shutoff events). They had a lot of fires, which turned out to be the power company's fault, so a power outage was called, so as not to cause more fires.

Errr.... ummm... what civilized part of the country shuts electricity off? What civilized power distributor causes fires?

About 5 minutes after the above, I read that the PG&E CEO said California can expect blackouts for a decade.

• Wife made a snack for dinner, at around 3am. I came down to a baking pan full of.... things. Breaded things. I figured I'd tempt fate and try one. It was batter coated and had a unique texture.  I still have no idea what it was.

After the horrible incident of racism in British football, Business got vigilant. Two racists in the crowd were arrested.
Ummmmm...... good thing the US freedom of speech hasn't eroded this far.

• An Oregon engineer wants to change traffic lights so yellow is longer, avoiding many tickets.

No thank you, I'd rather test out new Rough-O toilet paper, made from real trees.

• Did you hear about the defrocked priest?
• He got thrown out because he refused to molest little boys.

I have a vague memory of, at some ridiculous hour of the morning, my parents' phone calling mine. Mine called my brother. His called the parents. The phones didn't ring - they just said there was a call. Checking the logs, there was no outgoing call on any of them. All at the same time.  Go ahead, explain that.

There's an awful lot of talk today about Russian groomed and funded candidates, meddling in elections, and undermining of our electoral process.

We'll just comment that if you read the entire Mueller Report, the only major ticket that didn't receive any ads from Moscow was ours.

-Libertarian Party

Today I identify as a bottle of horseradish mustard




I have no trouble whatsoever with people wanting to change their gender or much of anything else, so long as it harms no one. However, competing in sports is one exception. Male and female bodies are different - it's a fact of nature. So when a trans person competes, there's an advantage for male to female because they still have a male body, albeit softened a bit.

Heroes of the Stupid

The New Jersey Department of Taxation wants to remind everyone that pumpkins used for decorations are subject to sales tax. Pumpkins used for food or in food preparation are tax free.





SJW Shenanigans

ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD - Twitter

The Seattle school district is planning to infuse all K-12 math classes with ethnic-studies questions that encourage students to explore how math has been “appropriated” by Western culture and used in systems of power and oppression.


@ white trans people
Being trans doesn't absolve you of your privilege.
Yes you are marginalized.
You're also still white.

Great Groping News, Batman!

A school bus driver, recently convicted of groping girls on his bus, blamed caffeine for causing the groping.

This may explain a lot for me.  I drink a lot of coffee and soda and feel like groping women all the time.


As if we haven't turned enough of our lives over to our good friends at the TSA, it has been announced that airport screeners may request drink samples (after they're done groping you, presumably).

But only at the exits of airport bars.


Lawyers have already drafted 13,000 pages of new regulations on Obamacare.

The government expands again.  And again, at our expense.


It's Day Six of the power outage and there are still half a million without power.

If my department's disaster plan were this non-existent, we'd all be fired.  What would happen during a real tragedy?




Big Sis Strikes Again!  If you love liberty, the Department of Homeland Security considers you a terrorist.

Oh dear.. now all of my readers and I share that designation....



But today's BEST news is that July 9 is NATIONAL NO BRA DAY!
Please celebrate accordingly.  And send pictures.