Captivity - Day 78 Not more Furries!

Very proud of myself today. It's Saturday, at least according to my computer, and I've only taken one nap! It started right after I got up early (1pm) and ran til 5:30. This was a pretty successful nap, in that after I got up, I only wanted to go back a little. The sun is shining, the temperature is high, and there is always time for more napping.


The air conditioner was insufficient for the room and old, so we somehow wound up with an indoor unit. Wound Up is how we get most things here. I don't ask for much (and that's exactly what I get), but Mrs lefty has this bizarre way of making things appear. One day there's a box on the front step that nobody heard being delivered. Then the actual delivery (she bakes for the UPS guy). The most wondrous of these is the Appearance Box. I'll walk into a room and there will be a box by the door. Sometimes it's a little envelope, most times it's at least the size of a basketball. Recently, they've been the size of small refrigerators. This are the most alarming kind. Not only are they large; they're heavy, they're probably expensive, and they undoubtedly require me to do something with them. One of the largest was this floor air conditioner. I was happy that it wasn't the weight of a small refrigerator - it was the weight of two small refrigerators. One had to admit - it was shiny, black, and futuristic looking - what everyone wants in air conditioning.

The box sat by the door because it needed to be installed, which, as I said, required me to do something with it. I successfully refused to see it, making it a non-entity and releasing myself from having to do anything with it. One day the bodily threats became so loud and so frightening that I had to get moving. You know me - I don't like moving.

The first problem was getting it up the steps. Neither of us can blink, transport, wiggle our noses, or point the device up the steps. There were 2 hand holes, which I tried out to determine I would have to have 2 more hands to move the device. She appears with a hand truck. It had no motor, thus it wasn't going to work. I got the device on the hand truck, at which point we discovered the box had wheels (oh, joy), so it could slip while on the truck. Then we discovered our steps had lips, so pulling anything over them was much much harder.  Then there was Stuff on the steps. We eventually made it, the crippled lady and the newly-crippled guy. The only positive thing I can say was the dog was not 'helping'.

If I remember correctly, it's a Delonghi, or some other Ferrari-like inversion. The directions were interesting. You know about instructions, right? The worse being Ikea. These had numbers, line drawings of the parts, and brief english instructions. Take part 4 and put it in part 5. That was pretty simple, but you had no idea what it was supposed to look like or which side of part 5 you used. It went on like this for a while. And when I say 'went on like this for a while,' I mean it was an extended visit to Hell, like kissing Nancy Pelosi.  Every step could not be executed by normal humans, experienced installers, or employees of Delonghi.  It was the kind of assembly that makes one think deeply about their potentially incorrect decision to live.  It wasn't broken at all. It's just nothing connected to anything else. Ever screw a large piece of plastic onto a 6" hose that doesn't bend? Ends that don't match other ends. I have to give them credit - it was black and shiny.  After 30 minutes of trying to make one connection, Mrs lefty gave up and located her BRAND NEW EXCELLOTAPE, GUARANTEED TO FIX HOLES IN YOUR OIL TANKER. IN FACT, WE BUILT AN INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MISSILE out of this and it launched without any leaks! I shook my head.

Before this, the window air conditioner had to come out. To our amusement (?), it didn't want to come out, like a tooth. I had my normal reaction: I WANT THIS THING DEAD - PLEASE VIDEO ME THROWING IT OUT THE WINDOW. She found what hung it up and I removed it. I sing much higher now. Since we did a lot of yelling, Penny got to show off her newest talent, barking like mad when one of us sounds mad. We had to lock her out of the room, which is the worst thing you can do to a cocker. All I had to do was replace the old unit with a small panel, to vent the new unit. It was about 4" tall, so none of this was an issue. Until, of course, we went to connect the hose to the bracket, at which point the bracket fell out of the window.  I am not a very smart person, but I know when I'm done, and I was done (before I started). There were literally 6 steps to get the little bastard going, and only the part about plugging in to the outlet went well. 30 minutes and a soaked shirt later, Mrs lefty had the thing together and cooling the room. I applauded and gave her all credit for her masterful work.  I didn't look, and will let this thing run by magic. I just hope the tape that was used instead of each step holds. Just thinking about it makes me want to nap......


Earlier this week, a woman was arrested for assaulting her husband with a hamburger. I'll spare you the meaty details, but I keep trying to get arrested for assaulting my wife with a sausage.   [I am very sorry for that and promise not to do it again (this week)]



The monsters protesters are out today. I'm a huge fan of the First Amendment, and completely support the protesters and their cause. However, stepping in front of cars is over the line. Then these little bastards step in the street, 3 at a time, til the police show, then back up, then another 3. I think police are handling this wrong. Instead of that, give motorists a soaker or hose, to point at protesters in the street (ONLY). That would clear the streets quickly. I would never suggest replacing the water with gasoline or hot peppers, that's for sure.



Mrs lefty's sister has a wonderful, large, slobbering Boxer, who loves everybody. He will leap on anyone and he's got 100lbs behind him. When she comes to visit, the dog sits quietly by the door. When she arrives, the dog very carefully says hello .... he's aware that she has some physical difficulties and is very gentle with  her. After the welcome, he comes back with the toy she gave him. Dogs are unbelievable.

The President Bit my Cat

I awoke with a familiar lump on the pillow next to me.  Unfortunately it was the incorrect end of the dog. I suppose I should expect that from an animal that can sleep uphill.

My wife and I are going to do one of those scholarly papers on insomnia and how you can get it from your spouse.  She gave up sleep for lent about forty years ago and has never looked back.  I caught some bizarre form of insomnia that makes me tired at 10pm then wakes me up around 3:30am.  This has been going on for a week and no one knows why.

Speaking of insomnia, my wife got a sausage and pepper sandwich that she raved about and brought home half.  When she went to finish it, the sausage was missing.  Why?  Because the cat ate it.  Of course the cat ate it - what did you expect?   This is the same cat who won't leap up on the counter to get his own food but has no trouble eating mine.  He has progressed to showing affection in a vain attempt to get me to feed him.  When I come home from work, the dog is incredibly happy to see me.  The cat now apes the dog, in hopes I will get up and feed him.  He doesn't really care for me more than he did last week.

We recently realized that our entire house runs on the Cat Food Principle.  I am permitted to work because I can afford cat food.  My wife is permitted to leave the house because she brings home the cat food.  The cat get his bowl filled, eats most of it, then the dog hoovers up the rest, spending minutes licking out every last morsel of his favorite substance.  He will stand at the kitchen door, waiting for it to open and let him at the precious cat food.

New Jersey

I freely admit I was born in New Jersey.  We migrated closer to civilization when I was a few months old, or so I'm told.  I retain nothing of the silly accent, poor driving habits, or driving in circles.  Oddly enough, I found two items of Jersey interest in the news today.  See if you get the theme.....

A Lakewood, NJ girl died after falling into a septic tank.

It would seem that Trenton is out of toilet paper.

I'm not making this stuff up - just reporting it.

Other News

Here's a guy who liked the smell of meth and napalm in the morning.

Iowa senator Chuck Grassley is mad as hell at the History Channel.  Why?  Because they don't show enough history.  Who says your tax dollars are wasted?

A Los Angeles little league team will play this season, thanks to the generous donation of $1200 from the Jet Strip Gentleman's Club.   Go team!

Rick Santorum told a man attending his event that if he wanted limited government, he should vote for Ron Paul [video at link].   There you go - even a broken clock is right twice a day.

President Giveaway promised that Obamacare would cost $900 billion over ten years.  The Congressional Budget Office states $1.76 trillion over ten years.  It's not that he lied - he just repeatedly misstated the truth.  Hey, let's get the government involved in healthcare.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  Right?  [Medicare.  Social Security.  Medicaid.   The Banks.   Government Motors.]