Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The President Bit my Cat

I awoke with a familiar lump on the pillow next to me.  Unfortunately it was the incorrect end of the dog. I suppose I should expect that from an animal that can sleep uphill.

My wife and I are going to do one of those scholarly papers on insomnia and how you can get it from your spouse.  She gave up sleep for lent about forty years ago and has never looked back.  I caught some bizarre form of insomnia that makes me tired at 10pm then wakes me up around 3:30am.  This has been going on for a week and no one knows why.

Speaking of insomnia, my wife got a sausage and pepper sandwich that she raved about and brought home half.  When she went to finish it, the sausage was missing.  Why?  Because the cat ate it.  Of course the cat ate it - what did you expect?   This is the same cat who won't leap up on the counter to get his own food but has no trouble eating mine.  He has progressed to showing affection in a vain attempt to get me to feed him.  When I come home from work, the dog is incredibly happy to see me.  The cat now apes the dog, in hopes I will get up and feed him.  He doesn't really care for me more than he did last week.

We recently realized that our entire house runs on the Cat Food Principle.  I am permitted to work because I can afford cat food.  My wife is permitted to leave the house because she brings home the cat food.  The cat get his bowl filled, eats most of it, then the dog hoovers up the rest, spending minutes licking out every last morsel of his favorite substance.  He will stand at the kitchen door, waiting for it to open and let him at the precious cat food.

New Jersey

I freely admit I was born in New Jersey.  We migrated closer to civilization when I was a few months old, or so I'm told.  I retain nothing of the silly accent, poor driving habits, or driving in circles.  Oddly enough, I found two items of Jersey interest in the news today.  See if you get the theme.....

A Lakewood, NJ girl died after falling into a septic tank.

It would seem that Trenton is out of toilet paper.

I'm not making this stuff up - just reporting it.

Other News

Here's a guy who liked the smell of meth and napalm in the morning.

Iowa senator Chuck Grassley is mad as hell at the History Channel.  Why?  Because they don't show enough history.  Who says your tax dollars are wasted?

A Los Angeles little league team will play this season, thanks to the generous donation of $1200 from the Jet Strip Gentleman's Club.   Go team!

Rick Santorum told a man attending his event that if he wanted limited government, he should vote for Ron Paul [video at link].   There you go - even a broken clock is right twice a day.

President Giveaway promised that Obamacare would cost $900 billion over ten years.  The Congressional Budget Office states $1.76 trillion over ten years.  It's not that he lied - he just repeatedly misstated the truth.  Hey, let's get the government involved in healthcare.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  Right?  [Medicare.  Social Security.  Medicaid.   The Banks.   Government Motors.]

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