Thursday, March 8, 2012

Word(s) of the Day

[WARNING: the following post contains Words That Big People Use.  Act accordingly.]

I am highly agitated.
I am also highly agitating but you'd have to ask someone who knows me.

Why am I agitated?
Because I discovered while texting that blowjob is not included in my Android dictionary.  This is a glaring omission that cannot go unchallenged.  I am personally going to call Mr. Android (Andy) today and have him address this grievous oversight.

I was so incensed that I needed to discuss this with a few of my closest colleagues at work.  Oddly enough, among them is not the head of Human Resources.  Off I went to see my friends in benefits.

me:  Did you know that blowjob is not in the Android text dictionary?  I am outraged.
payroll1: Really?
payroll2: [giggles]
me:  I also discovered that cunnilingus is missing.
payroll1: [blank stare]
payroll2: cunn-WHAT?  cunni-WHAT?
me: sssssssssssshhhhhhhhh.
payroll2: cunni-WHAT?
me: you might not want to say that loudly.
payroll2:  I dunno.  I don't get it.
me:  Here, I'll write it out for you.  Gotta sticky? [writes]
payroll2: cunn... cunniLIGIT?  cunniLIGIT?  What's CUNNILIGIT?
me:  ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh.
payroll2: cunni...?  [to payroll1] You know this word?
me:  It means [explains].
payroll2:  Oh. Oh.  Ewwwwwwwwww.
payroll1: no fair.  We don't know that word.
payroll2:  It's a pretty long word for that.  How are we supposed to know?
payroll1:  Yeah, we don't know that word.  [to payroll3] You know this word?
payroll3:  cunni... CUNNI....
me:  ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh.
payroll1: You know what it means?
payroll3:  Ummm... has something to do with sex but I don't know what.
me:  It means [explains].
payroll3: [slaps sticky note on crotch of her jeans.]  I'll Google it.
me: You think I'm making this stuff up?  I can spell too.
payroll3: some guy asked me that once but he shortened it.
payroll1:  You expect us to know words like that?
me:  I thought a lot of people knew what it was.
payroll2: I doubt it.
me:  Shall we poll some of your neighbors?
payroll1:  Perhaps not.

Tomorrow's Word:  coitus


  1. Wasn't that from a Disney movie song?

    Supercunnilingusfelatiocoitus or something like that?

  2. Either you're making it up (you ARE clever like that) or payroll 1,2,& 3 are <12 years old (or perhaps Quakers)