[WARNING: the following post contains Words That Big People Use. Act accordingly.]
I am highly agitated.
I am also highly agitating but you'd have to ask someone who knows me.
Why am I agitated?
Because I discovered while texting that blowjob is not included in my Android dictionary. This is a glaring omission that cannot go unchallenged. I am personally going to call Mr. Android (Andy) today and have him address this grievous oversight.
I was so incensed that I needed to discuss this with a few of my closest colleagues at work. Oddly enough, among them is not the head of Human Resources. Off I went to see my friends in benefits.
me: Did you know that blowjob is not in the Android text dictionary? I am outraged.
payroll1: Really?
payroll2: [giggles]
me: I also discovered that cunnilingus is missing.
payroll1: [blank stare]
payroll2: cunn-WHAT? cunni-WHAT?
me: sssssssssssshhhhhhhhh.
payroll2: cunni-WHAT?
me: you might not want to say that loudly.
payroll2: I dunno. I don't get it.
me: Here, I'll write it out for you. Gotta sticky? [writes]
payroll2: cunn... cunniLIGIT? cunniLIGIT? What's CUNNILIGIT?
me: ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh.
payroll2: cunni...? [to payroll1] You know this word?
me: It means [explains].
payroll2: Oh. Oh. Ewwwwwwwwww.
payroll1: no fair. We don't know that word.
payroll2: It's a pretty long word for that. How are we supposed to know?
payroll1: Yeah, we don't know that word. [to payroll3] You know this word?
payroll3: cunni... CUNNI....
me: ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh.
payroll1: You know what it means?
payroll3: Ummm... has something to do with sex but I don't know what.
me: It means [explains].
payroll3: [slaps sticky note on crotch of her jeans.] I'll Google it.
me: You think I'm making this stuff up? I can spell too.
payroll3: some guy asked me that once but he shortened it.
payroll1: You expect us to know words like that?
me: I thought a lot of people knew what it was.
payroll2: I doubt it.
me: Shall we poll some of your neighbors?
payroll1: Perhaps not.
Tomorrow's Word: coitus
Wasn't that from a Disney movie song?
ReplyDeleteSupercunnilingusfelatiocoitus or something like that?
Either you're making it up (you ARE clever like that) or payroll 1,2,& 3 are <12 years old (or perhaps Quakers)
ReplyDelete