Thursday, March 15, 2012

Hermetically-Sealed Pet Behavior

My wife called me at work today.  This is not particularly abnormal, other than when she's calling every fifteen minutes and driving me nuts (further).  By about the third call, she asked if I wanted to know what my furry child had gotten into this time.

I said I'd bite.

To set the background properly, my mother has a thing about leftovers.  They go into their own hermetically-sealed container.  The next time, they get heated up and if there is still some left over, they get put into their own, slightly smaller hermetically-sealed container.

She apparently freezes long rolls.  She gave some to my wife the other night.  They were individually wrapped, then placed into their hermetically-sealed bag, for placement in the freezer.  My wife put them on the table.  My furry child ate them.  All.  After unwrapping each one.

I suppose we should consider ourselves fortunate that he left us the wrappers.  I had a friend with a pair of Samoyeds who were like goats: they had to be x-rayed after eating aluminum foil and pantyhose.


In local news, a lady came home to discover her neighbor sitting on her couch.  Watching porn.  In her panties.  At least he had the decency to leave her panties there when she politely requested he leave.


Remember When Deer Attack?  This is part two.  While a family was away on vacation, a deer crashed into their window.  This is worse than when the trees started killing skiiers!


While his rivals attracted hundreds, 5,000 people showed up to see Ron Paul in Illinois.  They had to change the venue to hold the additional people.   Yet somehow, the votes don't seem to register at the polls.  Wonder why....

Ron Paul beat Obama in a Rasmussen poll the other day.  You probably didn't hear about it.


It was only a matter of time until South Park took on the Toilet Security Agency....


Santorum pledges to vigorously crack down on internet porn.  It turns out he is also against sex with his wife and pledges to eliminate handguns, black people and everything except vanilla ice cream.


Jersey Shore could be wiped out by 2030.  Unfortunately they're talking about the shore, not the show. Get out your wallets, as we get ready to subsidize the rich people who bought shore property.  Again.

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