Your Reminder That, At the End of the Day, It's Night

 

RIP Gary Rossington (71). The last original member of Lynyrd Skynyrd. No cause listed, but had heart issues. He survived the plane crash that killed guitarist Steve Gains and his sister, Cassie, a backup vocalist, as well as others.

Stay away from trees, as deceased rock stars are falling out of them.

Rock is relatively new, and we're watching the originals pass. It's not going to get any better.

Chicago also has one original member. Great topic for a story.

Your love is like   a fire sandwich

Sour fight ends with FDA ruling soy and nut milks can still be called “milk”

Can also be called "I'm not drinking that crap!"

Today I identify as  Rapunzel  (with male pattern baldness)

• Do ya think I should put the adult warning on my guitar blog too? 
• Nah, guitar players are the furthest thing from adults to begin with....

You know that talkbox thing? Joe Walsh uses it on Rocky Mountain Way. Peter Frampton on Do You Feel (Like I Do) and Show Me the Way. Jeff Beck used it on Superstition, She's a Woman and others. Joe Perry on Sweet Emotion. Stevie Wonder, early in his career. A tube runs up to the guitar player's mouth and he uses it to make the guitar talk. Damn cool effect. You know what I mean, right? Some have black tubes and some clear and they run up the mic stand. Some run right off the amp and some run from the pedal board, being self-amplified. It was initially called the voice bag and was homemade, by a steel guitar player. Recognize it?

I have one.

AI is the new Corporate Buzzword - The Cloud<tm> is out!

Along those lines, future Fords could repossess themselves, drive away if you miss payments.

HONEY - SOMEBODY STOLE OUR CAR! You did pay the bill, right?

NSA’s “state secrets” defense kills lawsuit challenging Internet surveillance

In short, by not taking this case, the Court has allowed the NSA to keep up its warrantless surveillance of people on the internet.

The explanation is that the suit might expose 'state secrets.' State Secrets is the ultimate excuse that gets an organization away from any legal scrutiny. There is a case involving Area 51 (no aliens were hurt in the filing of the suit). People who worked at Area 51 were getting sick and dying. It was determined to be due to burning some materials. Doctors wanted to know what the materials were, so they could treat the employees. It went to court and was denied, due to State Secrets. And the employees continued to die. Just in case you needed to know what was truly important.

So the NSA can 'legally' continue to perform its illegal spying activities. Sadly ironic is that some of this is right out in the open; we know about it.

I find it safest to just assume the NSA is listening. In fact, as soon as something leaves your house electronically, they have it. Phone, email, fax; it doesn't matter. Don't forget Windows.

The government is completely out of control.This is not what the Founding Fathers envisioned.

Free energy would be here if we could harness it from them spinning in their graves.

• The greatest thing about being an (alleged) adult is that you can have more than 1 YooHoo juice box.

ThermionicTip 

When you forward a link to friends and family, even just to annoy them; if it's there, remove the question mark and everything to the right of it. It can refer back to you. One exception is YouTube.

West Virginia, Florida make moves to undermine science education

And on the ninth day, Gawd made the Bible Belt. He sincerely apologizes.

Any relief from the dems is good, but now we need relief from the reps. Meet the new boss - same as the old boss. There was a large legal fight over this many years back; that's why it's not taught in public schools. It's a violation of the First Amendment, where the state is establishing a religion. They tried to slime their way around it by called God 'Intelligent Design' (faught and won before), but I hope the legal system will see it for what it is. Or the greatest friend to the First Amendment, the satanists, will intervene. Their mere presence causes rabid religionists to back off. "If your religion is allowed in, so is ours."

Mind you, Pastafarians can't get their pictures on drivers licenses with the ceremonial colander on their heads.  -  the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is not recognized as a religion. Hey, my cult is every bit as valid as yours. R'amen.

In case anybody hasn't noticed, there are real problems in public schools: we're graduating illiterates. But it's more important to get the Christian viewpoint in than do the Christian thing and help children.

Mainstream or Pr0n

This is the exclusive ThermionicEmissions game where the reader picks whether the 2 movies or tv shoes are mainstream or pr0n.  No looking it up on the web - that's cheating.

1.  Women in Prison
2.  Puss in Boots

Mystery sphere found on beach perplexes Japan

It's a big ole concrete sphere they had the Bomb Squad check out first. It's not explosive, it's hollow, and it's not terrorists or aliens.

It could be:

• a volleyball for extremely large aardvarks
• a way of gently persuading people that you're correct. Always.
• Yoko Ono's 'art'. It's called The Square. If you come near it, it says "EEEEEEEEEEEEE" 
• a remnant from the days of the Greek God, Testiklees.

I'm listen to this Buddy Guy song called Cognac. 

The real fun is listening to his guest guitarists. The first is Jeff Beck. Buddy says, "Take it, Beck." Jeff unleashes hell upon the blues tune. This happens a 2nd time. Then Buddy says, "Keith Richards." Keith was either surprised or saying to himself, "Jesus, I can't follow that!" Then Keith does his thing, but it's not the best he's played.

You cannot follow Jeff Beck.

Conversations with my dog

Me: why do you bring your mom dead mice?

Her: to thank her for adopting me and spoiling me to death

Me: but why a mouse?

Her: She didn't seem to enjoy the rabbit head

I was asked to do one of those Self-Assessment test things at work. I don't recommend it. I'm looking at these questions I can't answer. How do I rate myself? Isn't that supposed to be my boss' job? What if I fill it out and he laughs at my answers? This is like the adult version of report cards. lefty rates himself advanced in personal relations? lefty can't even relate to his wife, no less his coworkers. His own family barely recognizes his existence. Maybe he's just being funny.

I decided to give my boss a break and not divulge my plan to rid the company of useless operating systems. Actually, I held it back so his boss didn't see it. The rest of the questions didn't get any better.

Leadership: lefty couldn't get his team to follow him into the kitchen for free donuts. He has all the leadership ability of a cabbage. He wanted to be a supervisor, but then remembered he hates people.

Politics: lefty was absent the day internal political sense was handed out. As well as several days before and after. On the bright side, you know you'll get the unvarnished truth when you ask him a question. His political sense is approximately equal to Oprah's intake moderation.

Teamwork: lefty is great with his team, so long as they do exactly as he says. However, Management expressed interest in his 'seeking team consensus via mousetrap' method.

Work Ethic: he has one. It is very small and requires frequent naps. He does manage to mute his mic before the snoring starts.

Inventiveness: lefty frequently comes up with different and better ways to accomplish things. Unfortunately he comes up with them after 2am then calls his boss to go over them. Sometimes he goes over ideas with the boss' wife, who also puts up with him well. He is invited to the next family barbecue, halfway across the country. at the North Pole.

Comportment: Frankly, this is where it all goes to hell. Is there any way we can have this item removed from the assessment? lefty's behavior can best be described in one word: atrocious. Apparently this word has been used throughout his entire life to describe him. He never really kills anybody, no matter how many times he threatens. The anonymous emails to the CIO about dropping Windows for a real operating system did not go over as well as he thought they would. He seems to believe that because none of his coworkers speak up in meetings, it's his job to fill all available silence. While coworkers are sometimes impressed with his impressions of barnyard animals, they don't really like him when he's serious (once a month), even if his ideas are good. His unique brand of humor tends to push his team to one-up each other, at which point the planning meeting turns into 30 minutes of Your Mama and dead baby jokes. He vacillates between Good Influence and We should probably not invite him to the next meeting.

Would you recommend a raise: Yes. Once every 5 or 10 years. Any more frequently and you're just  encouraging him.

Overall, how would you rate him?   

1. Yes
2. Mostly Present.
3. Wouldn't let my wife or daughter within three states of him
4. All of the above

UFO THEATER

The Dance of the UFO/UAP Thingies Continues....

The Pentagon has no plans to release images of unidentified objects from recent shootdowns.

right next to: Excessive secrecy could undermine US efforts to evaluate unidentified flying objects, experts warn.

This is sadly very funny. Ok, somewhat ironically funny - is that better?

Excessive secrecy is what got us here in the first place. The government holds on to ALL of the data and guards it with your life. Now we have yet another Official Group studying things, and the Pentagon isn't interested in showing even pictures of the objects, not to mention the objects themselves. Here are 3 possible reasons for keeping everything under wraps:

1. it's extraterrestrial because they won't show us
2. it's withheld because it's from Raytheon, not the Pleiades
3. they really are that stupid and just don't release a thing
4. China now has naked pictures of the Bidens
5. at over $450,000 per missile, some company is getting astoundingly rich(er)

Didja think the new investigative group would blow the whole thing wide open? The only thing they're blowing open is the cost of the program.

The only image cleared for release was the one we all heard about: the Chinese balloon.

spokesperson for the Office of the Secretary of Defense told The Debrief. “No other aerial images have been released – and we do not have any additional information to provide at this time.”

We have information, we're just not providing it. 

Did I mention that spy planes, along with most armed forces planes, have cameras? There are miles of film, going back past the 1940s, with the Foo Fighters (before Dave Grohl was born).  This means there's a lot of UFOs on film. Where's the film?

The cover story is hilarious: an amateur balloon group lost their balloon. Pentagon isn't directly saying this is the complete story, but they're hinting that it is the complete and full story. I have to give this particular explanation/lie an F. Can't they make something up that has just a little more creativity to it? They even say the balloon's activity was consistent with hobby balloons. Need I remind you the pilot said the object was octagonal and not a balloon? This was on the officially released tape. Maybe the pilot of the F-22 just had no idea what he was seeing but the Pentagon did. Yeah, let's go with that. How many other times has this happened with hobby balloons? Oops.

Although whatever was shot down had been characterized as unidentified flying objects, U.S. officials have been quick to assert these were not “UFOs” in the sense they were believed to have belonged to extraterrestrials.

We don't know what they are, but they are absolutely definitely positively not extraterrestrial. We can't even find the debris but trust us, they weren't extraterrestrial.  After 9-11, any unknown disturbance was 'not terrorism,' regardless of what it was.

“[T]hese were not UFOs. We are tracking them as objects, and I know that there have been characteristics of one of them that appears to be like a balloon, but these were commercial, we believe,” Deputy Pentagon Press Secretary Sabrina Singh said during a press briefing on February 22. 

Hee hee, she's funny. They were 'objects.' And they were being tracked. Just as I said, NORAD sees everything, then our radar over the US does.

 “There is no — again, no indication of aliens or extraterrestrial activity,” said White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

Wow, a White House Press Secretary and a deputy Pentagon Press Secretary. They can't coordinate this much outgoing information about anything except UFOs.

“Again, there is no indication of aliens or [extra]terrestrial activity with these recent takedowns.

Nor is it terrorism. We want to be clear on this.

Even a National Security Council spokesperson popped by to re-reiterate that he didn't think people needed to worry about aliens and there wasn't anything more to be said.

Let's go back to grade school. shall we? UFO - unidentified flying object. That's it. They changed the handle to UAP - unidentified aerial phenomenon, probably to shut down the stigma. Yet these bright folks up top still equate UFO with off-planet technology. Technically its no longer unidentified, because you know the Pentagon knows what it is. We just don't have a Need to Know.

-- To be clear, I don't know any more than you do. IF what we heard is true, it's probably ours. Let's give the aliens credit for building craft that can evade our fighter planes. These things were not doing anything our planes couldn't. I can't tell you. I'm just reading and calling BS where I see it. TIP: when something big happens, copy or record any account you can. Only after things start getting out does the spin go into effect, so you're likely to hear some truth in early accounts.

Just Quit While You're Behind

Your love is like   juggling scalpels

Nancy Pelosi reportedly summons priests to exorcise home of evil spirits

Then where will she live?

Today I identify as  both sexes - now I can finally go fsck myself

Priest says he went to Hell, wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy

He had a Near Death Experience. But instead of seeing deceased family, he went to hell. What does that tell you?

  Maybe there IS a place for priests in the afterlife.  

When Students Change Gender Identity, and Parents Don’t Know

We have seen a lot of abdication of responsibility on the part of parents, to 'teach their children well.' They prefer to give it over to the Nanny State.  It seems to have backfired, after 15 year old Roseann started calling herself Johnny (names have been changed for no reason at all). The school ate it up, the teachers all called her Johnny, and Roseann/Johnny get to use the boys' room. The only small problem was that Johnny 'forgot' to tell his parents. 

Those must be some parents. Perhaps they didn't notice the huge bulge in her pants (her vibrator is there so she gets used to having a penis), and the breasts that weren't as bouncy or evident as last year. They didn't even notice the cursing at them, the expanded use of the middle finger, and the new phrase "Blow me." The one item of relief is that due to her looking longingly at women, they now know she isn't a lesbian. This is a double positive: in Southern California (where else?) it's much more fashionable to have a transgendered child than a lesbian. Lesbian children are so 2010s.

\

Conversations with my dog 

Me: when you go outside, why do you bark at other dogs?

Her: to protect you.

Me: from what? Them barking at me? They're not going to attack me.

Her: how do you know? 

---------------------------------------- 

Me: why do you keep barking at them after they stop?

Her: I have to have the last bark.

If you are a Twitter user and you prefer non-Twitter programs to get access, you're already screwed, or you will be soon. I don't know where the order came from (guess) but it was claimed that 3rd party apps were violating terms of service (the terms of service were so secret. they wouldn't say what they were). Finally the developer agreement was released, which said you cannot connect if your software is intended to reproduce something like Twitter.  So all 3rd party software is NFG. If yours hasn't died yet, it will soon. This is all part of Elon Musk's clever plan to drive everybody away from Twitter.

Bringing cakes into the office is killing your colleagues, says UK food watchdog boss

Our wacky friends in UK government are at it again, this time making it safe to work. Did you know you're killing your coworkers? Can you live with the guilt? How long have you wanted to kill them? Did you think you could do it with a simple cake?

Professor Susan Jebb believes that people cannot rely on their personal willpower alone when society is constantly bombarding us with junk food.

So we, the government, need to step in to protect them from this fatal form of coworker kindness. It would do us no good to tell the potentially dead to keep their fat friggin' hands off the cake, no way. 

Surely you can't be serious: Airbus close to landing fully automated passenger jets

Getting on back of a motorcycle has one small advantage: you'll never see the vehicle that is going to kill you.

Getting in a fully-automated car would be sheer terror, the first 137 times. Especially if you like to drive from the passenger or back seat, using your mouth. "I'd turn on Market Street if I were you." [Silence. No turn].  SLOW DOWN!  [Silence. Not slowing.]   Ok, so it would be fun for the other passengers. But I couldn't just sit there with nothing sitting at the wheel (if there were a wheel at all). It requires more trust than I have in my body. And the bodies of my extended family. And all the illegal aliens.

All you have to do is read the headlines (or this blog) lately for news of how well fully automated cars are doing (good, if you like crashes and death) and how safe they are (very much so, as long as you're not IN the car).  Now.... let's think about PLANES.

Much like cars, you have to take a serious leap of faith, and I'm not so good with faith. You also want to avoid taking a leap from 20,000 feet  (3 grams Canadian). Call me old fashioned, but I really really require a minimum of two people in the cockpit at all times. Any fewer tends to lower my confidence in the integrity of the flight. It would still be safe if there were only 1 in the cockpit. I watched all 21 seasons of Air Crash Investigation and I can fly planes, as well as tell you why they crashed. But I'd rather stay in my tiny little airplane seat and let the professionals take care of the flying. And when I say professionals, I mean male and female meat machines of the human variety. We The People have had waaay too many problems with computers to trust them to fly a plane. I alone have had so many computer issues that my mere presence on the plane would cripple it. Heaven forbid if the plane were run by Windows; you'd have to reboot in mid-air! Or it would insist you're getting an update, so don't use the computer for anything else.

It might be funny, though, to record a tv show around people coming into the cockpit to talk with the captain...

[passenger, sloshed]  Hey.... hey.... you... are you cap... cap..hic... captain? Oh, you don't don't wannnna tawk to me? You too goofer me? Well SHCREW YOU. And YOU. And You.

[little Billy] Hey Captain, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

[crazy shrieking lady] HEY - THERE'S NOBODY FLYING THE PLANE...HEY.... ARE THEY ALL MISSING? ARE WE GOING TO DIE WHEN THE PLANE HITS THE GROUND? DON'T PANIC!

[air marshall] I heard we are being hijacked. THERE you are! [shoots] [over p.a.] Uhh, is there anybody here who knows how to fly a plane? I just shot the auto-pilot.

It pains me to inject reality into my postings, but planes can already pretty much fly themselves and land. But the pilots tell the computer when it's allowed to. Kinda like being married.

Boston Dynamics’ Atlas robot grows a set of hands, attempts construction work

Fails when it refuses to whistle or harass women walking by.

 The US has given Ukraine billions and billions of dollars in financial and military aid. Recently their president visited the US to ask for more. NATO is now sending aid, meaning Ukraine will get even more US military aid. After NATO's announcement, their president came back to America and asked Congress to please stop. While they appreciate the money, the military aid is getting out of hand. There are now 2.5 Abrams tanks per citizen. Aside from training, the largest problem is having nowhere to park them. The citizens are complaining that they don't fit in a standard parking space. After building a wall of tanks, the military isn't sure what to do with them. They have appealed to Putin for space to park them.

On the bright side, the tanks have 'inadvertently'mowed down all the parking meters in the city, ending the reign of the Ukraine Parking Authority (if you think Putin is evil....).  The tanks have created jobs, because they tear up the streets and somebody has to rebuild them. Independent contractors see a boom in business, widening parking spaces. The Corps of Engineers have been tasked with rebuilding multi-level parking garages, to allow the extra weight of tanks. You haven't lived til you've been crushed by a falling tank. Auto customization is taking off, putting comfortable seats and 5.2 stereo sound in the tanks, as well as custom paint jobs. The army thought it was going to do well, removing the .50 caliber machine guns, rocket launchers, and ICBMs, but Ukranians are keeping them.  The effect on global warming will be swift and severe, with all tanks using diesel fuel. The people are thrilled with their new tanks, and replied "Fsck the climate - we have tanks!" The joke will be on them when they discover the Abrams tanks only get 1.7 mpg.  Then they'll riot in the streets, burning American flags.

I complain about the weather. Often. If you lived here, you would too (unless you were a vampire or a toad).  My weather app wasn't kidding when it told me it would be 3 weeks til we saw sun. We've taken to not bothering to open the curtains. Why watch the gloom? Perhaps I can pay somebody to draw a nice sunny scene on the curtains, so we can pretend we have sun. But its not all the same 246 individual shades of gray; last night it threw us a curveball and sleeted. Today it's shade 237 of gray, with more than adequate rain.   If I didn't have family here.....

Florida, God's waiting room, has just as much humidity, plus hurricanes. So does Texas. It's cold in the northeast and there's a high suicide rate in the northwest because the weather is like here.  Southern California is nice, but we can't live on the planet of California; the governor is not in his right mind, and people had to vote him in, so neither are they. Since our main pizza place changed owners, the pizza sucks, so we're almost ready to move. Damn pizza was like a religion. People came from all around the city (and country) to sample it. Now we're left religionless.... But if you brave the Planet of California and happen to be in Davis at the college, go to Woodstock's Pizza. Try to forget they have a whole wheat pizza.

Being married, there is not a lot of.... 

let me try again

Being married, I don't get...

no, that's not it

THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BOOM BOOM IN THE HOUSE. Or out of the house. Of course I'd say that - I'm a guy. So how lucky did I think I was when she walked up to me and pulled her pants down. I thought my entire month was made. 

And then she said....

Then she said...

Does this black and blue mark look better than before?

Don't laugh - now I have to go change my underwear.

Is it safe to play Jeff Beck music now? My mind still plays it all the time, but I haven't listened to it on purpose, outside my mind. The initial shock has worn off; now there's just a hole. Don't you hate it when people 'share their feelings' with you? 

The truly sad part of this, even if you don't know who Jeff Beck is, is that he is one of the originals, from the 1960s. This was the beginning of rock, brought along by the 4 Liverpudlians. 60 years later, the originals are dropping off. Our heroes are in their 70s. I used to joke that we had to get Jeff Beck a security team, to make sure nothing happens to him. They're probably not all that effective against bacterial meningitis. So our favorites are getting up there. And dropping off. You've been watching it for a while. It ain't gonna get any better.

Jeff Beck

 This is so sad....

Jeff Beck (78) died of bacterial meningitis.

Don McLean sings "The day the guitar died"

Jeff is simply one of the best guitarists ever. He constantly kept things interesting by going in unexpected directions, like classical, Johnny Depp, the 2 ladies he found in a local pub..  He always had a variety of players onstage, including a lot of women, who got the gig with their talent. A few albums included Jan Hammer, formerly of the Mahavishnu Orchestra. Jan went on to do music for Don Johnson's show, set in Florida.

Early Jeff Beck came via the Yardbirds, which also gave us Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton.

Next was the Jeff Beck Group, with a little known, spiky-haired singer who was so nervous, he hid backstage. You know him as Rod Stewart.

The next Jeff Beck Group was a 5 man talented bunch, with Cozy Powell on drums. They ran 2 albums, 

Then BBA - Beck Bogert Appice, a power trio that also didn't last long.

then Jeff was largely solo. Only he preferred tinkering with his hot rods, like Billy Gibbons, to touring, I believe they were good friends, playing together a lot live and Jeff appeared on an album. He and Rod got together every now and then. I think they were planning something soon.

He had a rockabilly phase and tour.

The solo albums were incredible, with different ideas, and just got better as Jeff got older.

Listen to my favorite album, Blow by Blow   - Stevie Wonder appears, uncredited, produced by George Martin (the Beatles)

My favorite song, also from Blow by Blow - Cause We Ended as Lovers (by Stevie Wonder)

Look on YouTube for Live at Ronnie Scott's. An incredible appearance in a small club. Jimmy Page does a walk-on. At one point you can see Robert Plant in the audience.

When Jimi Hendrix first came to England, he started playing at clubs, generating a reputation for being a wild man on the guitar. The Beatles, The Stones, Eric Clapton, and Jeff all went to see him, scared from what they heard about him. They were the Big Guns. They left wide-eyed.

Nothing to worry about, Jeff.

GODDAMMIT  they were my heroes. I learned most of their songs. I performed Hendrix songs in my first high school bands. I spent a lot of time trying to get Jeff's lyricism and bent note phrasing. It was never going to happen, but I had fun. He inspired so many musicians, starting in the early 60s. I tried to get him to sign my #1 guitar, but he's pretty reclusive after concerts. I even called the concert's sponsor.

At least we still have his music. Eight Grammys, from when a Grammy wasn't decided by deaf people. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with the Yardbirds and solo, back before Donna Summer, Eminem, and Tupac were inducted.

RIP, Lord of the Strings

Jeff Beck and Johnny Depp, Red Bank, NJ 10-11-22

 For some reason, the driving directions were excellent. It was, as they say, the nut behind the wheel that was the problem.  Well, that and the Neighborhood Beautification Program, that cleaned all those nasty street signs from view. Garden State Parkway has a new program called PAY TOLL EVERY 100'. There was one cash lane, 70 cents, coins only, and you BETTER have exact amount or the Staties will stomp on your vital parts. Route 173 goes East to the show and East coming back. They call it The Magical Highway. And yiz betta not ask why. if you knows what's good fo yuh. You watched duh Sopranos - you unduhstand.

The Count Basie Hall, renamed to Large Corporate Writeoff Count Basie Hall was very nice, in an old school kinda way. Comfortable seats, no bodies on the floor, and the absolutely horrid Cokes were only $3; we were almost better getting one of the 53 beers or wines. In fact, soda wasn't even listed on the menu boards. They like to keep it a secret. It was a nice, medium size hall, similar to The Keswick (Glenside, PA), with a balcony and generally good seating. After the better part of 3 days, we finally hit jackpot: 11th row, slightly left. That's Jeff's main area. If you sat right, he didn't visit you too much.

For the geekballs like me, Jeff's stacks had changed a bit. Where it used to be primarily Marshalls, the Magnatone was up front, sitting on a Marshall turned backwards(?). There were 2 small cabinets facing out, 1 mic'd. He played 2 Strats: a rosewood board and a reverse headstock rosewood board. On the other side of the stage was a tiny Marshall combo. It was roughly the size of the "5". Rhonda Smith, bass, had an Aguilar stack. There was a small keyboard spot and a monstrous drum kit, so large and shiny, it looked like a Judas Priest show was ready to break out. Earlier intelligence had the Irish lady on cello, who toured with him years back, and Vinnie Coliauta on drums. Jeff has had a lot of serious drummers, but Vinnie is in a class by himself.... he wouldn't have played with Frank Zappa if he weren't. Funny, that. As the first note sounded, the first thing I said out loud was, "That's NOT Vinnie Coliauta," and it wasn't, unless he lost much of his mass and adopted a huge head of long blonde hair. I don't know what the keyboardist's or drummer's names were, but I called the drummer Hurricane. She was a mass of long blonde hair. The fan behind her had her hair blowing all over the place and she was more than animated, hence Hurricane. The Cheap Sunglasses would make Billy Gibbons smile. Hurricane was a mass of hair and hands, using sheer physicality to play. In other words, she beat the living hell out of her drums. And she was good. She was a little over-the-top heavy, but definitely a good drummer. She also mimic'd a drum machine several times. Fun to watch and listen to.

Speaking of watching, the audience was old. Gray hair everywhere. And why not - Jeff's been around since the 60s. But there were also some really high maintenance ladies, whose main occupation seemed to be selfies. and strutting up and down the aisles. A few rows ahead, I spotted a tall, pretty lady, with long hair. Wife was having a blast, people-watching. She counted the number of times a couple of them were up and back (There and Back). There is nothing like 50-somethings in black leather, except maybe 60-somethings in black leather. There was one particularly.... different,... fellow who could not keep his butt in his seat. I was thinking about asking Security if he could be temporarily stapled there for the remainder of the concert, so everyone around could see. Minutes later, Wife asked me if 'tranny' was still acceptable. Uh-oh. Whatever the accepted term was, there was a gaggle of them in front of us. How does she spot this kind of thing? I had to ask where. They didn't have it tattooed on the back of their heads. Ever the people-watcher, she said there were a lot of ladies with Adam's Apples. Oh. Just to make the night more interesting, one of them was the tall, pretty lady I saw. Good for her- she's obviously doing it the right way. Very fortunately, I'm married. Because you don't want to find out about that the hard way, so to speak. All in all, it was great to see a sold-out show, with all sorts of people, except perhaps young'uns. 

Jeff did most of a set. This wasn't my favorite Beck concert... it felt a little.... loose. But his worst day is still miles above anybody else. He was mugging it up, pointing and smiling. The playing was pure Beck. It sounded a hair different, probably due to the amp change. Not a ton of pedal-play except for a Leslie-emulator (at last read, it was an H&K Tube Rotosphere - I love mine), a trem, and probably some gain. The keys were a minor concern, at least according to the sound guy. They came up a bit more when sequenced bits were needed, whether or not they were sequenced. I have some video of a few tunes, including my favorite: Cause We Ended as Lovers. Funny, my phone has no trouble with blasting audio, but good luck with pictures. In the 11th row, we had an unobstructed view (except for staple-ass) and it was clear and crisp. On the camera, it looked like we were across the street. I'm glad I got the phone with the good camera. Everybody around me had no trouble.

Jeff then made a rare trip to the mic, mumbled a bit, and Johnny Depp came out. The audience went apeshit and stood throughout the rest of the set. His performance was pretty close to the album - he's not a bad singer. Unfortunately, this was a Jeff Beck concert (for us), so this was an interruption (sorry Johnny, it's your (pl) album). He had the whole bandana, hat, rings, stances thing down, which thrilled the audience to no end. It was kinda like a Springsteen concert: Bruce could stand there and defecate, and his fans would scream in joy, then faint. Depp left after a few songs, and the focus went back to Jeff. The stupid buggers in the audience only stood when Depp was on the stage, not when the master of the strings was solo. A Day in the Life was wonderful (won a Grammy!). Eventually Johnny came back, causing the ladies to go apoplectic, and stand again. Mrs lefty can't stand long, so we sat and watched the concert through everybody's phones. There was a single encore and we were off, once again touring New Jersey, due to lack of street signs. They played the previous night too, which was a first for Jeff, but I wonder what he thinks of his 'new found fame' now that he has a famous acting/divorcing/musical cohort. I think someone screamed a marriage proposal to Hurricane, the drummer, much to Jeff's amusement. After they left, a poor roadie came and collected everything that was lobbed up to Johnny onstage. This is probably his only function. In the Tom Jones tradition, there were probably hotel keys and phone numbers. And condoms.

Johnny Depp is the luckiest man on the planet. Good actor, lady-magnet, and now gets to play with Jeff friggin Beck. They'll probably write him in for president in the next election. And it was nice of Jeff to play in his band.

All in all, it was an enjoyable evening. Great seats, great musicianship.

Songs were spread throughout his career, starting at Blow by Blow (my favorite album), 2 from There and Back, Guitar Shop, nothing from Wired, and a few more recent tunes. If I were better with names, I'd list them. 

We will not miss him whenever he's near. It was a 2 hour drive. I might've stayed home, but Mrs lefty insisted. When non-musicians will do anything possible to see great musicians, there's something there. Eric Johnson is her favorite and she loved Robin Trower recently, without knowing a single song of his. I knew she was mine at her apartment, where I found a Jeff Beck album in her pile.

the mighty Rhonda Smith, soloing

"Hurricane" with Cheap Sunglasses

isn't that the pirate guy?

Jeff Beck, playing in the Johnny Depp band

She's Got a Missile Silo in Her Pants

 

Your love is like  nostril jam

• There's very little going on in marital relations lately. Wife says it's supply chain issues.

Today I identify as  a gay priest who says homosexuals will burn in hell

Home That Washed Into Atlantic Ocean Still Worth $380,000, Zillow Says

• prime ocean view!
• easy access to the beach
• local parking and boating
• fish from your bedroom!
• easy conversion to water power
• sit on the roof and get your feet wet
• swim Move right in!

I got really excited looking at the tv guide, until Wife said, "No, Naked and Afraid is not pr0n."

Stevie Wonder originally wrote Superstition for Jeff Beck. When Berry Gordy (Motown Records) heard it, well... it went on Stevie's record first anyway. Beck did it with BBA (Beck Bogart & Appice), in a different kind of funky.

My favorite song (Cause We've Ended as Lovers) off my favorite album (Blow by Blow) was another Stevie Wonder song, which Beck instrumentalized. Sorry Stevie, Jeff's got this one.

Leaders at San Jose church confirm they conducted ritual to rid 3-year-old of ‘evil spirits,’ leading to her death

You should also avoid this church for treatment of

• Gay
• The Flying AIDS
• splinters
• anything inside or outside the anus
• forgetting to take the trash out
• atheism
• death
• Catholicism
• dandruff

Pastor: "I am not guilty - it was God's will."

Depp Jam  

Today at the Depp-Heard trial the defense called their witnesses

• the guy who checked the tire pressure on Johnny's plane
• Heard's small flock of toenail painters
• the owner of Alaska's bicycle repair shop
• 2 guys in Cleveland who dive under water to look for guns and dead bodies
• the staff of Nebraska's only five-star-rated Circle K
• board members of the New Jersey Cocaine Guild
• the guy who puts vodka into cardboard boxes at Smirnoff's
• the shipping department at Clairol Hair Dye

Definitions

Trichotillomania: hair pulling

Deereotillomania: tractor pulling

Porkswordotillomania: penis pulling

Mmmmmotillomania: nipple pulling

Munt: 28, 30, or 31 days

Unwatchable: Gregg Allman performing on the Cher show in 1975

A UK charity says disabled children should be able to use playgrounds and some should be constructed. I agree, but would strongly caution against the slides, especially with wheelchairs.

• California's under 21 gun ban was struck down, citing the 2nd Amendment. Technically all gun bans are illegal. The 2nd Amendment simply affirms the natural right to bear arms.

Adidas is in trouble over UK ads that feature bare breasts. The images 'reduced women to body parts,' (unlike any other bra commercial, bladder leak underwear, clothing, or anything else). Meanwhile in America, 'intellectual curiosity' has men, and some women, eager to view the commercials to decide for themselves. 

The time has come to remove Chinese voices from global social media, according to Samir Saran, president of Delhi-based think tank Observer Research Foundation (ORF), a commissioner of The Global Commission on the Stability of Cyberspace, and a member of Microsoft's Digital Peace Now Initiative.

I see what he's talking about, but what of the innocent Chinese people? Shouldn't they have a voice? Social media also shows lifestyle and the ability to make friends. It's interesting  As with free speech in America, we take the bad with the good.

• Yeah, the new Dr. Who is black, but couldn't he be trans too? It makes the show look transphobic.

Twitter is now demanding my phone number. I've been on Twitter for quite a number of years without my number being involved. Ridiculous.

The PA election for governor is coming up. The only thing I can say now is thank God we'll be rid of Wolf (2nd term). That man singlehandedly closed businesses, ruined people, and made PA into the Nanny State it is today. 

This brings up a related topic. Both Senate candidate Kathy Barnette and gobernatorial candidate Doug Mastriano are republican and heavily Christian. I don't know about the democratic candidates, but Wolf is a democrat and I hate what he and local democrats have done to the state and city. I hate them almost as much as I hate the republicans. Obviously I'll vote straight libertarian, but if there's no candidate, I'd get stuck.  Being Christian republicans, they're anti-abortion, which I'm not. This may become important with Roe v Wade in the news.

My question is how the candidate's religion impacts doing their job. I don't care what their beliefs are, I just want the beliefs kept out of office. Anyone have any thoughts on religious politicians?

I have to draw the line somewhere. The other day I got a work email from the Office of Diversity, which wasn't caught by my email filters. I don't even care what it says - I won't read it. Nothing good can come from it. I also want a raise: if they can afford an Office of Diversity, they can afford to pay me more. I've been there for a number of years now, and I have yet to see a single incident of racism, lack of inclusion, not working well together, or general agita. We do what any good employee does; we work. We work hard. We work well. We work well as a team. We are an incredibly diverse company. We even have a ton of women, which isn't too common in IT. But none of it really matters. What matters is doing your job and doing it well. We are that.

aww, isn't that cute? the head child molester and his minions

Birthday Iguanas

 Happy birthday to Jeff Beck (77), ThermionicEmissions' favorite guitar player. One of the best ever.

Your love is like  hari kari

• Antivirus and professional crazy person John McAfee found dead by hanging in Spanish prison cell.
• In other words, he was Epsteined

Recently defrosted 24,000 year old microscopic organisms came back to life.

asked about Nancy Pelosi 

REVEALED: Google funded virus research carried out by Wuhan-linked scientist Peter Daszak's EcoHealth Alliance for over a decade

Oops 

WHO says delta is the fastest and fittest Covid variant and will 'pick off' most vulnerable

PANIC!

again

Work Badge Update 

Nobody knows anything and nobody has updated me.

SNAFU - Situation Normal, All Fscked Up

Car Update 

Wife spent 90 minutes on the phone trying to get it to the collision center, but nothing was in stone

I spent 30 minutes online, in one of those stupid Chat bubbles. Yes, the car is at the center, yes, we may rent a car, and yes, there is a reservation waiting. Yay us. Minor niggle: last time they told us no pets, the bastards. If Penny doesn't get to go on trips with her mommy, she sits by the door and pines until mommy returns.

So Mommy's going visiting and no one got me a babysitter. You never know what I'll get up to if I don't have adult supervision. I was thinking Sandra Bullock, but no one got in touch with her. People are failing to look after my interests like mad. Then again, I can stand near the entrance to a mall with Penny. Standing in public with a gorgeous dog is an incredible way to meet women babysitters. I'd need a lot of suntan lotion... maybe a number 97... my creamy white complexion barely sees the sun and I want to avoid melanoma. Maybe I can sell dog walks! People pay me to walk Penny. If I can get this going with mowing the lawn, my life will be complete.

So after the insurance made a 'reservation' with the car rental place that rhymes with Renterprise, we went to pick it up. You're going to love this: for the 2nd time this week, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY CARS to rent. I'm starting to wonder if Renterprise isn't a tax writeoff or cash laundering scheme for organized crime. It's not that I can identify this type of crime, it's just that they never have any cars. Dairy Queen seems to have ice cream every time I go there. So they'd never give anyone the impression that they're a high level money laundering scheme. No one would think that, because they perform the service they advertise. Whereas... Renterprise doesn't. I don't want to get all messed up in this kind of speculation, especially if it involves guys in 'interesting' suits, asking how I come about my information. 

Ya heeya, Vinnie? I'm not interested. I don't wanna know.

I'm no expert on these kinds of things but I think it would be easier to escape suspicion if you maintain the function mentioned on the sign out front; in this case, car rental.

If there are no cars (or ice cream), but there are a few people sitting behind desks, with dark hair and white powder on their noses, suspicious bulges in their suits, talking about Da Horses, people might start to suspect.

I want you to know, Vinnie, that I am not interested in what you're doing there. Couldn't care less.

I just want to rent a car. If you aren't doing that, let me know and I'll find some other place that does. I got no beef wit yuh. My trash is always picked up on time, and for that I'm grateful.

• a sausage sandwich committed suicide by plunging to the floor. Ever vigilant, the dog got it. Now she's walking around with a 6" roll as a trophy. She will probably carry this around for a week. We have no idea why. Picture a small spaniel snout with a 6" wide roll, looking like some weird genetic mustache screwup. Hopefully I can get a picture.

Today I identify as  a custom mouse cursor in the shape of one of those lizards that eats children

The Linux Foundation has announced an open source voice recognition program. This means that soon, you will be able to talk to your phone without everything you say going to Google or Apple. This is what I've been waiting for. I really do want to be able to issue commands and dictate text with my voice. I'm just not willing to give more information to those institutions.

• Rocket Report: China to copy SpaceX’s Super Heavy?
• takes 2,000lbs off total weight, discovers wood doesn't work for liftoff

• Organisers of the annual Pride parade in New York City decided to exclude officers from walking the route in a bid to create a "safer space" for all participants.
• especially the criminals

The good news

Internet Explorer will be disabled in Windows 11

The bad news

Microsoft Edge won't be

More great libertarian points:

• Biden's new $1.2 trillion infrastructure plan includes $65B for universal broadband
• Yes, you heard right, Bidens historic grab of your income will include $65 billion for broadband connections for everybody.
• the original cash grab was $100 billion for broadband
• nobody paid for my broadband connection but me - if you want to pay for broadband for others, make it voluntary, Joe

A retired North Carolina engineer volunteered his professional opinion during a lawsuit, now the state says he’s in trouble for practicing engineering without a license.

You also need a license for hairdressing, driving, selling booze, and a multitude of other things, by state

Amazon's been really quiet lately - let's see what they're up to...

Amazon Tells Drivers 'Endorphins Are Your Friend' on Amazon Prime Day

eat breakfast, drink water, take breaks, stay positive, and stop for lunch.

[just not on our time]

Also suggest endorphin-enhancing supplements: vitamin B shots, fruit, meth

New type of ancient human discovered in Israel

ancient Amazon driver, still trying to get his load delivered for the day 

Lived alongside us 140,000 - 120,000 years ago

Asked for comment, Georgio Tsoukalis said 

Aliens!

when Jimi started playing in England, all sorts of famous people showed up. Famous guitar players left in tears. Clapton and Beck were humbled.

Is Bathing with Table Saws a Thing?

US, UK sign pact to share electronic evidence in criminal cases

This is called hiding in plain sight. It's also a legal restating of current and past policy.

Cheap android smartphones are expensive in privacy.
Can't upgrade android. Can't uninstall crapware. Location is stuck on.

DoorDash exposed 4.9 million users' personal data.
Go out and buy your own food, people.




Dear lefty

• Why is there air?
• So your penis doesn't fly away when you take a bath

I don't care who you are or where you live, there are 2 words that don't belong together: breakfast and burrito. The words go together like razorblades and hubcaps. It sounds pretty icky upon first hearing it. But, in trying to be open minded, you figure it has the same thing as other breakfasts. Then you realize you're just fooling yourself. Then your wife brings you one from a convenience store. Then you try it. Then you realize this was a patently ridiculous idea, as egg pieces parachute to your pants. Salsa? On eggs? No. I don't like sausage much, and the place is always out of ham or bacon. So I don't like it.

Now that I type this, I realize there's a hidden conspiracy: wife buys 2 sandwiches and gives me 1. It's disgusting. She gets to eat both of them.  I'm ok with a regular burrito for breakfast. Better yet, ice cream or a malt.




Today I identify as Bill Clinton - have a cigar!

• A few weeks back I said one thing we didn't want to hear ever again was 'game changer'. Apparently no one got the memo. Why do they taunt me so?

Yes, it's that time. Time to call the divorce lawyers. Yes, it's Pumpkin Spice Time.
This year's crop is over the top...

• pumpkin spice elephants
• pumpkin spice enemas
• pumpkin spice bagels
• pumpkin spice vacuums
• pumpkin spice pumpkin spice
• pumpkin spice babies (eat the babies!)

No thank you, I'd rather live in a world where no one uses turn signals... Hey!

• You'd never know it from the press, but Sir George Martin produced two Jeff Beck albums: Blow by Blow and Wired.

Hillary Clinton stripped a few gears recently, and referred to Tulsi Gabbard as a Russian asset. She also called Dan Rather, Superman, Led Zeppelin, and the dead Koch brother Russian assets.

Never one to back down, Tulsi referred to Hillary as a baby eater, a Dan Rather groupie, and Huma's sugar mama. Also, Satan's asset. Hillary got offended because she's nobody's asset - she IS Satan.




Vice has an article on Twitter and their moderation.
uh-oh

Twitter has an unflinching commitment to being a public space, where even highly offensive voices are allowed to be heard.

cut it out.

"There are times when we could simply disappear something. We don't do that,"

You are so full of excrement, your entire company is brown.

• Twitter denied the company purposefully made it harder for people to report tweets, and instead said it focused on making it easier to report tweets that legitimately required attention, while cutting down on the number of malicious reports, such as those from trolls abusing the reporting system.

really? I see open posts, calling for people to report someone's tweets because they don't like the message or the person.

• "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter." - Winston Churchill

Heroes of the Stupid

There's a new app that tells pilots when their plane has been hacked.
Right before they hit the ground.



SJW Invasions

New paper argues that sex robots should be programmed to make consent decisions (which could result in sex robots rejecting their owner's sexual advances) to prevent the normalization of non-consensual sex

Columbia's library building features the names of only male authors. After 3 decades of trying, these students have fixed that



[Space Station not optimized for women]
Can we take a moment to talk about optimizing and gender?

Do you see the blue bar on the floor? Astronauts can tuck their feet under that or grab hold of it to stabilize themselves.

Luca has his feet tucked under it. Jessica does not. [she can't see out the window]



Supporting Greta Thunberg is evidence of white supremacy, white privilege, and white power, activists claim.  So is reading this blog - you have been warned.



San Diego City College hosted a white supremacist seminar in early October, distributing flyers claiming that cultural appropriation, “racist mascots,” and “Make America Great Again” are instances of white supremacy.

Imaginary Interview: Jimmy Page

So far in our Imaginary Interview series, we've brought you... ummm... several imaginary interviews with high profile musicians. Today we're over the top, with legendary guitarist, studio man, rock star, and lover of underage groupies, Mr. Jimmy Page - James Patrick Page.

How are you, Sir?

Nah, don't call me that.

Aren't you a Sir?

Oh, yeah, call me that.

How are you, Sir?

Good.  You know, doing this, doing that, doing my wife.  Ave you seen er?

Well yes, I have.

Isn't she something?

Yes, I have.
She does art, doesn't she?

Yeah, somin like that. I have to go to galleries and stuff. I tell you - it's worse than touring with Plant, it is.

What's she - thirty-something?

Yeah, a bit long in the tooth. Might have to trade her in for a new model.

Yeah, she's like two of your old ones, isn't she?

Yeah, my solicitors have asked me not to comment on that.

Jimmy, Sir, what's it like to be a Rock God, in addition to a Guitar God? 

Well, we had no idea, did we? We were just doing it. Playin the music. Working in the studio and making it up as we went along.

Somebody said, in reference to your busy days as a studio guitarist, that at one point, you were on most of the top 30 hits in England.

That's funny - I was too busy to pay attention. It was the top 50, by the way.

At what point did you realize you provided the soundtrack for millions of lives?

What time is it? [snickers]

Was there pressure?

If you ask the press, yes. We were one of the most hated acts in the known universe, according to them. We were horrible. Fortunately the fans proved otherwise.

Everything went platinum, didn't it?

Well, not immediately. Sometimes it took as long as a month.

As Tom Petty said, the waiting is the hardest part.

I hate him. That voice. Wrote some good songs, but....

Even more important, you influenced generations of guitar players, from beginners on up. Your legacy will continue to influence players.

Ave you heard the radio lately? Any guitar would have to be an influence.

Ok, but you came from the Holy Yardbirds Triumverate: Page, Eric Clapton, and Jeff Beck. Could you be in any better company?

Have you ever seen my groupies?  Nah, just kidding. Eric..Eric can really put it forward. He's the authentic blues purist. I took it way out there and distorted it. Eric is the truest. Except for the Heroin Years. Cocaine was shit.

And Jeff Beck?

Jeff is a purist too. We just haven't found at what yet. Maybe he's a purist of the kind of stuff they play on Mars. Where he comes up with that stuff, I have no idea. He's always moving, inventing, and all without a pick.

Do you enjoy being an influence?

It's kind of hard to grasp. It's pretty nice, though.
We were touring nonstop for the first few albums. We were very insulated, so we had no idea what was going on outside our little touring group. It's probably better that way. It's good to look back on it, but I never set out to do it.

From what I understand, your insular little touring group was more like a four ring circus.

Well, we were on the road, burning up all that energy onstage. Unfortunately we had way too much energy in general. It got boring, so we had to create our own fun.  Idle hands are the devil's work.

Speaking of which, you lived in Alestair Crowley's house, didn't you?

Bloody cold, drab place that was. I didn't hear about Crowley until a year after I bought it. I didn't enter it until a year after I bought it. As for the black magic - it was so much nonsense. I didn't find out that I was into it for years after I moved out of the place.

But the whips and chains suitcase...

Oh that. Well. yeah. Sure. the suitcase. Nothing black about the suitcase at all. A rock star has to have his toys, doesn't he?

So this fun you had to create.. I hear they renamed LA's Hyatt House the Riot House.

Yeah, we did that one, yeah.

Is it true about Bonzo and the pool table?

Pool table?

Yes, that he destroyed it and threw it out the window?

Really?

That's the popular story.

Nah, nobody told me that. It was probably our manager, Peter Grant. He was a bloody fat man who took great care of his charges. You didn't cross Peter Grant. Even the band were afraid of Fat Pete, as we called him.  He was a wise businessman too. If we weren't having a good enough time, he would invent stuff. He used to tell the press, who slagged us constantly but stood in line to cover us, that we were getting up to all sorts of things in hotels. The truth is that Bonzo was really into classical literature.

Really.

Oh yeah, he was writing a novel in the style of Shakespeare.

How was it?

Well, he had to decipher Shakespeare first. I mean... haven't you ever read Shakespeare? Bloody same words in a different language, innit? You think he drank himself to death. That was Grant. In truth, while working on the novel, he popped an aneurysm trying to understand it and Bob was his uncle. I miss him. Especially at sheep-shearing time.

You guys tore up the stage, but lived in hidden mansions in the middle of nowhere, England. How do you reconcile the two?

Well, it was a lot cheaper in the middle of nowhere. There were no hotels to destroy. There were no young birds to pull. My wife at the time had absolutely no sense of humor about groupies. That's why she's my wife at the time. I'm still paying for her. Rock star marriages are cheap compared to rock star divorces.

Back to the present day, what can we expect from Jimmy Page? I heard rumors of a tour in 2018.

That one never came together. You have no idea how hard it is to find people to play with. Nobody wants to play with Jimmy Page.

Jimmy, all of your serious musician friends can name 400 people you should play with, as opposed to... ummm.. your previous efforts.

Nobody tells me anything.

Price of fame?

Quite.

So I gotta ask you about Stairway.

Yeah, the new place has a winding one.

Stairway to Heaven.

No, it don't go that far.

Your song Stairway to Heaven.

Oh that one. Did I play on that?

You cowrote it.

Oh yeah, that's the one that went on forever. Plant's words were even farther out there than normal.

What do they mean?

How the fucking hell should I know? Plant can't even tell you.

He sang them with such conviction. It's the anthem of all school students from the mid 70s on.

Well. yeah, that was his thing.  You know how, if you say something with an authoritative voice, people believe you? Plant sang everything with an authoritative voice, so people thought he was deep. The words to Stairway weren't supposed to be the final words - they were only used as a guide for when he was done writing the full words. The album got out before we corrected that. Between you and me, the critics were right on that one.

What's the story on the famous doubleneck? On your first tour with the Firm, the tech put it out on a stand and it got an ovation.

I used a Fender XII in the studio and needed some way to play a 12 and a 6 for the entire song. I had Gibson whip one up for me. It's special - no one knows, aside from Gibson, how it differs from a regular doubleneck. That's why I get so much per guitar they sell.

Should we expect a tour any time soon?

Oh yeah, definitely.

Who will be touring?

I don't know yet.

What did the rest of you do while Bonzo attempted to assimilate Shakespeare? Or while Shakespeare tried to assimilate Bonzo? I hear Billy was a serious drinker.

Well, it was evenly split between the three of us. Robert used to run around the hotel, trying not to get caught by the screaming groupies. He frequently lost, meaning he won. I think his record was four. Simultaneously. Then four more. Then their mothers. Sometimes their pets.  Jonesy, he had a fondness for napping. He was so accomplished, he could nap onstage and no one would be the wiser. I think most of Song Remains the Same was videotaped while he was napping. Me, I... well.... I was destroying underage groupies, which was ok because I'm Jimmy Page. And keeping an eye on stocks. You know, stocks and groupies. As for the destruction, it was mostly Jonesy, the quiet one.

It always is. I saw an interview with you guys on Leno. Jones was the talkative one. Witty, too.

Yeah, he puts that on when tv cameras get near. He spent the entire plane ride napping. But when he put his mind to it, he could do incredible damage to a hotel. Absolutely unequaled in the annals of rock. This is the stuff you didn't hear.  He's very shy, so nobody published a word of it. If anything got out, Bonzo got blamed. Jonesy is a fan of explosives. He has a masters in demolition, so he didn't mess about. When he needed a hotel taken down, it got taken down. But he was a gentle man - he had the guests relocated first, at his expense. Then BOOM. He was so good, he could destroy only one room, all the way up to a city block.

Bonzo used to drive the staff crazy with his constant demands for fresh towels. Some nights he'd have 75 fresh towels brought up. No one knows why. He was also fond of tea, a nice robe, and some really good pipe tobacco. He tipped generously, so no one complained. Unless he was mad. You didn't want to see him mad. I've seen people chew their own limbs off rather than upsetting him.

The unhappiest staff were the ones who had to clean Robert's room after we checked out. They had hazmat suits and masks. It looked like an alien invasion. It smelled worse. There were still women on the floor, in the loo, and occasionally on the ceiling. Some were still alive.


Were you bigger than Jesus?

Lennon really had something there. He was a bit of a dirty hippie, but they really were bigger than Jesus at the time. He helped Jesus gain a little traction. We were definitely bigger than Jesus. I mean.. I'm 6' tall. Jesus couldn't have been more than 5'8". Squat fellow. Curly hair. I wish he could have worked on our staging - we needed somebody good with wood.


What was the whole mystical spiritual thing about?

Oh, that. More press from Grant. We had some photos taken in front of some sand and Grant told everyone we were at a spiritual retreat. We were at Robert's place, consuming massive amounts of alcohol. He has a basement full of it.

A wine cellar?

Well, yeah, but on the other side, he has a stash of fun liquor the size of several supermarkets. He has ptsd, so he likes to keep stocked, for fear he won't be able to find some when he needs it.


Who was Percy?

Percy was a nickname for Plant, around the time the pants got impossibly tight, the shirts were open all the way, and there was always .... something... in his jeans.


I don't mean to be indelicate, but Robert talked to the audience a lot and I didn't understand some of the stuff he said.

No matter, neither did we. Most times we just let him get on with it. Sometimes we'd take advantage and go backstage for some chocolate milk or a Jack and Chocolate. By the time we finished our drinks, we were ready to do the next song. It got out of hand one time.. I think it was Denver 74. I had an amp melt and he started talking. Only this time he didn't stop. They flew a tech in from London, who rebuilt the entire amp while Robert was sharing wisdom with the crowd. When the lights were going down, a roadie hit him with a large frying pan and he stopped talking. Briefly. Sometimes it was hard to get through with a straight face. The audience thought we were so happy at the music we were making. We were, but we were hysterical over Robert's behavior.  If you ever interview him, you must remember to call him Robert. Rob, Bob, Johnny, and Sugarpie are right out. You'll get a serious tongue-lashing, but you might not understand any of it. One guy at a stadium called him Bob. I think he's still at the loony bin after all these years. Don't get Robert mad or you'll get a talking to.


Let's get to the meat... tell me about your guitars.

Do I play guitar? Sometimes I forget.  Oh yeah, I have a 59 Les Paul that's my baby. It was featured on everything after 1972 and I toured with it relentlessly. There's the Tele with the B-Bender, which I overused. The original Tele that Fender just reissued - that one was on every album til 1972. There's another 58 Les Paul, with custom switching on it.

What do the switches do?

I'll be damned if I know. I just leave em where they are. If something sounds odd, I have my tech, Jimmy Stage (we call him Susan) come out and push the buttons til they're in the right order. It was fun, though, because the entire guitar community was trying to figure out how it was wired. They had no idea the switches didn't do anything and there was no way it was physically possible to do what we claimed it could do. Rock Gods need to laugh too.

You were known for Marshalls most of the time. Your more modern rigs feature Orange and other custom-looking amps. Regardless, you still sound like you.

Yes, I do have a lot of amps, I do.
Let me tell you a secret: I sound the same through everything because I use a small 5 watt Marshall that sits in back of the stacks. The stacks are there for decoration. Plus it keeps the internet guessing. Since I can't put together a band, this has become a pastime for me. Sometimes I log onto guitar forums under a fake name and join the arguing. The best times are when people say 'Page NEVER used that amp' and I actually did. It's a game that goes on all day and I never get tired of it.

Wow. That's a lot to take in.  What was it like making the Loud movie with Edge and that kid?

That was pretty fun. My favorite part is when the 6 person road crew brought in Edge's pedalboard. I have planes smaller than his pedalboard. The kid, I forget his name, eyed me reverently. Could barely play a note. Edge actually plays a note, then the delays do the rest. I played humble. Tossers.

I've never played a lefty doubleneck before. Can you get Gibson to make me one? The last one I saw was ten grand. Can I play yours?

No. Next.

How about Les Paul #1? I'll let you play my 58 lefty reissue.... I love it when righties play my guitars. 

Still no.

How about my hyper metal ADA rack preamp with 2 tubes and a vibrator?

No.. .wait... a vibrator.. 2 tubes. .. .ok.

I feel honored.

Your playing is shit, by the way.

Jimmy.. I've been waiting all my life to hear that. Fellow musicians tell me that all day, every day, but to have Jimmy frickin Page tell me I suck is like a blessing from on high.

Don't mention it. Can I keep the .. ummm... vibrator for a bit? You know, to audition the preamp....

Sure - it's the least I could do. In high schools all over the country, people used to argue over who was the best guitarist and put together celebrity bands. You got to play in a lot of bands. Unlike now...  maybe I can make some calls for you. Is this whole thing Robert's fault?

I'm sworn to secrecy on that, so I'll just say it's Robert's fault. Jonesy is all ready and Jason Bonzo takes after his father in a way that makes our hearts glad. Except for the Shakespeare, which also makes our hearts glad.

My work wife, the lesbian, says she likes your music but Plant makes her ears bleed.

For some unknown reason, we never went over well with lesbians. Maybe because Robert was prettier than most girls... we gave up guessing.



How did you come about the massive stacking of guitars you did in the studio?

If there was a spare track, there was a spare guitar. I wanted more, but they told me more would erase the bass, drums, and vocals. I didn't see the problem but they were insistent, so I went along.

It was quite a shock to a young guitar player to learn that his favorite tunes were actually played on a lot of guitars. Because of this, I learned all the parts to Ten Years Gone as one guitar. I feel silly now.

Don't feel silly. Can you uh.. show me how you did that?

You're too kind. What were your impressions of Ten Years Gone? The stacking, the production, the haunting words, the drop D tuning...

Well, as we were wont to do, Robert came in with the words and I made up the music. We knew we had an anthem with that one.


It's my favorite Led Zeppelin song of the entire catalog. Let's switch hats and I'll tell you a story. Long ago, I met my first love. She played guitar and was the most beautiful girl in the entire school. Not being a suave football type, I used guitar to get to know her. We got along famously and were together for quite a while. I taught her Ten Years Gone. When she got hold of a new song, she would play it constantly, to the point I'd beg her to find a different song. She carried on, undeterred. She passed way to early, so every time I hear the song, I think of her. 

I'm sorry, what did you say? I was in the loo.

Never mind.  Are you writing anything new these days? We're all pretty hungry for some epic Page. And the whole reissue thing has petered out. How about some video of a really good Zep concert; one where Jones was awake throughout?

That was a rumor. The footage doesn't exist.

Did you know there's an entire community dedicated to your equipment? These guys can tell everybody which Tone Bender version you were using at which show. And when you changed to the next version. And which guitars you used at which concert.

That's quite odd. It's time to go on the internet again under the fake name. I'm going to start a rumor that one of the switches on the main Les Paul actually did something, but I'm not going to tell them which switch or what it did.  This should take up most of 2019 and give me great joy.  Since you haven't asked me any stupid questions, I'll tell you. It was a signal to my cigarette roadie that I needed another one. Between songs or guitar changes, he'd light up two; one for me and one for the Les Paul. If I got done first, I got the Les Paul's fag too.

What influence did the cigarettes have on your playing?

Depending on the results of my next doctor visit, cancer.  They were always getting in the studio's equipment and fouling things up. We ruined several 24 track decks with just my smoke. They left in a yellow state. Looked like its liver had stopped working and it had jaundice. We'd keep track of the machines with a slash on the studio wall. Physical Grafitti ran through six of them.

Jimmy, thanks for coming by and sharing so much information with me and all four of my blog readers.  Jimmy? Jimmy?

And with that, all I saw was curtains flying. He had disappeared into the ether. Probably to write some new tunes or put together a band. Or log into the internet.

Tech 21 - Guitar Content Only

GUITAR STUFF - read at your own peril


Tech21 is the manufacturer of the famous SansAmp no-amp rigs that plug right into an amp or console. The current series is the Fly Rig, available in basic or different artist flavors. Without even touching the tones, the concept is tremendous. An amplifier/effects rig in a small (12" ?) pedal. A lot of my fellow guitar players keep one of these in their bag in case their amp lets out the Magic Smoke and stops working [Magic Smoke makes all electronics run. If you let the Magic Smoke out, the device won't run anymore]. Some people use these as fly rigs (stop it), where they go to small or hastily put together shows without their amp - they just fly out with one of these boxes. Amp moving costs a lot of money too, especially overseas.

Richie Kotzen has a signature model, which he uses in his everyday rig, into an onstage clean amp. You can't get more authentic than that. He spent a lot of time developing it with Tech21, to their credit.

Tech21 has a page of videos on YouTube, as is mandatory these days. It's great because anyone can hear what they sound like before auditioning one for themselves or ordering one. They're reasonably priced too. And here is where I have a few issues (other issues, thank you). I want to reiterate that these are great pedals and incredibly useful. You're getting my opinion only here.

In the Pete Thorn video, he does a good job demoing the pedal. I'm with him right up until he starts saying it's a great sounding pedal. Pete is a phenomenal guitar player, with a ton of unbelievably good sounding vintage and custom amps. I don't see this kind of comparison as valid. It's not that I don't think the pedal sounds good or works well in a track... it's just the comparison.

In some of the videos, additional pedals are used. I didn't watch the videos to hear how the device sounds with other pedals; I want to hear it by itself. Show me what it can do. Putting a DS-1 in line to sound like Joe Satriani is like putting a Fuzz Face in line to sound like Jimi. Want to impress potential customers? Create the sound with the Fly Rig itself. No, you won't nail Van Halen's Unchained without the external flanger, but that's completely forgivable.

Now that I've given my personal opinion, let me give my personal opinion (on the viability of a Fly Rig in my rig) (sorry). I'm not what you'd call a working musician, as most musicians aren't. However I'm a pretty well-equipped non-working musician. Instead of buying Nice Stuff all my life, everything went into gear. My amps run from a real tweed Champ to a 74 Marshall half stack. I have some concept of tone, and it tends to line up nicely with general consensus.

Quite frankly, the boxes don't sound like or as good as amps. Nothing's wrong here, as one cannot reasonably expect a pedal to sound like a Fender tweed Deluxe or tan Bassman. I'm not all that crazy about the sound. However, I agree with many who carry it in their spares case. I also think it's very valuable for recording, in that the tones will sit nicely in the track, as well as not needing to crank up the Plexi at 2am. Further, I would rather hear the amp behind me, blowing sound at me onstage, not through monitors.

Suggestion: you did a great job on packaging the pedals. They're ideal because they're very small, and that's my issue.. I was not born with balance, grace, or the ability to see well on a dark stage. I'd make the pedal wider, so Stage Ballet isn't necessary. As for width, 12" isn't enough (STOP IT!). I'd give it another 6" or so, to comfortably get my huge, flat feet to hit the correct switch. My feet are so flat (HOW FLAT ARE THEY?) they're so flat that NIST uses them as a standard.

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The Character Series pedals are designed to sound like a specific amp, available in Blonde (60s Fender blonde amps), British (Marshall), and Liverpool (Vox AC30/15), among others. I'll save us a lot of extra reading and say my opinion of these is the same as the Fly Rig: they don't really sound like their name, but they get you in the ballpark and are great as a utility, spare, or recording pedal.

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The future will bring us pedals that sound really close to the original tone. This is happening in software these days, at least in terms of improvements. Software is somewhat (incredibly) difficult to use in a live setting, so it lives in the studio for now. Well.... not entirely... these Tech 21 products are analog (discrete parts, like they used from the first ever pedal). Digital pedals use software to manipulate the bits and bobs to achieve the desired effect (sorry again).

A big problem in any emulator is emulating vacuum tubes (valves in the UK). It's not easy, but if ads are any indication, tubes are important, Most emulators, pedals, and amps use the phrase "Sounds just like tubes". Another bump is emulating 'sag', which is the positive effect of tubes squashing their power supply. One of the best tones ever comes from tubes operating close to their maximum specs.  So TURN IT UP! has a sound basis in electronics, as well as tone.

If you can't get, can't afford, can't tell the difference, or don't want to schlep large, heavy tube amps, buy pedals. This is probably one of the weirdest non-reviews Tech 21 has ever come across.



As one would expect, cheaper clones, made (way) offshore, are available in many flavors, and have their own YouTube videos.





** go ahead - accuse me of being a dinosaur. If using close to the original amplifiers the pedals attempt to emulate is being a dinosaur... if being very picky about tone is being a dinosaur... if Jeff Beck, Jimi Page, and Frank Zappa are still using/used the originals.... I'm a dinosaur. When El Becko and Page hit the stage without their Marshall tube backline and sound seriously good, it will be time for me to give a serious listen to what they're using. When Frank Zappa hits the stage without his impossibly complex tube rig, I will seriously start to question reality. After the show, of course.