Tonight: When Holidays COLLIDE

 Your love is like the return of an exterminated plague that killed millions

This is a great time for Catholics and Jews all over the world, with the collisions of Passover and Easter.

If you're Catholic, you don't need me to tell you that it's Decent Thursday, Good Friday, Great Saturday and Candy Day. My coworker straightened me on on Stations of the Cross not including Philadelphia, Delaware, and New Jersey. There's something about people chasing people around with switches in both religions, but that might be the Adult Holiday we don't talk about in front of the kids.

As usual, the Jewish kids lose out at this time, because they can only eat kosher candy. Nobody's entirely sure what kosher candy IS, so the results are always wacky and never tasty. Why isn't a 3 Musketeers bar kosher? There's no bread in it (I hope). The real losers are the Jewish kids whose birthdays fall during Passover, which means they can't have a cake. There is a sort of cake they can have, but the FDA won't allow it to be called cake. Philly kids can't have soft pretzels. This is why the Jews and Catholics are becoming non-practicing: the holidays are just no fun anymore. This is supposed to be a happy time, about a man nailed to a cross and people wandering around the desert for years. If that's not a day at the fair, I don't know what is. Much like the groundhog, Jesus rose, poked his head around, and hasn't come back since. All we got was the clouds. 

I asked around to find out if the Jews have a hell. As with most other things in Judaism, there are several answers. If you were to ask a rabbi if it got dark after 7pm, he'd say, "Vell, I'm glad you askt. Does the sun come up in the morning?" Reality is just a bad Woody Allen movie.

You could ask a priest if Jews have a hell, and he'd say, "No, they all go to hell because they're not Catholic." Pointing out that Jesus was Jewish just makes the priests hide under furniture til the coast is clear, after which there is candy. I considered Catholicism, but it turns out there's more to it than candy. I also liked the chasing each other around and spanking with palms, but in a more private setting.

So what do we do on Easter?

• Go to the mall and have your kids' pictures taken with a guy on a cross, eating matzoh. Or a local dentist. These are two religions who have learned to get along well together (except when they're little and everybody beats up the Jewish kids).
• go to the mall and shop. Every day is shopping day! If the malls are closed, we're all used to shopping online - Amazon and Ebay never close.
• Catholics eat ham. Jews eat kosher ham. Kosher ham comes from a can and is blessed by a rabbi. Or the guy at the store. Or somebody who is Jewish.
• the depressed get more depressed during the holidays - watch me bring the blog's merry feel to a screeching halt. I can stop a room full of people talking within 3 words.
• Everybody from every religion, and lack of religion, says they get together with family and friends, and that's what's important. Happy Easter.

The cable lobby says it hates Biden plan to expand broadband and lower prices.

They say every one of their customers is happy with the speeds and prices.

Copper wires are a perfect way to deliver internet. If there are no copper wires, why should there be internet?

They added all sorts of surcharges to expand broadband, so why will they be forced to expand broadband?

Besides - running all that wire is expensive and labor-intensive

Biden is a poo poo face

• Wouldn't it be fun if "I'm going to ping you" was what it sounded like?
• I just got a text at work saying they were going to ping me. This is texting someone to tell them you're going to call them. Giving your spouse a slice of bologna to tell them it's dinnertime. 
• On the other hand, putting on a condom to tell someone it's time for sex is perfectly acceptable.

NASA 

NASA has its hands full with the Moon, Mars, and blurring out interesting things from photos. It will take years for any of these missions, but NASA is ready to fly (sorry) with a mission to Blow Stuff Up. I want to work at NASA - I like to blow things up (I think). We're bombed the Moon twice - now it's time to go after an asteroid. NASA - We Blow Stuff Up in Space

A new NASA mission, called the Double Asteroid Redirection Test (DART) [we blow stuff up] mission due for launch this summer, aims to launch a spaceship that will directly punch [like DeNiro wanted to do to Trump] an asteroid. Motherboard reports: The mission's target is an asteroid system called Didymos, which contains two space rocks that orbit each other. In late 2022, DART will forcefully impact [crash into] the smaller asteroid in this system, a tiny moon called Dimorphos, so that scientists can assess the feasibility of knocking any space rocks that threaten Earth off course in the future. [earlier in the week it was announced that we're not in danger of this in the foreseeable future, so we're just practicing because we like to blow stuff up or bomb it off course. it would be really bad if they forgot to ask the inhabitants.] 

If an asteroid blows up in space, does it make a noise?  

Today I identify as  the pixels in your display that won't light up

Residents [in the Canadian province of New Brunswick] first learned of the investigation last week after a leaked memo from the province's public health agency asked physicians to be on the lookout for (neurological) symptoms similar to Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD)

Oh great - now we'll be assaulting Canadians.

If the Canadians are Asian, do we have to assault them twice? 

The Supreme Court unanimously ruled on Thursday that the Federal Communications Commission could relax rules limiting the number of newspapers, radio stations and television stations that a single entity may own in a given market.

Aw, that's nice. We wouldn't want to stop total consolidation of media, would we?

It will also be easier to tell each of them what to print/play/air - total coverage. One viewpoint, one narrative. If you haven't found alternatives, now's a good time.

Mrs. lefty is off visiting for a few days. Good for me - I can finally do all those things I wanted to do, like...

• ummm....
• errr......
• Yeah, those!
• not those
• catch up on napping - last Saturday I only had three 
• definitely not that
• watch pr0n by myself, without her hanging over my shoulder all the time
• visit all my old girlfriends that dumped me 
• cook every meal just for myself
• talk to just me
• wake myself up and complain that I snore

She took the dog because everybody loves the dog. My dog does some kind of hypnosis trick, whereby everybody loves her and she's the most gorgeous dog ever. Well, she is.

God, I'm going to miss her.

(the dog)

Speaking of the dog, she's been carrying a Rice Krispies bar around for a week, like it's her prized possession. It's still wrapped. Last night a shoe fell and she barked at it for 5 minutes. Remember: you can't be the smartest in class if there aren't dummies below you.

Some lady followed Mrs. lefty into a convenience store parking lot to tell her the dog was hanging from the window, paddling to get out, and she made her day.

• I tried to like The Office - I really did. The first time, I really hated it, but since it's one of the most downloaded shows ever, I figured I owed it another shot. So I watched another episode. Hated that also. I had it on in the background while I did something else. Did not like it with a passion. Tried listening while vacuuming. No upward trend. Finally I tried watching it while I wasn't home. Still no change in desirability. 
• It's not the show so much as the Carell character.
• Ok, the show too.
• It is a remake of the British Office. We're really very bad at remakes. Truly terrible. Awesomely awful. Breakingly bad. Horribly hurting. Wonderfully worst and wanting. Surprisingly shitful. Drearily dreadful. Intensely insufficient. 

The FCC is thinking about a dedicated frequency spectrum for private space launches. Although the FCC has become largely useless, they might have a point here. Let's say they decided to share 27MHz with CB....

This is StarX, in orbit

Hey good buddy, what's your 20?

In orbit. Is NASA on this channel?

Hi Starx... Starx... Starx [echo]

We might have an issue...

Your mother has an issue

We're losing air

Get off this channel, f-head. There's smokies up ahead.

HI YO, IT'S THE BLUE BOMBER, COMIN ATCHA [illegal amplifier] 

Isn't this the emergency channel?

Yeah - get off - we're taking it over to discuss moonshine delivery 

Ok, give them their own spectrum.

hey - is that Dr. Fauci?

Hey - You've Got Your 5G in my IoT

Apparently the FCC is busy covering up Verizon and T-Mobile's exaggeration of 4g claims. And if you think that's bad, wait for the 5g coverups. Between exaggerated maps, many areas with zero coverage, and most existing phones not equipped to use 5g, thing are sure to get interesting.





Dear lefty:

• If I do a security audit and discover one of the VPs comes in on the weekend to look at granny porn, what do I do?
• Do what the VP does: nothing. 

Then appears the dog, with a candy bar, which she drops on the floor. (chocolate is poison for dogs)
Did my dog just bring me a candy bar?
If it was for her, she would have eaten it.
That is all.

Update:  a few days later, more candy. We need to get her on tv.

• I didn't want to be the one to have to say it, but Camila Cabello is hot.
• I hear she's a singer, but I don't want to spoil the image by listening.
• Who is Mary J Bilge?
• Somebody turned me on to Bill Nelson. He's a great guitar player, but his music isn't listenable (to me). There's a rockin solo, surrounded by something like Devo but much worse. Synth-pop.

Best Headline: Bomb squad investigating reports of a possible small nuclear reactor in side a garage in Columbus, OH.  America is the land of opportunity and invention. They could create a transporter and the bomb squad would still show up.



Today I identify as  that tiny, triangular window that used to be in front of the front window in cars.


RIP Rene Auberjonois (79), Star Trek and character actor, from lung cancer.

• Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar both suspected of campaign fund theft before completion of their first term.
• Watch these ladies: they proved they're real politicians in their first month. They will go far!
• Well, they got caught, so there's room for growth, but still...

Anybody hear any tolerable xmas music?
Not 'grandma got run over by a reindeer' - something worth listening to.
This is a real standard, but it's not music.
This is a new one on me - might be the one.



Ford is going to use McDonalds' roasted coffee bean husks to manufacture car parts.   Now your car will go faster in the morning.

• Scientists' brains shrink after an extended stay in Antarctica
• Wait til they discover Faceyspaces! 

a report from The Guardian: The gene editing performed on Chinese twins to immunize them against HIV may have failed and created unintended mutations, scientists have said after the original research was made public for the first time.     You mess with a building block that you don't fully understand and it may have unintended consequences? Who knew?

• Linux has a kill command. It's a shame real life doesn't.

The press is hostile to the idea of liberty. Most people in the press are for big government. Most people think that the solution to anything, whether it's health care problems, education, whatever it is - it's got to be more government." - Harry Browne

• Hillary Clinton tweets "In the United States of America, no one is above the law."
• Everybody was waiting for the lightning bolt. Even Mother Nature is afraid of her.

There are fewer than 40 cases since it was first described in 1827.
Ossification of the penis. The penis is literally transformed into bone.
Let's see..... penis... bone... ossification.... nah - it's too easy. You do it.



I was right. Again.
I predicted that Melania Trump, a stunning First Lady (imo), does not appear and is not worshiped in the press, like Mrs Obama. This includes mainstream media and fashion press. No one says you have to like her husband, but to exclude her because of him is partisan and childish.. like the press.





Heroes of the Stupid

A polyamorous woman is pregnant by one of her four partners. No to worry - they'll all raise the baby as a 'family.'


Domain transfers at gunpoint are actually illegal. So he didn't get the domain, but he got 14 years.



SJW Shenanigans

Trans activist Jessica Yaniv (WAX MY BALLS!) is again airing her grievances: this time she's complaining that gynecologists won't see her.  Someone needs to explain to these doctors that men people with a penis can have periods and give birth..
    Comedian Ricky Gervais said, "It's disgusting that a qualified gynaecologist can refuse to check a lady's c*ck for ovarian cancer"

His and Hers Spatulas

You gotta love Faceyspaces and Twitter. Two third party controls have been caught holding personal data. Not that this will have any effect on logins...


People (and comedians) have used the difference between the first 2 genders as fuel forever. Now it's people, comedians, and bloggers. Here are some inexplicable differences, but these might be differently different than others....


I have a pair of sneakers.
She has a shoe room.

I have a winter coat.
She has a coat rack, on which the seasonal coats reside. There are so many of them, the rack tips over whenever you look at it.

I have a couple of pairs of jeans.
She has an entire room, plus 6 external dressers and 2 closets, for just seasonal clothes. It takes two weeks and a front-end loader to change seasons.

If there's a fire, I grab a guitar and run. The dog follows me.
If there's a fire, she has to go to the bathroom, smoke a cigarette, put on some makeup, ask 'does this look good?', smoke a cigarette, approach the door, go back for the forgotten cold Coke, and leave. Then returns for her keys, which she forgot. Then returns for her pocketbook, which she forgot. Then smokes a cigarette, using the firey couch to light the thing.  In other words, the dog and I will be safe, but she will be pulled out by paramedics, burnt black, and asking if she can have a cigarette before they take her to the hospital.

When I'm tired, I go to bed.
When she's tired, she sits on the couch and nods off. Then she goes up to bed. Within 5 minutes, she's back down because 'some unthinking person didn't bring a cold drink for me.' Then back up. 5 minutes later, she's back down for a cigarette. Then back up. 10 minutes later, its back down for something sweet.
Between 5 and 20 minutes later, she comes back down because she couldn't sleep. Then sits on the couch and nods off.



Dear lefty

• What do we do about global warming?
• Run your air conditioner.

Penny's been with us for about a year now. She is absolutely the sweetest dog we know (unless you're a bird she snatched out of the air). Aside from cancer, the only bad thing she came with is barking. You cannot stop her. You can yell, jump up and down, get right in her face and stare her down, and she will not stop. Related is Office Barking. I sit in my office, Wife talks to me 10' away, dog gets in the middle and starts barking and talking to her. It's not defensive, she's not protecting me... it's like she wants something, whenever we talk. WOO WOO ARRRRR WOO. No idea what it is. She's the least weird dog we've ever had.

I remember picking her up at the airport. I looked in the carrier at that beautiful face. By the time we got home, she jumped right on the couch and was ours. The rescue people said she was ok where she was fostered, but she needed a place where she could be The Queen.  Yeah, she got it.

• The Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled that people are not required to give up their passwords to police!

Want some basic info on UFOs? Richard Dolan is a well-respected researcher. He knows people, he's done the legwork, and he has a lot of interesting things to say.



My buddy works from home. He loves it.
He tells me that he attends all meetings naked.
--> That must be nice.
"Not for my neighbors."



Are you ready for 5G?
Don't worry, neither are the providers.
AT&T says real 5G will only be as fast as its fake 5G. They claim there will be significant speed increases in 2020.

Current 5G is hampered by the frequency used, which is subject to interference from walls, dish soap, and air.

Verizon says 5G on the lower bands will be like "good 4G."

In other words, we're once again being sold a bill of goods. They knew full well before it rolled out that it was an improvement strictly for the marketing department. Businesses were offered millimeter-wave 5G by AT&T, but not real people.

If I understand this correctly, the providers have been building hype for quite a while, knowing that there's nothing there, but planning to have something there... next year. The Great Hype is arriving, but only at last year's speed. And let's face it - 4G is no prize. Rest assured - you will pay for it, regardless of coverage or strength. Your phone had better be 5G-compatible.  Read the article - if I try to type more, I might suffer cranial explosion. Let us not forget the debate on 5G safety (I don't know enough to comment).

While we're (not) on 5G, the Department of Defense has come out against using the 1-2GHz range for 5G because it's in their GPS range.  The FCC is making a mess of this, as is their calling.



An entire school district in Colorado has been shut down by a particularly nasty stomach bug. School districts across the country are on alert. School children across the country are asking for samples, for... you know... science.

• Prince Andrew's birthday party was canceled by the Queen. He was never born and the reptilians win another one.

Tinder is for rookies. Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size. - Twitter.

How bout those Nazca Lines? The ones in all the ancient astronaut shows. IBM and Yamagata University had AI look at the lines and came up with a hidden human figure (with a tv for its head).

Scientists have detected alien sugars on Earth-bound meteorites. Although this is very significant, we won't know if the aliens are advanced til we detect alien chocolate.

Today I identify as   JFK. They lied, btw.




Suspecting a man of dealing meth, police attached a GPS tracker to his car. The man found it and removed it. The man is now being charged with theft(!) Court case is pending.

Humans have been placed in suspended animation for the first time. Let's freeze Congress (because it's illegal to do the other thing to them)

No thank you, I'd rather  write songs with Miley Cyrus, in the midst of her latest programming failure.




Heroes of the Stupid

Sunbathe your asshole, for wellness.

what if you can't get them out of the house?

California is against facial recognition (Yay!).
The California DMV makes $50 million a year selling your personal data



SJW Similies

Transgender model outraged after porn offer retracted due to her penis - and UK police are investigating it as a hate incident.  Remember when porn was a bad thing? It still is.

Transgender activists force menstrual products brand Always to remove 'woman' symbol from their packaging.   Welcome to 2019 - the Absurd Decade.

CDC: Nearly 2 percent of high school students identify as trans.

Jessica Yaniv (WAX MY BALLS!) has to pay legal costs to the business owners she harassed at the Human Rights tribunal. The do not have to handle her junk now or ever.   I was made aware of the waxing process. The mere idea of this makes me scream.

Iqbal Goes to the Circus

Enriched uranium and neptunium 237 were detected at an Ohio middle school, which will be closed for a year.

The child made a nuclear reactor. If you don't want the kids doing great work, don't encourage them.

• A diabetes drug may cause an infection that destroys the genitals.
• "I'd give my penis for well-regulated sugar."

In Florida, they're seeing 88 degrees today. Here it's cold and rainy.
Yesterday it was 94 in Miami. Here it was cold and rainy.
Why the unrelenting gloom and rain on the east coast?




Dear lefty:

• If you hate the weather so much, why don't you move?
• Because Arizona pays me to stay away so their climate doesn't go to hell.

A Texas man blames the West Nile Virus for infecting him, causing him to distribute child porn.

Next up: the West Nile Virus assassinates a public figure and raises taxes.

• Keep an eye on the 'Iran Crisis'. Trump has already suggested a huge armed force to deal with it. The warmongers are winning. 

The US Navy warned that 5g phone service is likely to interfere with weather forecasts. The FCC did the only thing it could do: started auctioning off the 5g frequency spectrum.

UK Snowflakes

England's Jerry Springer, Jeremy Kyle, just had his show shut down. Why? A week after taping, a guest killed himself. The episode was not aired.  It featured a man accused of cheating on his fiance, who took a lie detector test and failed. She left him, he killed himself.

While we here at ThermionicEmissions are sad for this fellow and family, we can't understand why the show needed to be canceled.  Granted, 'free speech' cannot be applied equally to the US and UK, but this is a matter of personal responsibility. Personal responsibility has gone out the window in general, but in the UK, they're more worried about offending someone and 'protecting' people from bad words and antisocial behavior.

We have Jerry Springer. 

I hate Jerry Springer and all the show stands for, but would never insist it be forcibly removed. If he wanted a permanent vacation, though, I'd gladly support him.

Kyle will 'work on other projects' with the network (ITV).

I suggest thinking hard about this to figure out where you fall.

Don't take my word for it.... I'm the guy who would love a tv show featuring people tazing Judge Judy.

• While we're on England, it's illegal to sell certain kitchen knives to people under 18, as well as illegal to carry them. I just saw this on the news.

Hate

Online social sites are under fire for 'hate speech'.

What is hate speech? In the US, there is no hate speech - it's all speech.

Certain snowflaky elements define it as people saying bad things about other people, from anti-LGBTQ to neo nazis. I don't agree with any of these groups (including the snowflakes) but, as an American, I support their right to say it. The precious snowflakes want to limit speech, even in the US. These are the dangerous people.

As a libertarian and American, I know the government cannot make laws moderating speech of private entities: they don't belong there. 

There is a meeting coming up of social media companies in France, asking what can be done about 'hate speech'. It's not their job, but they either want to appear they're doing something, or actually do something. The only problem here is that it's already being applied in a one-sided manner, generally banning the right side, less so the left side. There are constant accusations on both sides. 

Howard Stern had the KKK Guy on his show, as a recurring caller. People were horrified. I think Howard did a great thing, allowing his listeners to hear what this person said and that the KKK is still alive. Plus they got to hear a completely stereotypical southern idiot racist. Keep your enemies in the light, where they can be easily monitored.

Remember: if you silence one group, you are giving approval to silence any group - including yours eventually. You also wind up with a very one-sided echo chamber. Already Faceyspaces, Twitter, Reddit, and Instagram have joined with payment processors like Paypal, in de-platforming right-leaning people and organizations. Of course they have that right, being private entities, but one can't help but notice this is all swinging one way. Eventually the remaining side will start to eat itself, having dug its own grave.

Just because someone says something doesn't mean you have to like it or listen to it.

Eels Are in My Head, No Great Surprise to Me

She keeps seeing him out of the corner of her eye.
The kids leave the back door open, in case he needs to get in.
They both keep filling up his water bowl.
The house is quiet. It has only two occupants.
He is mostly functional, until somebody starts talking about him. There is a whole directory of pictures he looks at longingly.
People have been very good at respecting privacy.
The response from online friends is heartwarming.

There are two actual snail mail condolence cards. One is from the good neighbor's adult children. She was the one who he taught to feed him upon command. They sent their best and thanked us for watching out for Mom.

A card came from the vet. The staff who knew him each wrote a message.

It's amazing how one 40lb dog caught so many in his wake.

• Nearly a half-billion Internet of Things devices are vulnerable to cyberattacks at businesses worldwide because of a 10-year-old security flaw, according to a new report. The web exploit is called DNS rebinding, in case you really needed to know.
• Only half a half-billion?
• If you've got a Dongguan Diqee connected vacuum, a vulnerability will allow hackers to eavesdrop, perform video surveillance and steal private data from victims. Pro Tip: don't get your Dongguan Diqee caught in anything.
• Do not put these things in your house or business!
• I told you so.

If the Department of Justice finds out that a business or you are being hacked to influence an election they will let you know.

Make no mistake: hacking of any type is unacceptable.

But if your vote is caused or swayed by social media posts, perhaps you shouldn't be voting.

• Google's ("Do no evil"), new email interface invites all sorts of nefarious actors to send all sorts of nefarious emails. Even the DHS warned them about it. Read and note, please. Get off gmail.

I want you to know that I do not exaggerate the weather. Although it was sunny recently, things have gotten back to normal. From my weather app:

• Google ("Do no evil") registered duck.com.  Why? So anybody who made a mistake going to duckduckgo.com would get redirected to a google search. After Duckduckgo protested, Google removed the autoredirect.

Dear Science: why does Coke taste weird after eating food like chocolate? Can you please do something about it? Thanks.

• There is something outside that sounds like a duck. What does a duck sound like? It sounds like those things you blow to call a duck. Since it's unlikely there's a duck outside, I want to know what it is. The last time I asked Wife what a noise was, she said squirrel. I wonder if squirrel is just a default answer. To keep me from asking other questions.

A Virginia bank was hacked twice in eight months via phishing emails. The bank is suing its cybersecurity insurance for refusing to fully cover the loss. Godammit - we're stupid and you must pay for our stupidity!

• The Wendy Show is coming to Philly!
• Totally unrelated: Did you know that most people slit their wrists incorrectly? They slice across, when they need to slice along.

Let's get to know each other: send me your likes.

Here's my bio, as it appeared in Playboy:

Name: lefty - with a small l

State: Confusion, Chaos

Age: older than you

Greatest Strength: sarcasm. Like I care.

Ambition: yes

Aspiration: Big Rock Star<tm>

Hobbies: disturbing people

Favorite Food: pizza and Mila Kunis, pizza delivered by Mila Kunis

Favorite Activity: sitting

Favorite TV show: Marty Python - I know him

Favorite Car: 1970s Cadillac land yacht: trunk fits 12, 24 if you slice them thin

Pet Peeve: most animals (except polar bears) are right handed

I'm allergic to: mowing

What Really Bothers Me: everything

One Thing I Regret: blogging

Regret Missing Out On: Conical bras and free love

Favorite Sayings: No good deed ever goes unpunished, Don't

Favorite Song: "Sit On My Face, Stevie Nicks"

Favorite Artist: The Anal Intruders

How I Would Change the World: the illuminati would hire me as a consultant

If I Could Be a Tree, I'd Be a:  #1 - the Larch

Coworker Follies #37
ME: I'm forwarding this email because I can't read it.
HIM: I'm not sure what you're asking.
ME: I can't read this email. Can you?
Him: No.
ME: Thank you.
Him: I still don't understand. What are you talking about?
ME: Ask your doctor for medicine.




Two New Jersey radio hosts are suspended until further notice for referring to someone as a rag head. It's not what I'd do in the same situation but I have to step up for the sake of speech and gains.

There's a lot of history here.
Up until roughly the late 70s, radio was pretty sterile. A few hosts were trying to break the mold and get away with things. The big breakthrough was Howard Stern, like him or not. Howard fought like mad to get things on the air that had never been there before. He did battle with his own radio stations as well as the FCC.  He eventually won and went national. Howard broke through and got to say and do things never done before. He won a lot for radio hosts. While he was in trouble with the FCC, there was an unlikely coalition of hosts and others who volunteered to help in the fight. He really pushed the envelope.

For some reason, freedom of speech does not apply to radio and television. I strongly disagree with this policy. George Carlin satirized this in The Seven Dirty Words You Can't Say on TV. The FCC is a completely ineffective organization that has proven that they speak for broadcasters, not the people.

While this fight was going on, the place to hear all the really good stuff was watching comedy at clubs and colleges. It was radical and hysterical. It started comedy's heyday. WTF is a heyday?

At the end of the 80s, my band played classic rock and comedy. Then we decided on comedy and achieved success nationally on radio stations, clubs, and colleges. We even appeared on the Howard Stern Show. Things were going well, until we noticed that colleges were pretty weird. No, really? At the end of one show, a 'concerned' student came up to talk to us. He was upset we were picking on women. And Jews. And Jewish women. Oddly, he didn't have any complaints about any other group. He accused us of all sorts of things. We were witnessing the start of Political Correctness. This was pretty odd in colleges, once the forefront of edgy comedy.

You know what happened with Political Correctness. It worked as diligently as possible to make sure all fun was canceled.  Words hurt. They probably kill too. Yes, the Social Justice Warrior was born. It only got worse, and continues to this day on social media and in person.

Now two disc jockeys have gone and offended the PC crowd. Again, I don't agree, but it's important to stand up for free speech, because free speech includes speech with which you do not agree. They went and said something offensive. They ran afoul of the PC crowd. Whatever you think about this, this is taking back all the gains Howard Stern made. Soon we'll be as sterile as radio til the 70s. If this is to be cyclical, we're wasting a lot of time and energy. My wife was trying to take the side of the listeners, saying that making fun of this person's turban was like making fun of somebody wearing a cross. I said that was just fine. No sacred cows. After some thought, she agreed that freedom of speech shouldn't be abridged. She's right, aside from the fact that she agreed with me.

• Last and definitely least, there's a dangerous new drinking game on college campuses. Parents are being warned, as are the children themselves: it's called the Ancient Aliens Drinking Game. You watch Ancient Aliens and take a shot whenever they say "ancient astronaut theorists believe...". Thus far, no one has made it to the second commercial break, 45 have wound up in the hospital, and thirteen are dead. Warn your children. Do not post this on social media or more people will die.

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A Three Hour Tor

TOR, otherwise known as The Onion Router, is a reasonably secure internet platform. When I say reasonably secure, I mean it's safe to route all of your traffic through it, but if you have incredibly sensitive information, you run a risk of being discovered. That aside, Snowden and Assange use it and the NSA is having trouble spying on it (but still manages). The safest way is to boot from and use the Tails operating system. The link has some good basic information on TOR. You can try it out with the TOR browser. Download the browser here. It's Firefox, so you already know how to use it. Give it a shot. Try not to install any extensions/addons because some of them leak information, rendering the browser unsafe.

• Over 460 models of HP laptops come complete with a keylogger. This means that every letter you type could be logged. Fortunately, this 'feature' is disabled by default. It exists in the touchpad driver. If anybody gets access to the computer, they can turn the keylogger on.

The FDA has approved a pill with an embedded sensor that can report when it is swallowed.  This is very interesting and, as I understand it, only one pill. Let's put on our Thermionic Tin Foil Hats.  Any invasive technology tends to come disguised as a benefit: 

• "Oh - we'll know if Gramma took her medicine!"
• "Stupid drug addict brother didn't take his methadone today."
• "Yes, as you know, Doctor, I took my meds, but I'm still hearing the voices. They do not like you."

The pill sends a signal to a patch, which sends the information to an app on your phone. You can send the results to a number of people if you like. How is this wrong? Let me count the ways...

• Bluetooth: hackable in the vicinity
• Sensor: is it really safe n your body? Do you really need it? 
• App: fitness apps and most others transmit information up the line to the software's author, advertising, and Google or Apple.
• No one really needs your information.

British television seems to consist largely of a bunch of overstuffed people sitting on an overstuffed couch, talking about nothing but using a lot of words to get there. No wonder they like some of our shows (Seinfeld).

• Over thirty email clients, including webmail, have a pretty serious flaw that will allow a Bad Guy to spoof the FROM address convincingly. Read this to see if yours is affected. Several were fixed before the flaw was announced.

In the 1980s, AT&T asked a consultant to estimate how many cell phones would be in use in the world by 2000. They concluded the total market would be 900,000 units. This persuaded AT&T to pull out of the market. By 2000, there were 738 million people with cellphone subscriptions. So close....

• a thirteenth human foot was found washed up on Canada's west coast. No one is sure why this happens but no foul play is suspected. No foul play? How many appendages, organs, and severed heads have to wash up before foul play is suspected? And what happened to the fourteenth foot? Isn't Canada supposed to be friendly? Does this sort of thing go on all the time in British Columbia?

Time grows near for the FCC's decision on whether to keep or jettison the Net Neutrality rules. While they haven't explicitly stated it, the FCC really doesn't care what you think and has no problem clinking drinks with Big Business. After having found millions of fake comments on the topic, the FCC is blocking any investigation into the comments, which, incredibly, were from dead people and were against neutrality. Nothing at all is suggested by this wild coincidence.

• A bunch of years ago I went to a guitar show with a Gibson Custom Shop display. I asked the guy if they had ever built any lefty doublenecks. He said he was aware of four, and at that date, they would cost about $5,000. Right handed, of course, was less. Today I finally located a Custom Shop lefty Doubleneck on Ebay, for the bargain price of $8,000. Ok, everything this shop sells is pretty damn expensive, plus shipping from Asia. I'm sure I can get it cheaper by ordering locally.
• I know, I know, you don't care. But Jimmy Page plays one.
• We got what we wanted most for the holidays: Marshall, alive. Because of this, we've had to cancel Christmas.
• But a new guitar (or three) sure would be nice. 

Gibson Custom Shop lefty EDS-1275

In Road Wars, a British COPS-like show, they pulled a car over, checked the trunk, and found 'herbal cannabis'. Herbal, pronouncing the 'H'. When I was young, I did my share of substances, but I am not aware of any variety other than herbal. Did they invent some sort of Imitation Cannabis? Why in the universe do they call it cannabis when 'Pot' is one syllable?

One day on COPS, an officer found "some sort of green, leafy substance; possibly cannabis." Do police recruit from just one pool? Has someone been peeing in it again?

• A Harvard student recently made a bold public declaration, admitting that, while at a bar with friends one time, he talked about the attractiveness of the women in his class. What a brave man. If anybody overheard him, he'd be publicly lynched.

Researchers, which is a term for anyone having more than one account on a website, have estimated that up to one percent of sites on the web have been hacked. For those of us who like math (and I know no one who meets this description) that's about 10 in 1,000 of the most visited websites. This statistic proves nobody is above or immune to hacking, and you will probably visit one of these sites, if not the entire one percent.

• I have seen into the future. Come next June, a newspaper headline will read "America Saves Millions as Half of Congress Arrested for Pedophilia"

Nigel's OK in My Book

Watching some classic (old) music videos, I found a song called Making Plans for Nigel (XTC). Never mind the song... I just like the title. The video is bizarre.

While we're at it, Kate Bush sounds like she's huffing helium.

• Of note: when the doctor sedated Marshall, he used Propofol; the drug that killed Michael Jackson. Fortunately Marshall experienced a better outcome.

Congrats on 100 years of freedom for Finland!

Finland is known for heated underwear, anchovy pizza, and Finns. 

The national animal is the elephant (there are no elephants in Finland. They imported one from Africa, but it chose to walk back to Africa, rather than freeze).

Finland's national flower is grass.

• 'Music' star Pink will raise her kids gender-neutral. Please make it stop. The Child Welfare Bureau has been called - these kids don't have a chance.

As I continue to tune in old videos, Instant Karma (John Lennon) comes on.. I've never seen it before.

The first thing I see is Yoko.. this is never a good thing. She's sitting onstage, toward the back of John; blindfolded and knitting. This would be delightfully absurd if anyone else did it. With Yoko it's Art, or as I call it, "a screw loose and a pathological need for attention."

There's a British guy playing tambourine. How can I tell he's British? He's wearing a full tan suit and huge, brown, horn rimmed glasses to play tambourine. There are also two bass players, for a reason John took with him to the grave. Maybe Chapman shot him to keep this from getting out.

It's a wonder I never got hired to review videos in the 80s.

• If anything I write fails to offend you for the entire time you've been reading this, I'd like to share something with you, in the spirit of Christmas: "Simply,  Having, a Wonderful Christmastime."  This song has now invaded your brain and you will sing it incessantly for the next three weeks.
• You're welcome.

Many women suffer silently from vaginal discharge and dryness, according to a commercial. Many people don't know I got out of the army on a vaginal discharge.

I would like to apologize, humbly and unreservedly, for the previous paragraph.

• If you're having a Stupid Day today, remember: it could be worse. You could live in Mecklenberg County, where county records are being held hostage for $23,000 in Bitcoin. You could be the genius who opened the email attachment, unleashing the ransomware upon the county.

The Stupid is also great with the authors of a virtual keyboard app for android and iDevices, called Ai.Type. The app collects keystrokes, contacts, phone numbers, email addresses, social media profiles, and locations, among other things. The data is uploaded to, you guessed it, The Cloud. The 577gb database, on 31 million users, was left open to the public, so anyone who could find it had full access to it.

There is no word on whether the app let on that the user's data would be stolen uploaded to the company's (unsecured) server. Everything the user typed would be available, in addition to the information the app collected. Financial information, love emails, sexts, and all those pictures of women with one more penis than provided for in the original design specification.

If you rushed past the text about your data and clicked I AGREE, this is entirely your fault. If there was no warning, the developers should be sued out of existence and fined by the appropriate authorities for theft and negligence. 

I'll say it again: nothing you use is worth the invasion of your privacy and data.

You could also just use the phone's keyboard. This way, your data will only go to Google or Apple.

• 28 senators wrote the FCC to urge holding off their decision on Net Neutrality because of irregularities in the data of public comments. 50,000 comments may not have been included in the public record. Hundreds of thousands of filings featured stolen addresses and there were half a million entries with Russian email addresses. Not included in the data were the rude comments directed at chairman Ajit Pai's nationality. You don't think there was anything suspicious about this, do you?

A lot of people blame the Russians for interfering in the 2016 election (and when I say a lot of people, I mean the losing side). I view this from the other side (of course I do): the Russians are not interfering - they're propping up American  democracy.

Hear me out: American citizens have become so fat and lazy, they can barely be bothered to go out for milk, no less vote. By hacking into our social media and voting systems, the Russians are making it look like our democracy is functional. People blame Trump for 'colluding' with Russia, when in reality, he was encouraging Putin to have his people vote to make it look like the election mattered. Meanwhile, the people who should have voted all stayed home, where they ran into the streets and online to protest and whine incessantly.

A brief investigation by the Boy Scouts of America, Special CyberSquad, turned up a few other places the Russians made a difference:

• a West Virginia little league game
• the decision not to tax online porn in the US
• a $4 billion appropriation for Congressional bathroom remodeling and donations to Dick Cheney's various humanitarian charities

Have you rented a car lately?

If you did, your locations, smart phone identifier, and entered locations (including schools), are all available, if you attached to the car's infotainment system (the radio).  Privacy International rented cars and analyzed the information available in the systems. Personal information was on every single car.

Just to make things more interesting, the rental companies were not able to provide clear internal policies on handling drivers' personal data. The companies that responded said, as laid out in the Terms and Conditions, the responsibility is on the renter. The future is here and we're shooting it square in the nuts.

• In case you didn't learn the first time, Ashley Madison, the website for cheaters, that leaked its database, has... wait for it... leaked its database of private and explicit photos again. So if you're the kind that insists on getting parts of you wet, you haven't learned your lesson. You know what they say - the third time's the charm.

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