Do Not Compute with Fruit

Welcome, fans, to Covid Tennis.
The idea of the game is to introduce a new 'fact' every day. Extra points for weird cures and bizarre facts.

Socially distance.
Go to concerts.
Wear masks.
Go to restaurants.
Joe Biden wears a mask to bed.
The CDC warns of darker times this fall (when the clocks get set back?)
White House orders hospitals to bypass CDC and send data to it.
This drug cures it.
That drug does nothing.


This device keeps Alexa and other voice assistants from snooping on you. There are also lists of words that 'mistakenly' trigger Alexa. One is 'semprini.'

Speaking of which, Google is being sued for tracking you, even when you opted out. You may have turned off "Web & App Activity" tracking, but Google is tracking news, ride-hailing, and other apps. They also watch your wallet, car, and kids, via a token with a special cloaking device that would make the Klingons jealous.

Germany ruled that Tesla's 'autopilot' is misleading.

Well, when you activate autopilot on a plane, it flies without your input and makes decisions for you. When you activate Tesla's autopilot, you're likely to crash and die.  I think Germany might have something there....

Solution in Search of a Problem department:

Sized socks. Yes, sized socks. From the people who brought you socks with toes, no doubt. MOMMMMMM - I can't wear these socks - they're not correctly sized. I wear a 7 and Bonnie wears a 6. She stole my 7's.  Mom: remember the good old days, when socks were adult or child? Male or female? Hangnail or talon?

A lady's cat has taken to bringing home swimming goggles, as gifts for her owner. This is the kind of feel-good story we need in the midst of the Flying AIDS. Unless you use swimming goggles around Bristol, UK.

AMD's latest CPU chip is called Threadripper.

Rejected names: Ovary-Ripper, Intestine Stealer, Face Smasher, Anal Invader

Territorial acquisition games are fine when they're called football and on tv. They should never involve the bed. The odds are stacked against me because there's a Mrs lefty and a Penny. Last night I had about 6" of sleepable space. I put up a barrier, but Penny slept on my side of it. They're obviously trying to toughen me up by sending me to work with little space and little sleep.

April 15th, July 15th, who cares?
Yeah, it's time to tally everything up and feel sad at what has been taken from you in taxes.
First you'd have to remember it's the 15th.
Then you'd have to remember where your envelopes, pencils, crayons, and tax software are. Along with your nerve pills.
Has anybody seen the tax papers? I GAVE THEM TO YOU.
Remember that form I had to research and have reprinted? Have you seen it?
So, aside from the TinyTax software, you can't find a single very important paper. You can't call your boss at 11pm to ask for a copy of your W2. Well, you can, but it won't reflect well on your next review.

CHECK UNDER THE SOFA. Yes, Dear, I did. I checked so many times, the sofa is on the front lawn. The crazy lady would call the police, but when you're 441 years old, you have to go to bed before 11. HOW ABOUT IN THOSE MOUNTAINOUS PILES OF PAPER YOU CALL FILING?  Nope. Not there. I sent the dog in to sniff for them. Has she come back yet? What about that bin that says VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS? No, not there - these are Ultra Important Papers. Oh.

Hey, have you noticed it's 20 minutes to deadline for filing?
Let's go online. Maybe we can get an extension.
Oops, you need an account. You need an account to blow your nose online.
T minus 15 minutes.
WELL I GAVE ALL THIS STUFF TO YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?
I obviously ate it. W2's have lots of really good fiber. Check the toilet.

HEY, it says here that you don't need to file for an extension if Mercury is in retrograde, your couch is out front, and your dog might be missing.

Let's start again tomorrow!
YAAAAAYYYY!

this is why there are blonde jokes

Plug Cord into Computer, Wrap Other End Around Neck

The Illinois state senate passed a bill to keep Trump off the ballot in 2020 unless he releases his tax returns. Illinois' state motto: Stand Up and Be Stupid!

It's an awful shame people weren't this interested in government when the Bushes, Obama, Clinton, and the others were in office. This game of Divide and Conquer is the most successful since the concept there are two real parties for which to vote.

• I love when the cop comes upon a car with two naked people in it and asks what they're doing.

Dear lefty:

• Why is she such a bitch?
• She's not a bitch - she's hormonally enhanced

Guys - when you're doing a YouTube guitar pedal demo, put on some shoes. No one wants to see your socks adjusting a knob.

• Golf: a sport invented by black people to watch white people dress stupid

Your good friends as Faceyspaces, in the Disaster of the Week, asked 1.5 million people for their email passwords, then proceeded to suck up their contacts. It was, of course, unintentional.  Happy Faceyspaces Logging In, people!




Dear lefty:

• Why are the Canadians so pissed off at us all of the sudden?
• Who cares?

The Horse is Dead, Jim

Amazon employs thousands of people to listen to recordings of everything you said 'to make the service more accurate'. Gee, last time we heard, it doesn't record everything you say.

Q. When will people wake up to this intrusive nightmare?
A. Never.

• Ever cough so hard your underarms itch? Just asking.

Of Man and Dog


Penny's off visiting relatives with her mom. When Mom calls me, she puts me on speaker. When Penny hears me she runs up and licks the phone. It's good to know someone misses me.


Stuff I Learned Too Late
The lovely elderly neighbor, who Marshall taught to feed him on command, is not doing well with Penny, who largely barks at anything that moves. The neighbor would plant and weed, while Marshall would snooze near her. When she moved spots, so did he. They'd chat.

Now she comes outside, sadly looks for 'her Marshall,' and goes about her business. His loss looms large.


Don't read this:

A neighbor, truly a good guy, went through several cancers. No matter how bad his shape, he played with the dog, who brought him great joy. Sadly, he passed recently.

Now the dog roams the house, looking for him.