Do NOT Press the Red Button. NOT Red. Ok?

Your love is like  broken glass underwear

• Maybe if I say "the sofa told me to bomb that building," I can get it taken away free.

Today I identify as  male pattern baldness

• Why do so many horror movies have a dance scene at a high school gym?

 It's the weekend. Some weekend. I got up at the crack of 2pm and stumbled around, looking for the coffee machine. It was days ago, but it's always International Coffee Day for us. We found a new barbecue place and were excited to go. Well one of us was more excited than the other, apparently. The other announced she/they were taking a nap. Napping, as you know, is not conducive to getting bbq. It is also not conducive to getting pizza, Chinese, or a nice Brazilian wax.

I politely waited for the nap to end, neglecting to perform my brand new concerto for cymbals and explosives. It's a real hummer and the end's a real bang. Eventually I heard the stirring. Then the walking. To and fro, to and fro. Then the bathroom. Back to the bedroom. Hall for a bit. Bathroom again. Guys, we're all smart enough to know we'll never understand women. We won't even get close, so there's no point obsessing or being mad about it. Twenty minutes later she pops down. I figured she must've been getting dressed in something special to take that long. Yes, they were special jeans, with special holes in them. And she's always the better dressed of us. Twenty minutes.

I'm ready to go out to the car, but I know better. Wait... wait... wait..... she has to figure out which coat to wear - it's starting to get chilly. Where's her phone? Normal guys would be very mad and very loud by this time. I am not normal and the doctors have told me it's not healthy, as has my lawyer.

Oh, wait. I bought flowers for the neighbor for the favor she did for us. I better give her some jam too.

Why can't you just give her the flowers, like you said? 

It was a really big favor. See this card?

Of course there's a card too. 

The technique on the front is called frontechnique. It's brand new and very fancy.

That's magnificent. Should we give them a vacuum too? Better yet, a mower!  

Just go to the car.

[the phrase guaranteeing longevity in relationships]  Yes, Dear.

I drive to the restaurant. The first thing we see is a large Eagles banner, with the schedule for the season. 

Uh-oh.

You see those kinds of things on sports bars. I'm here to eat barbecue. Out of the car, I stand there like a dolt. Why? Because of the thing that controls my life: cigarettes. I have to stand there because part of a cigarette must be smoked before we go into any building. Since most people don't like smoke, we stand further out. Then I wait. And wait. And take the time to wait.

Finally in the restaurant, we discover it's not a restaurant, it's a sports bar. The little voices in my head are no longer little, and they're telling me stuff it would be better not to repeat, especially in a sports bar. They were kind enough to suggest there's a table in back. When they say there's a table in back, it means there's a table outside, in the gray rain, in a little shed, and somebody's already sitting at it. The waitress seemed surprised we didn't like that option, but found a small table with lawn chairs for us, near the humongous circular bar, where we could smell the wonderful smell of barbecue. Mrs. lefty has spent enough time being Mrs. lefty to know how I am going to react so she thanks the nice waitress, grabs my hand, and RUNS out of the place. She didn't even have the time to give her any flowers. Or a card.

I get in the car. You know what's next, right? A cigarette. I must wait for the other half of the cigarette to be smoked before she gets in the car. My foot is tapping on the gas pedal, in a most threatening and a-rhythmic way.  I was doing everything I could to not back the car up and drive home. When the half cigarette was done (halleleuhah!) we discussed going to a real restaurant. As we start discussing, I hear the door open.

What are you doing?

I'm going to smoke a cigarette.

I'm told my scream could be heard in four states.

I want Chinese food.

Fine. Drop me at home and get Chinese food.

Ok, what do you want?

I want something very special.

What?

Nothing. You know I don't like Chinese food.  [imitates martyred mother] Don't worry about me eating. I'll have a cracker or something.

Is this sarcasm?

Have I eaten Chinese food in the last twenty years? 

Oh.

She returns an hour later. The Chinese food place is two blocks over. They watched her standing there for ten minutes before telling her there was a 45 minute wait. They are take-out only.

Is this Cosmic Revenge or what?

The next place had a register breakdown.

The next place had power problems.

The last place, a convenience store, had food, but didn't carry milk in gallons. Since the last gallon we bought, 2 days ago.

She came home, dying to tell me about this, but I had gone nappy, due to my inability to deal with it anymore. I can safely assume she went out back to have a cigarette.

• As we rush(?) to the end of another year, we're still stuck with GAME CHANGER. Won't this pox on the language ever go? 
• Don't forget this year's worst: super.  It's super bad in our super happy lexicon.
• and the fscking Medicare commercials... those people better walk around carefully, because they may be at risk of serious bodily injury if anybody sees them on the street.

In case you missed it, sex change surgery is out. "Gender affirming" surgery is in. A major hospital just stopped all procedures on children under 18, due to republican pressure. As much as I hate to admit it, the republicans are right. You can look back in the blog history for statements to the effect that under 18's are not equipped to make this important decision. Some over 18's are not equipped either.  I get that you feel the way you do and I respect it. But wait til you're at least 18. In the meantime, live the way you feel.  

The weather is back.

We have 2 seasons: Hot and Rainy.  Hot runs from June-September and rainy is the rest of the year. Spring and Fall were fired; we were told it was a Supply Chain Issue. When I was little, the seasons changed gradually. Now Mother Nature flips the switch and voila, it's the next season. Last week it was 90. Today it's 50, gray, and raining. It's been that way for days. Mother Nature is a bit of a Certified Bitch<tm>, hence Hurricane Ian and the misery constant gray skies bring. Either that or she's flipped her wig and is waiting for a room at the Happy Place<tm>. Global warming my ass.

The republicans are dropping their fight against Obamacare.

I told you: 2 sides of the same warped coin.

 Dear lefty 

We have 3 trash cans in the house, due to recycling. Does this mean I need 3 trash cans in the bathrooms, bedrooms and office?  - Puzzled in PA

Dear Stupid: I am not going to answer that question. Just call the local Trash Police and ask them. They will say something about your medication being off and send you on your way. OCD is not a pretty thing.

Speaking of OCD, I tread lightly with Mrs lefty. I don't make fun of any of her diagnoses. Except OCD. I guess I'll never get over being an Asshole. It's a compulsion (sorry). My latest is coming out of the closet and saying I have it too. So when the tv has to be on an even number, I tell her is has to be on an ODD number. Whenever I have to put anything in her pocketbook, it must be over 3' in the air.  My sandwiches have to be cut straight, while hers are diagonal. I told you I'm an asshole. But I'm a lovable asshole. I may not be easy to live with and I may not be easy on the eyes, and I may not dress well, but.... at least I'm an asshole.

Cult leader meets the Pope: Apple CEO chats to Francis

JFC, if they ever get together, I'm toast. I'm toast already, but I'll go down a few levels in hell.

Fun Fact: Toyota's CEO is Akio Toyoda

I mentioned getting attacked at the refrigerator by the lidless container of chopped liver. It happened again, this time with yogurt. All I did was open the door, and the large yogurt container shot past me, in a short trajectory to the floor. Yes, it had a lid on it this time, but this didn't seem to matter. Rivers of yogurt all over the fridge, the floor, the flamethrower AND the chainsaw, and of course, me.

I'm beginning to think the fridge doesn't like me. It keeps launching stuff at me.

If the fridge was really smart, it would get warm when the door is closed, making me unknowingly eat food that had gone bad. Instead, it lobs the stuff at me. I can't imagine why it's so upset at me.. I paid for it, use it regularly, feed it, and talk nicely to it when I walk by. I'm working on Be Nice to Your Fridge Day. I'm having trouble getting it passed; UC Berkeley says I'm insensitive because not everyone has a refrigerator. 

Come to think of it, most things in this house send projectiles in my direction. Wife, dog, fridge, side tables, and the rocket launcher (which is particularly nasty). What have I done? Do I have a bullseye tattoo on my forehead? Am I the fat kid in my house? Will I have to spend another few years on the therapist's couch (assuming it doesn't throw things at me)?

I want a bowl of cereal. This requires milk, which requires opening the fridge. I'll need my kevlar underwear, a facemask, and one of those I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up thingies.

One of these is King Charles. One is a Cavalier King Charles spaniel. 

One has huge flaps on the sides of his head. The other is a dog.

Ever since Charles' recent promotion, his mates have been instructed not to use any of his old nicknames in public

• Chuck
• Princy
• King, NOT!
• Susan
• 'arry's Dad

Augmented eyewear is here! This is generation 2 of Things That Make You Walk Into Walls.

I expect you out there, with your phones, taking video. Extra points for somebody falling into a hole.

Coroner lists Instagram algorithm as contributing cause of UK teen’s death

  

"an act of self-harm whilst suffering from depression and the negative effects of online content."

The family is naturally blaming Meta and Pinterest. I hate like hell to sound like a Redditor, but if the family, who spends more visual time with her than social media, looked at her well-being, maybe they could have gotten her some help. Or if she spoke up.

Now that social media has been listed as an official cause of death, people will be coming out of the woodwork to censor.  Please read the article and make up your own mind.

Morally, it's absolutely sick the way Pinterest and Meta's algorithms wound up giving the girl back what she was looking at in suggestions (self-harm, suicide). They can do better, but it wasn't set up this way on purpose.

You know me as a First Amendment supporter and a free internet supporter. It was designed to be redundant and free. Now countries are blocking an censoring and installing OFF switches. With all this admitted crap available, the parents have a responsibility to look into what their kids are doing. It's not radically different from what parents have done all along. Of course the UK is putting together the Online Safety Bill. It has already censored saying bad things about people, with a fine.

There is nothing sadder than losing a child. We are terribly sorry for the family's loss. 

Security forces were forced to a Tehran university, due to protests.

What Security didn't know is that TU is a remote partner of UC Berkeley, which was shut down in solidarity.

The FCC ruled that all the cell carriers have to help each other in an emergency. Because unfortunately, you have to legislate what neighbors would do. Meanwhile, the only communications were the radio amateurs (hams). They were also the only communications on 9-11, when all cells were overloaded or down. They're like a volunteer army of people doing this for the general good.   arrl.org

Be advised: because of the Flying AIDS, Christmas trees will be more expensive this year.

And they will have to wear masks.

No, seriously, did the virus inhibit growth in trees? Did Fauci invest in trees? 

Kanye went 'death con 3' on the Jews, but can't be antisemitic because blacks are Jews too.

He was immediately tossed off social medias (obviously because the Jews, of which he is one, own it).

I like Kanye. Not his alleged music, but his outbursts. He was really funny with Trump. He generally made sense, whether or not you agreed with him. This one seems a bit... odd, paranoid, conspiratorial, silly, and requiring more sleep or less chemical assistance. Everyone knows the Jews run the banks, not the record companies. Sheesh. Can't anyone find him a long-haired woman with an incredibly large butt for her size? She could keep him 'busy' to avoid these outbursts. But what do I know about rap?

I just proofread this blog.

Small wonder the only comments I get are from therapists.

Vegan Shampoo: Gluten Free, Meat Free

In my latest Florida IT Disaster rant, an unnamed IT person was fired for clicking on a phishing link, 'forcing' that city to pay ransom.

You will notice that no action was taken against the designers and maintainers of the network that wasn't patched and didn't have backups. This is a tactic worthy of a political debate.

As for the IT person, they should be required to take a remedial phishing safety class, then teach safety/employee education classes at work. In lieu of being a sacrificial lamb.



I've mentioned this, but Ancient TV escapes me. A local-ish station pops up out of nowhere, playing absolutely ancient shows. I believe the shows are royalty free, so there is little cost to run the station. So now everyone can be treated to the absolute BEST shows of the 70s. And when I say absolute best, I mean shows that weren't all that good in the 70s.  Then there are the networks with 50s shows. You can now watch ridiculously formulaic, black and white shows that your parents and grandparents watched. You know, wholesome comedy.  The absolute worst is Buzzer, the game show network. One would think that a network featuring various game shows would be entertaining. However, they play the original shows. You are now watching Match Game 73, meaning the show aired in 1973. Everybody on the show, including the contestants, is dead (except Betty White, of course). There is one fun part, though: the prizes. The cars you could win are hysterical to see. The furnishings are even funnier. And you could get the absolute latest in audio - an all-in-one stereo system, featuring a turntable and an 8 track player!

I couldn't figure out why I sit next to Mrs lefty and watched some of this nonsense. It's because I like to see manly cars. Huge cars. 8 cylinder cars. With trunks you could fit a family in. Where you can have separate arguments in the front and back seats, without disturbing the other. Cars where you could ride around the block and watch the gas gauge go down. With bench seats - favorite seat of spaniels and all other dogs. They hate having to climb over the hump, with nowhere to sit in these stupid bucket seats. When tires were large and the wheel wasn't. When you could run over smaller cars and not notice it.

Sigh.
The good old days.
Can't buy a real car anymore.

On the bright side, our Hyundai is magnificent; with a mileage figure that old cars didn't match, ok fuel consumption, and absolutely no tuneups or getting dirty. The most maintenance required was putting in washer fluid and taking it in for regular oil changes. Highly recommended.



Dear lefty

• Please answer - I haven't gotten any personal abuse lately and I miss it.
• Answer what, you twat?

RyanAir has performed a little Marketing Magic. The 737 Max has been grounded for its propensity to fall out of the sky. In their marketing wisdom, Ryan has repainted the 737 Max logo to read 737-8200. Yes, this is another name for the plane, but....

In unrelated news, the Twin Towers have been renamed 737 Max.

Smoking and Drinking

Boris Johnson, (R-UK), came out against sin taxes, like taxes added to unhealthy foods. As the mayor did in Philly on 'unhealthy beverages.'  Boris (R-Missing), says obesity is the NHS' worst problem, costing a ton of money. He said that taxes are not the way to go, preferring a science-based solution.

A pleasant surprise is politician and newscaster referral to the Nanny State.
Hey - that's MY phrase!   This would never happen in the US, as government creep gets larger and larger, and we never met a single thing we didn't want to legislate; screw the Constitution.  For a ridiculous example, see tobacco in the US. There is an obscene amount of taxes levied on tobacco. Most don't complain because they don't smoke. Even when the "Don't Smoke - You're Going to DIE' warning appeared on ciggies, it did nothing. Obviously taxing doesn't work, nor does dictating. Taxes were found to affect the low income segment disproportionally, especially on sugary beverages.


Speaking of Blighty, this is apparently a big time for the national pastime of cricket. Although we have some idea of football/soccer, we're flummoxed on cricket. Any who wouldn't be? Reports are that 57% of Brits don't understand it either.

There is a batsman that bowls the ball, which looks like it would cause an amazing amount of damage, should it come in contact with your person. It is referred to as bowling because the ball is made of the same thing bowling pins are made of, only there's no machine that returns them. No, the sport is so old that it relies on actual humans to move the ball. There is no sign of 3 finger holes on the ball, although rumor has it there are in the ladies' cricket league.

The field looks a lot like baseball, only with higher salaries and greater television ratings. This is carefully balanced by having to pay a tv license (they can't spell either) to actually watch stuff on tv. In spite of paying for tv, they also have an obscene amount of commercials. Embarrassed, the viewers claim American tv has more, but this is just projection, meant to make them feel ok with paying so much to watch men run around and get hit in the family jewels by balls with the tensile strength of SCUD missiles.

If the batter/bowler/truss-wearer manages to hit the ball, something definitely happens. This varies with the day of the week. Regardless, the sports reporters develop brain aneurysms commenting on hits, like hockey commentators in the US. Color commentary is slightly different too.

"Up now is Billy Hetherington-Smyth-Smith. Billy was conservative party ball washer, in addition to personally wetting his uniform in last year's finals."

"This score was quite the effort. It reminded me of two games ago, when they also scored."

"The team are playing wonderfully this season, allowing them to all work together on one player scoring."

In reality, nobody really knows how the game works, least of all the players. These athletes (ATH-uh-leets in the US) are not among society's best and brightest, referring to their jobs as somehow hitting the bowling ball and closely monitoring their bank accounts for copious rises in the balance. Some find this exercise too much and hire people to look at their bank accounts for them. Some make so much money they hire people to play for them, citing the risk of damage, should they have to run or something.

The bat is like a baseball bat, but flat, and more likely to cause damage on the other team's faces. The American practice of using aluminum bats has not caught on, even though it would cause more damage to faces (and groins). One reason for this is that the British pronounce it 'al you MIN e um', and the extra syllable costs more to air, due to the complex tax system, which reaches 90% of income.

Finally, the winner, although nobody knows how that is decided, takes the ashes. Nobody has ever questioned where the ashes came from, and why smoking is encouraged in this sport. Teams are considering changing ashes to rocks, as the sin tax on ashes is getting out of hand. Of course if they use rocks, they will also develop sin taxes.

Small wonder America gets a bad reputation for not understanding or following the sport... even the Brits don't understand it. This doesn't stop them from turning out in the hundreds of thousands to watch. Since the cricket watchers are of a higher socio-economic class, the sport lacks the excitement of soccer hooligan riots, the second most popular sport in the world; except America, where there are courts and jails in the stadiums.

Commenting on the upcoming acid test, Captain Ken Kesey said he was practicing all day, every day.

Lastly, no one has any idea why the founding batters chose to call it cricket. The name is slated to change, as the Society for the Protection of Insects, Brown Division, strongly objects to cruelty to crickets. Even if there are no crickets whatsoever in the game.

The preceding paragraphs are 100% fact free.

• 7-11 came up with an app!
• The next day, half a million dollars were stolen from customers because there was no security with password reset (anyone could change anyone else's password).

Are you tired of Security Theater? Being groped by the TSA in airports? Going through the body scanner? Wear sequins. They drive the body scanners crazy, so you'll go through the metal detector instead. And probably upset TSA agents.

• The family of a woman killed in the Las Vegas shooting is filing a lawsuit against gun makers.  Because them damn guns leaped into the air and shot her.
• There will obviously be lawsuits against alcohol manufacturers, car manufacturers, lake and ocean manufacturers, and anyone else who needs to be sued due to lack of personal responsibility.

After a recent typhoid fever scare, the LAPD recently announced the deployment of a germ-killing robot at Central Division on Skid Row.

The robot emits 5 minute pulses of UV light that the manufacturer says kills 80% to 90% of germs in the air & on open surfaces. I keep waiting for the punchline. If you tried this, you'd be jailed for practicing medicine without a license. This won't survive a lawsuit, good intentions aside. 

This is also a template for what's to come, should there be serious health issues.

• Coca-Cola says you can party like it's 1985 again, because they're re-releasing New Coke!
• This is what we call not learning from your unbelievably huge mistakes. New Coke was a major flop and was quickly discontinued. Probably because it tasted like Pepsi.
• In totally unrelated news, the Gremlin, the Ford Pinto, and the Nova are being re-released. Now you can get your Ugly, Exploding, Doesn't Go on.
• Other throwbacks planning a reissue include polyester pantsuits, bowties, Radio Shack computers, and gonorrhea.

SJW Antics

A SUNY professor penned an article titled 'Seeing poor white people makes me happy'.   If you want more entertainment, click the link. Even other racists will hate this guy.


Liberal Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz has noted that Ocasio-Cortez's comments make her a "Holocaust denier," which is a form of anti-Semitism.

Tonight's epic battle: the R Card vs the J Card.
Who will win this momentous social justice battle? Stay tuned!

Any group with more than one person in it will eventually eat itself.


Activists demand tampon dispensers in male bathrooms for "menstrual equality"
As with most things, Monty Python was years ahead of its time.

"Classical music is inherently racist." - an article in NewMusicBox.

Hours and Hours but You Can't Find Out Which

We went out yesterday, which is usually the start of a good/bad story.
We tried to be prepared.. it was a Sunday, so our destination had different hours. We took to the web to find out what those hours were. This was definitely a mistake. I almost miss phone books.

The first place had a link for hours and told me all about their Christmas and other holiday hours.  So at that point, we know when we couldn't go, but not when we could. We eventually found the hours by going to a different site.

I'll tell you something the professionals won't: depression is 75% brain chemistry and 25% trying to find stuff on the web or type things on your phone. I am dismayed that people are moving to cell phones to browse, over laptops and desktops. With that in mind, you'd think the web pages for phones would take the hint and get better. As Ben Stern said, "I told you not to be stupid, you moron." An entire page in a font ants strain to read is not helpful.

The second place had hours and even shared them with customers. But mostly they had a BIG SALE.

The third place only took 47 minutes to release its secrets.

I'm a huge technology guy and if I can't find this stuff, what hope do my parents have? Perhaps I have it wrong and the sites are set up for The Great Unwashed, and anyone with more than a few brain cells can't figure out it. This may be giving myself too much credit.

So on a Sunday, 3 connected stores were open at 9, 10, and 11:00. While this crisis doesn't reach the level of nuclear winter, the coordination and planning behind it is fun; like the class of ADHD students writing down the date of the next test. Look - a FENCE!


We took The Parents. You have not lived until you've seen Mom and Mrs lefty spend ten minutes going over the vagaries and precise details of work gloves. I didn't want to be unreasonable by demanding they return to the planet, as I'm only really horrible online. Of course I was thrilled because they had tool chests in blue. It takes all kinds.

When I told Mrs lefty to speed it up a bit (please), she said she was doing her best. Doing her best? How? Doing her best to discuss gloves, chatting about relatives, stopping to look in a window, more Glove Talk, more windows to check out. I'd hate to see her not doing her best.

Then there's Cigarette PTSD.
If you know a smoker, you'll understand. They're always the last out of the car because they're getting their cigarette ready. They're terrified they'll never have another cigarette. Logically, this is plain stupid, as they just got done paying $27.89 a pack for tobacco with urea and huge banners that say SMOKING WILL KILL YOU.

Once they're out of the car, they're the last in the store or destination because they have to smoke the little things. And if there's a walk involved, they can smoke another one, delaying the entire busload of cancer patients another ten minutes.

I was at a mall with Mrs lefty and her sister. As we were leaving and approached within 50 feet of the exit, they both had their ciggies ready. In fact, the PTSD was so bad, they only made it to the first set of automatic doors - both of them. By the second set (15' away), they were already enjoying burning plants with toxic additives and putting the nicotine goodness from it into their lungs.

If you watch police shows, you'll notice they arrest the perp for shooting 47 people and raping kittens, and the only thing the bad guy will say is to beg for a last cigarette before they take him to jail.


Other scenes from a mall

When the ice cream guy hands you caramel ice cream and strawberry cheesecake ice cream, why do you have to taste them first to figure out which is which? When you tell him someone dropped an entire cone on your side of the counter, he asks small or large.

The frozen lemonade stand looked interesting. It would be more interesting if they had actual lemon-flavored lemonade, as pictured. This is what I call Unreasonable Expectations.

The place that has [James Earl Jones voice] THE MEAT, doesn't tell you THE MEAT doesn't extend to the outside of the bun. But hey - curly fries. There's apparently a bell by the door you're supposed to ring if you thought the food was delicious. If anyone ever rung it, it would develop a crack larger than the Liberty Bell.  I guess if you didn't think the food was delicious you'd need to signal your thoughts, perhaps with a long, pronounced fart.

Speaking of long, pronounced farts, have you seen that Payless Shoes is going out of business? Now's the time to hit the stores. That is, unless you're my size or like what I like, in which case there aren't any shoes. When I had determined there were no shoes for me in the entire SHOE store, I was tying my shoes and some lady asked, with great difficulty, if she could use the seat to tie her other person's shoe. Well, sure, but they'd have to wait for me (I'm funny that way). While waiting, the other person, probably on the autistic spectrum, let out a long, zippy kinda fart. I was waiting for the entire aisle to fall over, but everyone politely waited til we left the store, before doing verbal impersonations.


All in all, it was a great day to swear this is something you'll never do again, then forget and do it again.  At least we procured a tie with functional piano keys on it, so the day wasn't totally shot.

Putting Shellfish Up My Nose

You tell me: if the first thing that happens in the morning is that the toilet overflows all over the floor for no particular reason, is it a bad sign?

• Is Oprah Winfrey really going to run for president? Mrs lefty asked what her qualifications are - losing weight then gaining it?
• I said that's not fair: she recommends books for her drooling legions of fans to read.
• To be absolutely fair, Barack Obama was a little known senator and Donald Trump had no political experience at all, although some argue that his financial experience qualifies him.

VTech, the company that put out toys that collect data (spy) on children, was heavily punished for this, to the tune of $650,000. Yes, they're certainly hurting. They've definitely learned their lesson, yes sir. Oh, by the way, the fine went to the Federal Trade Commission, not the affected families.

VTech has agreed to strengthen security around these devices. Hopefully that trend will catch on. Better yet, stop collecting data they have no business collecting. Who do they think they are - the government?

• A t-shirt company has a new one that says "Little Monkey" on it. The picture of it featured two black children. Imagine their surprise when people got very upset about it.
• Who could have predicted this?
• This company's next t-shirt features a face with a huge nose, with the caption "We Own Everything". It will be modeled by Jewish children.

Recently, at an airport checkpoint, this multi-step drill bit was discovered in a passenger's luggage. 

The bit was confiscated, as it could be used as a weapon.

You know, when the owner whipped out his drill on the plane, then started asking people where he could plug it in. 

On the bright side, it wasn't a box cutter.

• a recent article on blogger safety made several recommendations, the first being not to overshare. This is a valuable tip and valid concern.
• I feel protected, as I have a rich inner life and make all this shit up anyway.

Wireless security has a long and checkered history. At first there was no security. Then WEP security, which is very close to no security. The current standard is WPA2, which takes a bit longer than five minutes to crack (like WEP). It is interesting to note that Verizon was still configuring their home wireless routers with WEP as of a few years ago.

The new standard being worked on is WPA3. It promises the sun, moon, and stars. Unknown to the leaders of the project, the participants are also putting together a pool, where the winner will guess the exact week it will be cracked.

• The NSA is experiencing poor morale. Perhaps they feel bad about what they're doing to people.
• Just kidding - it's attributed to low pay, reorganization and recent leaks.
• In other letter agency news, the FBI Director has once again called for encryption backdoors to be created in mobile devices so that authorities can exclusively use them to access data stored on citizens' devices.
• Make no mistake, the reach of these agencies goes far beyond their authorization. Once there's a potential for abuse, there will be abuse. They cannot and will not be constrained. Contact your representatives and let them know this does not fly. They, of course, will tell you it will 'keep us safe' and it's for the children.

Great New State Laws

A new year, a new set of stupid laws and reactions to them.

In Oregon, a new law allows residents to pump their own gas. Oregon and New Jersey were the only two states that prohibited self-pumping. Having (unfortunately) driven in New Jersey, I have to say it's nice to have someone pump your gas for you every now and then. The folks who operate the pumps are generally men with turbans, from my experience, nearest a bridge.

Oregonians immediately became horrified at this dangerous legislation. They took to social media to talk about the danger of self-pumping and how nobody should be allowed to do so, only "qualified" gas-pumping workers (is there a degree?).

It hurts like hell to be serious, but even this tiny new freedom has people up in arms. Small wonder they don't care and won't vote for liberty.

Not to be left behind, Washington enacted a tax on sugary drinks. Unlike Philadelphia, which couched the tax in terms of care for children, Washington went full Nanny State, trying to discourage consumers from drinking "unhealthy" beverages. This tax has already failed in Philly, as has the burdensome New Jersey tax on cigarettes. Even if you approve of Nanny State tactics, this proves they don't work. People were going to the suburbs to buy soda!

Philadelphia and New Jersey have a long, storied history of cultural and financial exchange.  Quite a while back, Jersey's drinking age was eighteen, while Philly's was twenty one.  So every enterprising young partying soul would cross a bridge into New Jersey to go clubbing. 

Philadelphians also discovered that liquor was more heavily taxed and strangely regulated in their home city, so they also crossed the bridge to buy alcohol. New Jersey just happened to have several very large liquor stores right over the bridge. In addition to pricing, these stores offered selection, a quality that was missing in Pennsylvania, because one can only buy liquor in State Stores, run by the state and staffed by the state. Pennsylvania is one of about two states with this ridiculous monopoly. Many have complained, but the system will not allow any infringement, between the state and the union representing the employees. Plus you can't purchase liquor on Sunday, due to ancient and unconstitutional Blue Laws. You can get beer at distributors, but are limited (six pack?) at bars.

Somebody (the state of PA, with help from its Uncle Vito, who has a controlling interest in delivery of liquor to the east coast) took offense at New Jersey getting all that money for alcohol and managed to convince somebody else to station state troopers near the Jersey liquor stores, to hunt down and kill (I mean ticket) people crossing the bridge strictly to purchase alcohol. No, really. No one knows how they were going to determine this or how many were caught, but it probably had the effect of increasing revenue at the stores farther from the bridge.

Stick with me here.... Philly levied an absolutely ridiculous set of taxes on cigarettes, pushing the per-pack price to around ten dollars. Not to be outdone, New Jersey went even further, pushing their per-pack price to twenty five dollars, and their case price required proof of a second mortgage  (I'm making these prices up).  So New Jerseyans started crossing the bridge to buy cheaper ciggies. As if by magic, cigarette stores popped up almost at the foot of the bridge, some even selling raw tobacco for the do-it-yourself crowd.

So yeah, Nanny State and sin taxes are a miserable failure, driving money away from the area it's supposed to 'benefit'. Let me take just a short moment to reflect the spirit of the Founding Fathers: Nanny State laws are anti-freedom and morally wrong. In a free society, people are free to make their own decisions, even if they're bad ones. If Nanny Stating actually worked, those horrid warnings on cigarette packs would be effective. In the UK, the warnings are so dire and large, you can read them from across the room, long before you can tell what brand they are. WARNING: THIS SHIT WILL KILL YOU.

As for the transit between PA and NJ, New Jersey is getting angry about a perceived trade imbalance. Philly's unofficial response was, "Yo. Fuck you."

In part two of this seemingly endless screed, I'll make up a fake civil war between the states; describing what it will look like and what sorts of projectiles will be lobbed across the water.

• Now would be a good time to get out to your supermarket: mine is blowing out something I didn't know existed.. M&M Caramel. It's like a crunchy little Rolo. I've taken out most of a bag in a day. They're almost as good as Peanut Butter M&Ms. This is the kind of important information you get at ThermionicEmissions. Tell your friends. But not your diabetic friends.

Listen up, iPhone folks: since the 6s, there's a Health app. I don't know anything about it and hadn't heard about it til today.  Police caught a rape/murder suspect and examined his phone. In addition to the GPS location, the Health app tracked him going upstairs and downstairs, which correlated to the location of the victim. So if I had the Health app, I'd disable it on an immediate basis. Uninstall if possible. I know you're not going to murder anybody (well, I hope not), but your location and movement information is yours alone.

• A breach allowed access to the personal information of 30,000 Florida Medicaid recipients. The information included ID number, birth date, diagnoses, and social security number. The breach was the result of a phishing expedition against employees. It was noted that the human factor is the weakest link in the security chain. Sad but true.
• Auto-tech firm Telenav announced on Thursday an “in-car advertising platform” for internet-connected cars. Yes, you will now receive ads on your dashboard. And because your car has sensors, the advertiser will know exactly where you are and will suggest something nearby. What? This isn't your idea of Driving Heaven? No problem - just pay extra to opt out. Toyota, Lexus, Ford, and GM already use the company's connected car products. Doesn't this give you a warm feeling? Like you just peed in your pants...

No matter your mood, the sight of a vigorous tail-wagging will make you smile. Try it.

Getting a Really Stupid TV

Falling coconuts kill more people each year than shark attacks. Just thought you should know.

• Eye Bleach Brigade: Nursing home workers caught sharing nude patient images on Snapchat. This is a special kind of perverted (and I should know).

Internet of Things (Iot) doorbell available that will give up your wifi passwords to anyone with a screwdriver. Remember - this is what's coming with the IoT. It's a total security nightmare and I highly recommend against it until it's completely secured (40 years after you're dead and technology has found several new generations of buzzwords).

• "A country where you are fined for fishing without a license but where people cross the border without passports is run by idiots.”  Can't argue.

Joseph Fiennes will be playing Michael Jackson in a road trip movie. People are protesting (because it's so difficult to tell them apart).

• According to a recent study, teens and adults are opting for porn because it's 'less risky than actually having sex.' Has anybody told them there's a significant difference?

Dutch police kicked down a door after a report of "terrifying screams." It turned out to be a man singing along with opera. Hey, at least it wasn't rap.

• This is a very interesting and sad story about one of the engineers who tried to stop the Space Shuttle from launching and failed, after which it exploded.

Haven't you always hoped to meet your idols or favorites?
After reading a few on Twitter, it turns out that way too many of them have bizarre political views and are better off un-met (yeah, I get the irony). The Pythons are brilliant in 148 characters, though. Very witty, Wilde.

• Coldplay is twenty years old. Accordingly, I just heard them for the first time. I like to make up my own mind so I ignored all of the dissing they got from the public. After hearing one song and part of another, I realized that sometimes, infrequently, the public is right.

SELFIE TIME

• A lady on holiday in India tried to take a selfie at a tourist spot and fell 30' down a well. Fortunately she was rescued. No word on how the selfie turned out.

Since no one has died this week, Paul Kantner stepped up to the plate and left us yesterday. Kantner (74) founded the Jefferson Airplane. He had heart trouble previously and his organs kinda shut down.

• We just went past Data Privacy Day. As we know here, every day is data privacy day. The EFF has put together some info. One focus is your children's data in schools. There are many good links and the EFF is a great resource.  When you go to do something online, take a moment and this about how it might affect your privacy. We have to take care of ourselves - it's not in any company's or government's best interest to tell you how to maintain privacy (and security). If you have any questions, ask!

We all know about addiction and addicts. Crack addicts will break into houses to steal, sell their children and whatever else to get their fix. I've been monitoring and realized that crack addiction has absolutely nothing on the big one: of course I'm talking about cigarettes.  My wife is a smoker, so I have some idea of what I speak. When she goes into the hospital, a practice to which I have put a stop, the first thing I'm required to do is locate cigarettes. And maybe clothes.

So we're watching COPS and this guy is having an absolute blast, making his car do donuts. He winds up stopped, largely as a result of that old physics chestnut about two objects occupying the same place at the same time. In other words, he hit a house. The cop arrives immediately and goes up to the open window to find the airbag deployed..

COP: Sir, are you ok?
Guy: What? Yeah.
COP: Sir, can you get out of the car, please?
Guy: Can I have a cigarette?
COP: Get out of the car, please. Are you hurt?
Guy: I'm fine.
COP: I called the ambulance, have them look at you.
Guy: Can I have a cigarette?
COP: Let them look at you first.
...
Guy: Ok, I'm fine. Can I have a cigarette?
COP: I have stuff to do. Get in the car- you're going to jail.
Guy: Can I have a cigarette first?

I was half shocked and half hysterical. The wife was trying to tell me, through her laughter, that's the way it is.

And now, The Music

You may not know them off the top of your head, but everybody knows The Faces.
Rod Stewart was their front man.
Ron Wood (Rolling Stones) plays guitar.
Kenny Jones (The Who) plays drums.
Ronnie Lane plays bass. He passed from Gehrig's Disease and the ARMS Concerts raised funds for a cure.
Ian McLagan plays keys. Later he did work for the Rolling Stones and his own bands.

The link goes to a really good concert from 1972.
Check out Ronnie Lane singing on Maybe I'm Amazed. Ron Wood is playing a really cool Zamaitis guitar on this. You'll also recognize Stay With Me.

These guys groove like no other. Enjoy the show.