Captivity - Day 28 Who has my rectal thermometer

Let's use our new words in a sentence:
We have flattened the curve, using social distancing and sheltering-in-place.


Remember - if you're sheltering-in-place, you don't have to wash your hands.



RIP Brian Dennehy (81), natural causes (at 81?)



I had vanilla yogurt this morning. There is nothing on the bottom to mix, like fruit yogurt. There goes my exercise today.


The neighbor's at it again, after 8 hours yesterday.
I looked it up and discovered that if you're planting grass by the blade, you have to come back the next day to polish it.


IT'S THE WEEKEND!!!!
Well, technically. The only difference between tomorrow is sleeping late (that's a good thing).


"Speaking of jail, there's this: "Quarantine leads to murder"
and this
"Cannabalism suspected in Brooklyn"

Idiot Governor hasn't said anything about this, but I'm going to go ahead and give you the Stay out of New Yawk suggestion.



The doctor finally got his teleconference software operating (with the help of the 13 year old kid from next door. He prescribed some new medicine.

I don't want another pill, Doc. The idea is to decrease the meds.
What's it for?

It stops your ears from dancing all the time, like you're doing now.

But you have to remember to cut down on your connoflavin.

But Doc - that stuff saved my life 10 years ago. If I take less of it, well... do you want me to come to your office with a large, automatic weapon and some panties?

Ah, Mr lefty, I see your point. Here's what we'll do.
You take the connoflavin  and remove the corners - that should help.
Now I'll give you this prescripton.

For what?

Well, it's an anti-resin complex with triple A's. As I said before, it keeps your ears quiet, It will help you fix the car, and call your mother-in law rude names. It's for taking care of the nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea that the other pills may cause. Make sure you're not pregnant.

Hmmmmm, maybe I'll take the prescription after all.

Breast Pump Baby, it's a Gas Gas Gas

Yes, I work in the Twilight Zone<tm>, where gravity is merely a suggestion; right at the intersection of the yellow brick road and the duck pond.

It was a light and chilly morning.  I was kinda tired and not at the top of my game.  To prevent falling asleep at my desk, I decided to take a walk.  I am beginning to suspect I work in the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder center of Philadelphia, where hand-washing is not only mandatory, it's constant.  And after everyone is done washing their hands, they can feel free to hit the antibacterial soap dispenser and rub their hands some more.  I am looking for some helpful pamphlets on germphobia and hand-washing to put under the dispensers.

So I stumbled out to the kitchen to splash some water on my face and stood behind a coworker.  In my semi-awake state I noticed a bunch of plastic parts on the drying rack.  While washing my own hands, it suddenly occurred to me: those plastic parts look like a breast pump.  This lady was washing out her breast pump in the kitchen sink.

To be dreadfully honest, I have never seen a breast pump in person, but this had somewhat of a genuine appearance.  It was definitely not at the top of the list of things I thought I was going to see this morning.