Time to Call the Exorcist. Again.

I got out of bed to discover my laptop in the OFF state.

This was somewhat disconcerting, as I had left it in the ON state.

At this point, it was necessary to utter my new phrase: What is it THIS time?

After watching stuff near Mrs. lefty fly off shelves, I had no idea what to expect.

Troubleshooting gave the answer; the power plug came out of the power strip.

This is a new one, especially as it takes great force to plug the cord in and unplug it.

The dog, who has taken to turning power strips off, had no way to unplug it.

Even if one of us tripped over it, it would not unplug.

So there's that.

I don't even believe in exorcists, but am willing to try anything.

There is much more proof for UFOs than exorcists.

*it is best to leave computers off when you're not using them, for security's sake

The other day I was asked to let the dog out. Wife said Dog had to poop.

Ok, the universal Dog sign for going out is to sit there and stare at me.

How Wife knew Dog wanted to poo is beyond my understanding. I'm not sure I need this kind of knowledge. I'd rather know about UFOs or JFK. Instead, I get my head full of knowing when the dog wants to poop. I feel shorted somehow.

I don't think the neighbors like us. I inquired about the forthcoming baby and was told any time in the next 48 hours. Then radio silence. They must be pissed that their dogs can't eat my dog. Or that time I heard him say, "That fscking crazy lady next door." It was very hurtful to hear, because I didn't get called crazy too. I felt left out. Dammit, I have an image to maintain.

On the other side, I have to sit down with that new neighbor to tell him stories of the previous owner, The Crazy Lady, and her tenant, the ex-armed forced schizophrenic who owned guns. It probably didn't help that he was next door to me - I fed his paranoia delightfully, but not intentionally. I wonder if any of his place was booby trapped. I guess I'd know by now... no explosions since the new people moved in.  "Hey, lefty, we're redoing the up" BOOM.

A Colorado pastor says God told him to launch a crypto venture. He’s now accused of pocketing $1.3 million from his followers

It's ok - God told him to steal the money too.

In my house, when someone hears voices, the medicine gets adjusted.

California Bill Calls for Tech to Make New Cars Unable to Speed

California is a weird place. Kinda like Hitler was antisemitic.

NSA finally admits to spying on Americans by purchasing sensitive data

 SHOCKING! Who would have thought? Now give them more tax dollars so they can keep up their good work. $80 billion to the IRS. NSA demands its share.

 

Disposable vapes to be banned for children's health, government says (UK)

but not cigarettes or alcohol. Hypocrites.

 

Gotta go? We’ve finally found out what makes urine yellow

   That's nice. Now what about vitamin B makes it green and smell?

Captivity - Day 98 Get your emojis off my subject line

We've turned up missing.
Things happened.
With my computer.
Things that you wouldn't believe.
Things that couldn't happen, even if I performed them manually.

I think I purchased Satan's solid state drive.
This would not surprise any ThermionicEmissions reader.
I put the drive in for more space. It proceeded to become involved in the boot process, so when I removed it, the machine wouldn't boot.
Several of the best utilities and the best advice later, nothing continued to work.
Further, several of the drive partitions had switched places. This does not happen. I couldn't make it happen if I wanted to. Once I realized what happened, I reinstalled my operating system (which disappeared) and off we were.

We're going to have a group of exorcists by later on today. The only question is if the computer has to be Catholic...


What does this have to do with the blog?
I was too demoralized to bother with anything else, plus I had to remain calm and silent: the police said some neighbors had come up missing.


Mr lefty's birthday was recently.
For her special day, she took my mother to lunch and completely ignored me.
That's ok, I was consoled by the Twins.




Code Green will also present a problem at our massage parlors. The masseurs have to get certified to massage at 6'. Ever tried to give manual stimulation from across the room?


It looks like our vaunted Captivity series is coming to an end. And when I say coming to an end, I mean 'as Idiot Mayor deigns'. Then it will be back to our normal ranting.



So Scotland is looking at their own spaceport.
Over at NASA: "Sir...SIR... come quickly! We're getting some otherworldly noise over the radio. Maybe it's the signal we're not alone!"

"No, Johnson, that's the Scots talking."



Back at home, we've been cleaning and rearranging furiously.
And when I say furiously, I mean we're furiously throwing anything that isn't nailed down (and a few that are) across the room. Occasionally through windows. If we wait til very late, it competes with the fireworks.  Fireworks? Fireworks. We have 1 or 2 idiots who set off fireworks for no apparent reason, every few days. I like to communicate with them when they do...

Them: BOOM
Me: Take your small dick inside with your fireworks!
Them: silence.
Them: BOOM

Another massive step for neighborly relations.
     Sometimes I grow weary of being the Weird House; other times I have to protect my title.



As everyone knows, we're on the brink of electric cars.
Seems like a good idea.
Of course, there's always fallout...

• Godammit, Jimmy.... you took the car and didn't plug it in. How am I going to get to work today?
• No, you have to plug it into its own special outlet. And you CAN'T plug the tv into that outlet... this is the 3rd tv this month.
• You also can't plug your little sister into that outlet. Sometimes I think the stork dropped off the wrong baby.

In grade school, we found out a neighbor's kid honestly thought the stork brought babies. He must've had some interesting parents. If Mom, heaven forbid, lost the baby, did they tell him the stork took the baby?

I think I've found a solution to knocking down statues: any statue destroyed will be fed to the destroyers.

I wanted to bring you this, which is the main reason I brought everything back up: Fish eggs can hatch after being eaten and pooped out by ducks.

You've Got Your Pandemic on my Rhinocerous

Catholic priests are so upset about COVID-19....

HOW UPSET ARE THEY?

They're so upset, they're demanding clean COVID-19 tests from little boys before molesting them.

[you know you'll be telling that one at work tomorrow]



Cell Phone Stupidity

Verizon is offering a phone plan that contains a Yahoo Mail account.
Next they will offer a plan that includes an AOL account and a bag phone.

Comcast mistakenly published names, phone numbers, and addresses of nearly 200,000 customers who paid monthly fees to make their numbers unlisted.
Customers paid $3.50 to $5.50 monthly for this service. Comcast will not be satisfied until they have sucked every cent possible out of you. Then they'll find a way to get more.  This is a perfect example of a duopoly: Philly allowed only 2 cable companies to operate: Verizon and Comcast. More competition would drive prices to more reasonable levels.

• Are female urinals the answer to queues at the loos?
• What a tremendous idea... women's bladders are smaller than men's, so the lines are always longer.
• FEMALE URINALS? WTF?

Alex Jones ordered to stop selling fake coronavirus cures, by New York attorney general. Apparently generating coronavirus PANIC is ok, though. New York desperately wants to be the new California, and is working very diligently toward it. Like him or not, leave Alex alone. It truly is the responsibility of the buyer, not government. The AG referred to Jones' 'latest mistruths'.  I wonder if it's ok to sue an Attorney General for this. It's defamation, but apparently there are no statutes against that.  If nothing else, Alex is quite (inadvertently) funny. No one else would bullhorn the Bilderberg meetings.


Data of millions of eBay and Amazon shoppers exposed

To their credit, eBay and Amazon are not involved; instead it was a third party. So you're still exposed. What can you do?

• The White House told federal health agency to classify coronavirus deliberations
• Just cut it the f- out. There's always need for secrecy, but we're beyond out of hand now. We pay YOU, yet you decide what we can and can't see? Government for and by the people, not leading the country, doing what you feel like.
• If we had a real pandemic, these 'public servants' would classify that too. The people have no 'need to know.'

AT&T CEO pay rose to $32 million in 2019 while he cut 20,000 jobs

To be clear, I have no trouble with corporate salaries. I am not a socialist and don't believe these people are obligated to share their wealth. What bothers me is that he did it on the backs of those 20,000 ex-employees (most likely among other things). This is a personal opinion, and out of step with the libertarian position that it's a private company and can do what it wants. I'm am not a hypocrite: I just hold 2 differing opinions at the same time.  There was also a hedge fund involved here somewhere; it was over who was going to maintain the hedges outside the corporate offices.

• One of the reasons I like Firefox is the addons. My latest is Mouse Gesture Events. You'd be surprised (maybe you wouldn't) what you can do with just a mouse gesture.  Forward, backward, shut current page and go backward, all sorts of stuff. It's in the normal addons spot.
• Another is ColorfulTabs. The default Firefox has tabs that are all the same color. This auto-colors them so the one on top is easy to find. You can also make it use colors you prefer.
• If you're running Firefox under linux and want to use the Backspace key to go back a page, open about:config, search for browser.backspace_action, change the 2 to zero. Done. Test to make sure.

One newspaper asked if the 2020 elections could be postponed because of the virus.  No, the country would never get that lucky.

An article in the Guardian says that the virus is creating hell on OCD patients who are compulsive hand-washers. Part of the treatment is not washing their hands.  Up until recently, those antibacterial dispensers weren't for viruses: they were OCD tests.

• Everyone's favorite dictator and Wild and Crazy Guy, Vladimir Putin, signed a boatload of amendments to the Constitution (not specified whose), allowing him to run for Dictator once more. The amendment after that one had him winning the election.
• Not to be ignored, the Bernie Bros have stated that they'd rather hand Trump the presidency than vote for Biden. When the NY Post published this, they used the word 'exodus.' I thought they meant the socialists were leaving the country. Oh well.....

Everybody's favorite perv uncle, Joe Biden, forgot the year and wandered out of frame during a livestream. This man is presidential material. THIS is the Joe Biden we wanted to see while he was Vice President. It has been speculated that President Obama told the Secret Service to tie Uncle Joe to a chair for 8 years. Unless they find him with a 5 year old in a hotel, where pictures and video are already on the internet, this is the presumptive democratic nominee for president.

• Being stubborn, rigid may lower your risk of Alzheimer's.
• Hello... this is my wild card! Not only won't I get Alzheimer's, neither will my entire family. I have enough stubborn for the East Coast of the US.

EASTER

Happy Easter to those who celebrate (or care).
Although I'm not Catholic, I want you who are to enjoy whatever it is that you do.

In truth, I am part of a large, non-Catholic denomination that celebrates Easter. We are commonly known as the Holy C (candy). The malted balls are a favorite here, as well as the Reese's white chocolate candy.  As with any group, we had to split into 2: the people who dive right in, and the people who wait a day, til the candy goes on sale. Having been both, sometimes on the same day, I belong to the Sale Group. If I find myself at an Easter celebration and there's candy, I will switch over to the Dive Right In group for the day. I know, I know, religious hypocrisy. But let's face it: I'd have to want to leave the house and go to an Easter celebration for that to happen.

Since I'm not Catholic, my view of Easter is largely candy, complicated by reality. It's never fun when reality creeps into the picture. So I'm going to explain Easter to my fellow non-Catholic readers (so you'll only sound like a partial doofus at gatherings).  Warning: if you are an easily-offended Catholic, you want to stop reading right now. Solution: if you are easily-offended, you wouldn't be reading this blog, so....


Easter: Jesus comes out of his cave and looks around. If he goes back in, with a sad look on his face, we get another 6 weeks of gloomy weather (this happens regardless of Jesus where I live). If he goes jogging, it will be a good year for the crops (and thusly, Monsanto).  The final option, Jesus doing miracles, has been hoped for over 2,000 years. He will heal the sick (putting doctors and insurance companies out of work, so their lobbies got this option taken off the sheet). He will cure ailing cars (putting mechanics out of work, so they, too, got this removed from the list). Lastly, he will create peace the world over. This option proved the most difficult. This would force the Military Industrial Complex to starve, ruining entire economies, and giving millions nowhere to fight, causing worldwide starving. Jesus had no way of knowing that Peace = Starvation. Also put out were the politicians, who pretended to care about peace, and the one actually working for it. Lastly, President Trump was all set, in his third term, to create peace in the middle east, so he's Very Mad at Jesus. His only remaining satisfaction is that he's still richer than Jesus. They will go on to be great friends - the best of friends. Can I have a hand for Jesus? Jesus will be white-listed at all the presidents' golf clubs, resorts, and hotels (although I'd stay away from New York for a few years).

Stations of the Cross: this is where you guess how many gas stations will be open on Easter Sunday. This is a very complex religious game, because many stations have not set their hours yet. Exceptions: any gas station that produces its own food, like Fried Quickie Chicken. Any station run by a Sikh, and anything with an expiration date. The stations are north, south, east, and Bob.

Palm Sunday: This is where the devoted, the semi-devoted, and the people who are dragged into it by relatives, for some reason, beat each other about the head and shoulders with palms. At this point, they realized that this palm thing isn't all that bad, right?  This is also the time when the non-Catholics start to pay attention and think maybe these Catholics have a point. However, they want to modify Palm Sunday so the celebration is done at individual homes, sometimes with only 2 people, sometimes with up to 25.  Sssshhhhhhh  - the safe word is BUNNIES.

Ash Wednesday: People go to church, whereupon a person in a very silly white getup puts ashes on their forehead. The first time I saw this, I was aghast... how could people walk around with dirty foreheads for an entire day? My friends, bless them, took me aside and explained it to me. Then I became privately aghast. I have it on good authority that children sometimes celebrated this holiday in their own individual tradition: they smoked a cigarette, while writing their excuse notes for school, and put the ashes on their foreheads. This only worked once, because Catholic mothers know the difference between cigarette ashes and Proper ashes. Even modern science can't tell the difference, but MOM can. They just never asked her. Oddly enough, Jewish mothers can also tell, but nobody asked them either. The Jews think Jesus was ahead of his time: he worked at the first ever Car Wash. This gave him a lot of spare time to do miracles and stuff.

Jesus: I was really far out of the loop on Jesus, so it took quite a while to figure out this whole Father, Son, and Holy Ghost thing. You can't be 3 people.... unless.... Jesus with the first with multiple personalities! Just wait til the church starts fighting with psychology! The church will say there's no such thing as multiple personalities. Psychology will say there's no such thing as Jesus. It will be funny to watch for the first few hundred years; after that, it will get tedious.


Good Friday: The Catholics, overnight, in a quiet raid, borrowed a worldwide tradition. After an entire week of working, we celebrate by getting drunk, having sloppy sex, hugging telephone poles, eating things that don't go well with alcohol, and drinking alcohol that doesn't go well with other alcohol. Everybody looks forward to Friday. When the Catholics 'appropriated' it, they gave official standing to Friday Activities. The only thing they changed was during sloppy sex, you cannot use a condom, and you have to have sloppy sex strictly for having a baby.  Good Friday happens 52 times a year, but officially it only happens once. If you forget and use a condom in your drunken state, you must enter the Holy Closet and whip out a few bills for the poor and the PAL (Priests Alcohol Locker).  You are forgiven, and free to go out and do it again next Friday.


Super Saturday: This is a brand new (under 1,547 years) tradition that means nothing. Saturday just felt lonely, between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, thus was given its own holiday. We all have the person in the family who thinks he deserves his own holiday.... no one invites him to family parties, yet he shows up anyway.


Easter Sunday: on this day, most of the stores are closed. This is the way you can tell Catholics are serious about this holiday. Skipping ahead a few months, this is why the Jews eat Chinese food on their holidays. The Catholics have no choice but to eat at delicatessens, where they think corned beef is some dark shade of red, not brown, as Jesus decreed.


Easter Monday: when the candy sales start. Also typically when employers give their employees the day off, in celebration of Jesus the candy sales.

• According to a Vatican exorcist, one exorcism he presided over had the person levitate and stay on the ceiling for 6 hours.
• YOU - You get down off the ceiling and get exorcised, you demon from hell. This is precisely what my mother used to say to me.

Today I identify as   a missing COVID-19 test kit, going for $1950 on Ebay


Heroes of the Stupid

Utah may make it illegal for cops to masturbate in their cars.
Is there a need for this law? what about at home?



SJW Saltiness


Bulletin: It's racist to shut down travel from places that are heavily diseased.
It's racist to identify where the disease came from.


Furry hate is always just a cover for queerphobia
not when the #1 show in the nation features furries...


Tammy Bruce: Dem erasure of Tulsi Gabbard is the ultimate misogyny
Damn - I thought having a penis was the ultimate misogyny