Rabies and the Perfect Ring

 Your love is like  that new untreatable strain of gonorrhea

Yes, welcome to the (sloppily arranged, last minute) annual ThermionicEmissions Christmas issue (that started this year).

Apoplectic because nobody's listening to him, Dr Anthony Fauci had a screaming meltdown on national tv (have you ever seen a sign language translator translate a meltdown?), re-stating that no one should travel this holiday. Last year, 90 million people traveled. This year it's down to 88 million, but Fauci feels unheard and unheeded. As a result, all cars can have no more than one person in them, preferably the driver. Cars and trucks will be inspected coming into and leaving the states. If found to have more than 1 occupant, they will be removed from the vehicle, forced to pay a Fauci Tax, and held in Non-Compliant Flying AIDS Transportation camps, until their party returns. Responding to the accusation that these camps are nothing but forced labor, Fauci said "It's not hard labor - they're just helping build my summer homes. The children only do cleaning, no construction work."

In other holiday news, a public transportation bus in Philadelphia saved some cars by intercepting 5 bullets. Nobody was hurt. 

This is the time of year Philly Police dress as Santa and give children presents. Many thought the tradition was stopped last year after Santa and his protection detail was mowed down by automatic weapons fire while riding a bus. Philadelphia will be the first city, after Detroit, to dress their police Santas in Kevlar vests. Police Commissioner Outlaw (that's her name) commented "Ha, yeah, you can't keep those children from getting excited when Santa and automatic weapons are in season."

Delivery marches on, or rather, delivery stops dead and has no idea where it is.

The package that went out 2 weeks ago, from 1 state north, will arrive, I am assured by the US Postal Service. It will be late.  No, you're kidding me. 2weeks+ to go 1 state. That's literally a trip across the country and back (not that we have any idea where it is now).  We don't know where it is, but it will be late - the USPS.

The one halfway across the country, at 2 weeks out, is supposed to arrive yesterday. Supposed to. The USPS is late for being late.

I'm sorry - I'm a little bitchy today because something ate my xmas gifts and it's my time of the day. 

They tell me I have to learn patience. They've been telling me this for many many years, yet they still tell me this. Maybe they need to learn to stop telling me to learn patience.

Let's trace a package:

Dec 8 - label printed

Dec 9 - USPS got its grubby little hands on it

Dec 10-22  - it's in the system

New York to PA

Dec 8 - USPS is touching the box

Dec 9 - at USPS facility in Batman, NY.

Dec 10 - leaving Batman, NY

Dec 11 - at Plant City, FL facility

Dec 12 - somewhere. It will be late, but it's definitely somewhere.

Dec 13-20 - Maui, Hawaii facility. Wouldn't you stay for a while too? Maui Wowie, man!

Dec 21 - Portland, Oregon, telling BLM that antifa dissed their mother

Dec 22 - Intercourse, PA facility. Finally in the right state.

Dec 23 - Wright Patterson Air Force Base, OH. Partying with aliens.

Dec 24 - Blue Ball, PA facility.

Dec 25 - It's Christmas, man. Do you expect us to work on Christmas? Or other days ending in -day?

Dec 26 - Batman, NY. Returned to sender because postman got TO and FROM mixed up.

Dec 27 - Picked up. Again. Note to recipient: it will be late, but at least we know where it is this time.

Dec 28 - South Dakota facility, because if you ever complain about your weather again...

Dec 29 - St Raul, Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes; each one of which package has been dropped in.

Dec 30 - deliver to 1234 Main St, PA. Postman can't find 1234 because he's on the wrong side of the street, return to sender.

Sign in Post Office:

December delivery schedule

Guaranteed Next Day Delivery: 2-4 days

Guaranteed 2 day delivery: 4-8 days

First Class: 2-30 days

Regular: good luck

Tracking: $25, will not be tracked

Guaranteed Lost: $50, may not be lost

Hey... I smell the beginnings of a brand new conspiracy theory.

The USPS is wrong nearly 100% of the time. Who else is wrong nearly 100% of the time? Weather forecasters. Coincidence? I think not.

Today I identify as  Jewish. HEY - WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY THING....??

Idiot Mayor hath decreed the restrictions will continue until late January.

Thou shalt not dine indoors, whether in a restaurant or your home, excepting that the number of diners in your home does not exceedeth 3. If thou shalt eat outdoors, the number of diners shall not exceed 4 from the same household. Thou shalt not dine outdoors without a permit or within 20' of a waiter.

Thou shalt not celebrate holidays, including in-person or on Skype, lesteth the Guardians of the State breaketh down thy door, and haul thee to the Flying AIDS Detention Center. Unless thou art an illegal alien, in which case thou shalt doeth whatever thou wanteth.

Thou shalt not purchase hoagies, steak sandwiches, dirty soft pretzels, or any other handmade food, lest the Department of SWAT visit and confiscate whatever looketh good, seeing they have not had lunch today.

HEY, HOW'S YER MOM?

For those of you playing along at home, my mother's aide tested positive for the Flying AIDS. The primary doc said only test the old, frail lady if she shows symptoms. But... a pharmacy is offering testing! Make an appointment and go! Yay! I am already more effective than her primary doctor! Many first graders are already more effective than her primary doctor.

Show up at pharmacy, making sure to have Mom along, Shotmaster asks regular or rapid test.

STOP. HALT. CEASE. Deploy Confused Face.

If you want rapid test, you have to cancel today and reschedule for later or tomorrow.

That's nice. Gee, it sure woulda been swell if I knew this.

Go online to reschedule: not a single appointment available for the next few days at any location.

Merry Xmas.

Hey - let's check the city website. They have sites! They require registration! They don't tell you how to register! Then you need an account, but they don't do antibody testing. WTF is antibody testing? Is it rapid or slow? Does she need to lay off the whiskey for 24 hours before the test? The next page has all sorts of local services, such as condoms and pregnant woman mosquito advice. I'm thinking if you used condoms, you wouldn't be needing the mosquito advice (unless mosquitos can bite through condoms - this is just more shit we're expected to know). 

So it's 9am and there is a 2 mile line of old ladies and hypochondriacs (and old lady hypochondriacs). They're signing up, talking about their kids, and complaining that it's taking so long and why aren't they serving sandwiches. It's a self-service test, so now the line is 4 miles (8 miles with social distancing). Most of the old ladies are wearing masks that don't cover their noses, so if you don't have the Flying AIDS when you get there, you'll have it by the time you get home. 

This just goes to show that masks and testing are irrelevant.

 Let's Visit the North Pole

Santa Claus and his old lady - Cheech and Chong

So it's 2020, the Flying AIDS has hit the North Pole, and the elves are getting a little itchy. A particularly ugly elf from Portland Antifa came to visit. After a week, the rest of the elves were talking about unionizing, then tried to burn down the workshop, before issuing their demands

• Santa declared the oppressor, his assets go to the elves
• if they see 1 more candy cane, the building goes up
• the Fat Guy has to pay overtime even when they don't work
• Mrs Claus can no longer visit the production floor: that woman is like Yoko
• more elves of color
• special dorms for LGBTQ* elves
• gambling counselors for the reindeer
• Mrs Claus must confine her pole dancing to the bedroom
• Black Lives Matter wrapping paper on all gifts
• no more Mariah Carey specials from the Pole
• a non-gendered Santa

Meanwhile, Santa got some new electronic devices to watch you so he knows if you've been good or bad. It's hush-hush stuff from the NSA and uses a lot of AI. More cannot be said due to Non-Disclosure Agreements. The sleigh got some new guts, courtesy of the aliens, and runs on batteries from Elon Musk. Santa said all in all, the aliens were ok, but Elon Musk scared him. 

Rudolph was replaced with an off-the-shelf GPS and has spent the last year in therapy, after the 'guiding the commercial airliners to Somalia' incident. Although the drug companies can produce a Flying AIDS vaccine in 10 months, they can't get reindeer antidepressant right after 10 years.

The North Pole City Council smoked a lot of dope and hasn't been dealing with the occupation situation well. There might be a slight delay in Christmas this year, kids. Look on the bright side - they're not using the US Postal Service to deliver the presents.

• Overheard at (illegal) family gathering: Why do I have a planter attached to me?

Let's smile a bit. Please.

Peter Cook and Dudley Moore - a bit of a chat, the Frog and Peach

Groucho Marx - I'm against it

Monty Python - Biggus Dickus, French taunting

some Airplane

In closing, I give you the words of Bob Dylan: Once upon a time you dressed so fine threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't yewwww? 

No, I never understood Bob Dylan either - I'm just a dumb guitar player.

Thanksgiving in May

Your love is like carpenter bees

Wawa Free Coffee Tuesday - because you made it through Monday.

Wawa is a Philly-area convenience store that is incredibly well stocked. Except for the coffee. They have 8 kinds of it, but if you serve 8 kinds of dirt, each one is still dirt. I like coffee that will take the skin off your fingers, which this definitely isn't. But let me say something nice: they want some of that sweet money from coffee drinks, and these are really good. And the strawberry smoothies are really sweet.

Guitar Center misses me. Truly. To show me, they send me emails. Many emails. The first one said they missed me - the honest approach. Next day said they missed me so much, they were offering me 15% off (purchases over $27,300). The next few days, they said they noticed I hadn't used my coupon yet. I have received more emails from psychotic ex-girlfriends. Then the email came from the store's manager, who wanted to let me know I now had 23.7% off. The next day, the manager wanted to know if the coupon wasn't good enough. It gave me his cell phone number and asked me to call him. 2 days later I got a weepy email, inviting me to his house to "talk about it - just talk." I'm just putting this out into the public. If I see a Guitar Center van out front, I'm calling SWAT.

Idiot Mayor or Idiot Governor is at it again. New restrictions are to be announced Monday. New Jersey banned outside bar seating. This is perfect for the Biden administration: mandate, don't inform or ask.

Today I identify as dog hair, all over your clothes

We have a Woodpecker. Once a year, the little *%&#er pops by and makes an ungodly amount of noise. Before getting out my ACME double barrel shotgun, I took video. It was very difficult to find him because he looked nothing like the cartoon. He didn't even say "BEEP BEEP". Perhaps he's a hybrid...

A CDC Thanksgiving 

The CDC (Clueless Diligence Committee) has released its rules for the holidays. They're completely different from last week's recommendations, which we've come to expect from the worldwide organization that can't get the current weather right. Rather than listing all the rules, let's look into Christmas at the CDC

Mommy, why do we have a huge table but only you and me are sitting at it.

That's because we're social distancing by 120 miles.

But Mommy, I want some turkey. How do you get it through the video screen?

That's at Uncle Bob's house. We have McDonald's McTurkey.

Mom, how can we eat with masks on?

We're losing a lot of weight this holiday season.

Why do people sprint around with pizza at Aunt Florida's house? 

Their Thanksgiving Pizza gets a lot of exercise because they're social distancing, so they have to run it next door, instead of passing it down the table.

Mommy.. what are those little baskets by everybody's plates?

They're for silverware - everybody brought their own.

They sure are drinking a lot.

Kills germs.

Awwww... I'm tellin...  Susie has more than 10 people at her house. Call the Hotline!

I don't remember you being such a pain in the ass at Thanksgiving.

Look.. some doctor in France said we should cancel the holidays. President Trump said no masks. President Biden said masks by law. What do we do?

We're the CDC, Honey. We said masks at some point in the beginning, then no masks, then masks again a few times. We need to drink our own Kool Aid.

There's Kool Aid? Mommy Mommy I want Kool Aid!

You can't have any, it's with the turkey that won't fit through the screen.

Isn't Thanksgiving a time to be together with your family and be thankful for what you have?

That's the old Thanksgiving. This year we don't have to bother with family and we can be thankful for billions more in funding!

That's not what the teacher in virtual school said.

Your virtual teacher isn't the CDC, is she?

Yeah, but when she says words, they always mean the same thing.

Johnny, go to your *$(#ing room, down the street. And if you don't wear your mask in the shower, there will be no dessert.

Don't forget - your purchases are available for curbside pickup.

Is this one of those phrases stores use that make no sense? Guitar Center has curbside pickup. Ok, bring me a $5,000 Les Paul. No, I don't need to try it out first, I'm sure your knowledgeable and well-trained staff will bring me a good one

We order stuff online so it gets delivered to the house, not so we can go pick it up. Here's a 150 item list - can you get everything and bring it to the curb (please)? Just call 215-555-1234 if you have any questions... we'll be in the lot, quivering in fear of the Flying AIDS, with our masks on, in the car. We're the same people who have sex with our masks on - you can never be too careful. Just kidding - we don't have sex. You never know where those parts have been and you can't get past a vaginal mask anyway.

Who does this benefit? I guess if you need a printer or ink refill THAT MOMENT, but you'll experience great disappointment if you go Best Buy. You order it online, go to pick it up curbside, and the employee will tell you that it's not a stock item, so you have to stay parked there for 3 weeks.

Plus you need to admit that you actually like going into Target and shopping for nothing, and leaving with $150 of nothing. You just can't do that curbside. I've got it - I have the future of shopping(!) - get ready.. Personal Shopping, the way nobody has ever seen it. You video call the store. A Helpful Sales Associate smiles and introduces herself. She has a camera on her head and goes up and down every aisle, showing you everything you like. Virtual Shopping! No Flying AIDS and you 'get out of the house'. Of course the cookies are $199.95 because they have to staff the place, but some people will pay for anything.

If you have OCD and are a germphobe, I guess curbside might help: there are 2 less pairs of hands touching your beef than if you were inside the store. You want as few hands touching your meat as possible. Jeff Bezos (Amazon) will send you anything you want, and a few things you didn't know were available, next day shipping - why do you need curbside?

Forget I said all that - support your local businesses.

Dear lefty 

• Why do you do this.... this.... stuff..?
• Oh, absolutely the women and the money 

Trump supporters did a largely peaceful march around D.C. Largely peaceful, until the other side showed up, sparking violence, arrests, and police intervention to keep the children apart. This puts the opposition in 1 of 2 classes: blithering idiots, or organized. If I were on the winning side of an issue and the losing side held a rally, I'd sleep in... my side already won - what's the point?

Local news featured a local restaurant. The owner says, "We are a Christian-based restaurant; everybody knows the love of Christ through our food." The news should do an investigation on this - does everybody know the love of Christ through their food, or are some locals faking it?

TV Stuff

There's a Fresh Prince of BelAir reunion on the way. 30 years in the making. I feel weepy.

Devastated by the death of Alex Trebek, several days later, Jeopardy fans have petitioned, 30k strong, for LeVar Burton to be the next host. You can't say the fans don't respect their departed host. Is this what they call Internet Time? 

An appeal from ThermionicEmissions

Look around and notice the good things, big or small. If you haven't been radically affected by the Flying AIDS, do a bit to help those who were. If it was your job or your business, you could use a bit of help. Your area probably has no shortage of charities that sprung up, or an SPCA, a church, something in your neighborhood. If you can, and if you think it's the right thing to do...

We're going through our neighbor, the Church Lady, because bad things tend to happen when I walk inside a church. Or Apple store.

I don't know if BLM or Antifa is watching, but something is up with Football. To date, the NFL has bent over for everything, but I think some individualism is starting to creep through. After a play, 2 guys touched arms together, then put their hands on their mustaches. Not only is this unhygienic, it could be some sort of fascist or white supremacist sign. This must be looked into immediately. No sign of joy must be allowed to creep into football. Maybe the ADL will claim the invisible mustache is only 1" wide, like Hitler's.

Bothering the Lemurs in April

 

Water.

On the moon?

Yes, NASA seems to have located it.

I have no idea what I'm talking about, but that never stopped me. Why not earlier? We sent a few humans there. There were tests. I'm not making this into a conspiracy, just wondering. It lives on the poles, where it's bloody cold; not in the sun, where it evaporates. Once again, we crashed something into the Moon to test for it. We have a nasty history of crashing things into the Moon, including an actual explosive device.

I'm telling you, it's the aliens screwing with us. They have a delightfully odd sense of humor. But any passing aliens would take one look at the Moon and say the Earth lifeforms were using it as target practice.

Also found on the Moon were hot showers (inside), a whole fleet of land yacht Chevys, ice cold YooHoo, a museum of old washing machines, and Steve Wozniak, who lives there part time. Decent wifi is being provided by Elon Musk, called MuskCast. There is a growing call for Bill Gates to emigrate permanently, perhaps to a planet further out.

• Mummified llamas

Your love is like  water on the Moon - it evaporates in the sun

• According to analyst firm Gartner, IT should behave like a jellyfish: without a central brain.
• According to IT, they're the way they are because the users have no brain
• I like the idea: jellyfish have a very painful sting that can cause heart attack in people who are allergic to them.

Hey - ya know... that election thing is coming up. So.. uh... do whatever it is you're supposed to do, ok?

HOW TO VOTE 

Voting is easy, provided you know how before going in.

To make sure the machine is ready for your vote, it must be cleared. In order to clear the machine, pull the lever that says Libertarian, and you're all set.

• Reese Witherspoon is talking about a potential political run
• I'm interested in what she has to say, provided she drops by and tries to convince me. Or sends Emilia Clarke.

German Authorities Want to Implement DNS Blocks Against Major Porn Sites

German politicians (need I say more) have decided 'it's for the children' and are insisting on a plan that would require people to send pics with age verification for a few large pr0n sites. It's really sad that the populace sits still for this nonsense. It's also ineffective, as people will just go to smaller sites, which may be anti-competitive and is the smart move anyway. Another chip in the steady creep for your rights and for internet censorship.

• A dispute over a $1 million outdoor sculpture has a millionaire blasting 'Gilligan's Island' song on loop to torment neighbor.
• This would be tremendous here, but the Crazy Lady is mostly deaf.

Philly Comes Alive: after the shooting of a knife-wielding man, Philly's peaceful rioters emerged from their hiding places, peacefully looting minority-owned businesses and injuring 30 policepersons. And they ran over a female police sergeant. Peacefully. A few peaceful explosions at ATMs were reported. Although Idiot Mayor viewed the video, Philadelphia Police said they cannot imagine where they put it but it will turn up eventually.

Err..... I wasn't there and didn't see the incident, but don't police carry tasers?

In other news, The Philadelphia District Attorney's Office stated they reviewed the video that could not be located, and pronounced the city not guilty. In still further news, the mayor continues to personally negotiate with the hordes of homeless illegally occupying part of the city since last year. Although the mayor acknowledged the racism inherent in the system, the homeless refused to move. Mayor is looking into promising them all free furnished apartments, but the homeless state the city owes them more, and are demanding a free income, luxury vehicles, private schooling for their children and pet-walking services.

• The Philadelphia Mayor's Office announced that no People of Color would be arrested for anything at all, because it's racist.

Today I identify as  a lemur who plays guitar - hopefully they're better than the human ones

Russian interference in the election continues, with the discovery that with each voting machine, we get a free Russian.

Hoping for peaceful resolution, Armenia and Azerbaijan agree to ceasefire, Secretary Pompeo says. The Democratic National Committee demands Trump be removed from office ASAP, before more peace breaks out.

Good Blog News 

I discovered that the comments section is not broken. It was just cleverly hidden from me and there are hundreds of comments awaiting: all spam.

TV Show? 

I wanna be involved with tv. Not anything hip, now, and fly... no.. I want to do one of those Highway to Heaven shows, but more of a Slideway to Hell kinda thing. Although the producers have done very little yet about talking to the Big Man about bringing Michael Landon (Eugene Orowitz) back to star, I'm forging ahead with plans. Instead of traveling the land, doing tremendous good for people, our hero will travel the land, poking balloons, skewering sacred cows, and taking pictures of politicians and their 'secretaries'.

Mrs lefty, bless her, said I should guest star, maybe as the star's evil henchman, but I'm too ugly for radio, no less tv. Even one of those long henchman coats won't help (unless I wear it over my head).

Dear lefty  

• How are you feeling about the election?
• I expect it to be the most recent election ever 

Reverb is the Ebay for musical instruments. They have this feature that lets you know when someone bids on something you're watching. They just sent me an email to let me know someone bid on the $150,000 1954 1st left handed Fender Telecaster ever made. I guess I better get bidding.

I told you to watch out for the chip...

Captivity - Day 65 Susie-don't put that in your mouth

What's the best way to tear a paper towel diagonally?
Tear it on the pre-perforated straight line.


Something's up... I found myself awake at 10:30 (that's a.m. for anybody still reading). I think the best way to deal with this is to take a nap. I've been told I snore like a Saturn rocket: I don't hear it at all. Occasionally I give her a break and nap on the couch (it's easier than typing 'she told me to sleep on the couch').


What's the best way for a normal couple to discover they need to use the bathroom NOW?  That's easy - break the toilet.  Well, we didn't break it so much as it stopped working. There are exactly 2 people in the house plus one dog. The dog has it taken care of, but I suspect I'd upset the neighbors even more if we followed her example. The bipedal denizens of said house have the plumbing aptitude of Idiot Governor. This is, as they say, NFG.

We threw stuff at it. Everything the internet told us, although I suspect we came upon a few joke pages (M-80, C-4, lasagna, baking soda) and I can affirm that throwing lasagna and baking powder at a toilet is a bit of a failure. Especially if you miss the toilet. Then we tried putting the stuff IN the toilet. We were triumphant in our success, although the toilet remained broken. I remember my school days, when explosives always had an effect on plumbing, but felt it was the wrong effect. I had just gotten done reading an article about plumbers charging $400 to take phone calls over the weekend, and we were short of lasagna. We called Cousin Luigi and asked if rigatoni was an accurate substitute for lasagna. He said no, because it took much longer to cook.

We were starting to get upset. Well, she was. When something bad happens, I surf harder. It makes the house a lot more quiet.

To make a long story longer, like magic, the toilet was functional this morning. And there was not so much as one Saturn V missile missing from my stash (the NSA is going to have a blast with trigger words on this blog today).


Speaking of giraffes, I was forced to do that thing that I hate most in life: mow. It's not so much forced as Mrs lefty goes out to do it, interrupting my 2nd nap of the day, and I can't rightly let her do it. I'd set fire to anything green but I'm told that's not legal, even on one's own property. Last year we hired the neighbor kids at a ridiculous rate, to mow. It was a pleasure, no matter how much they want. All of the sudden, this year, they have to study. What child has ever said they don't want money - they have to study? Maybe they don't like grass either. At least they get paid to not like grass - I get paid to grow it.

Mrs lefty takes the mower out and I give up. She wants to mow with the mower and a cane. There goes my 2nd nap. I growl and notice the crazy lady's front area is full of stones without a single blade of grass. I loudly told Wife that someone was going to mow the grass that wasn't me, or the area will be like the crazy lady's.  Or the crazy lady will call the police again because the grass is 1" over the 36" limit. "But we were social distancing from our grass, Officer."


According to the news, New Jersey is opening Tuesday. I guess their Idiot Mayor used the state protocol too (threw darts at a calendar). The hotels and motels are closed, so that should put a sunny sheen on everybody's plans. Pennsylvania lobbied to keep New Jersey closed for the foreseeable future, but that's still in negotiations. Can you imagine being 230 feet in the air on a ferris wheel that is stopped every car to check if everybody has masks and is social distancing? Have I mentioned my terror of heights? I may have to test the bathroom. Again.

According to phone calls, Idiot Governor hath decreed that there will be no in-restaurant service until he turns pink. There is actually a suit against Idiot Governor - I have to sign and contribute. Impeach Wolf! I didn't vote for the idiot. Put the libertarians into office and this crap won't happen.

Captivity - Day 64 Jimmy - stop spray painting the plane

Thank God people are willing to break these draconian laws; women can now get manicures! One lady had to wait two months.

Hey - hand sanitizer people: left in a hot car, it burst into flames.
You're just screwed no matter what you do.


The weather forecast is rains, storms; equivalent to green here. 107% humidity.


Idiot Mayor stops free parking because it must no longer be essential.

All Philthy counties anticipated to go to yellow phase by June 5, according to Idiot Governor.  Idiot Governor put on spaceship by entire population of Pennsylvania.

Christmas will soon arrive for the city, as Idiot Mayor authorizes speed and red light cameras to begin operating June 1.


Here we are, at the beginning of the 3 day Memorial Day vacation. It's hot, ridiculously humid. What to do? A phone is ringing but I can't find it. That's ok, who wants to talk to anyone anyway? If they want to talk to me, they can read this blog. The house line is probably the one ringing, but that can't be answered. No one ever knows where the handset went. One day it discharged and we couldn't find it for 6 months. Nobody noticed. Now it's lost on a daily basis. I expect to find it in the back yard at some point, perhaps by the dog.



We're are doing battle with a toilet.
It's winning.


I'm happy to note that the first day of the weekend went smoothly, with only 2 naps. The first one was an hour, the second, the rest of the day.

Captivity - Day 3

Covid-19: the biology of an effective therapy.
A vaccine may not arrive for at least a year, so what to do?
Tell your SO that sex has been shown to help prevent it, but only in sufficient quantity. What is sufficient quantity? Whatever you say it is.

The day started out like any other, except for the major virus and working from home. I have to admit my coffee is light years better than in the office. We have a Keurig machine at work, but it's a fact that the closer to Philly water you are, the worse the water tastes. By the time it hits our house, it has had a chance to mellow, by eating the pipes on its way.

Working at home is pretty cool - I don't know why I didn't start earlier.
Oh yeah - my boss told me no.
I told him we all needed to be using linux.
He was amused.
Now it's ok to use linux to work from home.
HA!
Vindicated, once again.
Let's face it - when Windows machines connect to the network, they're likely to be full of viruses anyway (97%, according to an article last week).


The dog is over the moon because I'm home.
Mrs lefty, not so much.
She's one of those Loud Talkers on the phone, so she's banished to the back yard every time the phone rings.
This has the effect of rolling downhill: whenever Wife goes out back, Dog comes into the office and stares pitifully at me. I have been reduced to a doggie door opener.



Idiot Governor Wolf considering shelter-in-place order.
Idiot Governor Wolf considering opening alcohol stores (it's state run in PA).
Idiot Governor Wolf wants all non-essential businesses closed at 8am this morning.
Idiot Governor Wolf's subjects ask where to send their bills if forced to close.
Idiot Governor Wolf calling on state police to enforce business closures.
Idiot Governor Wolf needs to find out the meaning of trebuchet.
Idiot Mayor Kenney has declared no non-essential people work in Philadephia. I'll bet he's forcing the $250/night hotels to house his illegal aliens.



A Portland strip club was forced to close, so the employees started delivering food. Perfect example of adjusting to the times. It still doesn't explain why burgers are $50....


There is some sad news for guitar players: Seymour Duncan has to stop work on their famous pickups for the time being, but they are available to answer questions.




We used to call it WFH: Working From Home.
Let's be safe out there... let me provide a few tips, which the very intelligent people who read ThermionicEmissions don't need...

1. Update your operating system
2. Virus scan your operating system
3. Back up your important files, just in case
4. For the maximum protection, plug right into your router - no wireless
5. If you are using wireless, make sure your wireless system is set to use WPA2 - anything else is NO GOOD. You're flying a red flag that says "HACK ME!" Turn off the feature that auto-joins pc's to your router (WPS?).
6. If possible, use one computer only for work. Keep it clean, although you should keep all computers clean.
7. It's a royal PITA, but use a computer's firewall. Windows has one, as does linux.
8. See #1 and #2
9. Once a week or so, clean the PC. Bleach Bit is a great program, but pay attention to the settings or your computer will 'forget' things.
10. Mac and linux have LittleSnitch, which is sort of a firewall. Use it.
11. Remember to take care of yourself too.
12. Nobody pays attention to this, but you're at your computer desk for 8 house a day. Go ergonomic: set your chair so your elbows are at a 90 degree angle. Do not bend your wrists up to get to the keyboard: this will result in pain and possibly repetitive stress injury. Check out an ergonomic keyboard - I love them. Get a comfortable mouse - some are wireless. Take frequent breaks (you can set a timer to schedule them).
13. Remember: if you have sex with your SO, it counts as having sex at work
14. if you have any questions, please ask. I've been doing this for a while.
15. Don't open email. Any email. Especially if it's corona-themed. If it's from a friend, ask them if they sent it before opening it. The subhumans are taking advantage of the virus to spread malware.
16. You'll be much safer with Mac or linux (had to)

These tips are good in general. Don't wait for a human or computer virus to pop up before observing good computer hygiene.