Dark Web, Damp Web, Dingy Web - Why Bother?

Two more dead as patients report horrifying details of eye drop outbreak

Don't use the eye drops in the article. I can't afford to lose any readers.

Give them to somebody you don't like.

Your love is like  skunk soup

I just read something that mentioned 'airplane position.' It bothers me. Have you ever heard of this before? I put some thought into it..

• You both show up in bed, but sex is canceled
• You know it's going to be a bad night because you're on Standby
• the bed is way too small and your body was not made to go in that position
• it just costs too much
• You're at the gate but it keeps getting postponed
• it just won't take off

Today I identify as  the NSA, CIA, and Illuminati's favorite blogger

• I have a brand new nose hair trimmer  - why am I still yanking them out one at a time? 
• I prefer braiding them

Wife watched the Oscars. I tried to dissuade her, but she said they were sometimes exciting.

She's right - they were so exciting they put together a security team in case of anymore Advanced Slapping Incidents. I was going to put a tv remote app on my phone, so I could keep turning the tv off, but marriage is a push-pull, giving and receiving, unholy war, so I have to lose sometimes. Most of the time, actually. It is written that marriage is 50/50. It's more like 89/11 in favor of the partner with breasts (don't ask about same sex relationships - I'm on a roll now). Stated another way, it's the Power of the P*ssy. They have it, you want it; it's really that simple. Women want to be equal. In many cases they want to be more equal. They want to have their cake and eat it too. Me, I say let them have their cake - I want to eat it. 

So there's no way in hell the Oscars are leaving the house. Wife was kind enough to mute the audio a lot and use closed captioning. See? Marriages ARE 89/11.. errr.... 50/50. My seat was specifically chosen so as not to be able to see the tv without finding a different chair.  This, however, did nothing to stop the audio. I didn't think it would happen so quickly, but the monologue included 'diversity' before the 5 minute mark. This explains the neighbors. They were playing the Oscar Drinking Game. Whenever anyone said 'diversity,' they all had to yell DIVERSITY and do a shot. Within 15 minutes an ambulance pulled up.  I didn't know alcohol poisoning was a real thing. We promised to watch their dog for them.

That's about as far as I got. I learned Jimmy Kimmel isn't funny, although I think I already knew that. Then Wife would jump up and down, telling me LOOK AT THAT!  It was invariably an attractive female star, wearing a dress wide open up top, and everyone could see a third of her boobies. Normally this would be cause for great celebration, but in Wife's own words, "I can't concentrate on what she's saying - all I can see is that her breasts are not the same size by a lot!" She was right. And it wasn't just one of them. Doesn't anybody have a trusted person in their entourage who can stop them and say, "Mrs. Langoria, Eve... we've known each other for 25 years and you know I never lie. Come stand in front of this mirror with me a second. Does anything look.... uneven? Asymmetrical? Out of balance? I've watched you dress hundreds of times and I know they're both the same size. Why does one look so much smaller than the other? Get some tape and even those babies up. You can't walk out in front of millions of people with 2 different cup sizes hanging out of your dress." Oh, I forgot. entourages are made up of yes men and women. If someone said that to Mariah Carey, they'd be on the next Amazon space shuttle, with instructions to let her out at the highest point of the journey. Either that, or Mariah would sing one of those notes so high it would crack her skull.

Speaking of Mariah Carey, I was at a record shop and saw an old poster of her. It was before her 2nd face and implants, before she went off the rails. I was in love again. I remember that poster - huge hair, black dress, that face. The woman was gorgeous. It's a shame she messed with perfection (and went off the rails).

I promise you that when I'm famous, nothing will change. I already scream, make objects airborne, and throw legendary fits. I'm almost like a rock star now. Why change?   I'll even keep up the blog. Being a rock star, I'll probably go from 6 followers to.. like.... 8! I'll become really big in some country I've never been to. My manager will tell me I'm HUGE in Malaysia. Malaysia? I asked actual Malaysians what the correct slur for Malaysians was and no one could tell me. I refuse to go to a country that doesn't even have their own slur.

Everybody's so different, I haven't changed.

-Joe Walsh, "Life's Been Good" 

TikTok users are aware of the Chinese ownership flap, but they don't care. They're going to use it anyway.

We are a nation of morons.

Another new tv series: "Help, I'm in a Secret Relationship." 

Not anymore.

President Giveaway is at it again, although the giveaway this time is not financial, it's our rights.

Biden issues executive order on background checks

Since Congress wouldn't do anything, he made law by executive fiat, like his predecessors.

It aims to move the US "as close to universal background checks as possible without additional legislation".

Since they can't outlaw guns, they're doing it by increments. We have a Constitutional right to bear arms. These people have no business messing with it, yet we sit for it. This time it's the democrats. President Giveaway called for a ban on assault weapons (except for his enforcers), but Congress won't pass it, specifically because of a republican-controlled House.

We need better crash test dummies, says Government Accountability Office

Congress isn't doing anything useful - give them a call.

A man who racially abused Brentford striker Ivan Toney on social media has been banned from every football ground in the United Kingdom for three years.

That's right, in the good old UK, a man said something offensive on social media and is now in Deep Doody.

Neill, of Blyth, Northumberland, was also handed a four-month jail sentence, suspended for two years.

As well as all matches in the UK, the banning order prevents Neill from travelling abroad to watch international friendlies, qualification matches and tournaments.

Hate Crime?  What a load of wankers, as they say in the UK. It's getting dangerous to live Over There. They pretend to have something akin to freedom of speech, but it's eroding. It would be on life support, but National Health is eroding too, and has no space in the hallways to put freedom of speech (and the machine that goes PING).

Over Here, I may disagree with what you say, but I stand for your right to say it.

How do you suppose they'll enforce the ban? Will they hire spotters at each entrance to every stadium to watch for him? Will they also hire spotters for events outside the UK? Will the spotters be armed with truncheons or harsh language?

Stop, or I shall say stop  again!

-John Cleese on British police

Mainstream or Pr0n

This is the exclusive ThermionicEmissions game where the reader picks whether the 2 movies, tv shows, or books are mainstream or pr0n.  No looking it up on the web - that's cheating.

1. Her Limit
2. All American Boys

Brian May- Queen guitarist, astrophysicist, animal activist, and all around good guy, was knighted by King Charles. The king had to stand on a tall podium to look Sir Brian in the eyes. Brian is living right - hats off and great respect.

No, Really - Pancakes 

The other day, as usual, it was time for breakfast. Never mind that it was 4pm - the first meal of the day is breakfast, you meal nazis.  We had 2 places to decide between, the winner was a place that rhymes with Ihop. Oops. We have 1 about 5 minutes from us, which is the reason we drive past it, to the one 25 minutes from us. After spending too much time at the close one, we discovered it's always better to go to the one farther out. We're not entirely sure what's up with the close one. One theory is that there is no manager. He went home 5 years ago and never came back. Thus the inmates are running the asylum. Another theory is the corporate office decided to experiment with new staffing ideas and didn't hire a manager, because they're too expensive. This left the store free to make people wait while employees made Very Important Phone Calls (to their bookies), swung from the rafters, and brought people the wrong food (20 minutes late). As if this wasn't enough fun, they seem to attract a rowdy, obnoxious crowd. The farther store is pleasant, we don't wait, and the crowd is obnoxiously loud, but not obnoxious in behavior. 

We knew we were going to get sat immediately because there were few cars in the parking lot. HA!

There was 1 other couple waiting already, which was a good sign (not).

Some dude in the kitchen waved and welcomed us.

So we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I told Wife they had 5 more minutes until I became (more) obnoxious and we left.

We had not seen a single employee since we sat down.

Finally! Somebody walked up to the register! She tapped a few keys and walked off.

Eventually another somebody walked up to the register, tapped some keys, and walked off. 

We stared at each other.

Then some lady came out and started doing something with menus. AH, we thought - we were about to get seated!

She walked away too.

Little did we know that the place that rhymes with Ihop has an Employee Entertainment Program, wherein employees.... entertain.. themselves and others. The lady who just walked away was in the kitchen, smoking whatever the rest of them were smoking, over the pancake batter, and told them she has a surefire Employee Entertainment Program winner. She'd come out near the customers, and shuffle menus so the customers would think they were finally being seated. When relief showed on their faces, she'd walk away. This explains the howls of laughter we heard when she walked off.

She reappeared long enough to say, "Ladies, I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no choice in this."

At last count there were 2 ladies and 2 guys. We were feeling some kinda way, being left out of the status report. Maybe she didn't like men. Perhaps she was going to the Oscars and wouldn't talk to men, who represented the Patriarchy and were there to keep everybody down. Regardless, we remained confused, which also explained the additional laughter from the kitchen. Corporate has no idea how successful the Employee Entertainment Program is. Eventually she returned. We watched and waited for her to retreat or lead the staff in singing "I Shall Be Released."  No, she was actually going to seat the other couple (even though 1 of them was male). As we got up to leave, the other couple said we should prepare to wait 30 minutes, like they did.

HUH?  

I located Menu Lady and let her know we were leaving, as we didn't have the rest of our lives to wait for a WAITress or for them to get their stuff together. She looked horribly confused (I later found out that's the way she looks all the time - she's the manager) and said, "Uhhh...... Ok." We were overjoyed we had her permission.

We fully understand that sometimes there are problems. Sometimes the children who work there call out for fun.  If someone had just said something to us, things would have been fine. Instead, we sat under the very loud speaker, which was playing country music. In most countries, this is against the Geneva Convention: you can't treat prisoners this way.... it's cruel and inhuman. This is the reason we don't go to the closer Ihop.

As we got in the car, I warned 2 other cars not to bother going in there: they'd have to wait til their young children were ready for college before getting a table. I'm used to being looked at like I have 3 heads (instead of my usual 2) and these folks did not disappoint. We watched them enter as we were driving off. Oh well, I certainly tried to do a good deed.

Right down the street was a restaurant that rhymes with Bed Bobbin. We had never been there, and burgers beat pancakes for breakfast at 5pm. It was a very strange experience: we got seated immediately, staff was pleasant and communicative, the food showed up in record time, and we liked it. This sort of thing doesn't happen to us. The dessert was measured by height instead of weight. It was like 6" tall, and full of chocolate.

On the way home, we noticed 4 cars in the Ihop lot at 6pm. You reap what you sow, dingleberries.

Conversations with my Dog 

Me: Why do you need to go outside, then need to go outside 5 minutes later?

Her: Think about it. What happens when I come back in?

Me: You get a cookie.

Her: Do I need to explain further?

Me: But I was on a meeting with the CIO!

Her: Well, you can either get up and let me out, or take your chances with the furniture.

Me: How did you get so smart?

Her: Dog videos.

Me: YouTube?

Her: Bark Tok.

I've been really worried about Americans visiting Mexico, because of the cartels and lawlessness. I figured the only thing that would save the place was the tourist dollars, so maybe it wasn't that bad.

The other week, we heard that 2 Americans were killed and 2 more kidnapped by a cartel.

I think I can safely say Mexico is not a good idea at this point.

But wait.... the cartel apologized; they made a mistake. The 2 victims were mistaken for someones else. They left their own gunmen tied up on a road for the police to pick up, with a note of apology.

This means that violent Mexican drug cartels have a higher and more strict moral code than Congress.

Hypocrite Much?

Congressman confronts FBI over “egregious” unlawful search of his personal data

Ladies and Gentlemen, we might have some help with trying ti get ourselves out from under our own government's illegal, unwarranted surveillance. Rep Darin LaHood (R-Ill) discovered he was being spied on by the FBI. Many parts of his cranium exploded and words like careless, abuse, FISA, and egregious came from his mouth.

LaHood is one of the Congressmen voting to renew Section 702 of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. This is the very act abused to spy on him. This is the problem. 9-11 led to the Patriot Act, major expansion of government, and tons of new laws to 'keep us safe.' Instead, the whole enchilada has been used to expand spying on innocent Americans. They. Don't. Care. The opportunity is there, and they are going to take it. Are we that stupid that we believe they won't? That we believe it's ok? We are Constitutionally guaranteed freedom from illegal search, which this clearly is. None of the letter agencies will pay for this, but we need to understand what's going on.

The government figured a way around your privacy, using a FISA court to keep everything secret. Rather than going to court to get a warrant for your personal information, they go to a special FISA court, which rubber stamps the request, but is exempt from disclosure because National Security, This is another violation. The only violation of National Security is our own 'leaders' spying on their own people. 9-11 was just an excuse. The Patriot Act was prepared long in advance of 9-11 (it was on the Congressmen's desks right after) . It was huge and no one bothered to read it - they just signed, because not to sign meant you were not patriotic. You were with Them - the alleged enemy. There were only a few non-signers, notably Ron Paul.

FBI director Christopher Wray said that he “completely” understood LaHood’s concerns, while emphasizing that the FBI has already implemented reforms and safeguards to prevent similar abuses in the future.

We swear. We promise. Wink wink. 

Strangely, it never occurred to them before LaHood found out and went public.

Yes, Mom, I fully admit to eating the cookies. I can understand why you're upset. I want you to know that improvements and additional safety have been put in place to discourage this in the future. Everything will be A-ok from now on.

LaHood, being just another Congressman, says that Section 702 is "invaluable." He deserves to stew in what he wrought.  Meanwhile, many wish to scrap 702 entirely. Contact your Congresscritter and tell them you support complete removal of 702. And the Patriot Act, while they're at it. Expect to hear back that these are vital for national security and not letting the terrorists win.

warned that the statute “puts a hole in the Fourth Amendment” and was leveraged to conduct 3.4 million “backdoor searches” of hundreds of millions of private communications between December 2020 to November 2021.

And that's only the tiny slice that they'll admit to. Congress is clueless about 702 in general, as the article points out. The 'safeguards' they talk about won't matter - they'll find another way around them or just continue until they get caught again. If there is any opportunity at all, they will use it, legal or not.

Then we'll talk about the NSA, which is completely exempt from laws and control.

[If I wasn't on a list already, I am now.]

Hey, remember all the LGBTQ+ negativity coming from the republicans, including laws against drag performance? One republican, Lt Gov Randy McNally (R-TN). just got caught 'liking' pictures of a young gay model removing clothing. The hypocrisy would be stunning if this didn't happen so frequently. This is what we have in office, in either party.

Flight 2738 from Philadelphia has landed. People waiting for passengers should meet at the end of runway 2 right. Watch your
step.

Mainstream or Pr0n

1. Her Limit - pr0n
2. All American Boys - regular old book

The Effects of Chunky Peanut Butter on the Spin of Quantum Particles

Your love is like  broom handles in places they shouldn't be.

The good news is that "it's crazy good" is on its way out.

The bad news is that it's been replaced with "it's super good." I'm super happy we're going to the mall. We're going to have a super great time. We can eat at the super good restaurant and have a super delicious meal.  It's been quite a few years, but as far as I remember, 'super' is an adjective, not an adverb. You can have a super car or an awesome car, but not a super awesome car. It sounds super stupid.

Today I identify as  a supporter of LGBT, but not LGBTQ+  - too many letters.

For some reason, I was allowed out of the house the other day.  We went to a local mall, because it's the closest thing to exercise I get (other than getting up from the sofa). It was a semi-upscale mall, so there are some interesting stores. Or at least there were interesting stores. After bodily separating Wife from her magnet store, we ventured out into the mall itself. I should have known something was up because the lights were at half mast (or someone forgot to pay the electric bill). The atmosphere as far as we could see was dingy. The mall was open and there were people about, but it looked like 2am with most of the lights off. Halfway through it was much better lit. It took a while to figure it out, but the local government obviously planned out the lighting so that the occupied parts of the mall were dark and the hastily abandoned stores were well-lit. It was kinda scary that most of the stores were not occupied, as in there was no store there.  Perhaps the lit non-stores were to draw attention for the need for stores. There was no rhyme or reason for which stores were still open, but the 2nd floor was largely closed. The only places that seemed to be doing well were fast food. A Subway closed. I've never seen a Subway close. It was the only place that was decent. The alleged food court consisted of the aforementioned closed Subway, the Real Imitation Pizza Stall, and Asian food, with a genuine Asian person standing out front, not letting you pass until you tried one of their samples.  NONE SHALL PASS.  If you try a sample of whatever they just fried in whatever they just fried it, you had better not cough or the toothpick will lodge in your throat. This would be unfortunate, as you'd have to call 911, then try to describe which closed store you're at.

Come quick - someone's got something in this throat!

Ok, what's in his throat?

Do I sound like I'm about to stick my fingers down his throat and find out? I did my civic and moral duty by calling 911.

Where is the choking person with indeterminate something caught in his throat?

Bob's Mall.

Uh-oh.  Can you tell me where in the mall you are?

MMMmmmmm it's kinda hard. Come in the entrance where Sears used to be. Pass 14 closed stores on your left. Take a right where Chik Filet was and you'll see the stall where Dairy Queen used to be. If you look to your left, that's where the Subway was - you can tell because the lights are out but all the stuff is still there, like the restaurant closed for the night. This is probably what happened, but they forgot to come back for 6 months. Look to your right. You will see a ring of people, about 25' in diameter, all with phones out. They're taking video of the blue guy choking to death. A few are live-streaming to Faceyspaces and Tik Tok. In the middle of the circle is the choking dude. That's what the videos are all going to be titled: Choking Dude at Bob's Mall. You should check them out later... some of the phones have those high definition cameras, so the quality will be pretty good.

Ok, sir, I'm back, sorry for the delay. Where are you located?

What I really wanted, out of what was open at the mall, was a malt. I got really lucky, in that there was only 1 person (a really hot 1 person) in line when I got there. For some reason, she stood there with her kids, and nothing seemed to be happening. Eventually a male showed up, probably her husband; said a few words, and was off. I continued to wait. And wait. And wait. As the urge to commit violence threatened to overtake me, I left. Later on I figured out what happened: there was 1 person being served, which brought their meager capabilities to a grinding halt. This was before I showed up. I supposed my arrival caused an emergency of unprecedented proportions, so they just went right into Defense Mode and shut down completely. I've seen smoother nervous breakdowns. Small wonder the mall was on life support. Even sadder was that food was popular, pretty much the only thing doing business. Just a malt. A simple milkshake with the addition of malt powder. They were Dairy Queen. It's supposed to be a thing they prepare all the time. Milkshakes are not that difficult and wildly popular. But then again, so is suicide. As usual, Wife was a calming influence ("Don't you DARE throw anybody over the railing to the 1st floor. I warned you about this last time!").

• Speaking of the unbelievable, there is a country music song called "She thinks my tractor is sexy." I think country music has breathed its last, or at least jumped the shark. And the whale.

..future robots to push the limits of non-human biology. For instance, a team of researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder recently developed a material that could give rise to soft robots capable of jumping 200 times above their own thickness. Grasshoppers, one of the most astonishing leapers on Earth, can leap into the air only up to 20 times their body lengths

Nobody knows why this is important. 

Sir, we now have a robot that can jump 200 times its height!

That's lovely, Jenkins. This matters why?

Sir, grasshoppers can jump 20 times their own height, but our robot can jump 200! 200 is ten times the normal grasshopper ability!

And of what use is this on the battlefield? 

We can stun our enemies, Sir. While they're watching our robot leap 200', we shoot and kill most of them. The rest go back to their officers and explain they just saw a giant grasshopper hop 200' in the air. They'll all be dismissed on psych grounds.

So we'll have an 80% kill rate and a 20% Section 8 rate? Fascinating.

But that's not all, Sir.

No, it never is.

Because it doesn't have to breathe, like, I dunno, grasshoppers, we can send them into space, with satellites. They can leap 200' in any direction. Do you realize, Sir, that in months, we will achieve Giant Robot Grasshopper superiority in space??

Yes, Jenkins, you have something here. As the world leader, we need Giant Robot Grasshopper superiority in space. We can have Space Force put leashes on them and go for space walks. This is the kind of forward thinking this army needs. You and I will be up for promotions. Well, at least *I* will. I need to get on the horn to Halliburton to start production. Since we tanked the economy, a good round of incredibly expensive hardware will put things back where they were. It'll be just like when Dick Cheney was here. I hear Dick's way down below, where it's very hot. He's teaching Satan some new tricks.

I think I've just been censored. I typed out the above bit, went to preview it, and it wasn't there. Funny, I could see what I just typed, only it wasn't there in preview. That's a first, even for Google. When I went to check on something else, I came back and now even my typing was gone. Maybe it was aliens. Or worse; ancient astronaut theorists.

• Perrier is the liquid form of cardboard

One of the main themes of this blog is documenting one man's descent into madness.

It should be complete shortly.

Well, not exactly.

For a while recently, I've had trouble with the object end of sentences.

I'll think to myself, "I really need to do something about the gutters."

5 minutes later, I turn to Wife and say, "I really need to do something about the.... DAMMIT... things that go around the house and redirect rain water." 

At my last doctor visit, I asked about this, fearful of the answer. He said no problem - you're getting older. It's normal.

Fsck. Really? 

I've used words all my life. Generally they pop right up when requested.

If it's supposed to make me feel any better, the siblings have the same problem.

If it's supposed to make me feel any worse, Alzheimer's can be hereditary.

I'm not entirely sure I like this. It's not even really funny for the blog (unless it involves talking to police or a judge). 

Aside from forgetting words for a minute or 3, the mind seems to work.

Except when there are 2 things to be done. If I go into the kitchen to throw something out and get a drink, odds are I will walk out of the kitchen with a drink and the thing I was going to throw out. I couldn't see it because it was too close to my face, apparently. Last night I went to turn the light out on the way to bed, then remembered I had to carry some clothes to the bedroom. I picked up the clothes and walked right by the lamp I was turning off. I think this is ADD, not AGE.

• The latest Firefox is out. Normally I don't mention this, but this release has a new locale: Sandinia. So all my Sardinian readers can rejoice! 
• Since life always closely resembles Monty Python, you can find Sardinia featured in the International Hide and Seek games sketch.

So GM plans to put AI in your car, via ChatGPT. You already know about ChatGPT because it's online and you can use it for the cost of registering. I'm sure there was a lot of work that went into this project, but you have to wonder how they programmed it for 'other things' heard in a car. How would it respond to:

• GET OUT OF THE WAY, YOU ANCIENT MF'er - YOU'RE TOO OLD TO DRIVE
• Nice turn signal, asswipe
• Get out of my trunk, idiot
• Ha - you had to pass me and now we're stuck at the same red light. Feel accomplished now?
• I think he's drunk. Or stupid. Or both.
• Honey, please don't watch Death Race 2000 while driving. This isn't a Tesla.
• Weren't there 2 heads in that car? Why is there only 1 now... ohhhh
• Would you STOP slamming the brakes? The bodies in the trunk are rolling around.

The ratings for this year's Oscars are up 12% over last year.

I'm very disappointed in you.

The other morning in Philly, someone drove their Family Hauling Vehicle, formerly knows as 'minivan,' into police headquarters. The police were apoplectic but handled their jobs professionally, with the obviously intoxicated driver only 'falling down the steps' 2 or 3 times. When asked why he did it, the driver couldn't understand what all the fuss was: he was drunk and saved the cops the effort of a long chase, and turned himself in.

Canada is having a bit of a problem with errant drivers. A truck plowed into pedestrians, killing 2, in northern Quebec. Last month a man intentionally drove a bus into a Montreal daycare center, killing 2 children.

Let this be a lesson: this is what happens when you outlaw guns.

(yup, I'm going straight to hell)

My momma talkin to me tryina tell me how to live
But I don't listen to her cuz my head is like a sieve
-Cheech and Chong

National Women's Underwear Day

Yes, that's right - you heard right - it's National Women's Underwear Day!
Everyone put on some women's underwear and wear it with pride.
C'mon guys - who can honestly say they don't wear women's underwear?

Oh.
Never mind.



If you have an Idevice XS or XR battery case, you could be due a free replacement from Apple.

I broke Giant's handheld scanner system by only buying 2 things.
Never mind the title... it's an app for your phone, that scans items for checkout. This is another privacy nightmare. It connects to store wifi, meaning you're at risk for whatever's going on there. It's on your phone, so it probably accesses things it shouldn't. If nothing else, your purchasing is delightfully passed to the store, not to mention whoever else, like the author of the program and various ad agencies. Look beyond the headline.

Ready to start trying out a different operating system? Tired of Win 10 sending all your information to Microsoft?  Here are the 5 best linux distributions for Win 7 users. They mention Ubuntu, which is my choice. However, I recommend Xubuntu, which is Ubuntu with a more customizeable desktop. With this, you can make your desktop look any way you want, including just like Windows, so you're already familiar with it. All linuxes are the same, with different visual components and updating.

• Mrs lefty is calling her doctor and getting a busy signal. Penny comes in from the back yard, steps on REDIAL, and the doctor's office answers.
• I need to have her around when I have to call someone.

Mrs lefty tunes around tv a lot. Last night she watched The Office.
I was sitting next to her, surfing, and caught parts of it.
To call it cringy is to give it more credit than it deserves. It's smarmy, stupid, unfunny, and so bad, I want to run from the room and hide in the attic during a thunderstorm. Nah - didn't like it.



In national social media news, Cardio B, who just said she's getting citizenship in a different country, is considering US politics. I'm trying to decide if she'd do any better than the installed buggers. Meanwhile, here's a random thought from Cardio:

Artificial Intelligence gains traction because Native Intelligence is scarce.

Dear lefty

• Am I better off going into network security or vertical markets?
• Ask the penguins - they're usually pretty good with advice.

Scientists use stem cells from frogs to build first living robots.
Ok, guys, hop to it!

"I have often wondered why the sounds of the beating drums do not make the marching soldiers shoot their officers and go home." - Albert J. Nock

• How to be anonymous in the age of surveillance
• Warning: contains the word 'Juggalo', but not in a bad way

My 70s progressive rock station played a little gem I haven't heard before. This isn't odd at all, except for this particular little ditty. It isn't often I have to check to make sure I'm not hearing 2 stations at the same time, playing the same song, 1/10 of a second apart. Using the power of multiplicative reasoning, I deduced that the vocals were ok - it was just the music that was completely f'd up. I listened, stunned.

The artist's name is Kevin Ayers. The song is called Lady Rachel.
The title sounds all medieval, about some mythical damsel, locked away in a castle, in a closet, of ancient England's budding first serial killer. It was romantic.

Continuing to be stunned, I listened through the last 30 minutes of the song (I kid - it was only 25 minutes). Counting my blessings that my radio app lists the artist and song, I went off to play Stump YouTube. That failed; there were several different listings for the song, of which I chose the live one.

To say the song is bad is to elevate it to heights it could never dream of attaining. I have to mention that the fellow playing the left handed SG is Ollie Halsall, a formidable player. Kevin is apparently a Big Man on the English music scene. Unfortunately he died in 2013, after which I believe they filmed this clip.

This isn't the exact version I heard, but it will serve to help you understand my distress and question your life choices. As a musician, I wouldn't want anyone to crap on my creation, but as a satirist (or whatever I am), this is a huge red blinking target. The bio states he was a Big Deal, but Wikipedia lets anyone put anything they like into it.

This looked like a band rehearsal. The kids were in 6th grade and their parents were so proud. Kevin had even written his own song(!) and they were practicing it for the Big Show in the school auditorium. Excitement filled the air, as most of them left the basement and ate the cookies that Mom just put out. When they got back to their instruments, they noodled around, as musicians do, each playing some little piece of something they played all the time, guaranteed to piss off the rest of the band. This went on for 20 minutes, after which Mom yelled down the steps, "You boys sound great! Was that the new song?"  I don't know whether they recorded it on Mom's brand new 8 track console stereo or they went into the studio later, but it has that rough quality that really makes them sound serious (I'm lying through my teeth).

So when you look at the video, it's not actually a performance - it's a bunch of kids noodling around. The only one involved in the song is little Kevin; the rest of them are off somewhere else. It's a good thing, too, as Jimmy, the drummer, is mentally playing with the band down the street. Watch them wander about, as Kevin emotes. Every now and then, Ollie makes a supporting noise or two, just to upset Kevin, who ordered him not to make supporting noises.  Kevin apparently just got a new guitar, and the salesman promised to tune it for him to make the sale. Salesmen being what they are, he never tuned it, so Kevin went onstage with an untuned guitar, only he didn't know it (the audience did). Kevin was Dead Serious about his new song. The keyboard player was a guy who asked if he could join the band. They said yes (keyboardists are impossible to find) and threw him right onstage. Unfortunately he had to sit there, waiting for a key or a cue, because he had never heard any of Kevin's songs. This worked out to the audience's benefit, as he played very little. He brought his nifty little echo box, that looked like a little tape player, but it was new and he had no idea how to work it.

The 'experimental' section was added as they went onstage, only Kevin forgot to tell the rest of the band about it. So they continued to wander around, lost, while Kevin took on the experimental section all by himself... plinking.. tapping.. playing with knobs, and plinking again. The band continued to do what it did best, largely standing around and playing random stuff til it was time to actually play a song. They decided on Jumping Jack Flash, but the joke was on them: they knew it in 2 different keys, which they played it in at once. The audience's collective jaws were on the floor, as if they had just witnessed a baby stabbing its kitty and wearing its entrails.

The band kept looking over, expectantly, at Kevin, waiting for him to break the sad news that the experimental section was finally done, like children of alcoholics, coming out from behind the sofa because Mommy and Daddy had stopped screaming and throwing things. Unfortunately the throwing and screaming continued because Kevin was In The Zone. The band was losing patience, so they wandered around the stage, lighting cigarettes and doing their math homework, except little Jimmy, the drummer. He was still playing with the imaginary band down the street. Kevin later told Jimmy his performance was above and beyond. Kevin and the band continued on, undaunted. This, unfortunately, daunted the audience (all the band members' families and their captive classmates).

After they finished the song, the band made sure to watch Kevin so they knew they were all finished with the song. Their families clapped, their classmates made a noise intended to mimic certain bodily functions.

This was played on a progressive 70s rock station. I still don't know why.
It also mirrors most of my band experience, only my bands didn't get to play on stage a lot. Let's say we were intimately familiar with various band members' basements.

RIP Kevin, 2013, died in his sleep.

• As the Oscars 2020 nominations are all lined up, the hard work begins: writing out your 10 minute social screed no one wants to hear.

Another idiot 'professional', telling us that Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personality disorder) 'doesn't exist'. I don't have enough time to refute this person's ideas one-by-one. Suffice it to say he's wrong across the board. I don't know where these alleged professionals get their concepts from (cereal box?), but anyone familiar with the topic can refute everything he says, line by line. Our suggestion is that he live with someone with the disorder that doesn't exist for a month or so. He's likely to change his mind. Professionals who spout this nonsense are frequently put up to it by large organizations that would prefer to have you think they're not doing what they're doing. You know - the people Jeffrey Epstein was about to expose....  Don't forget - Mrs lefty has DID.




Warning:   POLITICS

Sam Robb is a libertarian, running for president. Check out his site, specifically "Issues" - see if any of it speaks to you.
He is *a* libertarian, but not the only libertarian, and I am not endorsing anybody.



Today I identify as   rubber

• Music copyright lawsuits are scaring away new hits, argues Rolling Stone.
• Rolling Stone is right twice a decade, and I don't think this is one of them.
• The thing that is scaring away new hits is listening to the radio.

I don't normally post anything about movies, largely as I don't see a lot of movies. And when I seen them, it's usually years after they've come out. If you haven't seen it already, see Yesterday. Without giving anything away, a guy finds himself in a different reality, where the Beatles never existed. It's well written and well acted, featuring the music of Jimi Hendrix.  No, wait......     Also of interest was his staunch supporter/manager. I was kinda smitten the moment I saw her. Mrs lefty said she was kinda normal. This was a great improvement over what she normally says ("She looks like a porn star"). I don't like anything, so if I give a recommendation, it's probably pretty good. Either that, or you know to avoid it.



There are at least 2 cities whose names require changing: Terre Haute and Puget Sound. Terre Haute sounds like something someone borrowed from another language and they forgot to translate it. Puget Sound sounds like something your cat hacks up. It also has nothing to do with sound. It's those weird people in the Northeast, with more money than they can actually count (although they have people to count money for them).

Nursing Home Roulette

In sad news, teen idol David Cassidy (The Partridge Family) is suffering from dementia.

• Everybody set for the Oscars? No? It can't be because you're not completely invested in the very important political views of the actors and actresses, could it?

A couple in London are in court, which isn't that odd. What they're in court for is a doozy... the lady and gentlemen registered for a civil partnership, which, unfortunately, was not valid the moment they signed for it. In the UK (except Northern Ireland), civil partnerships are for couples of the same sex. The court, as courts do, ruled against the couple. The three judges agreed that the couple is being treated differently because of their sexual orientation, but felt the government needed a little more time to make a decision. The couple has opened a Gofundme page for the 25,000lbs they need to take the case to the Supreme Court.

Why civil partnership, you ask?
Good question. The only difference I could find is that partnership ceremonies can be performed in private, where marriages must be in public and conducted by clergy. By clergy?

• Yeah, I do go on about security, but it's for good reason. How to encrypt your entire life in less than an hour is a great, simple tutorial on how to make security happen in your electronic life. It's not difficult and it's part of how we do things here at ThermionicEmissions.

I went into a Staples the other day and asked the nice young lady standing in the printer aisle where I could find an all-in-one laser printer. She stood there, looked quizzically at me, thought about it for a second or two, then advised me that all their printers were in this row.

This may indicate why their prices are so ridiculously high: they need to make up the lost income from people storming out the door.  I'm advanced enough to find and compare without the able assistance of employees but not everybody is. When I mentioned this on Twitter, a Staples representative made a text noise that indicated banging her head on her desk, apologized, then asked what I was looking for in a printer. This is good customer service and is indicative of many brands that have a Twitter presence. After all, you don't want to be slagged off in front of the entirety of Twitter. In the store, I was mentally composing this paragraph, because life is like that.

• I'm not sure what it means but Kid Rock is running for office and Ted Nugent is looking to in 2018. MGAA - Make Government Amusing Again? Ted has the distinction of being the only bipolar who is 100% manic.

The barista in Starbucks asked if he could help me. I asked for directions to Dunkin Donuts.

• My siblings and I are irresistible, if for nothing other than our nose hair.

I campaigned on the MAHA ticket (Make America Horny Again). I see that my work here is done.

• We were so poor, my parents couldn't afford bipolar disorder. All I got was unipolar depression.

Cleaning continues at the house. When I say it continues, I mean it happens in spurts between crises like the dog, bursting pipes, brakes, inspections, and bipolar disorder. While bipolar disorder is a very handy weight loss program (you can't eat when you can't get out of bed), it absolutely sucks eggs for a cleaning program. You'd think mania would be good for cleaning, as you'd get more done, but not so fast... yes, more appears to get done, but it's completely haphazard, with many areas being 'cleaned' at once and nothing completed.

So there is a small window in which cleaning can be accomplished. This window can vary from three microseconds to three hours, unless you take the time away from sleep, which helps clean, but causes lack of sleep problems on the back end.

My wife pulled off a spectacular feat of cleaning. I wondered about this as I woke for work, with no wife in the bed and no dog on my pillow. There were also no elephants on my pillow, which worked out wonderfully for all concerned.