Can't You Stick Your Finger Up Your Nose like the rest of the kids?

The inadvertently sick thing about being sick is that I can't infect my coworkers, as they all work from home. I did take precautions and have them move farther away from their screens and speakers when I was on.

Apparently the precautions weren't enough, as most of them are sick too. Talk about computer viruses... Most of them work anyway, and why not - they barely get anything done when they're well. In fact, their productivity has actually gone up, the theory being they have little energy for social media, so they focus on work.  Of course there's little that can be done while sleeping, but to emphasize the positive, it keeps their stupid ideas to a minimum. We just have to mute their mics to keep the snoring down in meetings.

Speaking of meetings, my boss has officially driven his staff insane with meetings. People have their communication styles, like email, text, and smoke signals. Boss' style is meetings. He actually told us he can't get anything done because he's in meetings all day. I guess some people just can't learn from their mistakes (or won't). I often wonder what it's like at his house....

BOSS: Kids, Louella, get up or you'll miss the Wakeup Meeting.

EVERYONE: Aw, do we have to?

BOSS: We have to start off the day right. I need Sleep Stats, the Breakfast Report, and progress since last night's Sleep Meeting.

EVERYONE: Grumble

BOSS: Hailey, you were in charge of the Sleep Project. How many hours did everyone get and what was the delta from the previous evening, as well as in general?

• I must be starting to feel better... I'm blogging. My apologies for missing many posts, but sickness took it out of me, plus I wasn't getting any (not that this was odd). 

Don't ask me what's wrong, but the Meeting Factor has gone through the roof this week. If it's not your regular brain-seizing, concrete-melting, attention swallowing meetings, there's a bit of 'training' about. Training is a process in which a cleverly-disguised salesperson gives a few days' technical presentation on something you've never seen before and definitely never want to come in contact with. In fact, you'd prefer it not to occupy the same state, country, or planet on which you reside.

One of the meetings came up really short, so the entire group sat there, looking around, wondering what to do. We were saved by a pop-up meeting that sucked up all the rest of our time before leaving. I don't want to talk out of school, but the boss wet his boxers when he heard about the fill-in meeting.

You see, meetings aren't just horrid wastes of time, guaranteed to make your brain stop processing forever. Meetings become their own living monsters. They pry open your skull and use a cheese grater to shave your brain down to a perfect square. They throw so much garbage at you that your brain can no longer process input, even when the end of the meeting comes and the next meeting is being planned. And there will always be some useful idiot who asks questions, prompting another discussion that will last 47 minutes and mean nothing to no one. Working from home provides the added benefit of drinking. You can run a large drink right into your veins or just take huge gulps while the circus continues. If you're poorly-behaved, like me, no one will notice a few extra (drunken) outbursts. I used to wait until work was over before drinking, but these constant meetings are taking their toll on me. The other day I started at 4:00. Then 9 am. Coworkers tell me to start at 8am; the day is much smoother if you're pre-loaded, they tell me. Since we don't use video, it's much harder to catch me weaving and falling over. 

• People get caught doing it in public toilets. Sure, a bit of fun for everyone. What I want to know is who calls the police? Some dried-up old hag who hasn't seen it in over 30 years? Or some old pervert who couldn't convince the couple to include him in the fun.

Automakers Are Sharing Consumers’ Driving Behavior With Insurance Companies

Giant Magical Bunnies

I was having a tough time of it at work. I kept damn near falling asleep. I asked friends, family, and even the doctors, but no one had any ideas. I am nothing if not ugly. In fact, I am nothing if not scientific - I love to take stuff apart. When I was very little, the family was out visiting, and I would take apart their vacuums. Whether or not this affects my feelings about vacuums lately, I cannot say. Where was I? Oh yeah, ugly.

So I monitored my sleepiness. My sleep amount or schedule hadn't changed (the less sleep I get, the easier it is to get up). It took a while, but I realized I had a start on the problem when I joked that I stopped falling over when work was done for the day. A-HA! But it wasn't every day.

It finally hit me, like yet another derailing Amtrak train, that I was falling asleep in meetings. I watched this closely (with my eyes closed and my mic muted), and it turned out to be the problem. As soon as a meeting started, I'd start getting tired. It's not like I'd get progressively tired as the meeting went on... within the first sentence I'd start nodding off. Even 'good morning' would start me off to 'good evening, time to go to bed.' To make things worse, if I crossed my legs, I was more likely to get tired. The doctors were at a loss (after they stopped laughing).

With the Science done, it was time to look for the cure. I tried the normal stuff, like a 10th cup of coffee, pinching myself, having someone else pinching myself, hitting myself with a hammer, all for naught. I got creative, asking Boss to be excused from meetings, with predictable results. It took some effort, but I got a doctor's note, excusing me from meetings. This worked no better than when I got a doctor's note to keep an android phone, as opposed to the new iPhone. My employer is anything but flexible.  

So here I am, in limbo. It's all I can do to keep from snoring.

Suggestions?

The meetings will continue until morale improves  

 

Denmark orders schools to stop sending student data to Google

Told you so. If your student uses a Chromebook, their data is going to Google. Gmail too.

Chinese hackers have lurked in some US infrastructure systems for ‘at least five years’

Told you so. They're in the power and all sorts of other systems. Nothing good will come of this.

MS-DOS and Windows 3.11 still run train dashboards at German railway — company listed admin job for 30-year-old operating system

Perhaps it's running Boeing 737s too. Don't. Get. On. The. Train. They obviously don't care about security.

 

Senator Wiener Introduces Groundbreaking Bills to Slash California Road Deaths Epidemic

Mandate electronic speed controls in cars. The planet of California is a silly place and you should not go there.

 Wanna know how you're surveilled?

be prepared to be shaken and stirred 

 

Having Nothing At All to do with Hippopotamusses

Your love is like  Dolly Parton's bra: it just gets in the way and takes all the fun out of life

More than 400 Grail patients incorrectly told they may have cancer

Don't you hate it when that happens?

Today I identify as  a brown tuba

Guess who is collecting and sharing abortion-related data?

Basically everyone at this point. But developer Easy Healthcare has promised to stop

Bibles Banned From Utah Schools After Parent Demanded Its Removal

...the Bible's “incest, onanism, bestiality, prostitution, genital mutilation, fellatio, dildos, rape, and even infanticide" should make it illegal in schools under Utah's book-banning laws.

I want to hang out with this parent.

I got a new boss.

I almost cried when the old one said she was moving. She tolerated me very well, which is a high compliment.

The new boss turned out to be ok. He's even-tempered, personable, and I get the impression he's available to help. Unfortunately it looks like he is the one who needs help. Of course he is - he's making more money than the team, so he's guaranteed to know next to nothing. It's not like he doesn't know the topic - he just doesn't know what his department does. This is called the Peter Principle: everybody rises to the level of their own incompetence. Let's say you're really good at fixing computers. You wander around at work, fixing things. You do so well, you're promoted to Networking. 3 years later, you're the head of Networking. Since you did such a fantastic job in hardware and software in Networking, it's obvious that you should be leading your own department in network security. No, you won't actually be doing any technical work, you'll be Managing. Or as we call it, Manglement. That's the level of your own incompetence. So "Bob" is now our manager. Bob likes to have meetings. The great thing about our last manager was that there was a meeting if we needed one. Since we rarely needed one, there were very few meetings. It was such a pleasant change from my last employer, who had meetings for the purpose of scheduling more meetings.

So Bob schedules meetings. The next day he says, "Sheesh, so many meetings here, damn." This is kinda like Satan complaining about the heat Down There. We think we decoded things, though. Somebody from another department will ask a question. Bob will call a meeting to discuss it. When I say Discuss, I mean learn about it. You just know he's sitting there, scribbling on his little Post-Its with his little crayons and his tongue hanging out. It's adorable. Or it would be adorable, if he wasn't doing it to us. Maybe we'll get him some new crayons when the holidays come around. Then we'd have a meeting about replacing the old crayons.

We're getting some new software. Important money-saving software. It's a huge project and I somehow found myself on the team. This makes no sense because the people on the team are very smart. I have a picture of my dog. So Bob and I went to training. It was quickly established that everybody else in the class was already using the software. Except us. So there went an awful lot of money on training. Bob is not one to worry about trivialities like not having or knowing how to use the software. He just calls more meetings. When word gets out about the new software (that is STILL not in place, after 25 meetings), other departments start doing things that really annoy us: asking questions and making demands. You know what's coming, right?  Bob wants to hold a meeting to discuss this with each department. We may all work remotely, but you can feel the collective groaning. Ever the voice of unreason, I suggest maybe we keep our mouths shut and not make any promises, especially as the software still hasn't made it to the server. Bob sat and thought about it for a while, then decided maybe I had a point (on the top of my head). Then Bob got his Big Idea<tm>. We'd have a .... get ready for it.... meeting(!) with our other departments to go over what the new software does. Again I make the mistake of trying to make sense: 

Uh.. Bob? 

Yes, lefty? 

May I respectfully suggest we hold off on this Grand Meeting to End All Meetings for a week or 5, until we've actually touched the software? Or looked at the box it came in? If we had to do all sorts of slides with blinky lights to explain what the software does, all we'll be doing is giving a sales presentation. We can take the training slides and pretend they're ours. Then get the slides from Sales.

You might have a point there.

If they ask us any questions, it won't go well. We know as much about the system as they do, that is to say 'nothing.' I don't think anyone will get too bent out of shape or feel it's a personal slight that we don't have a meeting with a presentation with blinky lights until... I dunno... we have a farging CLUE as to what we're doing? We could promise them everything the marketing department promised US, and won't we look silly(er) when we can't do any of it.

You're right. I'll have a chat with my boss and put this off til later. Maybe I can schedule a meeting with him. 

[Next Day]

So who wants to present at the meeting? 

The meeting you agreed should take place after we've seen something more than the reviews on Amazon?

Um, yeah.. I met with my boss, who said we should go ahead.

Did you guys meet over whisky and blunts? Cuz she's a pretty reasonable person. I could present on the tuba, but I can't play the tuba, I don't know what it does, and who doesn't hate the tuba (except the fat kid who always winds up playing it)? Ever see a left handed tuba? Me either. I guess I can't effectively present on it.

[Presentation]

So, Let's Talk Tuba [blank stares, tongues reaching down to the desks].

The tuba looks like this [slide of a giraffe] but is much heavier than it appears. It's made of metal - very shiny metal. In fact, tuba players spend more time buffing and shining their tuba than actually playing it.

This isn't so bad, because the tuba only plays 2 notes, like the bass in every country music song. Think  OOM-PA.

The metal is brasslike in color and goes around the player in all sorts of bendy ways. The pitch of the note is changed by squeezing the nipples in different ways: softer for lower notes, harder for higher notes. This also explains why tuba players never get dates. Even cows run when tuba players approach. 

And that's my presentation. If there are any questions, set up a meeting with Bob. We'll get the whole team in there for at least 2 hours. BYOB.

lefty, what's the circumference of the inside of the tuba? 

Yes. Next question!

Is it difficult to play? 

No, remember, it's difficult to shine. You'll want one of those professional buffers for cars.

Do you use wax? 

No, I use KY.

How do I get laid after playing the tuba? 

You don't.

Is there some kind of line that might work? 

Tell them your equipment wraps around your body a couple of times, just like the tuba.

Crocodile found to have made herself pregnant

Gives new meaning to Go Fsck Yourself

When and why did masturbation evolve in primates? A new study provides clues

1. Who wants to know?
2. Who's paying for the study?
3. Does it have anything to do with cow farts?
4. Why? Because female primates had headaches.

Sergeant - Arm the Dog Hair Bomb

Your love is like  used wrapping paper

It's early, I'm sitting down to work, and something's tickling me at the outside of my awareness. I know there's something just a bit off. I must've left a machine on. Nope. Look, look... an old machine I used to use has powered itself up, for no particular reason. Either that, or they're becoming alive.... ever wonder what they do when you're not around?  Yes, Mr. FBI agent, they must've turned themselves on and downloaded those files....

I just discovered I was the only one in my crew working on a (surprise) day off a few weeks ago. It's the smart wuns that make them really stoopid mistakes. As my childhood friend said, "You're the dumbest smart person I know."

Today I identify as  a coworker who never seems to do much

A small number of Flying AIDS patients develop severe psychotic symptoms.

Which seems to explain Congress....

Military recruiting crisis looms with youth too flabby to defend nation.

Who coulda seen that coming?

PRIVATE, gimme 10!

1... 1 and a half....

I said 10, maggot!

I... I can't... sir

10 laps around the course.

Sir.. I can't get to the starting gate.

What can you do, sissy?

You have any game consoles that need hacking? Chips that need eating?

Go up that ladder!

Can't, Sir - too far to go and afraid of heights.

Firing range!

No, Sir. Guns kill, like words. 

I SAID PICK UP THE GUN!

Too heavy, haven't had my Red Bull today.

In non-related news, human remains were found on Joint Base San Antonio. It appears recruits need to defend themselves from the military, not foreigners.

The Boeing 737 MAX is set to return to the skies (and hopefully not to the ground). Boeing has renamed the plane 738 MAX, in hopes no one will notice.

Tesla sales have somewhat slowed of late because they explode like a flamethrower. The slight dip in sales was followed by a surge in sales, among thrill-seekers, who enjoy the rush of knowing their car can burst into flames at any moment. Like fire. Fire good.

Tesla says that if you feel the car starting to go up in a fireball, get out of it and call their hotline: 1-666-GO BOOM. Tesla's plan to send a fire truck and another Tesla went up in flames, so to speak, when the replacement Teslas also blew up.

You better refund my money or I'll park my Tesla outside your store.

Wanna date? We'll go in my Tesla. It'll be a blast!

Sign in front of AT&T buildings: No Tesla Parking  

I have had some of the greatest sex of my life in my Tesla. It always ends in me getting blown to bits.

The Odyssey and even Dr Seuss have been burned by the Cancel Crowd, for use in schools. 

children shouldn’t have to read stories written in anything other than the present-day vernacular—especially those in which racism, sexism, ableism, anti-Semitism, and other forms of hate are the norm,”

 I, for one, welcome this Puritan-like censorship, if it means no more Shakespeare. Also canceled were:

• Homer Simpson: attitudes about junk food
• the one with the whale, Animal Farm, To Kill A Mockingbird: animal abuse
• Hansel and Gretl: elder abuse
• Catcher in the Rye: John Lennon abuse
• Green Eggs and Ham: promotes lax attitudes about food safety
• Roadrunner: everybody knows Coyotes are a code word for Jews
• Frankenstein: corpse-ism, many-isms depending on who the parts came from
• The Taming of the Shrew: sexism
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: able-ism
• King Lear: feudalism
• Gulliver's Travels, Little Women: height-ism
• Harry Potter: hatred of witches and potters

Anthony Warner, alleged RV bomber, is starting to show up in the press, with all sorts of stories of what happened before he allegedly blew himself (and AT&T) up. The FBI is investigating, which can only mean one thing: Warner was very low on the IQ scale, and was telling people he wanted to blow something up. The FBI encouraged him to go ahead, gave him the explosives, and now have named the culprit. They've done this a number of times, including a NY building bomber.

Mainstream or Pr0n?: Through the Water Curtain and other Tales from Around the World, Uber Eats Clone

In case you think I'm a tinfoil cap wearing loon, check this article out, about cars being a treasure trove of information. While it's true, I am a tinfoil cap wearing loon, there's a reason for guarding your privacy with all the great new technology we have. 

The telematics system stores a vehicle's turn-by-turn navigation, speed, acceleration and deceleration information, as well as more granular clues, such as when and where the lights were switched on, the doors were opened, seat belts were put on and airbags were deployed.

This is just the beginning, especially if you allow the car access to your phone. This information is being accessed by police, advertisers, and who knows who else. Here's a business opportunity - a garage that hacks this crap out.

• The Flying AIDS bill has an interesting attachment: our spy agencies are given 180 days to disclose the truth about UFOs. 
• Damn. 
• Well, they can tell the truth OR they will say they have nothing responsive to the request. I say Rubio and Trump, with the press, should walk into Wright Patterson base and show everybody what's there. 

HIM: Let's play Epstein

HER: What's Epstein?

HIM: You ask me to massage you, then make me take my clothes off and have sex with you.

HER: ok, but only if you let me suicide you when we're done

• Wonder Woman 1984, yet another remake, is having questionable box office returns. Industry professionals are afraid to state that it might have something to do with having a trans man in the title role.

Queens of the Stone Age: they've been around for a while, but I haven't heard much from them, so I dove head first into a concert on tv. You know what they say about diving... make sure there's water in the pool. It's ok, I don't like anything.

• the Polk County, Florida, sheriff authorized a sting operation at a flea market, of vendors selling 'pirate' Amazon Firesticks.
• Don't they have any illegal gatherings to bust up?

It's lonely at work. The loneliest person ever is always the one running a meeting. I don't know who pulled their body parts out, but no one will respond to a thing the moderator says. It's not like anybody's going to get in trouble for an answer or much of anything. They just don't speak.

MOD: Hey, everybody. Good morning.

EVERYBODY:

MOD: Am I on? Can everybody hear me?

EVERYBODY: [silence].. [silence].. uncomfortable [silence].. [1 person] Uhh, yes.

MOD: So, you're all fired.

EVERYBODY:

MOD: Just kidding. You all got a raise.

EVERYBODY:

MOD: I'm trying to decide where to put the servers - behind the firewall, or just out on the internet, where anybody can get to them. Thoughts? Security Department?

EVERYBODY:

This is every meeting, whether 3 or 300 participants, regardless of moderator. Anybody who's read this blog more than once knows I abhor a vacuum. I was raised strangely, in that if someone asks me a question, especially someone who's paying me, I answer it. No one told me that was optional, so everybody got to know my voice. I realized I take some of the pressure off my teammates because they figure I'll answer the questions or do the work. OH, I get it.

I learned a valuable lesson at my first job: when the boss says 'we', he means 'you.' "We need to get that area cleaned up." The only time it didn't mean 'you' was when he said "We need to go to lunch with that hot rep."

The other day I let someone else lead, vowing to give only factual, 2 syllable answers. No sarcasm (someone wanted to check my pulse). This was because of a variant on the First Lesson: This is messed up. What are 'you' going to do about it? Gee, fella, what 'we' would normally do is call 'you' because it's 'your' equipment. 

Let me explain it another way: you set it up, you have admin rights, you fixed every issue we've had with it (after we called your boss). Whereas, we only have user rights and honestly believe there are squirrels running on a belt inside the machine.

Let me explain it another way: when I take my Chevy to the dealership because it's leaking something that looks flammable, the dealer doesn't ask me how I'm going to fix it. He just fixes it, claims the problem was out of warranty, and charges me for a new engine.

Let me explain it another way: when your wife wrecks the Chevy and asks what 'she' is going to do about it....  "Oh, I get it. Nothing more to say - I'll call you when it's fixed."

I want to learn to not answer questions in a meeting, but it's so hard... letting that dead air go... when I know the answer. Or use the opportunity to suggest getting rid of Windows and using linux on all servers. Sometimes people speak when I say this stuff... it's usually a mixture of groaning and loud applause. I have a new exercise: before I answer, I remember there are a lot of extremely intelligent people who have been there a long time and are in departments way over mine, so if they don't answer, maybe I shouldn't. 

Nah, just kidding - I have no problem telling highly capable people above me they're wrong. Plus somebody's gotta answer... don't they?

• Fish spaghetti?

Dear lefty 

• Why hasn't there been a Dear lefty in the last few pages?
• we're tired of your whining 
• Look, I'm serious.
• you don't look serious
• My girlfriend said either the guitars go or she goes. What do I do?
• ask her for a forwarding address 

Ebay is soliciting reviews on things people buy. Here's my first one:

It looked really great in the description. I tracked it anxiously, every day, even when it spent 2 weeks in the Delivery Abyss. So if it ever arrives, I'll jump back on and leave another review. How long should I wait until I cancel the order?

There are certain actors who get typecast in a role, for better or worse.

One of my all time favorites is John Astin (Gomez Addams). Sometimes I wonder if he was really acting. Whenever he popped up on different shows, all I saw was Gomez playing the part. That twinkle in his eye, that slight smile, that Zen Yogi. Morticia (Carolyn Jones) fared much better in other roles. One could argue it had something to do with not wearing a long black wig and a dress that only allowed her to shuffle. 

Then there was the Greatest Supporting Actor in a Comedy Who Never Got Recognized, Stephen Stucker (Johnny in Airplane). I just can't imagine him leaping into the air in a different movie, saying "Auntie Em, Auntie Em!" or "and Leon's getting larrrrrrger." (RIP)

Forget John Cleese (or any of the Pythons) doing serious roles. There will always be a bunch of guys in the back, shouting "This parrot is dead. It's a stiff!" Note: this does not apply to Michael Palin's series on railway trips. He's dead serious. So very serious. Incredibly serous. I watched most of a show, waiting for a punchline. I broke my own leg.

Who else? Leave a comment.

• Why does this software make me log in to tell me I have been logged out, then I have to log back in? Was the alcohol flowing freely that day?

Happy New Year.

2020 is about to bite the big one, none too soon.

I wish you

Good health, happiness, financial and all sorts of other whoopee.

Read the label carefully.

Tell your pets Penny said hi.

Please don't drink and do much of anything else. Or just drink virtually.

Take your medicine (as prescribed)

Keep coming back and tell your friends (I can't get my own family to read this)

-lefty

Buy a tree, get a free Mercedes!

Do Not Throw the Bath Water Out with the Baby

Your love is like  a dirty diaper

If you notice it's a bit warmer, you have me to thank. Why? Because I have 1 outlet for the fan and heater. Since it's been so cold, I packed up the fan and put it away, therefore we got warm weather. You're welcome.

Next I will wash the car and make it rain. The power is awesome but I try to use it responsibly. 

Speaking of which, there are 2 things I don't understand: making the bed and washing the car... if you make the bed, you're just going to unmake it that night. If you wash the car, it's only going to get dirty again. Mrs lefty does not agree.

This doesn't necessarily apply to the inside of the car. The last time she cleaned it, I discovered we had a back seat. It turned out to be quite handy.

• If you live in any state that isn't Pennsylvania, you can go into a Target and purchase Skrewball Peanut Butter Whiskey.
• Idiot Governor: our forefathers did not fight and die so we couldn't purchase peanut butter whiskey in department stores. Shame.

Today I identify as  a Russian, warming up to interfere in the next election

• A good read, about trying to identify a dead guy, using the internet and whatever else they can. Particularly scary is the voluntary DNA database. RIP Mostly Harmless.

Work had another meeting today.

For the entire 7 years I've been there, work meetings have been productive. Some sort of magic dust was sprinkled and someone's firstborn was involved. 

Until these meetings.

There is something about Stupid that multiplies in groups, like with voters. After a while, Stupid becomes oppressive and tries to run the meeting, failing to even order coffee or donuts.

For those of you playing along at home, we had 27 people all together yesterday, with dead silence because nobody had a clue. This subsequently involved me, potato chip clips, and a certain sensitive part of my anatomy. Since we couldn't get anyone who knew anything on the call, we decided we'd get the experts today.

Naturally the experts weren't available today, so we got people even less able than yesterday's crowd. It's like dealing with the assistant chef, requesting the master chef, and getting the head dish washer. I knew it was going to be painful, and I am rarely disappointed. 

Everybody I work with has their work plan worked out: they say nothing, and largely do nothing. Since it is too physically painful for me to keep my mouth shut, I say Stuff. The secret to saying Stuff is to sound sure of yourself. This way the people who aren't saying anything say to themselves, "Boy he sounds like he has the answer. And this means I can continue to say nothing. Win/win." So I confidently asked questions that sounded confident. Even the people in charge took notice and applied my questions to the matter at hand. My boss also heard some of this, which sounded like I downright knew something. Or like he's just too mellow to tell me to STFU. He seems to think I know Stuff and even asks me questions about Stuff. Since we've established I know nothing, but I'm the only one who talks, I simply answer assertively. He's happy, I'm happy that he's happy, and he doesn't remember he knew all this stuff long before I was on the project.

Since Boss is unbelievably busy, we get Bob. Bob likes to have meetings. He schedules them for times when literally no one else can make them, like Sundays. Unfortunately, only California is on Sunday time when we're all on Friday time. Bob seriously likes meetings. Sometimes the next meeting invitation is in our inbox before the current meeting is through. I suspect Bob's salary is somehow tied to number of meetings, but as I said, I'm trying to keep those questions to myself. Instead I just ask him if he got any last night.

I let a nearly polite outburst out today, concerning Microsoft Teams and things it does wrong, or just plain doesn't do. I don't know if President Trump or the head of the corporation was in the room, but it got very quiet after the rant. On the bright side, I didn't use any chip clips.

Dear lefty  

• What's with all the counting in Philly?
• Well, studies have shown Philly can't count 
• What were those strange, hand-rolled cigarettes they were smoking?
• Nothing that was on the ballot - that's for sure 

 

My ear is having a hissy. Or that's what it sounds like. While I wait for the doctor to call me back, I effectively have one ear. With one ear, you can't tell where sound is coming from. Most importantly, I can ignore anything anyone says. Heh heh... Sorry - I didn't hear you (Dear).

Post-Election Libertarian Roundup

[burp]

WTF, d00dz?

Soooo demoralizing. No, I didn't expect to trounce both the megalomaniac and the senile dementoid, but our numbers....

I'm more agitated than yesterday. You know how I have this habit of speaking up and later discovering maybe I shouldn't have spoken up to that particular person because I didn't know he was Head Somethingorother or pregnant or something?   I kinda sorta let the head of the party know how I felt, almost partially by accident. It's not that my words weren't true.... I do a lot of verbalizing about the party, especially here. I know I converted all myo US readers to libertarians. [cough]. Plus my online outreach. You'd think I alone would have caused PA to go libertarian, instead of battleground. It occurs to me that I haven't taken my meds today. This is but one effect of not letting 3rd parties in the debates. The 2 existing parties work together here. Maybe Vermin Supreme was the right candidate.

• Coming to theaters (and hospitals) this holdiay season... the movie so dark, you thought it would never be made... it's Covid-20: Like 19 But One More.

I love when other countries have something to say.

Ok, no I don't.

Although, the lying Bottom-Wiping Bed-Wetting Iran Supreme Leader said "What a spectacle!" He said this from the nuclear weapons enrichment stockpile he doesn't  have. It's a shame he's not sitting close enough to the pile....

• How accurate are GPSes? I ask because Wife went to lunch and Restaurant is about 20' from shoe store. Do I even need a GPS?

Speaking of shopping by mail, we got another one of those weird calls from Hardly Quality Shopping Home Network, wondering if Mrs lefty was ok, because she didn't order anything yesterday or today. Penny hates the 6 days a week mailman, but stopped barking for UPS, if that's any indication. I picked up that I can't rush out of the house because there will be a few boxes on the top step and I don't fly down steps quite as well as I used to. 

I'm not as quick as I used to be either, so it took about a year to figure out the scheme: it all revolves around the phrase "I told you about that... it's for....". I told you about that, it's for Elvert's birthday, near Xmas. The first clue should have been that we know no one named Elvert. Last night I heard we're cutting way down on xmas gifts - mostly for the kids. I agree. Yet UPS still shows up every day.

I used to get boxes every day, waaaaay back when I thought I had a few spare dollars. I'd buy used guitar effects frequently, so they'd arrive almost daily. Apparently the plan was to sell the ones I wasn't crazy about. I was astounded that you could sell gear. I ... didn't know. It simply never occurred to me. So I think it's time to go shopping again, only this time with guitars.

• No, Honey, that's from the Guitar of the Month Club - I didn't order anything new
• if I order every guitar in black, maybe she won't be able to tell when I have a new black one...
• But I can't have a black one and not a blue one-it's like shoes
• blue is my favorite color, plus you can't buy any old top - you need curly maple. If you're going to do it, do it right
• Nah - that's an xmas gift for the boys - I told you about it.
• Yes, effects boxes are small, but I had the one I bought sent in a guitar-size package to protect it during shipping

I had a buddy who had an 'agreement' with his wife: he could buy a guitar or whatever he wanted, but she got the equal amount to spend on whatever she wanted. As a result, their house was empty - nobody bought a thing.

San Francisco, bastion of normalcy, just voted in a tax on highly-paid CEOs, who earn 100 times more than its average worker. It's time to leave the Peoples' Republic of San Francisco, if you haven't already. The Great Unwashed just decided it could randomly tax an employee because they didn't like how much he earned. In the America of old, CEOs could earn whatever they earned, without local interference. I don't personally like what some of these people make, but I shouldn't be allowed to enact a tax on them; they're private businesses. If I were a business, I'd get out of that place, right away, before they hear, "I think those people use too much toilet paper. We need to tax them."

Voting SJWs 

Exit polls point to the power of white patriarchy. Some people who have historically been oppressed will stand with their oppresssors.

Peak SJW Insanity?

The Witches star Anne Hathaway has promised to "do better" following the criticism the film has received for its portrayal of limb difference.  Comedian Alex Brooker and others with hand and arm impairments have accused the film of being insensitive towards disabled people.

Several of the next groups to begin screaming are people with hangnails, people too fat to sit in 1 airline chair, people without arm hair, people without nose hair, people whose nose hair cannot be braided, people whose dominant hand's nails grow too much faster than the other, the ambidextrous, people who like the smell of burnt popcorn, people who use turn signals (both of them), people who eat breakfast after 10:45, women whose breast cup size differs greater than 1 cup, men with 1 testicle, female children with no testicles who may one day identify as male, people with pencil lead allergies, men with small penises, 

Furthermore, all dead authors deemed to have written books with unfair references will be dug up and forced to rewrite their books. Lastly, nothing will be allowed to be funny if it has even the slightest appearance of targeting any person or group, per the Ministry of Fairness and All That Is Good.

• Interesting point on risk, touring, and bands by Frank Zappa