Spitting Out Your Pancreas

Just this past weekend, there was a Trump rally. The anti-Trump forces were out in number. One of them decided it would be a good idea to spray pepper spray in the eyes of the Trump supporters. Things backfired when the Trump supporters expressed their displeasure of this act and retaliated. The masked coward got what looked like a few black and blue marks, after which the police apprehended him.

Make no mistake, both sides had a right to be there. Assaulting people with pepper spray, or anything else, is not part of peaceful protest. This new assault tactic seems to fit with the the narrative that free speech is only for people who agree with them. Violence is justified against people who disagree.

• Just in case you missed this, I wanted to bring you a quote I just read: "A terrorist can kill many but blasphemy can hurt feelings of millions." So go out there today and make sure you hurt no feelings.

So you're working out like mad, but don't have the time or energy to keep track of your workouts? Now you can work yourself down to the store and get an Internet of Things Workout Glove! Don't you feel better knowing that your workout information will go up the chain to whoever makes the glove? Or after a while, someone will hack the glove, which will then force you to run down the street, barking like a chicken? 

• Behaving like the tired old caricature of Intrusive Government, the UK's Home Secretary has discovered that, in the recent terrorist attack, the terrorist may have used the encrypted messenger WhatsApp and said it's unacceptable that the government can't read these encrypted communications. Convenient, no? Using any old bad news to demand people give up liberties. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Patriot Act, anybody?  The good news is that it's not likely to happen (in this case). Study this and pay attention.. you'll recognize it next time it happens. The positive here is that experts are hitting back on the charge of 'aiding terrorists'.

The University of Regina brings 'Masculinity Confession Booth' to campus, where men will disclose their 'sins'. What will these women (and men) do when there are no functional penises left in the world?

• The UK's Daily Mail featured a picture of Theresa May and Nicola Sturgeon on the cover in skirts, with the headline 'Never Mind Brexit, who won Legs-It?' The entire United States wishes to thank the UK for at least momentarily winning the Stupid News Award and taking heat off us.

Microsoft president Brad Smith is against handing over customer data to any government unless it is "legally compelled to." Not sure how this differs from any other software.  This from the company that built back doors into its software for itself and the NSA.

• Oxford University will be putting up more pictures of women to redress the balance from the university's walls being lined with pictures of "dead white males". Oxford: since our tuition is ten times normal, we need to be ten times more ridiculous.

Just the other day, ISIS extremists threw a man suspected of being gay off a building, then pelted his corpse with rocks. Because the non-extremists wouldn't have thrown rocks post-mortem.

• Krispy Kreme has decided to change its name in the UK to Krispy Creme because people have trouble pronouncing Krispy Kreme. I don't know about you but I believe our brothers and sisters in the UK are more than kapable of pronouncing "kreme." Krispy Kream/Creme states categorically that this is not an April Fool's joke. Nothing you say or do this weekend will have quite the import of this announcement.

A Spanish rapper, Valtonyc, is appealing a three-year jail sentence for his lyrics. As you know, ThermionicEmissions stands firmly on the side of freedom of speech, which apparently Spain does not. Further, ThermionicEmissions would rather Valtonyc be imprisoned for his taste in 'music'.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Marshall Update:

after interminable ear infections, surgical appointments, and one failed surgery, Marshall has seen his third doctor. His ear canals are calcified. I didn't even know this was possible and shudder to imagine it. He's in constant pain. The surgeon said leaving this alone will just keep him in pain that the meds will not adequately cover. So the recommendation is that they be removed. This will kill the pain and his hearing (whatever he has left). This is a lot to take in. It will also be a lot to pay. Surgeon says his other senses will take over and he is already starting to adapt to his hearing loss.

So if you have a moment, think some good thoughts for our 13-year-old furry child.  Thanks.

Sometimes you eat the pie and sometimes the pie eats you

Let's Convention This Bitch Up

I feel sorry for Philthydelphia. It's not bad enough they're in a public transportation crisis because they bought poorly-made cars (that they knew about a year in advance); now there's the Democratic National Convention. It's so huge they're holding parts of it at a giant sports stadium. Wait til they find out parking is fifty dollars.  Traffic is murder at any time of the day or night, so imagine how bad it will be when portions of the city's two main arteries are to be closed. The worst will be borne by the poor commuters and people forced to live and work downtown. Good luck there, folks.

Now imagine the arriving politicans. First they land at an airport with striking workers, incompetent TSA empolyees (be fair, this could be any airport in the nation), then they see the parking three-deep at the curb, right next to the No Parking signs. Driving on the always gridlocked I-95 North, they immediately pass the waste recycling plant.. Philly smells like shit for many reasons. Heaven forbid they try to get around via public transportation or worse, by car. It's like New York but without the accent.

As if this fun couldn't be superceded, the security will be insane, especially when Hillary the Prevaricator arrives. I'm all for having it moved at the last minute. To any old state (or country) at all.  I'm not partisan - I feel sorry for Clevelanders too. Just to make things more interesting, you can open-carry guns there. Thus far it has been peaceful, or at least the gun-carriers have.

• A year and a half after I became gainfully employed, I'm still receiving job notices, some for jobs I applied for a year and a half ago. As per warning, the worst are the Indian recruiters, for some unknown reason. Today I received one from some Indian guy, saying he thinks I'd be interested in a one year contract in Toronto, Canada. Well, there's nothing like an eight hour commute to a different country to get the old metabolism going. WTF is wrong with these people?

A young immigrant has attacked people on a German train. With an axe, while shouting "Allahu Ackbar," which means "Oops, I did it again" in Swahili. Germany and President Obama say the motive isn't clear, even after ISIS claimed responsibility.

Meanwhile the Social Justice Warriors have exclaimed that no normal citizen should have an axe and sensible axe control must be enacted. Star Trek's Wil Wheaton, now famous for his "Fuck the NRA" outbursts, when reached for comment, said, "Fuck the National Axe Association!"

• I think we need a party that guarantees inclusion of another minority group: The Attractive Wingnut Party. Members will include Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman, Michelle Malkin and others to be named later.

The Pokemon Go craze is perfect for us... people have been stopping traffic and walking/driving off cliffs. That sound you hear is Charles Darwin laughing.

• I heard some of Chris Christie's RNC speech on the radio this morning. Regardless of how you vote, the guy was entertaining and nailed it.

BREAKING: sources deep within the RNC have discovered that Bill Clinton plans to vote for Trump. Because he wants a chance at Malenia.

• Baltimore police have footage of a driver playing Pokemon Go plowing into a police car. No word on whether the driver was taking a selfie at the same time.

There is now a Krispy Kreme donut-flavored soda. Is this a good thing? Is it the sign of some sort of Kardashian apocalypse?

• A study, using Real Science, shows that Harry Potter fans are more likely to dislike Donald Trump. This is a shame, as Donald was really counting on the Hogwarts Vote.