Vermin Supreme Has Ideas

A JetBlue flight was interrupted when iPhones were sent a picture of a suicide vest. An iPhone feature allows people within 30' to send pictures.

More iDevice-related terror.

iPhone privacy tips.


If you use WhatsApp or Telegram, you'll want to turn this setting off. Now.


Police can start with almost no information about a person of interest and instantly know intimate details of their lives. Interested in the latest assault on our liberties?

• Police in Tennessee have requested people not flush their drugs, because it could lead to 'meth-gators'.

Dear lefty

• How many SJWs does it take to change a light bulb?
• None. Light Bulbs are a tool of the patriarchy.

Reaching way back, Robert Plant's first two post-Led Zeppelin tours and albums featured a relatively unknown drummer called Phil Collins. Must've been a tough road, being famous with Genesis then drumming for Robert Plant.

But, you're asking yourself, what did Zep look like at their first concert?




Florida

A Florida man was sentenced after raping his baby daughter and posting footage to the web. I'm sure he'll be very popular in prison.

The Florida DMV sells your personal information to private companies and marketing firms...  hint: they're not the only ones.

A Texas woman lived with her dead mother for three years.
Texas must be a city in Florida.

A Florida man has been accused to cutting off his neighbor's genitals after catching him having sex with his wife.



A thief in Philly stole a man's car, with his kids inside.
The man took off after his kids, caught up with his car, and yanked the thief out.
Neighbors offered their assistance and somehow the thief wound up dead.

Instant Karma.

• I just watched Penny the Wonder Cocker catch a bird. She's fast.

Batteries and Self-Driving Cars
My buddy was looking at hybrids. The one she saw recommended replacing the batteries every 5 years, at $8k. I wonder if it's covered under the warranty...

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but the green push to electric cars blindly ignores the cost of manufacturing batteries, generating electricity at home and charging stations, and disposing of old batteries. Doesn't seem that green to me.

Along the same lines, driverless cars are not ready for prime time, yet we hear about them as if they're flawless. Even the testing has someone at the wheel, just in case. This also ignores the privacy and security aspects.



Rhubarb ain't what it used to be?

We attended a hamfest over the weekend. Before you laugh about porcine references, a hamfest is an electronic radio flea market. We had a blast, looking around at stuff for sale. While I was looking at something, a guy at the next table hailed Mrs. lefty. He asked if she liked her vegetables. He handed her a bunch of rhubarb, along with directions to cook it. When she asked what she owed him, he said nothing. Hams are some nice people. If we get randy, we can flog each other with it. Or she could cook it. I'm voting for the former.

As I type this, there is a tv show with a segment on rhubarb.

Since we were looking at radios and other goodies, I scored a small mixer and microphone. The others got carabiners, electronics learning kits, and assorted toys. It was a fun time.

• In order to grow almond trees, you need to plant two kinds of trees: male and female. Don't look outside unless you really want to watch trees fuck.

President Trump continues to endear himself to the rest of the world via tweets. Responding to criticism from the Anti Defamation League, that $8 billion is not enough aid for Israel, Trump suggested they go back to Israel. When informed the members of the ADL were American-born, he said they hated America and were antisemites. Democrats said the tweets were racist and sexist. CNN is reporting from the Trump toilet. Israel said everyone hates the ADL. A spokesman for the White House said it was moving to New Jersey.

• Someone needs to tell dress manufacturers not to run a seam right up both breasts. The newslady has a glaring yellow dress on, with what look like huge nipples....
• Oh.

SJW Sayings

We're just past the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. It was an incredibly important event worldwide. There's some great footage of people in other countries, lined up in front of television stores, watching the event and wishing the astronauts the best. Meanwhile, back home....

• Democrats of color protested the moon landing as sexist, racist, and a display of white supremacy.
• Women in tech organizations demanded new missions to be women-only.
• Liberals said that if the aliens invade and try to kill us, they should be granted immediate citizenship.
• Republicans are desperately searching for a way to become invisible.
• Moon landing skeptics were locked in a small room at NASA, with no net access.
• The president said that if the astronauts had any complaints, they should go back to the moon.

[Twitter] Since at least the 1950s, "communist" has become a popular coded word for nigger. Let's be real. Black Russians?

Rihanna is accused of cultural appropriation. On the cover of Harper's Bazaar China, her hairstyle and jewelry are similar to Chinese styles.

Vermin Supreme for President - free ponies

Let the Whining Continue

There was a successful cryptojacking attack on the LA Times.
Why?
Because somebody did not secure their Amazon Cloud setup.

Are you beginning to see commonalities?



The moon will be getting its first mobile telephone network next year. This will be used for high-definition streaming from the surface back to earth, in preparation for the first privately funded moon mission.

Shortly thereafter, there will be live streaming of porn to and from the moon, quickly followed by ministries beaming the bible up to the godless heathens that might be occupying the dead satellite. The joke will be on the ministries, as the side of the moon perpetually in the dark is a monitoring station for the aliens who created us.

The connection will be crystal clear with no dropouts until the first subscriptions are sold, at which point service will go immediately to hell, with the 4G connection dropping to 1G, and only texting possible.

• Apple Cofounder Steve Wozniak (friends call him Mary), admits he was scammed out of $70,000 in bitcoin.
• In unrelated news, the new iPhones have gone up $200 each.

The other day, a black woman wrote on social media about how great it was to be alive to experience the creations of Black geniuses of our time, specifically plays and movies.

This lady must be very young, and obviously has an agenda.

Although I never got the chance to see him firsthand, Jimi Hendrix's music will live on forever. As will Freddie/Albert/BB King, Willie Dixon, John Lee Hooker, Billy Preston, Robert Johnson, and scores of others.

Fortunately, I can say I have lived during Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, and Eric Clapton, as well as Frank Zappa, Eric Johnson, and Robin Trower. It just never occurred to me to be thankful that I was alive to enjoy these white geniuses of our time.

It would be difficult to do this now, but if you were to ask Jimi, he'd tell you that music was colorless. Musicians are colorless to me. I sure don't refer to Jimi as a great black guitar player. Or Jeff as a great white guitar player. They're pioneers of the guitar, beyond just talented.

Every now and then some tiny part of me called The Inner Hippie pops out.
He wants to know why we can't see art as art. He says that until we do, we will be divided.

Cellbrite, an Israeli company is now a favorite with the US Government, as it can unlock iPhones. Are we surprised? This is our government, completely out of control, under the pretext of National Security. Even worse, it's going to be difficult for iDevice owners to be Smug for any reason other than the price they paid for the device.

• NSA director Mike Rogers says the president hasn't given the NSA the authority to battle Russian interference.  He's right - the NSA would never do anything without authorization or that would violate anyone's privacy.

• About a year after I sounded the alarm over Marshall amplifiers with Bluetooth capabilty, Big Fish<tm> in the security industry are now sounding the alarm. Greater validation would be had if anybody saw my original claim.

No more experienced a politician than Oprah Winfrey said that she'll run for president if God tells her to.  Great, another attempted leader who hears voices. Don't forget - God also spoke directly to George Bush.

• 800 illegal aliens in Northern California avoided capture because the mayor warned them about ICE raids. Perhaps they should deport the mayor too.  Justice Department is seeing if this amounts to obstruction of justice charges.
• I was always told you can't pick and choose which laws you will obey.
• Rest assured that if you or I .....

I have an old laptop. It's very capable still, but needs a new keyboard.  This would be its third keyboard. For some reason, I go through them. I'm not sure why. It would have absolutely nothing to do with pounding it when it doesn't function properly. Last time I made the mistake of buying a keyboard from an unnamed country that makes chips that spy on us. It was very reasonably priced and the writing on the keys wore off in short order. I'm looking at proper keyboards and they're going for ridiculous prices. I'm starting to remember why I went Chinese. One official keyboard from the laptop manufacturer would cost half of what the laptop now sells for used. In related news, one can get a hell of a laptop deal on Ebay, especially if you're familiar with the model. Never hurts to have a spare machine.

As a grizzled IT veteran, I can tell you that you haven't lived until you've had to perform surgery on a laptop. This being the 2000s, there was a YouTube video showing the procedure, as well as sites with instructions.

Currently, the keyboard has no letters on a number of keys, one being I. Just to be amusing, the I key also requires an extra press or two to register. If it weren't for spellcheck, I'd be missing a blog full of I's.  An't that a btch? I must also keep both eyes on the screen at all times, as the keyboard has a habit of highlighting whole paragraphs and deleting them while I type. Spaces don't show up or happen twice, as do Rs. It's like having gremlins in the machine and not knowing when they're going to strike. Yes, I can use an external keyboard but space considerations make it difficult.

And just for fun, sometimes one of these things happens when I'm typing on a different machine.

• California just approved driverless car testing. Until now, the law mandated a backup driver.
• The California Mayors' Association has called for a halt to driverless vehicles, stating that they take jobs away from illegal aliens.
• Besides - what could possibly go wrong?

But I'm Not Dead Yet!

Neurologists studying the brains of nine people as they died discovered that the brain continues to work for minutes after the heart stops beating. The observation concluded that the brain dies with a final wave of activity called "spreading depression". They liken the sensation to living in Philadelphia.

Think about this... when does one die? At what point do they go toward the light and see the Easter Bunny? How much faster is rebooting a brain than Windows? How long has Nancy Pelosi been dead? I have questions...

• If you attend a number of schools in England, it's possible you're on camera, broadcasting live to a website. Why? Bad default security on the webcams, as well as no one concerned about security at the school to change the bad default passwords.
• This illustrates why it's important for everyone to change the default passwords on any device. You wouldn't want your BabyCam to be broadcasting live to some web page accessible to the world. Unless you're an exhibitionist, you also wouldn't want your bedroom security camera to be broadcasting to the internet..

A quantum physics experiment has proven quantum communication is possible with a single particle. If any of us has any clue about quantum physics, this is pretty exciting news, done by superposition, the phenomenon through which particles can effectively occupy two places at once.

Quantum particles can be on, off, or both; proving they're female.

Revenge of the Lions

• a woman was killed by a lion at a South Africa game lodge today.
• Earlier this month a suspected poacher was mauled to death and eaten by a pack of lions close to South Africa's famed Kruger National Park.
• Lions 2 - Humans 10,247

In Chicago, congressional candidate Benjamin Thomas Wolf is featured smoking pot in his campaign ad. He supports legalization of marijuana. His competition supports a needle exchange. He is featured shooting heroin.

• Ryan Seacrest's former personal stylist, Suzie Hardy, alleges sexual aggression; grinding his erect penis against her while clad only in his underwear, groping her vagina, and at one point slapping her buttock so hard that it left a large welt still visible hours later.
• Reached for comment, Seacrest apologized and said that he just wanted to see what it was like to do it to a woman.

The Offended Files

Residents of a nudist community in Florida (where else?) are upset because their mail carrier refuses to deliver mail. The carrier says she is 'offended by their naked lifestyle'. The Postal Service will not force her to go where she's not comfortable. No word on whether they are going to ask someone else to deliver the mail. Several hundred male carriers have volunteered for the job.

• The Catholic church is considering married priests to ease the shortage of clergy. Because orgies and molesting children aren't a serious problem yet.

Hillary Clinton, upset that America is celebrating the 15 month anniversary of her not being president, is warning the person who was elected that "The Russians are still coming."  All over the country, dead horses continue to let out low moans.

• It's not that we're not serious about security, it's just that we don't care. Manufacturers are currently using compromised firmware in implantable devices... you know...  like pacemakers... So if you feel like dancing or clutching your chest, it's not your imagination.
• Remember that minor Equifax hiccup that divulged ridiculous amounts of your personal data? Just announced: 2.4 million more US consumer names and partial drivers licenses stolen. The unrelated news is that the CFPB dropped the investigation and refuses to reopen it.

There's another new tv show. This is never good news. To say it is horrid would be synonymous with new. It's called My Four Wives. No, this does not refer to multiple personalities. It's some dude with four wives, families, and houses.

Why?


Perhaps the second or third question to come to mind is what the hell this guy does to be able to afford four families.... most of us can barely afford one.  Four mortgages... I can't afford my dog.

Now let's get to the crux of the biscuit: four wives.
Four.

Wives.
How many of us can say we mastered the art of one spouse?

Did the fellow simply not get it right the first time and insist on making the same mistake three more times? Does he have some fatal desire for nagging? Was his own personal army not building up quickly enough, so he enlisted three more factories? Wouldn't it be faster to adopt? What does the will look like? He must be fabulously wealthy because he can't possibly have time to work.  What have the psychologists had to say about this horrible need to hurt himself - can't he just cut, like everyone else? If he hasn't had a vasectomy, his wives should make sure he doesn't get within ten feet of them at all times. If he goes to a bar, do the four of them form a human shield around him? Does he sleep with more than one at a time? Do they like girls too? What does he put in their milk - they look fabulously happy. Too happy, in fact.

He obviously didn't do this because he likes supermodels.
Maybe the families are a corporation.. Jason Sperm, LLC. Four Too Many, Inc. The Fertility Group.

You have to figure he's a member of one of those polygamous Mormon sects. I have nothing against Mormons or polygamy; one should be able to choose the instrument of one's own death. You want more than one wife? Go ahead - it's your funeral.

The commercial showed them all flying somewhere.  Never mind four houses... this is how you can tell the guy has too much money: that many plane tickets. Whenever they need to go somewhere, they don't call an airline, they call a tour guide. "I need thirteen for Polygamy Class - it's right before Coach."

• After intense taste-testing, we recommend that if you wish to try Chocolate Lucky Charms, you go with Chocolate Frosted Flakes with Marshmallow Bits.  Trust us on this.

from @RealPeerReview
Here's a classic paper written by a male feminist:

I have heard more plausible stories of little green men from meth addicts.
The author was subsequently stripped of his skirt by actual female feminists.

• A Big Security Dude<tm> found a paper postulating that space aliens could send us malware capable of destroying humanity. In retaliation, we'll send them Windows.

In legal news, Google is being sued by a fired YouTube recruiter for wrongful termination.  Google was unhappy that their workforce was largely white and Asian males, so they tried to 'rectify the situation by working harder to find candidates who could do the job and who are also traditionally underrepresented minorities.'

Per the lawsuit:

In April of 2017, Google’s Technology Staffing Management team was instructed to immediately cancel all Level 3 (0-5 years experience) software engineering interviews with every single applicant who was not either female, Black, or Hispanic and to purge entirely any applications by non-diverse employees from the hiring pipeline. Plaintiff refused to comply with this request.

Despite lacking legal law linguistics, this sounds illegal.
Google vows to defend itself, saying that it has a “clear policy to hire candidates based on their merit, not their identity.."  Unless they're white or Asian males, of course.

How many times do you hear that any job area is populated by Asian males? Numerically, that's odd. On the other hand, hockey is completely free of Asians, while basketball and football are majority African American. Do you suppose the NFL will be sued by a recruiter because he refused to hire more whites or Asians?

My head continues to explode over a topic that's becoming more visible lately: Universal Basic Income. 

A CNBC article explores this topic in greater detail. 

The premise is that the government gives everybody a basic income.

I keep thinking I'm not understanding this correctly and asking Who's gonna pay for this?

I wrote previously on Stockton, California, which has a pilot program, handing out $500 monthly. This doesn't bother me as much, as it's being done on a private grant. But in the future....

Who's gonna pay for this?

Understand that the government has no money. All government money comes from We the People. So when the government is going to provide a basic income, where is the money going to come from? 

A poll shows 48% of Americans support a UBI.

These are obviously the ones who haven't asked Who's gonna pay for this?

A proponent of UBI, speaking at the World Economic Forum had this to say:

"The claim is often made that if you give people a basic income, they'll become lazy and stop doing work," Standing said. "It's an insult to the human condition. Basic incomes tend to increase people's work rather than reduce it."

Apparently this fellow has never heard of welfare.

But wait - it gets better....

"People are saying, 'Look we cannot let inequality continue to grow, because the political consequences could be a disaster'," Standing said, pointing to the recent rise of more authoritarian figures. 

You don't think there's any bias there, do you?

The most popular solution is the federal government sending a monthly check to everyone, regardless of earnings or employment. An estimate of the cost to provide everybody with $10,000 annually is three trillion dollars.  This is more than 3/4 of the entire yearly federal budget. It's allegedly more than the military budget, so there's no worry of it ever coming to pass.

Who's gonna pay for this?

Americans are a sad lot, with 80% saying that companies that benefit from artificial intelligence should pay higher taxes to fund UBI.  They also support changing the name of the country to United Socialists of America.

One reason I vote libertarian is to protect myself from people like this.

To be clear, I support helping people who need help due to disability or short term for job loss. UBI would take everybody's money and give it to... everybody.

Read the article. Your head could explode too!

The Russians - It Was the Russians!

It was the Russians, who visited this blog in great numbers. They hacked nothing, did not interfere with any ThermionicEmissions business or elections, and furthermore, did not provide ice cream or ice cream-like substances.

• This is an iAnniversary for the iPhone. Over one billion have been sold, at around $600 per. Barnum was right.

Everybody's favorite "whatever she is", Miley Cyrus, has proclaimed she has no age or gender. I suspect she has no input from certain important parts of her brain that really should be working but have been beaten into submission by alcohol, drugs, or torture. If she makes it to middle age, she's going to be embarrassed.

Having said that, I want to let you know that I have no body. This makes all that extra weight irrelevant and thusly halts the weaning off ice cream and vanilla buttercream frosting. Further, today I identify as a 2N2222 transistor.

Satire aside, I hope she manages to escape and somehow do so with a shred of sanity.

• WARNING: the furries have descended upon Pittsburgh, PA. Run for your lives.

If your computer reboots and you get a ransomware screen, turn the power off immediately, then you can get most of the data off your hard drive. If you don't know how to do this, ask a kid. Of course we don't have to worry about this because we make frequent backups, right?

• Our long national nightmare is over: Marshall got his new pool the other day. The original pool developed many small holes for no apparent reason. Maybe their cheap plastic develops holes via contact with grass - I have no idea.
• Marshall greeted the pool with a serious sniff-over, followed by the ceremonial filling of water, which he proceeded to drink from the hose. He thoroughly soaked himself, randomly got in and out, scrupulously avoiding most of my attempts at taking his picture. A chip off the old block, he is.
• Now, at 3am, when he goes out, he can come in, completely soaked.
• Regardless of hour, we all must listen closely for the ceremonial scream, "SOGGY COCKER!" At this point, we have to get out the towels to cover all surfaces he might perch upon.

Today is Social Media Day. In spite of this, I'm writing shit (professionals call this Creating Content, but I'm fairly distanced from professional) on my blog. After that, I'll log off and hang out with Marshall.

• Something happened today. Something so rare, so odd, so unbelievable, I don't even know how to type it out. But you know me - I'll try anyway.
• The morning 'news', in between social media reports and sports, said it was going to be warm in the morning, hot by noon, and REALLY hot in the afternoon. AND THEY WERE CORRECT.
• I managed to be outside in the afternoon and it was quite hot. Not ridiculously humid, just very humid. But hot. The kind of mostly sunny day in which it's just best to stay inside because the car will overcook your buttocks the moment they hit the seat.
• If we go out, I'll take my freezer packs and duct tape them around my head.

Ukraine Security Service blames Russia for 'Petya' outbreak. Well, who benefits? They were the obvious choice. I'm not saying it was Russia, but that's the quick answer.

• Can someone please explain to me why Scarlett Johanssen cut her hair? Was there a life change? That woman's hair is a national treasure. It's not like she's ever going to look like a boy, but still...

Apparently it's going to be a good/bad season for ticks. Good for ticks, not so good for us. It is recommended to keep grass short to give them no place to hide. Parents should check their kids when they come inside. Because your crazy mom, with OCD, will now have a legitimate excuse to check every hair on your body, methodically, one by one.

The news story on ticks went on to describe how to remove the little buggers. And no tick story would be complete without constant references to lyme disease, including how relatives of the talking heads were diagnosed with it.

• Today's best line: If you need stamps, they're right here in the lion.

Mark Zuckerberg, head of Faceyspaces, says 'Facebook is the new church.' 

Uh-oh.

Is it bigger than Jesus?

I sure hope he won't be laying hands on anyone, other than his wife.

Now we'll have to deal with generations of Face-O-Philes, molesting children digitally.

All money and treasure will be concentrated in the San Francisco area, with no one allowed to see it and no auditing.

Zuckerberg will get Serious Headgear - taller than the pope. He will insist on a similarly lofty title, like Your Poofitude or His Godliness.

Could there have been a better gift to me this morning? I don't think so.

Pneumonia, Parkinsons, Pexhaustion, Pwatever

Friends: thanks for reading. Although this blog is the 'best kept secret' on Google, I appreciate you loyal folks.



ING's data center in Bucharest, Romania, was knocked offline over the weekend during a fire extinguising test. Are you ready for this? It was caused by inert gas. No so much the gas itself, but the noise of the escaping gas. It got to the heads on the hard drives, ruining them. The site went offline and the company relied on its backup data center, seriously inconveniencing its customers. Good to know: noise will not affect solid state drives. So don't fart too loudly in front of your computer.

Can you believe I get paid for this shit?
Just kidding.

• Apparently the version of android tracks you even if you uninstall Google Maps. Lovely. The only way to avoid this is to disable GPS and only activate it if/when you need it. I saved myself by disabling GPS when I got the phone. You might also want to do this.

Seagate, the hard drive manufacturer, is in trouble. Their H/R department fell for a phishing scam, released all sorts of W-2 data, and now the employees are suing.  Does phishing rhyme with fishing?

• If Hillary Clinton had a heart attack outside her ambluance and fell on the ground, her supporters would say "she just needed a nap - why are you picking on her?"
• Speaking of Hillary supporters, they're lining up to meet her and catch her pneumonia as a remembrance.

BREAKING: three people killed, tripping over adapters needed to use headphones with new iPhones. See Airpod samples.

• Elon Musk says pending Tesla updates could have prevented fatal crash. Oopsie.

A woman is suing the manufacturer of her (phone-connected) dildo because it knows too much about her. Folks, if you buy a FitBit, a VagBit or anything else phone-connected, the data will flow upstream from your phone. Rest assured it will be used for marketing, at very least. If you can deny internet permission for the app, do so. Otherwise, firewall it or just Don't Use It.

Again, I use No Root Firewall on my phone. As the title indicates, you don't need to root your (android) phone to use it. The moment I installed it, I saw a frightening amount of data leaving my phone. Why do my file manager, internet radio and others so desperately want to contact Faceyspaces? Why do apps need to go to the internet when I'm not using them (or at all). No Root Firewall is not for everybody - you have to have a real interest in privacy and a few moments here and there to decide what YOU want to let contact some address outside of your phone. Allowing one app might allow all sorts of addresses you don't need to contact, so you have to go with granular permissions (yes, it may contact the addresses it needs to do its job but not Faceyspaces or ad networks).

• Today is International Chocolate Day. What 'they' are not telling you is that EVERY DAY is International Chocolate Day. Don't be fooled.

A man using stolen wifi from a neighbor's unlocked system downloaded and distributed child porn. Whose house do you think the authorities raided? That's right.  Secure your wireless.

• As we know, I'm no Trumpian, but I find the charges of racism to be manufactured. If he said to deport illegal aliens, that's not racism- it's the law.
• Come on with the Hillary Health Hoo-Ha. The woman is sick; all that remains is a correct diagnosis. First it was dehydration, then is was pneumonia, per her own campaign. Then the press that she owns said she tripped. Lie upon lie, although her supporters say this is all Trumped up. The Kool Aid is unbelievable.
• Meanwhile the Great Unwashed are most concerned with Various Activities performed by millionaire football players during the national anthem. Can you say diversion?

Happy 70th to Freddie Mercury. Rock on.

• Got a Samsung 7? I'd do something with it before it does something to you. They're catching fire and exploding. Using one is now discouraged on airplanes. Discouraged? Ban the damn things. Those hoverboard things were banned... do you want one of these on a plane? Btw, this is not the only phone with this problem.

The Perils of Home Recording

A long long time ago, in a musical comedy galaxy far far away, three guys got together to perform song parodies.  They weren't exactly a band and they weren't exactly a comedy act.  In fact, they defied categorization.  But they were pretty funny.

Way back then, if you wanted to do song parodies, you needed a bunch of talented musicians, a recording studio and a talented engineer.  Having very few of these, the guys decided to buy the remnants of a recording studio where they recorded their previous output.

The equipment was large.  It took up the better part of a bedroom.  It cost an exorbitant amount. The mixing board was so heavy it took five people to move it.  The reel to reel tape deck used half inch tape and recorded up to eight tracks; more than the Beatles had at their disposal during the early years.

It's been many years since the purchase of all that gear.  It still resides at various houses, in various states of disrepair.  We stopped recording and doing comedy because the market went to hell.

---------------------------------------------

An opportunity came up recently to 'put the band back together', as it were.  A rocker is having a party and we were going to submit a tribute in the form of a parody.  This would take place over two nights; a writing night and a recording night.

Writing went well, which left recording.  One of us went out and purchased an all-in-one recording device a few years back.  This one device, somewhat larger than a briefcase, replaced every piece of equipment in our former studio, plus it gave us more tracks and effects.  You could carry it under one arm (ain't technology grand?).  Again, we had more horsepower than the Beatles did during the greater portion of their recording career.  But let's face it - we were no Beatles.

----------------------------------------------

Recording night came around quickly.  The only problem with the recording device was that no one had the faintest idea how to operate the thing.  Back in our recording days, we had no internet and few places to turn for help.  Now we're in the twenty first century and it's all about the internet.  A short search turned up the manual download for the recording device and it was downloaded.  I studied the manual valiantly, hoping I'd retain the information when the time came.  Of course, anything having to do with retention is pretty funny in my case.  I have the attention span of a pregnant gnat and the retention of a two-year old (on a good day).

We set up in my living room, as that was the single patch of floor available in the house.  We're not going to be featured on an episode of Hoarders but we're headed in that direction.  As I mentioned, the original studio took up an entire room and was soundproofed.  The living room... well... not so much.  Plus we had a lot of assistance, in the form of a wife and a particularly precocious spaniel.  We have no idea how large a place they would have in the session until shortly after we started.

The first order of business was to get backing instrumental tracks onto the recorder.  This being 2014, the tracks were streaming through an iPhone (not mine, of course - I use android).  We set up the system and got right to recording.  When I say got right to recording, I mean we had to send someone to Radio Shack (you've got questions, we have silly looks).  Twenty dollars and thirty minutes later, we had enough cabling to tie the lot of us up and send a signal from the iPhone to the recorder.

About thirty seconds into recording, the iPhone went off, totally scrubbing the take.  No problem.  A little laughter and a reset later, we were off to Take Two.  A minute later, the iPhone rang again.  I looked at the iPhone owner and told him, in my best superior voice, that an android phone wouldn't keep ringing in the middle of a recording (untrue, but makes a great story).

The iPhone owner suggested Airplane Mode but let's face it - that would kill the streaming.  So he turned off all of his notifications, buzzers and bleeps.  

Take Three: this time the phone waited two whole minutes before the text message came in.  Apparently he hadn't turned off all of his buzzers.  Take Four finally made it through the recording maze without any interruptions.  We were so happy, the singer tripped over his own headphone wire and fell down, pulling the cable out of the headphones.  Fortunately for him, Koss made his headphones with a plug on both ends of the cable, so no damage was done.  This was a happy accident, like the fact that every appliance maker puts out devices that turn themselves off automatically (or my house would have burned down years ago).

Next it was time to record the vocals.  We got all set up, hit Record and got right to it.  At precisely this moment, my wife went outside for a cigarette.  First there was the terrible screech of the door opening. Then the grating sound of the sleigh bells that she put on the door for notification purposes.

Take Two went swimmingly until the moment the singer looked odd and kept pointing downwards. Apparently the dog had taken the opportunity to eat some of his crunchy food, five feet from the microphone.

Take Three sounded really good until my wife got up and went into the kitchen to wash some dishes. This was compounded by her Mobile Percussion Instrument (the sixteen bracelets she wears on one arm, that jangle horribly whenever she moves).

We were starting to miss our very old technology, as well as the soundproofed room at about this time. It became necessary to explain recording and the concept of SILENCE to the wife (insert wife joke here).

Take Four was pretty successful, if you don't count the ridiculous display of thrashing about and groaning really loudly from the local fuzzy spaniel, who was sitting in someone's chair at the moment.  Fortunately it was far enough from the mic that it didn't get onto the recording.  Twenty years from now,  someone will pull up the vocal track to this song, isolate it and will hear all sorts of Doggy Orgasm noises competing with the singer.

Take Five went well.  No, really... it was a keeper.

Take Six was only interrupted by the dog again; this time slurping water from his bowl.

We were one minute from sending the dog AND the wife upstairs with some crayons to keep them busy for a while.  We were not beyond welding doors shut.

An hour later, with no falling, Doggus Interruptus or Wifus Car-Revving Noises, we had a semi-professionally produced song, ready for sending.  The recorder had a built-in cd burner, so I burned a few copies, after consulting the manual.  What the manual also mentioned, many pages later, was that you had to first burn the disc, then finalize the disk.  It was intuitive (assuming you designed the device and wrote the manual for it).

Which is how I engineered the most recent parody that's going to make some serious noise.

The recorder is now old school... the new ones are all computer and software based. Sometimes I miss  playing and recording.  Then I remember the smelly, dingy bars and too many takes of one track and sometimes I don't miss it at all.

The World IS Ending: lefty Evaluates the iPad

Anyone who knows me or reads the blog knows how much I love Apple, Steve Jobs, the drooling fanboys and the products Apple produces.  iHoles, the lot of them.

As it turns out, I'm the lone Android tablet user at work.  Since I'm kinda responsible for security, the boss thought it would be a good idea for me to take a look.  Actually, he thinks he's going to convert me, so I let him believe whatever he wants to.  He's the boss, right?

After weeks and weeks and weeks, the unit finally arrived.  It appears that Apple refused to sell us a certain model of iPad and we had to wait until there were other models available.

Following several sets of instructions and applying the Guess Method at certain points, I got the device registered.  Note that this does not reflect on Apple: this would be the fault of our supplier and us.  Naturally there is no one around to ask for assistance.

The first thing I do with any device is poke around the settings.  This is where I started getting nervous. From a privacy standpoint, there appears to be an incredible amount of data leakage to Apple, at very least.  This was confirmed by one of the fanboys here.  When he found out I got an iPad, he suggested I just save the company money and give it back right away because I was going to hate it.  Funny, he was the same one who, last week, kept telling me to embrace change and come over to the Dark Side<tm>.  He suggested jailbreaking immediately.

My immediate question was how to get data onto the device.  Fanboy said there is no way to install music but iTunes.  This is not acceptable.  My device, my music, my storage.  I do not want to ask Steve Jobs' permission every time I want to put music on my tablet.  No idea how to put non-music data  on- everyone seems to use Dropbox or something similar.

Since email is a rather important item, I went to configure it.  Oops, I need a data plan, in spite of the Verizon icon.  Again, my company, not Apple.   It's most fortunate that we are considering this a test run (because we failed).  In fact, the test run has been halted because the vendor messed things up royally.

Back to the unit itself.  Let me say some positive things, ok?  The battery life far exceeds my android tablet (which isn't fair, as there's something wrong with the android or its battery).  It was easy to understand and operate.  People don't instantly grok 4-5 finger gestures so it should probably be mentioned somewhere.  Personally, I say a lot with a simple one-finger gesture.

I located the market and did some browsing.  It sure costs a lot to operate one of these things.. the great majority of android programs are free, including the ones that Apple charges for.  Since Apple is known to musicians, I went to that section.  There were a ton of guitar magazine apps, a few of which I downloaded free.  Each was an invitation to subscribe.  Uninstalled.  I located a few tv apps, which led to questioning why I can watch episodes of such great shows as Billy the Exterminator and Hoarders on the iPad when I couldn't watch them on my android.

Let's Talk iTunes

I asked around.  Apparently it's near impossible to get content to the device without iTunes.  Sorry, kids; I will not be held hostage by a large, bloated digital rights management scheme masquerading as a content transfer app.  My ever-helpful coworkers pointed out that I could always import my already-purchased music into iTunes and transfer it to the pad.

Why?

Apple has no need to know what content I have, especially the content I did not purchase from them.  What a crock of excrement.  The privacy leakage is obscene across the entire device and there is very little available in terms of stopping it.

The same helpful coworkers told me they use Dropbox for transfer outside of iTunes.  Great... another cloud solution... Another unsafe alternative to keeping content on your own device.

One assistive friend said I `really needed to buy into the entire Apple ecosystem'.  That was by far the best quote on the topic.

If I keep the device, I will use one of the apps that functions as transport and media player.  Emailing myself docs will have to suffice.  Jailbreaking is probably in my future.


Interface

As promised and harped upon, the entire interface is a no-brainer.  I found everything and figured out a few things not noted.  My wife operated it with no difficulties.  My best friend's aging mother has no trouble with it.  The only slight niggle is the lack of a locking shift key.


Let's face it: I am not Apple's target customer, even though all of the IT professionals around me seem to have consumed the Kool Aid.  There will be no iPhone for me.  I'm not even sure how long I'll have the iPad (I prefer the android, thank you).

In Summary

I want to be as fair as possible in this evaluation, especially considering my great love for all things Apple.  Aside from small bits of frustration that one would have with any device, the iPad user interface is just fine.  The hardware is just fine.  It's just the entire Apple experience that drives me up a tree.  If you could plug this device into any computer and it would act like a storage device, there would be little to complain about.  Apple is downright linux-hostile, which needs to change.

All in all, I prefer the android.  It does what it does better, with tons more variety, control and choice available.  No surprise there.

Who's Running this Cathouse Anyway?

The Season of Politics is upon us.  We're about to be mowed down by advertising.  The Republican Liar Convention survived the weather and the Democratic Liar Convention survived the president.  Ron Paul got screwed, as one would expect, and no one knows who Gary Johnson is.

In essence, we're screwed.

This is also no surprise.  Since we're all inside this luxurious handbasket on its way downhill, we should at least be amused.

Cue Joe Biden:

No surprise, for the third time.  It's Good Old Joe, sitting at a diner with some bikers.  He is in very close proximity to the lone female biker, as opposed to the two male bikers.  As if this weren't jolly enough, it all happened in Seaman, Ohio.

As if this weren't enough to tickle the old funny bone for the day, I came across his boss, President Obama, having difficulty with an iPhone.  The headline should have read Head iHole Can't Use iPhone.

DEMOCRAT PLANNERS TAKE NOTE:

You know me - I'm a Ron Paul kinda guy.  I wouldn't give you a handful of rocks for a republican or democrat.  But it certainly is amusing to note that perhaps the democratic candidate and his second-in-command should switch place.  I think most reasonably sane people would rather have someone who can handle a biker chick running the country than a guy who can't grok an iPhone.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

My esteemed coworkers and I arrived at work this morning to discover a new parking policy.  I smiled when I read it, knowing that the natives would soon be restless, sharpening their pitchforks and lighting their torches.  The natives never disappoint.  In short order, I could hear the drums beating and smell the lighter fluid.

Out to lunch with a friend, I explained the whole parking brouhaha, including the pitchforks.  

He looked at me and said, "So there's a new parking policy that states people should not park in places where parking is not allowed."

"Yes," I assured him, "you understand."

He replied, "And people are outraged."

"Exactly."

"Ok," he said, and we went to another topic.

Who Are You and What Have You Done with my Band?

It was getting dark and just started raining.  Of course it just started raining - I had just loaded the car and we were on the way to the club where the band was performing.  The optimists will say `at least it wasn't snowing.' I hate optimists.  Optimists weren't at this place last time when it was raining cats and frogs.  Cars and small houses were washing by the window as we were playing.  We had to wait for a ferry to the front door.

As any non-optimist would predict, the rain stopped after we loaded our gear into the place.  At the risk of sounding like an optimist, at least it would be nicer for the people coming to see us.

After three grueling years, we managed to agree on a name [Wolfe Blitzer].  And when I say agree, I mean no one objected, which is the best we could manage.  I remain convinced that Male Pattern Baldness would have been a much better name, but got voted down. [as George Bush said, `things would have been easier if this were a dictatorship and I was the dictator'].

In related news, the bar still had old information about our name.  We're used to this, as we sometimes change our name three or four times a night.

The core of the band has been together for about three years.  Recently we added a new bassist, percussionist and keyboardist, which really seemed to fill things out (as well as taking up much more space onstage).  And when I say onstage, I mean `the area in front of the pool table, which wasn't moving and upon which we were instructed not to place anything.'  As that was our single instruction, we complied.

SPATIAL DYNAMICS

Spatial dynamics is the science of how things fit, given a certain space (and I'm only making up a tiny bit of this).  Within any group (or marriage), there will be people who get it and people who don't.  The band is somewhat gifted, in that two thirds of us get it.  Unfortunately it's the ones who don't get it who cause all the trouble.  See if you can pick them out:

Bob brings in his equipment and sets it up where it doesn't interfere with everyone else.
Sue brings in her equipment and plops it down in the middle of the stage then goes to talk to people.

Julie sets up the p.a. system because the band needs to start on time.
Stan watches the p.a. be carried by then starts drinking heavily.

George tunes his guitar and sets his amps.
Roger excels at finding the most annoying noises imaginable.  Over and over again.

We've all got them.

THE CROWD

lefty's First Axiom of Performing is that if the band starts, roughly at the same time, and finishes, roughly at the same time and in roughly the same key, people will enjoy themselves.  I'm not certain the band believed me at first but it bore itself out in the first set.  The crowd went nuts.

lefty's Second Axiom of Performing is that if you bring the crowd, it doesn't matter how poorly you perform. This also proved true (it was axiomatic).

We are the kind of band who brings new meaning to the phrase `Drink up - we sound (and look) much better the more you drink'.    We had a band meeting last week, during which we discussed our appearance.  I made sure to mention that since we're onstage, we have to look as LARGE and LOUD as possible.  As a result, everyone came in jeans and black t-shirts.  Our lighting consisted of four or six red and blue spotlights, which succeeded in making us look darker, as if that were possible, not to mention the fact that no retinas were spared.  We went blind before the second song.  So much for DIY lighting.

The place was packed.  We were standing room only (SRO).  There were people actually dancing.  It's been so long since we've seen happy audience members that we became concerned and wanted to call an ambulance.

It probably doesn't happen at every show but people actually cheered when we played Jimi Hendrix.  It probably didn't hurt that after the songs, I set the drummer on fire.  This might also have something to do with my wife's comment that we held the Geritol crowd enthralled.  It was, however, a bit sad when we realized that these people were our contemporaries.

Due to the spectacular lighting, I had to look down at my guitar a lot.  I also `go away' sometimes when I play.  It flipped me out to look up and have women going crazy in front of me.  But I am a true musician<tm>.  And what is a true musician<tm>?  The one who marvels at the women staring at him.  Then one steps up to the mic.  She sings out of key.  And POOF - she's no longer desirable.

It's a sickness, I assure you.

No,. really, it was an incredible experience, especially for a first time band outing.  I'm older than most of the people out playing these days.  My goals are not all that lofty:

• to play enjoyable classic rock in dive (and nice) bars
• to make people happy
• to stroke my ego with attractive women
• playing is the best therapy there is - I want lots of it

For clarification, I'm married, so all stroking is strictly visual (and imaginary).  It seems that I met my goals.  This does not happen often and was a welcome surprise.  I spent the next few days smiling (and sore, but that's a different story entirely).

My friends `caught' me playing a Springsteen song and asked if Madonna was next.
The reactions were mixed and hysterical:

"When are they playing somewhere with a real stage?"
"Why aren't they playing originals?"
"They should play song parodies."
"How come only one of them moves?"
"I"m sorry, I had to stay home and do my hair."

EVIDENCE

I saw a lot of flashes and cell phone cameras, in addition to a video camera or two.  As a result, there are almost no pictures and absolutely no video of the event.  Should this change, I will post it here.

I did see one light in the darkness after we were done.  It was my best friend, holding up his iPhone, on which was an animation of a lighter.  I told him I would have recognized it earlier if it were an Android phone.

Friends don't let friends use iDevices.
Don't be an iHole.

TECHNICAL DETAILS

The band had its first outing with the brand new p.a. system.  The system included a Peavey 8600 powered mixer and a pair of Peavey two way speakers (15" and compression driver).  The percussionist promised me he had Marshall decals to cover the Peaveys because I was embarrassed but he never produced them (he was subsequently fired).

I will say this once and if you quote me I will deny it emphatically: the system absolutely rocked.  It did exactly what it had to with plenty of headroom to spare.  We had to jigger up a monitor system because we don't have any and wound up using guitar amps, which worked fine.

guitar: lefty `77 Strat, `59 reissue Les Paul --> Voodo Vibe, Dano compressor, CTO-1 overdrive, RV-3 reverb, original Fender Blues Deluxe amp.

guitar: backwards (righty) recent Strat, Fender Blues Jr amp

bass: custom Rick 400x, SVT stack

keys: Nord, Sony(?)

drums: round bangy things with a strategically-placed vibra-slap.  The evening could not have gone as well without the vibra-slap (the thing that sounds like a rattlesnake in All Along the Watchtower and Feelin' Alright).

percussion: more round bangy things with a few plastic bangy things (and lots of callouses)

Security: Sony, Apple and Android

It's been a hell of a week for security.  When I say this, I mean in the news.  The mess continues whether or not there are articles.

iSpy

Security researchers discovered a file on the iPhone that stored location information.  Apple claims they aren't tracking their users, which is odd, as there is all sorts of location information in that file.

The beast himself, Steve Jobs, admitted that Apple `made some mistakes in how it handled location information', but it wasn't tracking its users.  The file appears on both the iPhone and the iPad.

Mr. Jobs states that this was a bug and that a fix is forthcoming.  The fix will keep the location cache to seven days.  It will also fix the `bug' that didn't allow users to turn off location tracking.

If I were an iDevice user, I'd be asking myself how a file with a year's worth of locations is a mistake.  And why does the `fix' keep seven days' worth of the user's locations on the phone?

Googled

Not to be outdone, Google mentioned that they too keep location infomation (i.e. track their Android users).

Now let's face it, folks... it's a safe bet that we're being tracked.  Only the reasons change.  Leaving privacy aside for a moment (like the NSA), your location is very valuable to advertisers.  All of this data is going into databases to allow more targeted advertisements to be served to you.  Surprised?  You shouldn't be.

Imagine driving by a store and having an ad for that store appear on your phone.  It's an advertiser's wet dream.  Mobile advertising could be a $2.5 billion industry as of 2015.

As the last shreds of privacy have leaked from your phone.


In the interest of disclosure, I own an original Droid and I am not happy with this news, although it comes as no surprise.

Sony Baloney

Sony admitted that a hacker has obtained the personal information of PlayStation Network account holders.  In other words, the hacker now has your credit card number and personal data that you gave to Sony for safe-keeping.  And it took Sony a week to report the break-in.

As a result, the entire network has been down since April 20, while Sony does forensics and rebuilds.

Sony has suggested that people review credit card statements for fraudulent charges.  Allow me to go one step further: if you have an account with Sony, call your card issuer and ask them what to do.

Is This a Handbasket?

Why yes it is!

Technology is a wonderful thing but each advance comes with the near guarantee that it can be used against you.  While you're reading this, Blogger has put your IP address, country of origin, browser and operating system into the stats for this blog.

Don't tell me you don't care.... that's as invalid as the argument that you allow the search of your property because you have nothing to hide.

I'm not for a single person being tracked or hacked but I think the wide press coverage of these three announcements can be used for good.  People are too trusting (some would say too stupid), even after all we've read and been through.  We need to wake up and realize that:

• nothing is free
• we will be sold to, regardless of platform
• we will be tracked, by advertisers and our government
• companies need to answer for this behavior
• we need to ask the hard questions before spending our money

I really want to hear your comments on this.  I also want to leave you with a question:

What about OnStar and other in-car wireless products?