If you are allergic to Aspirin, Don't Take Aspirin

Dear lefty

• What goes with red wine?
• Cyanide.

I caught bits of an Amazon commercial the other day. It was about how great it is working there; mentioning tuition, other benefits, paying for learning to leave the company, and the bonus.. they're trans friendly. I could have misheard, but.... this would be the first commercial with trans specifically mentioned. Not a problem, but an observation. They are also Hepatitis C friendly, viral pneumonia friendly, and Ebola friendly (but only on weekends).

• It was pointed out that Mrs lefty has the biggest boobs in the family. It was further pointed out that she married the biggest boob in the family.

Today I identify as a railing

• a family member noted that Costco was getting expensive. You go in for milk and leave with a set of tires. Turns out you can get the whole car too. And while you're shopping, there are sea trips on big ships.
• This is why I don't go to Costco. That and the #&@ing old ladies, who slam into you, with their cart or with their car.

No thank you, I'd rather watch reruns of Match Game '73

• What do you do when you don't approve of the 2nd Amendment and wish to share your disapproval with your city?  You adopt a $0.02 tax per .22 caliber and $0.05 tax per other ammo. Then you hit the dealers with a $25 fee per handgun sold. Thank you, Tacoma. "We need to do more to aid the criminals."

PA residents: locate your senators and tell them to vote for Victoria's Law. PA is a puppy mill state and we need all the help we can get.

• Hey - how about a new 42% sales tax? The Democrat Medicare for All plan would require something like it....

Best quote in Australian police wiretap history: "I sold the rocket launchers to my mate and he sold it to those fucking dickhead terrorists. Now it's a fucking drama."




Heroes of the Heart

A plumber fixed the boiler of a 91-year-old terminally ill woman and billed her $0




Heroes of the Stupid

Woman claims Sephora mailed her cocaine.  This is a woman who is serious about her makeup.


PG&E says power lines may have started 2 northern California wildfires.
Hey - wasn't the blackout to prevent PG&E from causing fires?


Florida pastor kills himself after teen accuses him of raping her over 100 times.
If more would take the easy way out, the pope could continue ignoring the problem.


In the Fordham Law Review, Elizabeth Warren is stated to be a woman of color at Harvard.  This lady has an identification issue. First American Indian, then black. Next week it will be male, Eastern Indian,  and towel bar


Man accidentally shoots himself after throwing gun at cockroach to kill it.
Another cockroach-related shooting.




SJW Statistics

The Harvard Crimson, the university's student-run newspaper, is facing a campus backlash after requesting comment from Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) for an article on a campus protest against the agency. Eleven student groups, including the Harvard College Democrats, signed a petition accusing the Harvard Crimson of showing cultural insensitivity for even contacting the government agency. On Sept. 12, students advocating for the abolition of ICE assembled for a rally organized by student group Act on a Dream in Harvard Yard. After the protest concluded, the paper reached out to an ICE spokesperson to ask for a statement in response to the protest for an upcoming story. Soon after, Act on a Dream published a petition, which currently has over 650 signatures, demanding The Crimson change its policies so that none of its reporters ever make contact with ICE again and apologize for the "harm [it] inflicted on the undocumented community."


"She committed rhetorical violence against me!"


The University of Maryland is firmly against any Halloween costumes that are deemed to be guilty of 'cultural appropriation' - they "have no place in an inclusive community."   Just think of the bargain here: you get an education, tens of thousands in bills, and the complete SJW indoctrination!

Beto's Dog: get me OUT of here!

All I Want for Christmas is Headache Relief

Mariah Carey is turning her song "All I Want for Christmas is You" into an animated movie with herself narrating. Because the world is crying out for it.  I know this because the local Fox morning show brought in yet another Yak Show Special Guest to tell us all about it.

Speaking of Hard Hitting News, Fox just aired their third segment on Flashy Nails with Sparkly Bits. This segment features a teaser, followed by two experts from a local nail salon applying these scandalous fake nails to the reporter's short and mangled nails. This is a breaking story that no doubt will involve international Special Reports every thirty minutes, with other networks gearing up their own coverage. When the story is beaten to death, which some will argue has already transpired, Mariah Carey will reportedly do a movie about it, with herself narrating.

• are you ready for the latest Big Controversy? A white man has been accused of Cultural Appropriation for painting a picture of a black man. I never studied sociology but this means something (aside from reaching Peak Stupidity).

A great feature of cell phones is the ability to install software and change things. For example, the standard Android keyboard and I do not get along. I installed a different one (after wading through hundreds of them, primarily concerned with emojis), with which I got on a little better. Here is where I start to blaspheme: I have a really good relationship with the keyboard on my work iDevice. While the thunder dies away, I have no idea why this is. It has tiny little keys, while I keep going larger with the Android keyboards.

Just for fun, I searched for an iDevice keyboard for Android. I installed the most popular one, which immediately started phoning home to China (I use No-Root Firewall, which tells me these things). This is what will happen to you if you install crappy software. Clue#1: subtle to hilarious English mistakes in the description. Check the privacy policy and whatever else is listed at the bottom of the software description. Also check reviews, making sure to look for English mistakes or obvious shills. Stick with popular software companies.

• In news guaranteed to amuse, The Turkish Hacking Family group claims to have access to over 300 million iCloud accounts and is threatening to remotely wipe this data unless Apple pays a ransom ($75,000 in crypto currency or $200,000 in iTunes gift cards). The deadline is April 7. Whether or not this threat is real, Apple is advising everyone to change their iCloud password and enable two-step authentication. This may or may not be the same group that is involved in The Fappening 2.0, exposing pictures of celebrities.

A Utah man was killed and his wife injured in the London Islamist terror attack. This won't go over well with the Brits but maybe it's time to arm... the police and other authorities aren't providing much cover here and ultimately it's up to a person to defend himself and his family. Something to think about..

I owe a heartfelt apology to the Swiss, who I accused of the London attack. Turns out it was a Muslim.

• I am a big fan of Android Forums. Lots of information and assistance for any android device. They just got hacked and a very small percentage of accounts lost a few bits of information - one report said it was forty. Guess who's one of the forty? Yup.

On the Stupid News File, after the obnoxious outside host kissed a camel, they ran a promo for a wedding dress show. One look at the lady in the dress said man. Yup, she's a transexual. Marrying another transexual. Hey, do what makes you happy, but the math here is staggering.  He has a full beard, meanwhile I can't grow hair on the top of my head.

• Just the other day, the Senate voted 50(R) to 48(D) to allow ISPs to sell your personal data. This is the headline but it's caught up in a different topic, namely letting regulations apply to all entities equally. Regardless, it's just your privacy. Early word is that the best way to prevent this is to use a VPN. Here's some info on how your information is collected.

If you're traveling from certain Muslim countries to the US/UK, you'll need to stow your laptop. In Serious Anti-Terrorism News, the US/UK have decided that you cannot use or carry your laptop to the US from certain countries. Authorities claim that this measure is not based on any intelligence. Well, it sure seems like a stupid measure to implement otherwise. And let's face it - it's going to be a problem regardless of where it goes boom. Security Theater.

• Two weeks after Failed Snowmageddon 2017, nobody has piled additional snow on my car. For this I am grateful. No local authorities have been involved but we have called in Cthulu to make a small statement to the (allegedly) adult miscreant neighbors.

Someone discovered a dishwasher with a web server. A web server. When it breaks or gets hacked (which it will), you have to get web server updates from a dishwasher company. What could possibly go wrong?  To be fair, this is an industrial machine for hospitals, which are fast becoming a rich target for hackers. This will not end well.

Antivirus company F-Secure released this list of most-used login/password combinations used to hack their honeypot (decoy for the purposes of collecting information) machines. Please don't use these.

• Good article on hack-proofing your smart phone. If you're lazy, you won't like this.

I'm in the middle of intensive training for this event!

Explosive Farts

What - you think I'm kidding?
A patient was burned during surgery when the laser being used ignited a fart. Who says Silent But Deadly isn't deadly? They did her a real cervix.

• I'm not entirely sure of the country, but on the first of every month, there's a man who dresses as a white rabbit and waves at people by the river in Barnes. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Mexico is now celebrating Day of the Dead. We call that Kardashian Viewer Night.

• To support those with cancer, someone has decided November is No Shave month. The Social Justice Warriors want everyone to know that raising cancer awareness is oppressive because not all people who have prostates are men. Apparently anatomy is no longer a concern. I'd just like to say I'm the proud owner of a prostate and I'm a man.
• I'd also like to insert, as it were, some professional medical advice. Ejaculation is very healthy for the prostate, so get yourself going or have someone else do it. If you think I'm messing with you, do the research or ask your urologist (because we all have urologists).

Speaking of Social Justice, a conservative group on the campus of University of Redlands (no, I don't know where that is either) has been banned from holding a Funeral for Halloween due to an administrator's concerns that such a display would cause "emotional and psychological harm" to the campus community.  One concern was that the event was not clearly labeled as satire. Within a few years, this culture will eat itself. Colleges are already finding enrollment down.

• In England, hundreds of operations were canceled after malware hacked the hospital system. That was the headline, but the malware had to get there somehow. Much like the Internet of Things (IoT), medical devices are shit on security. Whether it's ransomware or a hack, these are among the last devices you want hacked. They had to shut the whole system down to find the malware but they remained open for other services. Lock em down, folks. This follows the crap we put in our houses.

Speaking of England, Admiral, a car insurance company, is going to price first-time insurance based upon Faceyspaces posts. Apparently they've developed an algorithm that will tell them what kind of a risk you are by your social media posts. It would be a blessing in the US, as none of us here uses Faceyspaces, so it would be free (well, the article doesn't exactly say that). Pictures of you drinking or drunk off your butt will not be scanned, so you're in luck there. One of the things they're looking for is detail, like saying 7pm instead of "tonight". This means that you'll get penalized if you care about privacy and post when you're not going to be home and specifically what time you're not going to be home. This program is voluntary.

Let's also consider the US programs that plug a sensor into your car to check your driving style/statistics. Add this to the black box and the car's cell modem tracking and you have a hell of a lot of information leaking out of you and your car. After that, it will be sold to advertisers, to better target the kinds of ads you receive. Sweet, eh?

• Did you know you can log into a certain satellite and watch for illegal fishing vessels? One vessel just got busted this way. It's very nice to stop illegal fishing and makes you feel good. Right up until you realize that a ton of these satellites are looking at YOU. Sit with that for a moment.

Pardon me for being late, but the one browser that doesn't hate Blogspot started hating it. Unfortunately for you, I found a different one.

• Bad news for white women: they have to stop wearing name tag bracelets. It's an issue of 'cultural appropriation'. Last week, Vanessa Hudgens (sigh) got in Deep Doo-Doo because she culturally appropriated the braids in her hair. I'm against it too, but only because she looks so much better without them.

I know Halloween is behind us (thankfully) but the Philly area made the list of Top Haunted Attractions. Places like City Hall, the building the State Police just raided for suspected election fraud, and the Parking Authority. All pretty frightening indeed.

• Ever wonder how Terry Gilliam (Monty Python) made those wild animations?  What - you didn't? Well, here's how anyway...

There is an awful lot of suspicion about skullduggery in the upcoming election. Here to save the day is Russia, which has offered to provide election monitors. This is the best and worst thing I've read all season.

42

I learned a new word today: fleek. Actually, I sort of learned this new word. Someone used it online so I plugged it into a search engine (duckduckgo.com, which doesn't track you) and came up at the Urban Dictionary. The first few entries did very little to help with my lack of knowledge. 'something to do with eyebrows' only served to confuse me further. Finally it mentioned 'on point', meaning someone's eyebrows were on point, cool. Being roughly the age of my readers, I didn't know eyebrows could be 'fly'.

• A plane was hijacked today. This is allegedly a person taking a selfie with the hijacker. Not sure if this is today's hijacking or a different hijacking. Amiable hijacker, though.

In Backwards World, today's installments takes us to Emory University. Someone chalked "Trump 2016" on some steps, resulting in the snowflakes feeling unsafe, demanding safe spaces, referring to looking at the words as assault. I couldn't possibly make this shit up. A mealy-mouthed response came from Ajay Nair, senior vice president and dean of campus life at Emory University. Just to prove that there is a modicum of sanity left in university life, some wags are chalking actual portraits of Trump on concrete to counter the impression that Emory students are afraid of chalkings. Lastly, here's an interesting overview. Beyond words. This phenomenon is popping up at colleges across the nation, in what is described as The Chalkening.

Just in case you think one example does not define a very strange movement, the Scripps College (a private women's college in California) student body president said a 'Trump 2016' whiteboard message is 'intentional violence' and racist.

If and when these buttercups graduate, the Real World<tm> will come as quite a shock to them. Imagine telling the CEO during a board meeting that you feel microaggressed by his suggestion and you need a Safe Space.

If you're in the mood for a little cultural appropriation, a black San Francisco State University Employee assaulted a white hippy for wearing dreadlocks. Don't believe me? See for yourself.

• The pope has condemned those who fail to help migrants. While failing to help migrants.

ThermionicEmissions bids a sad farewell to Ronnie Corbett, half of the British 'Two Ronnies'. The man was hysterical and brilliant. Check out some of their videos on YouTube. If you don't like them, I'll refund everything you paid.

• We all know my one (admitted) vice is watching COPS. Years back, the show featured a real-life murder-for-hire plot, including hidden video. A wife was trying to hire someone to kill her husband. Fast forward five years and the case is going to trial. Five years.

In this time of (greater) economic uncertainty, diversification is healthy. Queen has announced Killer Queen Vodka. Zakk Wylde (Ozzy, Black Label Society) is making guitars, amps and coffee. Sammy Hagar (Montrose, Van Halen, solo) makes tequila. Many rockers, of course, make various alcohols (go with what you know). Where is this all heading? Let us guess what rockers will be endorsing soon:

ZZ Top: combination barbecue sauce and antacid
Hendrix Estate: too late-they put his name on too much already
Gene Simmons: marketers can't find anything his name ISN'T on, except Depends
Lynyrd Skynyrd: life insurance
Ozzy Osbourne: health insurance, pet insurance
Lemmy Kilmister Estate: designer meth
Queen: condoms