Captivity - Day 33 It's raining ferrets

Like the damn thing up top says, we're into day 33 of captivity.
It's not at all punchy or violent. No weapons were pulled from the safe. No safe was there to pull the weapons from. It was a test, officer. I swear.

I suspect the wife and dog are against me. I hear them up all night, plotting and planting. What use is planting for me?
Must watch carefully...


I was going to start exercising, but when the Weather Guy said there may be snow toward the end of the year, I had to call it off. No use getting my chops together, only to find it's snowing.


It's a nice-looking morning, especially discovering that the medicine you got to calm down the side-effects of the other medicines, requires another med to stop its own side effects. This is the Shakespeare of Pill Pushing. Hopefully this will stop the body from randomly throwing itself at the ground.  *Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing."  - Douglas Adams


Let's try to make something positive of this.
ummmm..... I didn't have to mow yesterday?


I just got a stack of birthday cards. It was really nice.
I feel bad, so I won't tell them they're off by a few weeks.

The doctor told me to exercise.
He wouldn't take NO for an answer.
He didn't even believe that exercise causes cancer.
It took me hours to put together the scholarly research project, all for nought.



You've probably never seen anything like it, but I successfully flipped a pizza in the air, then it landed on the oven. I wasn't trying. You know if I tried, it would have cut itself into slices, got out some paper plates, and served itself to the ThermionicEmissions staff. It was kinda fascinating to look at Naked Pizza. Take everything off and you're left with crust tinted red.
To make things more interesting, the dishes staged a revolt. As I washed, things started to leap into the sink; either suicidal, or just to piss me off. Or both. Everybody headed for the Safe Room, but I explained what happened and they went to the Safe Room instead. 3 minutes later, the dried dishes joined forces with the dirty dishes, and it was ON. The off the rails moment was when a huge baking sheet flew itself at the ground. Practicing my newfound calm, it only made it to the roof. I gave up doing the dishes at that point,  because I was worried about getting sliced up. It took another 20 minutes for the circus to stop and pack itself up. We have knives so sharp, if you even look at them, they'll cut off body parts. It's like the Amityville Horror, but with a really gorgeous dog.

Hey wait... we could do a reality show live from lefty place, and bring in a different exorcist every week. We could follow them around, asking really stupid questions. We could ask how the SM4 (Stupid Monitor) meter works and how many minutes it took to assemble it. One of the hosts will be an attractive female. At the end of every show, she'll get slimed. For some unknown reason, she never wears a bra...



It takes a lot very little to make me angry, up to and including flamethrowers.
When the ground starts shaking, low pitched growling noises, and many other socially difficult stunts, Mrs lefty grabs the dog and runs for cover. There are only 2 things that really get me going: Calling for support and purchasing something online. Well, let's start by listing commonalities... a phone, a computer, English as a second language and me.  My browsers are so locked down that even I can't use them. It can take 8 browsers and 2 operating systems to make it through the transaction, plus a lot of screaming (but I am never rude to the person on the other end of the phone). I made a reasonable suggestion never to use a Social Security number for identification. She kept repeating that it was necessary for identification. Lovely script, no?


RING RING...
blah blah blah para primo pressy numero 13.
silence
Would you like to open your card?
If I didn't, why would I be calling you?
I need your SS#
No you don't. How come the Magic Phone Lady wants the last 4 and you want the whole thing?
It is for identification.
We shouldn't be using SS# for ID
We are just trying to identify you.
You mean all the info I gave you, including size of my ahem..., wasn't enough? No, you may NOT take a measurement for me.

It got downright hysterical when I called Comcast. Their server had an aneurysm when I asked it to do something. Then I got to play 14 rounds of CAPTCHA fun. How many buses can you spot in these blurry boxes? None - the boxes are too blurry. I have to give them credit: I got it all done on their page. Now they can fire customer service people. And you can't do anything because Comcast owns everything Disney doesn't.




Sad news this morning: work lost one to the Flying AIDS. He had gloves, mask and other protective gear.  We salute him and hope for the best for those left behind.

first tube on the Moon

More Absurd Stuff [placeholder]

I love this kind of news...
More than 350 ethical hackers got together in cities across Australia on Friday for a hackathon in which they worked to “cyber trace a missing face”, in the first-ever capture the flag event devoted to finding missing persons.



Over on Twitter, there was a post from Space Force (the official account). It was a link to a tv station, with video of something in the sky. The Space Force question was "Aliens or military?"          Very funny, guys.



Dear lefty

• Do you ever miss the huge blogging platform you used to use?
• Do I? Well, I used to get paid via advertising. Now I get paid in satisfaction and nice people. Do the math.

Most Americans don't have a clue what https:// means, according to a Pew survey.     Most Americans don't have a clue what pencils are for.

• Superior IQs are associated with mental and physical disorders, research suggests
• How does that explain me?

No thank you, I'd rather be on the testing team for VIPoo

• My friendly ticket agency emailed to let me know that tickets for Air Supply are now available.
• Do I look old and dead?

When a small child, I thought that success spelled happiness. I was wrong, happiness is like a butterfly which appears and delights us for one brief moment, but soon flits away. ~ Anna Pavlova

Today I identify as  your mama

• I let the dog in the house. In the time it took me to close the door, she was charging through the house, then ran upstairs to see if her mommy was there. Only when Mommy wasn't there was it ok to say hello to me. I could be upset at being a second class human, but I'm leaving it alone.

"Even if you don't like guns and don't want to own them, you benefit from those who do." - Ron Paul

Multiple people were stabbed at a shopping mall in Manchester, UK.
Fortunately there were no fatalities.

If you take away their guns, they stab people.
If you take away their knives, they use chains.
If you take away their chains, they use rocks.
If you take away their rocks, how are you going to take away their fists?



Today's best headline: Effects of acute wild blueberry supplementation on the cognition of children



There are moments that are so ironic, it hurts. You just get done saying something and realize it could have come from your parents' mouths.
We took Mom to Ihop, because dinnertime is the best time for pancakes (except all other times). Strangely, there wasn't a huge crowd. Stranger was the volume level. It was loud. It was mostly coming from the screaming child. The little brat sat there and screeched at random intervals. At one point it was so loud that its mother shusshed it. Mom was voluntarily deaf and tuned out the shrieking little bastard.  You could tell it was bothering me because I would say 2 words, hear a shriek, then wince in pain.

Mom told me that when her children went out in public, they knew to behave. Apparently I was a tiny adult, and I continue to regress as I get older. When the waitress asked if there was anything she could get us, I suggested a muzzle for the darling little shrieker.

As if on cue, 4 from the Taylor Swift Generation sat next to us. That generation runs from about 10 to 15 or so. They proceeded to make more noise than the shrieking child. They got louder as they sat there. They were completely unaware of the effect they were having on everybody else in the restaurant. When the waitress came back, I asked for 4 muzzles this time.

Normally I'd be afraid of sounding like my parents. I don't think so this time... why should an entire restaurant be subject to shrieking children and screaming teens? I know this is Ihop, but we really wanted to enjoy pancakes with less noise than planes taking off. I was assured it's bad form to turn their tables upside down and tell them Satan doesn't like loud children. Ihop started reinforcing their door glass, so it's harder to throw the noisemakers through it. Then the police tell me I'm the bad guy.

Normally I ask for the non screaming children section.

This is why I don't go out a lot.
Even for dishes with purple whipped cream, which is a tie-in for a movie.



California Governor Gavin Newsome (uh-oh) introduced a new law that allows coworkers, employers, and teachers to seek a 'red flag' order against anyone they believe is a threat to themselves or others. If California doesn't want to secede, how about we do it for them?  This law is so extreme, the ACLU is against it, and the ACLU does not like the 2nd Amendment.


Speaking of laws, a criminal dropped his gun, walked out of the house with his hands up, and was shot.  I wonder if the policeman will be red flagged. He was fired.




Heroes of the Stupid

A Kansas schoolgirl was arrested and charged with a felony for brandishing a finger gun. District found liable for not checking the type of ammunition she used.

Man walks 351 miles from Indiana to Wisconsin to meet 14 year old girl for sex. Well, at least he proved he's serious.

Man drives 200 miles to police station with body in car, confesses to killing more.  You have to admire his commitment to justice.

Taco Bell recalled 2.3 million pounds of seasoned beef from restaurants.
FAKE NEWS: that ain't beef, and those aren't restaurants.




SJWs. More.

A Kansas schoolgirl was arrested and charged with a felony for brandishing a finger gun.    It belongs in both categories.




SJW Backfire

Artificial Intelligence models used to flag hate speech online are racist against black people. No, really.

• the tweet “I saw him yesterday” is scored as 6 per cent toxic, but it suddenly skyrockets to 95 per cent for the comment “I saw his ass yesterday”. The word ass may be crude, but when used in that context it’s not aggressive at all.
• maybe we shouldn't be trying to police speech....