She's Got a Missile Silo in Her Pants

 

Your love is like  nostril jam

• There's very little going on in marital relations lately. Wife says it's supply chain issues.

Today I identify as  a gay priest who says homosexuals will burn in hell

Home That Washed Into Atlantic Ocean Still Worth $380,000, Zillow Says

• prime ocean view!
• easy access to the beach
• local parking and boating
• fish from your bedroom!
• easy conversion to water power
• sit on the roof and get your feet wet
• swim Move right in!

I got really excited looking at the tv guide, until Wife said, "No, Naked and Afraid is not pr0n."

Stevie Wonder originally wrote Superstition for Jeff Beck. When Berry Gordy (Motown Records) heard it, well... it went on Stevie's record first anyway. Beck did it with BBA (Beck Bogart & Appice), in a different kind of funky.

My favorite song (Cause We've Ended as Lovers) off my favorite album (Blow by Blow) was another Stevie Wonder song, which Beck instrumentalized. Sorry Stevie, Jeff's got this one.

Leaders at San Jose church confirm they conducted ritual to rid 3-year-old of ‘evil spirits,’ leading to her death

You should also avoid this church for treatment of

• Gay
• The Flying AIDS
• splinters
• anything inside or outside the anus
• forgetting to take the trash out
• atheism
• death
• Catholicism
• dandruff

Pastor: "I am not guilty - it was God's will."

Depp Jam  

Today at the Depp-Heard trial the defense called their witnesses

• the guy who checked the tire pressure on Johnny's plane
• Heard's small flock of toenail painters
• the owner of Alaska's bicycle repair shop
• 2 guys in Cleveland who dive under water to look for guns and dead bodies
• the staff of Nebraska's only five-star-rated Circle K
• board members of the New Jersey Cocaine Guild
• the guy who puts vodka into cardboard boxes at Smirnoff's
• the shipping department at Clairol Hair Dye

Definitions

Trichotillomania: hair pulling

Deereotillomania: tractor pulling

Porkswordotillomania: penis pulling

Mmmmmotillomania: nipple pulling

Munt: 28, 30, or 31 days

Unwatchable: Gregg Allman performing on the Cher show in 1975

A UK charity says disabled children should be able to use playgrounds and some should be constructed. I agree, but would strongly caution against the slides, especially with wheelchairs.

• California's under 21 gun ban was struck down, citing the 2nd Amendment. Technically all gun bans are illegal. The 2nd Amendment simply affirms the natural right to bear arms.

Adidas is in trouble over UK ads that feature bare breasts. The images 'reduced women to body parts,' (unlike any other bra commercial, bladder leak underwear, clothing, or anything else). Meanwhile in America, 'intellectual curiosity' has men, and some women, eager to view the commercials to decide for themselves. 

The time has come to remove Chinese voices from global social media, according to Samir Saran, president of Delhi-based think tank Observer Research Foundation (ORF), a commissioner of The Global Commission on the Stability of Cyberspace, and a member of Microsoft's Digital Peace Now Initiative.

I see what he's talking about, but what of the innocent Chinese people? Shouldn't they have a voice? Social media also shows lifestyle and the ability to make friends. It's interesting  As with free speech in America, we take the bad with the good.

• Yeah, the new Dr. Who is black, but couldn't he be trans too? It makes the show look transphobic.

Twitter is now demanding my phone number. I've been on Twitter for quite a number of years without my number being involved. Ridiculous.

The PA election for governor is coming up. The only thing I can say now is thank God we'll be rid of Wolf (2nd term). That man singlehandedly closed businesses, ruined people, and made PA into the Nanny State it is today. 

This brings up a related topic. Both Senate candidate Kathy Barnette and gobernatorial candidate Doug Mastriano are republican and heavily Christian. I don't know about the democratic candidates, but Wolf is a democrat and I hate what he and local democrats have done to the state and city. I hate them almost as much as I hate the republicans. Obviously I'll vote straight libertarian, but if there's no candidate, I'd get stuck.  Being Christian republicans, they're anti-abortion, which I'm not. This may become important with Roe v Wade in the news.

My question is how the candidate's religion impacts doing their job. I don't care what their beliefs are, I just want the beliefs kept out of office. Anyone have any thoughts on religious politicians?

I have to draw the line somewhere. The other day I got a work email from the Office of Diversity, which wasn't caught by my email filters. I don't even care what it says - I won't read it. Nothing good can come from it. I also want a raise: if they can afford an Office of Diversity, they can afford to pay me more. I've been there for a number of years now, and I have yet to see a single incident of racism, lack of inclusion, not working well together, or general agita. We do what any good employee does; we work. We work hard. We work well. We work well as a team. We are an incredibly diverse company. We even have a ton of women, which isn't too common in IT. But none of it really matters. What matters is doing your job and doing it well. We are that.

aww, isn't that cute? the head child molester and his minions

Condoms in the Workplace

Did you know the web was largely text-only at the beginning? From the command line, you fired up Lynx, a text browser. If there were images in the page, all you saw was [image]. It has been suggested we go back to lynx, if only for reducing the load on our computers. 

In case you're curious, email was handled by programs like elm and pine, also from the command line. No email programs on your computer. No html. No emojis. No wallpaper, no pictures, no viruses.... All monitors were black and white (or green or yellowish). You couldn't see a picture no matter how desperate you were. I would go back to this email in a second, It's still available.


Magecart hackers infect 17,000 sites through misconfigured Amazon S3 buckets.   This is THE CLOUD, people. It's bad enough you don't keep your data in-house, but sending it to THE CLOUD without correctly configuring the highway is pure idiocy. And this is the latest and greatest hack - you just scan for open buckets and hack away.


The City Mayors' Association has voted not to pay any more ransoms when they get infected with ransomware.

That's nice.

The City Mayors' Association hasn't voted on backing up their networks, patching the machines, and training the employees not to click on phishing emails.

This policy will suddenly be recalled. As soon as the next city gets hacked.


Microsoft pushed another Win 10 update, this time including a telemetry file. For those of you not familiar, this is the Designated Spying Section of Win 10. If you turn it off, the spying won't stop entirely.  RECOMMENDATION: use a safe, secure operating system that doesn't spy on you.

•  PRO TIP: if you need some political wisdom, consult Ron Paul, not Ru Paul. Trust me.

Dear lefty

• How do we achieve world peace?
• Boom boom. Just enough boom boom so there's little time to do anything else, but you still want more.
• this offer not valid on any day of the week ending in Y. Priests and Boy Scout leaders not eligible. If you sell counterfeit NFL jerseys, ICE will break down your door and deport you.

Fine Florida Finesse

A Florida woman was arrested after ruining $2,000 worth of ice cream by spitting, picking her nose, and urinating into containers.

This is not some 15 year old looking for net cred (she's well past 30). At least the police are catching these idiots. Next up: sneeze guards on ice cream freezers.

A Palm Beach, Florida, principal has been removed after questioning the factual existence of the Holocaust, to protect Holocaust deniers from having to hear propaganda forced on them.

A Florida woman was charged with a felony after her daughter was filmed licking tongue depressor in a medical center.

• Stevie Wonder told London fans he's getting a kidney transplant in a few months. A donor has been found. Good luck, Stevie. 
• In unrelated news, a Cleveland man scored backstage passes for life to Stevie Wonder concerts, plus an all expenses paid vacation with Stevie.

Why do I love our Hyundai?
Aside from many other reasons, it has held together through an uncountable number of people hitting it. It was happening at least monthly. It was personal. Fortunately the accidents stopped.

Until today, of course.
Wife shops at Costco, which I can't stand due to crowds and incontinent, entitled old people. One of these incompetent grannies backed right into our parked car, then jumped out, screaming, and demanded the police be called (she probably couldn't operate a phone, no less a car). Yes, it's personal.

Costco, you're on notice.
You owe us for every ding caused by these aged oafs. You owe us for grief suffered from the dings and grief suffered because of these antedeluvians clogging up the incredibly wide aisles. They leave their carts in the middle and walk off.  I wonder if they ever find their way back. Old people are a treasure, except your old people. You need to modify your client base or set up special shopping hours for them only (so they can run into each other and scream).

To make the experience complete, Costco didn't have Raisin Bran. What kind of insane asylum is out of Raisin Bran? The last actual insane asylum I visited had Raisin Bran in the kitchen. Just not Costco.



We don't mess with genetic engineering on humans, but we're having a blast with fruits. These exist:

pluot - plum crossed with apricot
apriplu - apricot crossed with plum

This is the same principle as greenish blue and bluish green. Partly sunny and partly cloudy. Slightly pregnant.




The year was 1968. Apollo 8 launched and orbited the Moon. While around the dark side, where communications don't work, astronauts saw a light; one suggesting it looked like a campfire.

In the capsules is a recorder, which takes down all audio. Upon return, the audio was transcribed, then classified, of course. Recently the transcription was declassified, and the discussion about the light was read for the first time.

Apollo 11 saw something similar and managed a photograph. It's pretty convincing. Even NASA's Denial Squad Guy fully admitted they saw it and didn't try to poo-poo it.  The non-NASA Denial Squad tried too, but were debunked.

There is still no answer (available) as to what they saw.




Ever wonder what happens when priests get caught molesting children?
Opus Bono steps in with help, money, shelter, defense.... and they're well-funded.

Everybody deserves legal representation, but these people sicken me.
If there is a hell....




SJW Stuff

A Virginia man was arrested after burning a flag in the parking lot of a Walmart. The sheriff acknowledged the person's right to burn a flag, but arrested him for 'doing it in a public place with the intent of intimidating others.'

That charge is still a speech charge. When does burning a flag count as intimidating others? Having large, threatening-looking men at polling places is intimidation. If this shining example of a sheriff wanted to 'teach him a lesson' he might have considered something around a disturbance on someone else's property. It's Walmart's parking lot, not his. He should have burned the flag on his own property. But we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, plus the police there don't like flag burners, so they have to lob any charge that might stick.