Has Anybody Seen My Nose Hair?

 Your love is like  repeated listenings to Yoko Ono

Chris Rock is touring. Tickets are $135. 

$175 if you want to take a shot at him.

Today I identify as  a lesbian

• Drinking coffee may help treat ADHD, study says
• Meh. If that were true, I'd be normal by now.

NFL franchises must appoint 'diverse person' as part of new guidance

Who do they think they are - the president? But they're right - I have yet to see a single Asian person on or off the field.

I get the impression that nobody's watching over the security of power generation, or they're asleep at the wheel. There are a lot of stories about power stations getting hacked. This terrifies me. The industry needs to wake up. Now.

12:00 noon (even in Canada)

My phone is making those ALERT ALERT ALERT noises. Nothing good ever comes from an ALERT noise. I hope it's not an alert about those yellow children - it's such a shame. No, wait, it's a weather ALERT. Considering that our paid forecasters have an accuracy rate of somewhat lower than the odds in Vegas, I don't hold out much hope for the yellows.

So let's see... there's some sort of squall by 1:00. Of course there is - it's (temporarily) bright outside. Plus I'm not sure what a squall is. Is that the little bird people hunt? Why would they need a warning about that? Seems like unfair advantage to the hunters. 

12:30 ALERT ALERT ALERT

Apparently the squalls are running late, owing to a problem on a 737 where some guy doesn't want to wear a mask and keeps referring to the captain as Sissy Bob. This should put the squall overhead by 1:30.

3:30 ALERT ALERT ALERT

Just when I had had it with squalls, it turns out this is a SNOW squall, which might be a white version of the aforementioned bird. Apparently there are so many of them, there will be whiteout conditions (out of the blue). This will happen by 4:30, or until you hear the next ALERT ALERT ALERT.  It's still almost sunny outside, so this is the perfect condition for squalls, snow, sleet, slush, birds, and flying white Lincolns.

GO AHEAD - tell me there are no advantages to being an amateur agoraphobic. I was before the Flying AIDS. I was during the Flying AIDS. And now I was during the Great Squalls of National Women's History Month. 

• If you list your Ebay item with "WOW" in the title, at least one of us is an idiot.

Flying AIDS News

CDC reports fewer COVID-19 pediatric deaths after data correction

March 18, 2022, Reuters

Fauci Was 'Untruthful' to Congress About Wuhan Lab Research, New Documents Appear To Show

September 9, 2021, Newsweek

The C.D.C. Isn’t Publishing Large Portions of the Covid Data It Collects

February 20, 2022, New York Times

Pfizer, Moderna vaccines aren’t the same; study finds antibody differences

With a second booster now authorized for some, the question is when to get it [Updated]

Today I learned:  when you go to someone's house and they're serving you dinner, do not refer to the guacamole as 'frog in a blender.'

Top General Exposes War Corruption, Profiteering

• Twitter user sentenced to 150 hours of community service in UK for posting ‘offensive’ tweet
• They're coming for us too. Just not yet.

UFO Cover-up
Two-Page Summary of the Book Disclosure
Government & Military Witnesses Testify on Major UFO Cover-up

Today's Useless Fact

Less than 1% of the population has violet eyes. At one time, everybody had brown eyes. Color is a function of melanin, with other than brown eyes having less. Out of the other colors, green is the most rare.  Elizabeth Taylor was supposed to have violet eyes, but it was caused by lighting; her eyes were blue.

We have a really large jar of vinegar. I'm not sure why.

You know what's coming, right?

I came down this morning to the smell of....... bleach, and towels on the floor.

As it was explained to me, the dog launched herself into the kitchen, broke the seal on the new, gallon-size vinegar bottle, and knocked it over, spreading it all over the place.

I think the bleach smell was to get rid of the vinegar smell.

Don't ask me - I just live here.

*If you have a battery-operated device and the batteries have leaked, remove them and soak a Q-tip with distilled vinegar. Wipe the battery contacts down. They will come up like new and the device will work with batteries.

So we have the Zombie Dishes, where I wash them and they reappear in the sink, dirty. It's most disconcerting. The other day I noticed something even more strange: Automatic Trashcans. I drag them to the curb, and figured Wife put them back. Today she told me she didn't. Now we're looking at each other strangely (moreso). Zombie Dishes cause more work, but Automatic Trashcans cause less work. We thought it might be our friends, but ours went back hours before theirs. Now we're flummoxed. It's definitely not the dog because she's always with us. I don't hear them moving, which is a little odd. Don't get me wrong - I'm thankful, but I'd like to know who to thank. One doesn't exactly go down the block, bashing pots and pans together, saying "THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THE CANS BACK," like a one-lunatic parade (let's just say that one doesn't do that twice).

Who does one hire to check up on trashcans? Private investigator? Priest? Native American? Out of work circus clowns? Do I put trackers in them? Small video recorders? Can you imagine the call to the police? If the good-doer has a wand and BLIPs them away, I guess the video won't work. I could get a house video system, but I don't want Amazon to know before I do. At very least I want to thank them and maybe ask if they'd trade for mowing season, which is coming up. 

NASA Astronaut Back on Earth After Russia Joked About Leaving Him in Space

Because of Putin's invasion of Ukraine, there were questions about how our astronaut would get back from the Space Station. Russia said they would, under certain considerations:

1. he let everyone call him Stoli
2. he refer to Biden as an idiot (along with the other 74% of the country)
3. he drink the cosmonauts under the table, with something called wodka
4. he wear a diaper on the way down, in that old, rickety Russian ship
5. he only breathe American air, not Russian
6. he start a 'special friendship' with one of the cosmonauts
7. have the landing changed to somewhere easier to spell than Kazakhstan

Luscious Pole Licking in Summer

Our good friend, AOC, says facial recognition is nasty.
You cannot argue with the truth.
And even a broken clock is right twice a day

The many faces of AOC

I'm sorry - sometimes the intra-cranial pressure builds up...

if Trump doesn't win in 2020, I'll have nothing to do!

let me guess - I left home without my makeup again. 

this is my lovey-dovey face, for my honey.

Don't tell them I'm only a little pissed today.

if I have to tell you one more time....

Hillary taught me to eat babies. Do you really want that on your conscience?

They caught me smiling. I'm ruined! They cannot know I'm actually pretty.

you take-uh da cheese, you put it onna capicola - capeesh?

I will not smile. I will not smile...

I see you taking this picture and I will kill you in your sleep

They're not watching.. I can rest my face now...

Good morning, people. I love you all.

• It's 23 outside. With the Wind Chill Factor, it's 15.
• Yearly rant: WTF is this - a new method of making you feel worse in the winter? 23 isn't cold enough, no sir, it's 15.  In Alaska, when it's zero degrees, the Wind Chill Factor says it's -40. 
• And they're wrong most of the time.

Remember the GirlsDoPorn scandal I wrote about a week back?
The website just went offline.
The owner fled to New Zealand and is still there.
He's also charged with child porn, after flying a 16 year old to California.

Today's item to ponder: is child porn with a 16 year old the same as child porn with a 5 year old? They're both illegal, as they should be, but is it the same thing?

• Ya know those beeps in astronaut audio? They're there for a reason.

Remember that Major League Baseball regulations prohibit the use of electronic equipment... ??

This only applies to you. They can and are using it against you.

• Dear Ebay: when I do a search for lefty guitars, "other things you might be interested in" probably shouldn't include righty guitars. Just a thought.

"Richard Nixon got kicked out of Washington for tapping one hotel suite. Today we're tapping every American citizen in the country, and no one has been put on trial for it or even investigated. We don't even have an inquiry into it." - Edward Snowden

• US Congresswoman reveals alopecia diagnosis
• That brave, courageous woman, telling the world she has hair loss.
• I told everybody about Male Pattern Baldness years ago.

IT NEWS
I'm (almost) sorry about including IT news today, but it's relevant to all readers.

With a spare 3 minutes, I decided to have a computer race: Win 10 laptop against linux laptop. It wasn't exactly fair... the Win laptop was brand new, with 16G RAM and current i7 snappy processor; the linux laptop was well over 6 years old, with 8G RAM and an obviously much slower processor. They would both boot from power off.

Off the line, linux in first, entering the first turn. Win10 coming up on the left. Coming up to the 2nd turn, we have definite activity, with the brand new Win10 machine having something on the screen. Turn 3 and we've selected which boot system we'd like on linux. Ladies and gentlemen, at the finish line, it's linux, reading its email, while the Win10 machine has yet to even put up one of its goofy pictures or a login prompt. Linux is drinking its coffee, when it's interrupted by a Win10 login prompt. This is exactly how it happened, except I drank the coffee, not the laptop.

New facial database used by the police. It's beyond creepy and disgusting.


Google and Microsoft weigh in on facial recognition technology and laws concerning it. Strangely enough, Google is finally on the right side of something. Microsoft, naturally, is on the wrong side.

• Apple is genuinely concerned about your privacy. Except if the FBI asks.

Over 1,000 devices went missing from London councils last year.
Now for some Real News<tm>: prosecutions of people who say 'fuck' and use 'racial language' are up! Prosecutions of people who say bad things online are also up. 1,337 people a week are thrown in the pokey, the most ever, for saying, "Not tea - I'll have coffee, please."


The final Win 7 update includes black wallpaper on some systems.
Good thing I'm not at my last job... I'd have the entire team spending the entire day changing backgrounds. The ticket system would die from volume alone. You'd think the entire company had gone down. The FBI would be brought in to investigate this cyberhack.

• Why Win 7 users should switch to linux
• they list some good reasons...
• Win 10 should have started a stampede to other OSes

Above is a positive.
Now here's my negative: the announcement that Xubuntu 20.04 will include a dark theme. Absent actual vision problems, this is what we have as an announcement? Not 'it's faster and safer?'  We, as people, are way too focused on looks and blinky lights. In the earlier days of cell phones, there was great excitement over the ability to put a different startup automation on your phone.

Related: watch car commercials (like you have a choice). Very little about the actual car. Very much about the colors, On-Star or similar systems, how many cameras in it, and how you can make the driver's side door open with just your genitals. This bothers me (like most things).


Small Business Matters: Boeing seeks $10 billion in loans as 737 MAX crisis continues.  Good thing they have those huge military contracts....

But WAIT!  If you lend now, you get up to the minute news of 737 MAX issues, of which they just found another....



Today's Game: you're running for president. Your slogan is [name] 2020: [last thing you said to your dog]. I'll start..

lefty 2020: Ok, stay in bed with your mommy


It's 7am. Mrs lefty is in the bathroom, Penny is demonstrating her "I HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE" dance. Then she tries it on me. Being a dog, she's not entirely talkative, but she jumps up a lot when she wants something. No problem, I'll take her out. Penny, let's go outside.  PENNY - OUTSIDE (both of us). Finally get her to the door and she turns and runs. Apparently I don't take her out well enough. Mom leaves the house. An hour later, Penny appears, telling me she wants something. Yes, she wants to go outside. This time I'll be sufficient to let her out. An hour after we first asked.

I get my validation from the dog.


Speaking of dog, when her mommy got back home, she went out back to smoke. Penny did her traditional thing: came running to me, insistent on me taking her to find mommy. Penny fails completely in the recognition that I might be doing something. So she walks in on me and sits down, waiting for me to say something. Whoever had her before us (she was a stray) must've gone over manners with her.. if I don't see her, she hops up and gently touches my leg with her nose. Then she does it 4 more times until I do what she wants. She sits there, looking at me with those huge, sad brown eyes, deliberately being a spaniel.

When mom comes back and goes into the bathroom, she stands at the bathroom door and whines. But she whines softly.  It's definitely the house - she wasn't like that when she first got here. The house turns cockers neurotic. Yeah, that's it - it's the house.



People can be identified by the way they dance.
Kill me now.
Mood, level of empathy, how extroverted or neurotic can point to identification.

Every election cycle I get asked to participate in “get out the vote” public service announcements. But I figure if a TV game show host has to convince people to vote, they probably shouldn’t.   - Pat Sajak

Heroes of the Stupid

• PornHub sued by deaf man over lack of closed captioning in videos
• Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.  Man: mrnmmmmph  Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.  Man: I'm gonna explode   Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.

SJW Symptoms  

Trinity College removes ad for 'Campus Reform Early Responder'
They wanted someone to monitor a 'right wing' website. Job ad pulled.





I saw this absolutely bizarre, hysterical show on public television. I was glued.
Some guy was standing there in a dress, and some other guy was on his knees, looking up the dress.

The dress was a kilt.
The show was Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I was young.
I was hooked.
Every week I had to wait for the night Python was on.
It was the Most Important Thing Ever, for most of my life. It completely corrupted my sense of humor, rendering me an honorary Brit and forcing me to seek out other British comedy.
I met other, similarly smitten, people who agreed: Life is Python - Python is life. No, we weren't deranged fanboys - we just noticed how inappropriate they were and used Python Quotes a lot. To this day, I still speak in Python. We all saw the movies when they came out. We bought anything Python. I have a t-shirt from the final live appearance at the 02 Center in England. We saw John Cleese a few months back.

We were sad when Graham Chapman died.
We are now sad that Terry Jones (77) died (of a rare dementia that first took his speech). The other Pythons are more worried than a parrot going to a pet shop in Ipswitch.

There is some bad footage of Graham Chapman's funeral that's really funny - an appropriate sendoff. Maybe there will be some Terry Jones footage too.

This dying stuff has to stop.