Has Anybody Seen My Nose Hair?

 Your love is like  repeated listenings to Yoko Ono

Chris Rock is touring. Tickets are $135. 

$175 if you want to take a shot at him.

Today I identify as  a lesbian

• Drinking coffee may help treat ADHD, study says
• Meh. If that were true, I'd be normal by now.

NFL franchises must appoint 'diverse person' as part of new guidance

Who do they think they are - the president? But they're right - I have yet to see a single Asian person on or off the field.

I get the impression that nobody's watching over the security of power generation, or they're asleep at the wheel. There are a lot of stories about power stations getting hacked. This terrifies me. The industry needs to wake up. Now.

12:00 noon (even in Canada)

My phone is making those ALERT ALERT ALERT noises. Nothing good ever comes from an ALERT noise. I hope it's not an alert about those yellow children - it's such a shame. No, wait, it's a weather ALERT. Considering that our paid forecasters have an accuracy rate of somewhat lower than the odds in Vegas, I don't hold out much hope for the yellows.

So let's see... there's some sort of squall by 1:00. Of course there is - it's (temporarily) bright outside. Plus I'm not sure what a squall is. Is that the little bird people hunt? Why would they need a warning about that? Seems like unfair advantage to the hunters. 

12:30 ALERT ALERT ALERT

Apparently the squalls are running late, owing to a problem on a 737 where some guy doesn't want to wear a mask and keeps referring to the captain as Sissy Bob. This should put the squall overhead by 1:30.

3:30 ALERT ALERT ALERT

Just when I had had it with squalls, it turns out this is a SNOW squall, which might be a white version of the aforementioned bird. Apparently there are so many of them, there will be whiteout conditions (out of the blue). This will happen by 4:30, or until you hear the next ALERT ALERT ALERT.  It's still almost sunny outside, so this is the perfect condition for squalls, snow, sleet, slush, birds, and flying white Lincolns.

GO AHEAD - tell me there are no advantages to being an amateur agoraphobic. I was before the Flying AIDS. I was during the Flying AIDS. And now I was during the Great Squalls of National Women's History Month. 

• If you list your Ebay item with "WOW" in the title, at least one of us is an idiot.

Flying AIDS News

CDC reports fewer COVID-19 pediatric deaths after data correction

March 18, 2022, Reuters

Fauci Was 'Untruthful' to Congress About Wuhan Lab Research, New Documents Appear To Show

September 9, 2021, Newsweek

The C.D.C. Isn’t Publishing Large Portions of the Covid Data It Collects

February 20, 2022, New York Times

Pfizer, Moderna vaccines aren’t the same; study finds antibody differences

With a second booster now authorized for some, the question is when to get it [Updated]

Today I learned:  when you go to someone's house and they're serving you dinner, do not refer to the guacamole as 'frog in a blender.'

Top General Exposes War Corruption, Profiteering

• Twitter user sentenced to 150 hours of community service in UK for posting ‘offensive’ tweet
• They're coming for us too. Just not yet.

UFO Cover-up
Two-Page Summary of the Book Disclosure
Government & Military Witnesses Testify on Major UFO Cover-up

Today's Useless Fact

Less than 1% of the population has violet eyes. At one time, everybody had brown eyes. Color is a function of melanin, with other than brown eyes having less. Out of the other colors, green is the most rare.  Elizabeth Taylor was supposed to have violet eyes, but it was caused by lighting; her eyes were blue.

We have a really large jar of vinegar. I'm not sure why.

You know what's coming, right?

I came down this morning to the smell of....... bleach, and towels on the floor.

As it was explained to me, the dog launched herself into the kitchen, broke the seal on the new, gallon-size vinegar bottle, and knocked it over, spreading it all over the place.

I think the bleach smell was to get rid of the vinegar smell.

Don't ask me - I just live here.

*If you have a battery-operated device and the batteries have leaked, remove them and soak a Q-tip with distilled vinegar. Wipe the battery contacts down. They will come up like new and the device will work with batteries.

So we have the Zombie Dishes, where I wash them and they reappear in the sink, dirty. It's most disconcerting. The other day I noticed something even more strange: Automatic Trashcans. I drag them to the curb, and figured Wife put them back. Today she told me she didn't. Now we're looking at each other strangely (moreso). Zombie Dishes cause more work, but Automatic Trashcans cause less work. We thought it might be our friends, but ours went back hours before theirs. Now we're flummoxed. It's definitely not the dog because she's always with us. I don't hear them moving, which is a little odd. Don't get me wrong - I'm thankful, but I'd like to know who to thank. One doesn't exactly go down the block, bashing pots and pans together, saying "THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THE CANS BACK," like a one-lunatic parade (let's just say that one doesn't do that twice).

Who does one hire to check up on trashcans? Private investigator? Priest? Native American? Out of work circus clowns? Do I put trackers in them? Small video recorders? Can you imagine the call to the police? If the good-doer has a wand and BLIPs them away, I guess the video won't work. I could get a house video system, but I don't want Amazon to know before I do. At very least I want to thank them and maybe ask if they'd trade for mowing season, which is coming up. 

NASA Astronaut Back on Earth After Russia Joked About Leaving Him in Space

Because of Putin's invasion of Ukraine, there were questions about how our astronaut would get back from the Space Station. Russia said they would, under certain considerations:

1. he let everyone call him Stoli
2. he refer to Biden as an idiot (along with the other 74% of the country)
3. he drink the cosmonauts under the table, with something called wodka
4. he wear a diaper on the way down, in that old, rickety Russian ship
5. he only breathe American air, not Russian
6. he start a 'special friendship' with one of the cosmonauts
7. have the landing changed to somewhere easier to spell than Kazakhstan