Your Mother is a Catalytic Converter

Your love is like   a nice nail through the scrotum

Where's that 4 cup coffee maker glass carafe?

On the floor, by the bathroom sink.

Where's that 4 cup coffee maker?

Check the left rear wheel well of the older car.

Today I identify as  spackle

Much as it hurt, I had to go into work the other day.

When I have to play with huge racks, servers, and appliances, I start to question many things, including my parentage, my hands, and how I wound up doing this. As we know, anything worth doing is worth doing from home, preferably from a comfortable couch.

Your server room is ideally well-cooled and not always well-lit. The fans for cooling make it sound like the arctic, and it's so loud, you can barely hear the snow storms. You might want to look like a miner, with the flashlight on your head so you can blind anyone near you. This will help you see your work, plus you get the joy of burning out the retinas of your coworkers. If people like to call you, you might want to let them know all you'll hear is the wind - not your phone. This is handy even if you can hear your phone, in that people won't bother you.

Unfortunately, this also leaves out important calls, like Wife calling, to see what to order for me from the Chinese restaurant. This turned into a calamity of errors. It's so loud, I can't hear my phone ring. So I'm shoulder-deep in the rack, and I start hearing voices. I began to wonder if I needed medicine. Then I remembered my phone is set to auto-answer Wife, then put her on speaker. Phew. So she's waffling along, probably unaware she's talking to my pocket, but hearing an arctic windstorm (if she's even listening - wives are like that). So I somehow manage to pick up the phone and yell, "HELLO? HELLO? HELLO?" then hang up and call back (sometimes). I ask what was so important and she verifies what I want from the Chinese place. Stunned, I explain where my hands just were, and remind her I don't like Chinese food and why was this so important. We only discuss this frequently, which explains why she doesn't know what I want. I don't even want to look at anything called a rangoon. Shaking my head is dangerous because I might hit something (and hurt the device).

My task was to install some cards in some devices. 

This is really simple, even if I've never done it before, and worried me not. This was also my first mistake. In order to install the cards, the device must come out of the rack. Suffice it to say this took a small army of skilled (and non-skilled) coworkers. Once I had access, I discovered the instructions were for two other models, so I was on my own. I have no fear, which most say is a really bad trait,  so off I went. The first task is getting the box open. Not as simple as it sounds, because the manufacturers like to hide the screws behind hardware, under labels, and across the street.

Once inside the bugger, I had to call my contact because there were four places to put the new card, two of which already had Things there. My contact was not helpful, like the PVS guy. He wanted the operation to go as smoothly as possible, which meant he didn't want to be involved. So first he tells me to replace the old card. How am I supposed to know which one is the old card? The new card is the wrong size, so he tells me to put it wherever it will fit. This started the internal alarm bells - IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT. When anybody tells you to just shoehorn it in there, wherever it will fit, it might be time to RUN. 

So we put the fifty pound (30 grams Canadian) boxes back, plugged them in, and observed the lack of sparks or smoke. The smoke is important, because everything runs on Magic Smoke<tm>. If you let the Magic Smoke out, the device no longer works. 

Four hours (15.7 litres) later, I left the ten minute job, thirsty, sore, and hungry. I would have to pick lunch up on the way home, because I don't do rangoons.

Having recently passed Valentine's Day, I began reflecting.

From when I was little, every year on V-Day, I got a card and candy from my mom. I never thought I'd miss it, but I didn't get a card or candy from my mom. She's not really together, due to the dementia. I was never really crazy about the card, but this is the first year I miss it.     [see Dementia page]

Flying AIDS News 

How to interpret the CDC’s new mask guidelines

43% of Americans—140 million—have had COVID, CDC estimates

How omicron’s mutations make it the most infectious coronavirus variant yet

No More Silence - suppressed information about vaccine reactions

Executive-level FDA official recorded on hidden camera saying annual COVID shots expected

• How's my day going? I woke up at 5am, thinking my alarm had gone off.

You watch the news. Some poor woman had to bury her son. It's the worst kind of pain.

She begs for justice for her son. The shooter is caught and tried, and the mother has closure.

I don't think there's any such thing as closure. It's a myth. There is nothing in the world that will ease the mother's pain. If 'closure' helps her, I'm all for it. But I don't believe it does a thing, other than make news.

Fitbit has pulled a Tesla and recalled all of its watches because the batteries can burn the wearer. This is in addition to all of your data going upstream. Fitbit - Just Don't.

• Putin saw America has become weak under Biden
• he refuses to recognize the diversity...

Always late to the party: RIP Gary Brooker, the voice and piano behind Procol Harum (Whiter Shade of Pale). I believe he was the last original member. Procol also gave us Robin Trower. Gary's voice was very distinctive, as were his lyrics. Here's one of my favorites - A Salty Dog

I still laugh when somebody says 'coq au vin.' It's a fancier-sounding fart joke.

• Russian space agency says hacking satellites is an act of war
• this from the country that threatened to crash the ISS into the US 

Sleep is weird for me. The more I get, the worse I feel.

I needed a nap after work. These can range from the Power Nap of 20 minutes to the Power Nap of 3 hours. I knew something was up when I was followed to bed by Wife. No, THAT wasn't going to happen... it had to be something else. As I was falling off, I heard BANG and RUSH and HISS. 

It's Nap Time.

BANG CRASH

It's still Nap Time.

BANG WHOOSH

Could you possibly make those noises after I wake up?

I'm looking for my wallet.

Didn't you find that last night?

I lost it again.

Wallet losing should be a sport, don't you think? You could lead the country to some seriously-needed Olympic golds.

It's not up here.

Before you re-route the local train through here, could I have a nap?

Oh, sorry. I'll look downstairs.

• Amazon Alexa can be hijacked via commands from own speaker
• I'm sure they're good for something... 
• Oh yeah, Amazon eavesdropping