Your love is like a quick dip in molten iron
- I sure picked a bad week for my Ukraine vacation
And speaking of family, I was always the black sheep. This is ironic, as I'm about as pasty white as they come. There are many areas of me that have never seen the sun. Since you have to eat eventually, I shall not mention which ones they are. In any case, I discovered at a young age that I didn't have to go to events with the family. Since I'm only 95% bastard, I wondered what everyone would think of me. After a few years, I realized this whole scheme worked out for me. No, really. Because when I showed up, they were even happier to see me. I became valuable for my rarity, like an SJW admitting they were wrong about something. It got even worse, much to the chagrin of my parents and wife: people accepted and celebrated my lack of presence... "Oh, lefty's his own person... we respect him for it." One could argue they celebrate my lack of presence because they don't have to look at me, but I'm not going there today.
They're not bad people. I am.
Today I identify as Black History Month
I got up this morning and looked out the window to see which distinct shade of gray it was outside. The prase "abject misery" presented itself. It's a fairly good description, I think; Abject Misery Gray, with everything frozen. My first email brought the news that an a dear friend lost a pet and an old coworker lost her life. Abject Misery, indeed.
I suspect all this misery can be traced to getting out of bed. I should avoid it.
Next studies:
- Guns fired through heads bad for brains.
- Grass green, sky stubbornly remains blue.
- Air useful for breathing
- Politicians suspected of being crooked
No, that's just conspiracy theory.
But the CDC cut mask recommendations.
They'd never do that!
Told you so.
BUT WAIT!!!!
Flying AIDS News
Catching a flight? You’ll still need a mask despite the CDC’s new guidance.Pfizer, Moderna and Other Drugmakers Make Billions Responding to Covid-19 PandemicCovid-19 is killing more people now than during most of the pandemic. Here's who's still at riskThe COVID-19 pandemic is not an on-off switchHow Taiwan used simple tech to help contain Covid-19
Vaccines: What we know about long-term safety now
CDC issues new guidance on mask use
My appeals to readers to tell their friends about the blog have failed.
I have another idea. I call it The Other Idea. I ask the readers to tell their friends NEVER to read this blog, and send them the url (https://leftystrat.blogspot.com)
Sheer. Marketing. Genius.
Windows: It's not an operating system, it's a virus
This morning the work system couldn't find my account. The same account I shut down the computer with the previous evening. It ate up thirty minutes of time. Again, I don't do anything to the computer except work. I have no interest in Windows and the computer is so locked down, I couldn't do anything if I wanted to. I think it senses my feelings and is giving me grief just for fun.
Workmates just laugh at me now, moreso, when this happens. The other day the Boss got nailed with a series of reboots. That's some validation fer ya.
Just so the morning shouldn't be totally lost, I was unsubscribed from a mailing list, for reasons the list owner can't figure out, and some of the work boxes are on Slowdown. I don't bother asking anybody, because they'll just tell me, "I dunno. Works fine for me."
- Twenty seasons of Americans Idle
- is there anything we can do to redeem ourselves?
- while also dumping The Masked Furry?
Unlike my brother, who cannot brush his teeth if his electric toothbrush isn't charged, I'm good regardless, with one minor exception: when there is no toothbrush. Sometime between last night and this morning, my toothbrush disappeared. I looked all around the areas it might be... kitchen, attic, car trunk, but nothing. No ransom note. No coupons for different brands. But it ain't over til I ask Wife. Perhaps she found a more 'logical' place for it, like the basement. Or inside a tire. The only problem I foresee is that she has the memory of... an acid fanatic who dissociates. She will remember she put it somewhere, but not where. This is why I have a closet with four electric toothbrushes at any time. For extreme emergencies. I have ten regular old toothbrushes buried under the house, but I don't tell her where.
I asked where's the weirdest place you had a pimple.
No one answered.
Today I located one on the inside of my antitragus. Then I had to look up 'external ear parts' to find the name of the place. If there's one thing they don't teach you in public school, it's the names of the external ear parts.
As to how I discovered the pimple... that's classified.
I used to see weird stuff on tv, like old movies with small towns, where everyone knew you and all service was personalized. Not sure how it happened, but we have one or two small businesses (that haven't been killed by the Flying AIDS), with great local service. Turns out we like it. Phone calls to let us know something might be expensive, to let us know doctor finally got around to calling, or would we like another medicine that is due at the same time. Penny's vet, formally Marshall's vet, where we walk in and everyone stops what they're doing to say hi to Penny. I wasn't ready for it, but now wouldn't want to be without it. At Christmas. we take treats in for the staff of these places. I would not have survived small town life, as they'd probably be too curious about the tank on my front lawn, but this seems like a good mix. Plus I always send out my Good Will Ambassador, Mrs. lefty, who everyone loves.
If I were ever in a small town, I'd need one with diagonal parking in front of the stores. You know.. where there are a bunch of stores in a strip and parking out front. Instead of pulling straight in, the parking spots are diagonal. I cannot tell you why I like this but I feel I need to have it. The only problem would be that every time I parked, some ass with a huge SUV would park next to me, so I couldn't see oncoming cars as I backed out. This is kind of a metaphor for life.
- The US and UK will never truly be equal until we settle the asshole/arsehole thing
Russian space chief says he could let International Space Station crash into US if sanctions proceed
Well, aren't we all goofy today?
We'll crash all the Russian spy satellites into Russia
We'll cut off their toilet paper
We'll send them Russian language Windows.
Look at that.
What?
That.
What?
Those old train tracks.
What about them?
They were part of the Underground Railroad
Did your mommy get any experimental shots before you were born?
- Sperm Banks Struggle to Recruit Black Donors and Other Donors of Color
- Can I donate? I identify as black sometimes. Black babies with no sense of rhythm will probably tip them off...
Black History Month has ended.
Still no Left Handed History Month
Easier to get in the trash receptacle...
This is fast becoming the Apple Fanboi Blog
Because this is day 9 of the week, the sugar has been moved.
Because the sugar has been moved, I can't find it.
Because I can't find the sugar, my coffee is not drinkable.
Because I also can't find Wife, the sugar will not be discovered this morning.
In the fridge, there is no flavored creamer to sweeten the coffee up.
Except coconut. And pumpkin spice.
Like I said, there is no flavored creamer to sweeten the coffee up.
Strangely, there are some cold frapuccinos.
So now my coffee is cold and sweet, but at least it's not bitter.
And I have created a wormhole in time and space by using coffee to sweeten coffee.
- Mark Zuckerberg Says He Is ‘Aware’ He Will Die Someday, Discusses Meaning of Life
- c'mon Lord Zuck - you will never die. We're just hoping to get abort your baby.
UPDATE on Spices: the spices wound up across the kitchen, but the garlic moved within reach. And then it moved again, possibly across the kitchen, but I don't know. When I asked, the bay leaves appeared, which were of no help to anybody. The allspice showed up too, but nobody ever uses allspice, nor knows what it is. We seem to have acquired some of those spice rack thingies that look like steps. Oddly, I know where they are, which of course is not where the spices are.
I am thinking of chugging the vanilla extract and being done with it.
I will need some sort of intercom-like device to track down Wife whenever I need to find something. Let's see... like... I know - a phone! Oh wait, she never knows where her phone is. Back to the drawing board.
Four rescue dogs since we've been in the house, Penny being the latest. Since she was a stray, we have no idea what's up with her. The only problem we ever had was her going NUTS and trying to eat other dogs. Now there's another: sometimes she barks at me when I get into bed. Or when something falls and makes a noise. Or when I get mad. This is a problem, because I wake up mad. Somebody use to abuse her. This angers us. Must be weird to get a dog from a responsible breeder, with no built-in issues. This way you're free to cause your own issues.
I had to pick something up from the drug store that rhymes with PVS.
Unfortunately the store only existed in reality, not online. The store maps show there are a lot of stores, just not there, or within ten miles of there. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but I drive past this store 3 days a week. My hallucinations, while pretty good, do not generally pull up an entire drug store, down to the OPEN TIL signs, a few handicapped parking spots, and the handicapped workers.
So I figured I'm going to trust in reality and that they haven't demolished the store in the past few hours. I'm guessing on their hours. And according to their site, although the store isn't there, they carry the product I need. We're down to quantum mechanics and I desperately need Mr. Spock. Or Stephen Hawking.
And when I say they carry product I need, I mean they don't have the product I need. I spent a while looking for it, because of my incredible ability to not see things in front of me. When I was certain it was not there, I decided to try my luck with someone on staff. Their staff is usually a pleasure. Unfortunately, I got Dave. Dave actually teaches a PVS course in How Not To Get Out from Behind the Register, or help anyone, without actually seeming to be unhelpful.
ME: Hi, I'm looking for this product, what I have here on my phone, in living color.
CASHIER: Yes, that will be in aisle 4.
ME: Thank you, I was just there, but couldn't find it.
CASHIER: Oh, we're out of it.
ME: No, you don't even have a spot for it
CASHIER: Oh, then we don't carry it.
ME: Oh, that's a shame. Your website shows it.
CASHIER: Maybe we don't carry it here. Other PVSes might have it.
ME: Thank you, Dave. You're really good. Do you have any bridges you'd like to sell me? Have a good night.
Dave is a Retail God. If I told him I had a birthday cake personalized for him, with candles, Dave would say he didn't have any matches. If Godzilla came down the street, turning the store on its side, Dave would still be there, anchored at his register. There is only one thing that will move Dave, and that's the closing bell.
SO, I can call every PVS in the area, go to PVS Online and pray it's the right product, even though it has the same name and price, or go to Amazon. It wouldn't be a big deal, but I need it asap to prevent Spousal Wars, and the new M15s have just arrived. And the heat-seeking lasers.
No comments:
Post a Comment