Frosting a Cake with a Paper Knife

A very common story told by people who have technically died and come back, is the Near Death Experience (NDE).  You know the story... traveling down a long hallway toward the light.. or a garden where your late relatives are waiting for you.

Sit down for a moment.
Stop the external and internal noise.
Go into the dark, maybe to the light, maybe a local light.
Are your friends and relatives there? Which ones?
What is their message, if any?
Think about it.



My wife experienced it.
She was up on the ceiling looking down.
Saw dead relatives.
They told her it's not time - go back.
Fortunately she did.


You're free to poo-poo it. You can tell me it's hypoxia and they're hallucinating (except they all seem to hallucinate the same thing).  It's a thought exercise. You don't even have to believe it's real.

• Things are going relatively well, in that I haven't heard more about the alpacas.

Parents are weird.

Even the most rational of parents have interesting little quirks.

My parents have some rather huge ones.

They're going on vacation, which is wonderful and we're all jealous. A family tradition is to take family to the airport. 

But not my parents. They leave early.

Early?

A day early.

From the airport?

No, but near the airport.

My mother, who can tell you who is about to call before the phone rings, likes to sleep at a hotel by the airport so they can get on the plane in the morning. To this day, no one understands why. I am the reason for many odd things she does, but I'm not owning this one.

• heard on tv: The Lesbian Cheering Squad is his latest picture.

The Pentagon has issued a directive restricting the use of fitness trackers and other devices at sensitive locations or high risk war zones.   The reason for this is that they got caught using the devices that divulged their location. In other words, nobody had an inkling that these devices could cause a problem, until it was pointed out in public. Then a directive was issued.

How long has ThermionicEmissions been warning about these devices? Please don't tell me one low level security d00d outdid the Pentagon by going ahead in his time machine and seeing what was going to happen. What clairvoyance! It's almost like he IS the future.

Seriously, folks.... we know the govt is a humongous monolithic organization that gets nothing done overnight (or century - you've worked at large corporations), but this....  this was not hiding in some black corner of the Dark Web, in back of Hitler's Rolls, under the picture of J. Edgar Hoover in full dress. This was a huge, beaconing, genuine emergency, visible to anyone who took a minute to think about safety and privacy.  I don't expect Joe Consumer would spend much time on this, but it shouldn't require a Serious Security Professional Prognosticator to check the Magic IT Ball to see the future.

These are the folks who protect our nation. Who spin up unbelievably huge new departments to help 'protect' us, at a cost exceeding the GNPs of most countries combined. You know better than to get me started on the result of this (TSA), right? Smile when you read your pay stub and see what you're paying for this.

This could be the harbinger of Bad Things in the armed forces. Wait - let me check my time machine.... fwwwwwip - yup, this is not going to be pretty.  Within the next few years, the Pentagon will restrict 'checking in' to Afghanistan location apps and posting your lattitide/longitude on Faceyspaces. No selfies of you in the sand on Instagram. And NO tweeting your location if you're in a country 'helping its leaders to better position the upcoming vote'. 

If this sort of thing is allowed to continue, it will no longer be fun to be in the military!


The Pentagon is welcome to contact me for consulting, but I'll save them a lot of money by having the NSA pass along what they gather from reading this blog. It's win-win. I get to blog, they get free warnings, and I get to help my country.

HONEY.... it's the phone... the Pentagon's calling again...

• a top supplier of iDevices had to shut down for a bit because of ransomware all over their network.  I told you iDevices are dangerous!

According to F-Secure, spam is through the roof because of the demise of Adobe Flash. Because people aren't using Flash, the criminals' pickings aren't as easy, so they turn to spam.  Here's the best part: long ago I was told that spam was so prevalent because 10% of its recipients clicked on it. Last year it was 13.4% and so far this year, it's at 14.2%. I often lament the fact that we're so incredibly stupid. I truly hoped that with time and knowledge, we'd become less stupid. That was stupid of me. We're spreading our stupid deeper and wider than ever before. We're actually getting more stupid. Not only do we not learn, we flatly refuse to, in favor of growing more stupid. But how stupid can we get, you ask? Don't ask, I say... they will never let you down.

• If you want to go against what security people say and insist on using public wifi, here are some tips to keep yourself relatively safe.

Overheard from an equipment vendor: "Our security team said we are not allowed to use the WiFi in our hotel room during this hacking convention, so I am running to the lobby to answer some emails."

We are doomed.

• They say, whoever they are, that our mind wants to see patterns in something we don't understand, so that's why we see things that aren't there. I wonder if this goes for the ears... The television is usually on at a volume which allows it to be heard in most of Australia, so I'm forever yelling COULD YOU TURN IT DOWN A BIT - AT LEAST TO AFRICA? I was just about to yell again, when I saw the tv was off. This means I'm hearing a tv that isn't on. The technical term for this is auditory hallucination. The technical remedy is antipsychotics. After too long or too many, one starts to sound like Ozzy Osbourne and shake a lot. I'd prefer to think my ears want to hear patterns.
• And that, my friends, is how babies are made.

COWORKER FOLLIES

HIM: This list has the information you want

ME: Do you remember the site for that information?

HIM: Whaddaya mean - the list?

ME: The site where it resides

HIM: On the list. Let me take a picture of the list and text it to you

ME: WHERE THE DEVICE LIVES, where it is plugged into power, where it sits behind a door, its location, where it gets a network plug, where it blinks its lights, where people go to fix it when it breaks, DID YOU LEAVE YOUR MEDICINE HOME AGAIN TODAY?

Frosting a cake with a paper knife... refers to a very old tv commercial for canned icing. It's so moist, you can spread it with a paper knife. Then she does. This was satirized by Frank Zappa in 'Flakes':

I am a moron and this is my wife
She's frosting a cake with a paper knife....

Heroes of the Stupid

I hope Howard Stern will excuse me for borrowing his line, but if we think about this logically, Howard Stern doesn't really give a burro's rump what I do or say.  Let's talk about the Stupid, using some very recent real-life scenarios.

Before I go there, I want to remind you that it is not (yet) politically incorrect to hate the Stupid, thus branding me a stupidist.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

So Rick Perry, the Texas governor, has received divine advice urging him to run for president.  In other words, this politician has had a break with sanity, wherein he heard voices telling him to run for the highest office in the land.  I'm willing to bet that with his health insurance, he can be treated in any clinic in the country, including the private, exclusive ones.

Every time my wife had to go into the hospital, they asked her if she heard voices.   I understand the medicines have come a long way toward quieting them down.

I have no idea how many of Perry's ilk will cop to hearing voices, but I'd suggest starting as far right as possible and working your way left for maximum efficiency.  Hint: Cain and Bachmann have also admitted divine calling.

Strange Bedfellows?

A coalition including New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedoms and a rabbi filed a lawsuit Monday in an attempt to overturn New York's gay-marriage law.

How much hate do you need in your heart to be part of this?

Before you answer, I'm not one of those people who refer to disagreement or dislike as hate.  This is simply a case of sheer black-heartedness in the Grinchian sense.  Unlike the Grinch, though, these people will not relent.  They will not discover the remains of a blood pumping organ buried way down inside their sternums.  They will persevere, Cheney-like, in their singular mission of forming a theocracy.

I am against gay marriage.   I am also against heterosexual marriage.  But I figure why shouldn't the homos should suffer just like the rest of us?

I am particularly horrified that there is a rabbi involved in this.  I have met a few rabbis.  I am related to Jews.  Never have I come across this level of malignancy.

Owing Great Debt

The news is full of President Giveaway and Boehner stomping about and chest-thumping over a budget.  This is pure theater.

The fact of the matter is that they're going to raise the debt limit and raise taxes, in direct opposition to their words.  This does not fall exactly along the lines of Stupid so much as greed and rampant ass-covering.

A recent news story alerted a few of us to $34 billion misspent on military contractors.  With that story out, plus the trillions acknowledged missing on 9-10-2001, explain again to me why we need to raise the debt limit and taxes.

I maintain that once the government discovers it can reach into your pocket, it never stops.  Reality has shown this to be correct.  The time limit on the debt limit is no surprise.  Again, it's theater.

How do you suppose the debt got that high?  Congress voted to spend it.
Let Congress fix it. 

Until government cuts itself by about eighty percent, we should not have to pay one penny additional.  In fact, we should be paying over eighty percent less or thereabouts.  Yes, those wacky libertarians do have some good ideas sometimes, don't they?

Right now we are a country ridiculously in debt to a private consortium with a public name (the Federal Reserve is neither federal nor a reserve - discuss).  Nothing the joke called Congress does will do anything to fix the situation.  The criminals need to be put where the rest of the criminals are put.

I am responsible for my debts.  I didn't agree to put my country in debt.

The Greatest Football Season Ever in Jeopardy

The NFL has ended the lockout, which means that there could be a football season this year.  I am horribly disappointed.  This season had such potential.....

Feel More of the Love

Afghan militants have hung an eight year old boy because his father refused to give them a police car.

Personally I would have held out for a fire engine.



Do you still wonder why I'm a stupidist?  Wouldn't you like to be a stupidist too?