Sour Jam and Table Legs

Your love is like  Flying AIDS -D

• When do you call off the date?
• When she says, "I'm a cat mom and an internet influencer"

Dusty Hill's (RIP) wife had some beautiful things to say

apparently taken from ZZ Top's Faceyspaces page, but I can't go there 

Somewhat disconcerting is that the band will continue, with Billy Gibbons' tech, Elwood Francis, on bass.

an 84 year old German was fined 250,000 liters for keeping Nazi war machines, including a tank, in his basement

I think they should pay him for getting a tank in his basement. I only got mine as far as the front lawn before the neighbors started calling the city on me. It's getting so a man can't keep a tank in his house...

He was ordered to sell or give the tank and flak cannon to a museum or collector.

Wasn't he a collector?

While Mrs. lefty's phone was down, I gave her mine when she went somewhere.

Good news.

My phone is heavily customized and locked down

Bad news.

She tried to surf to places

Bad news

"I tried to get to this website and I couldn't"

Yeah, I forgot to mention that to you.

"I tried 3 different browsers."

Yeah, they all don't go to Faceyspaces or Google.

"Why not?"

They're blocked by the firewall.

"The firewall?"

Yeah, the firewall. I have all ad sites and other stuff blocked by default and....

"Don't even bother. I'll make sure to use it only as a phone. The guy at the phone store asked if you were a programmer or just genetically weird."

• can't believe I missed this word that needs to disappear: barista
• why don't we call McDonald's counterpersons "servers"?

WHO calls for global moratorium on COVID boosters until end of September

WHO's on first?

Yes.

WHO?

WHO is on second?

No, WHO's on first. CDC is on second

BOOSTERS!!! Put the masks back on! PANIC!!! Someone get Fauci out here and tell him to say something stupid!

• Students at the U of Indiana lost a suit against mandatory masks mandates.
• this point is being argued in several states

Today I identify as  a CIS hetero man in a man's body

LIMBO 

So Rental Car Limbo is all over but the shouting over the 4 figure bill. Even the insurance said that was crazy.

Collision Limbo goes somewhat smoothly, but the finish date (today) has come and gone, with a call stating why it's late and "it'll still be done in a few days."  Still?  The stripe on the car is painted on and their regular stripe guy is on vacation. One question: I have a stripe on my car?

I am surprised and shocked to let you know that Work Badge Limbo is finally over!

After only six hours at the Badge Place, I have a new badge.

Six hours.

They have to pay me for this shit. I'd rather be working.

When I returned, my boss passed out, and a coworker finally stopped sacrificing chickens.

HOUR 1: get picture taken, horror over Alcatraz mug shot

HOUR 2: meet 7 others waiting for badge

HOUR 3: sitting there with my phone for 3 hours, people think I 'work' there

HOUR 4: all 7 people have their badges and went home, wishing me luck

HOUR 5: Badge Guy says Are you lefty? Oh man, we're still trying to figure out what's up with yours

HOUR 6: they bring me the badge but Security wants me out of the building

• Bill Gates, war criminal, said his meetings with Jeffrey Epstein were a mistake.
• Yes, his 15 meetings, wherein he picked from Epstein's illegal warez, were a mistake.

Watching some amplifier demos, I came to the realization that I'm a size queen. You know... bigger is better. But I'm really specific.. whereas women like bigger, I like one certain size, largely being 12". 

Whazzup wi dat?

My first serious amplifier, a Marshall, had four 12" speakers. This trend continued.

It's gotten to the point where if an amp comes with a 10" speaker, I immediately start to wonderin' if there's a version with a 12" speaker. Out of my entire herd, the one that hurts the most is the one with the 8" speaker. I spend nights trying to figure out how to shove a 12" into the space reserved for 8". While either would be a blessing for women (and some men, but I'll stop now), it's always 12 for me. Unfortunately 12" is bigger than the entire amplifier, so it is not to be. I can interrupt the speaker leads and send it to an external 12" speaker, but that defeats the purpose of the amp (a 1959 Fender tweed Champ, intended to be a cheap practice amp). Don't underestimate 8" - I believe "Layla" was recorded with one. 

It's funny.. guitar players, with their long hair, tattoos, and whatnot, are surprisingly conservative when it comes to equipment. Gibson put out a Les Paul guitar with a (RJ45 - like your computer) ethernet connector, which flew right at the ground like a lead ze... never mind. I bought a Cordovox rotating baffle cabinet (think "It Don't Come Easy") which had a 10" speaker. It took a while, but I figured out how to shoehorn a 12" speaker into it.  Don't even mention car speakers.

One could say most of a guitar player's time is taken up trying to put 12" speakers into amplifiers with 10" or smaller speakers. Note that I did not say their time is taken up with practicing and getting better (listen to the radio or Nirvana records). Of course still other guitarists' time is taken up with squeezing more and louder white powder into their noses, but this is beyond the scope of this bit. 

The new manufacturer fad is removing the vacuum tubes from amplifiers and replacing them with integrated circuits and claiming they sound just like, or better than, tubes.

Why, you ask, have I put something about amplifier speakers into this blog, where statistics say 1.5 readers are guitar players?  Because I can.  Now back to Sarcasm...

• The NFL's Washington (no longer the) Redskins banned fans from wearing native American dress
• all fans must arrive in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles garb 

Mexico is suing US gun manufacturers over arms trafficking and bloodshed.

Mexico will lose the suit when guns are brought into court and fail to do anything but sit there.

Mexico will also look stupid because few countries have the gang violence it has - next it will sue gangs

• Scuba-diver photographs Scotland's colorful marine life
• where the fish are easier to understand than the Scots 

I have 3 people I forward Beatle news to.

Unfortunately one of them has left us.

I miss her. Sometimes I'm tempted to include her on the emails.

Mrs. lefty liked her a lot too. A fond memory was the walk down the street after a party. One on each arm. I felt like a king.

• the dog has really tiny, pointy nails and I have a lot of scratches and rips as a result. I told Wife that I look like a drug addict. She said no, they're in the wrong place.
• Oh.

Mrs lefty just got back from two grocery stores. There were empty shelves and customers whose sole jobs appeared to be yelling at employees, in an entitled fashion. The manager said they need people to drive trucks and unload them, then stock. They're crippled without staff. It's much worse than when the Flying AIDS hit the first time, with all the predicted shortages (that never materialized).

• it's common knowledge that I couldn't decorate a shoebox, so I was most impressed at the weed wacker on the living room chair. It's something I never would have thought of.

Zoom lied about encryption and has to pay

And we keep using it, like it's the only option....

Charlie Watts won't be touring with the Stones this time.

Steve Jordan to do this tour. Previously played with Keith Richards

If You've Got a Virus Up There, I'm Not Scanning for It

Let's start with some good old "hey, that's cool!"
Arcimoto is testing its electric rapid responder with a fire department
It's a 3 wheel electric vehicle. The fire company is having fun with it.  I always wanted to be a fireman, but I discovered there aren't a lot of positions for firemen who can't stand heights or when it gets too hot. Other than that, I'd be #1 on the squad.

• Huawei expects a 20% drop in phone sales, thanks to lack of Google apps
• Hell - if the hardware didn't come from China, the lack of Google apps would be a plus for everyone!

Dear Russia:
We have read many stories of alleged interference with our elections.
We have noticed a serious uptick in the number of Russian readers, for which we are thankful. IF any of you have come here to affect the next election, whoever you're getting your intel from is smoking crack again. This blog couldn't influence anyone's choice for lunch, no less an election.

I'm kidding.
Thanks for coming by.





Because of MASS PANIC over CORONAVIRUS, ridiculous steps are being taken, such as working from home. We did some research on occupations not yet endorsing work-from-home....

• pilot
• sanitation engineer
• breast lump checker
• dog
• bra fitter
• Well Heeled Oral Retention Expert.
• bus driver
• mob enforcer

• There's a reason Morning and Monday start with the same letter....

Jesse Jackson now endorses Bernie. This should cause your decision to be made, for or against.  Bernie said he'd endorse Biden, should Biden win. Reached for comment, Biden said, "The percolater's on the roof and the cardboard needs refreshing." At his last appearance, it took just over 20 seconds to start an argument about guns.

Biden extends lead over Sanders

---> in a tiny nod toward sanity, old white socialist losing ground.
---> in a nod toward Politics as Usual, old white, somewhat forgetful former VP whose former boss won't even endorse him, gains lead.


Let's step back for a moment and look at what we have here:

• on the rep side we have a president who was voted in as a protest and is the literal example of divide and conquer, even before he took office
• on the dem side, the primary field was shockingly... weird, led by a socialist.  At this point it's coming down to the socialist and the former VP, a cranky old guy who is prone to misstatements, forgetting things, and has the people skills of Kim Jong be Illin, without all that nasty self-confidence
• I weep for my country
• meanwhile, the best man for the job wears a boot on his head (and won the MA libertarian primary)

DHS claims 2020 will be the 'most secure' election in US history
Where were you when the first piece of software was a total failure?
These people couldn't secure their pocket change.

Exclusive: Critical U.S. Election Systems Have Been Left Exposed Online Despite Official Denials

“If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.”

~ General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett.

BULLETIN: Menstrual cup misuse can cause pelvic organ prolapse

I have questions....
WHAT is a menstrual cup?
Can you drink coffee from it?
Do you wear it on your head?
Why does it look like the front half of a condom?
How do you know if you're misusing it?

WARNING: we hope the veracity of this article is not tainted by a country that sends people to the gynaecologist.

• 10 actors you forgot guest-starred on Deadwood
• hint: Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons

Today I identify as   a menstrual cup

• There are many kinds of fish, but 2% are mouthbreeders: they keep their fertilized eggs in their mouth
• ThermionicEmissions would never stoop to under-water blowjob jokes 

Each generation has its own cross to bear. The current one is "Life and struggle after YouTube fame".  As you giggle, remember this is called schadenfraude (joy in the misery of others).




CONTINUED CORONAVIRUS PANIC

People who can't spell their middle name have suddenly memorized COVID-19.

More BBC news: Health Minister Nadine Dorries tests positive for coronavirus.
Also: Iran's health minister tests positive for coronavirus
You can't make this stuff up....

US health insurers will cover costs of COVID-19 testing and treatment.

Coronavirus grows up: officially a pandemic!
PPPAAANNNNNIICCCC!

• One of the things my father will be remembered for was his love of Coast to Coast radio, with George Noory.  He called him Nardi. No one knows why.

Some people make the same mistakes over and over again, without noticing.
Some notice. Some insist on replicating the mistakes over and over again. As far as going to IHOP, I'm in the latter category. My mom likes it there and they're very consistent from restaurant to restaurant. Well, the food is rather consistent - the noise isn't.

Last time I asked for the No Screaming Children section and they sat me 3 feet away from a real screamer. This time there were about 4 tables full and an empty restaurant. We were roundly ignored til the cook took pity on us and found us a table.

Within minutes the table next to us broke out into bawling children.
Minutes later, the table on the other side went NUCLEAR, with the little gentleman screaming his fool head off at the top of his precious little lungs. His mother was practicing a new style of parenting... she simply ignored the Duke of Decibels and continued to give her order as if he weren't there screaming so loudly that the IHOP in the next town asked him to turn it down.

This gorgeous little man (I think - I can't tell by screams alone) continued to try outdoing the volume and ferocity of his previous outburst. Mom was quite consistent in her parenting: she consistently did not shut the child down. That took effort. And balls.

My mother, half deaf, kept jumping in her seat, as Bob Marley's Wailer exploded in shriekdom. At one point he was doing a story he wrote, with Spiderman and Batgirl in it, playing both parts simultaneously.

Four hours later, we noticed the side order of pancakes never appeared, so they brought it by, because they're nice that way.

As we can no longer stand the children and didn't bring hearing protection, we got ready to leave. At this point, the prime instigator kept leaping up, looking at my mother, then hiding. Much to our surprise, his mother's training program fell apart and she scolded him for jumping up. She did not say a word while Young Pavoratti serenaded several restaurants and blew out untold numbers of eardrums, but he could not be allowed to jump up in his seat.

My mother was aghast as we left. Her kids put her through hell, but only when they were teens. I hear stories that we were perfectly behaved when we went out. As you can tell, we got worse as we grew up. It's at times like these that I'm thankful for dogs. And maybe impotence.




Heroes of the Stupid

Florida seventh grader sends 41 to hospital when he mistakes pepper spray for body spray.

The Little Old Band from Texas Plays New Jersey

Saturday night it was off to New Jersey to see ZZ Top.  Family and friends got me tickets for a recent birthday.  Really good tickets.  When we got there, we were shocked.. we sat about ten rows back from the stage.

Since we don't spend much time in New Jersey (thankfully and in spite of being born there), our first stop was Mapquest.  There's always an adventure with Mapquest; perhaps we like the pain.   Here's a tip for anyone living in Pennsylvania who has to use I-76: don't.  I-76, otherwise known as the Surekill Expressway, is a disaster.  Any time of night or day, there is a traffic jam.  There are several rolling traffic jams.  There are sporadic traffic jams, as well as traffic jams just for the hell of it.  The most special traffic jams are leftyJams.  These are the traffic jams that pop up whenever I need to drive on the Surekill.  They're the worst and they're a certainty, whether it's Saturday night at 7pm or Sunday morning at 4am.

The best thing that could happen to PA highways would be spontaneous combustion, followed by the building of real highways.

Crossing into New Jersey was a blast too.  While the highways are less congested, the drivers could use a bit of spontaneous combustion.  Some of their driving skills would be more appropriate for an Indy car race, others for a demolition derby.

The venue was the Revel Casino.  I had never heard of it and didn't even know it was a casino until Mapquest.  Funny thing about Mapquest: they gave street-by-street directions, which directly opposed the Atlantic City signage for the casinos themselves.  We decided to go with signage, which proved correct, if not confusing.

The casino is nice.  It must be, as a coworker said it's going out of business.  The casino signage was largely nonexistent but we managed to tag along behind some other Top enthusiasts.


They started out with these folks projected on the screens:

and the girl....

the girl show up prominently thoughout the show, as one would imagine.

The view was stunning [click for larger versions]:

The venue was just the right size.  This is just behind our row:

Every tour the boys get new Custom Shop guitars.  This year they were purple:

Billy's Les Paul (not the famous Pearly Gates) had a beautiful top:

The Reverend BFG holding court:

They played Legs too.

FAHN!

So how was the concert?

Well, if the pics are any indication, it was excellent.  We were closer than we have ever been.  I have seen ZZ Top once before but this was Mrs leftystrat's first time and she was pleased.

The experience can only described as visceral, especially the sound.  We were getting smacked in the chest by the low end.  We got hit with every bass drum hit.  In spite of having only three instruments to mix, we were missing the bass a lot.  The quality of the sound was very high, though.

We would definitely go back to the Revel for any concert, assuming they stay operational.  The Borgata is another excellent venue.

The Rev Billy was in fine form throughout, fronting like only he can.  The boys pulled up a number of songs not heard live, such as Certified Blues from the first album.  I didn't make a list but they did Tush,  Blue Jean Blues, Heard it on the X, Gots Ta Get Paid, Chartreuse, Waitin' for the Bus, Jesus Just Left Chicago and ran for about ninety minutes with one encore.

Two young Asian ladies sat next to us.  Oddly enough, I quickly forgot about them but the wife was most interested, being a people watcher.  English was not their first language, perhaps not their second either.  They were obviously not huge Top fans, as they didn't know the words or the songs.  They seemed to watch everyone else for cues as to what to do.  The one thing I did see was the repetitive taking of vanity self-shots.  The crowd was largely thirty and up.  All the way up.

No serious amps were visible but there were a pair of Magnatones on each side, most likely for show.  All of Dusty's basses had reverse headstocks and a Tele-style pickup.  This year's purple Fender Tele that Billy used had a humbucker in the rear.  He also used the Les Paul, the Furry Guitar and an Explorer, which sounded slightly better than the rest.

Due to the nature of Billy's rig, whatever he plugs in is going to sound largely the same.  If you go to Premier Guitar's site and check out his rig rundown, you will see that each guitar is equalized to sound just like his famous Les Paul, Pearly Gates, then run through a Marshall preamp.

I got the t-shirt, the wife got the keychain.  An excellent time was had by all.  We're ready for the next tour, fellas....


Extreme gratitude to my crew for the tickets.