Service Elephants and the Grinch Who Stole my Tires

Much has been written and said about sleep, most of it wrong.
Ever since I was a little monster (I'm a bigger monster now), I tried to find out how sleep worked. It generally worked wonderfully - I hit the pillow and slept til I got up. Then I noticed that I always woke up tired, regardless of how much sleep I got. I asked friends, family, doctors, and pr0n stars; all had different answers, none seemed correct.

Now that I'm married, the search goes on; interestingly enough, with a woman who has the mother of all sleep disorders. Neither of us can figure it out. Because of her sleep disorder, I developed the ability to sleep through a small nuclear detonation, a 44lb dog standing on my chest and circling around, a 23lb dog licking my face and and stealing the covers, and various sentient entities jumping into and falling out of the bed. We both seem to come up with the same conclusion: the less we sleep, the easier we get up and the better we feel. Naturally this is counter to everything we've been told.

If I get 7 hours, I'm tired. If I get 5 hours, I'm ok. On the weekend I can get between 6 and a lot more hours of sleep, and the more I get, the more tired I am. Sometimes it's all I can do to get from the bed to the couch, then I'm ready for my first nap of the day.

We also noticed that at no point do we feel like getting up when the alarm goes off. This is a universal truth. After all this Science, I discovered one truth/trick that is 100% effective, regardless of how much sleep you get: waking up to discover you're a few hours late for work gets you right up out of bed, with no time to be tired (or yawn). It even puts off the need for coffee, for a good few minutes or so.


SpaceX launched 60 Starlink satellites.

Tomorrow's radio news:  On I-95, Lane 1 is moving quickly, but remember - it's an HOV lane.  Somewhat north, Starlink 47 will come dangerously close to Spy Satellite 33  an American communications satellite at about 8:30, which will cause quite a backup. Stay away from Starlink 27 - it has been hijacked by China and doesn't fly too well. Also, if you see Starlink 53, it has gone rogue. Call Space Force, but do not approach it - it hides behind Russian satellites and fires lasers.  Lastly, Russia's Sputnik 1,295 has been cautioned for getting too close to Space Force's satellites, allegedly to mess with their location software.



Did you you know that the president can shut down all US communications?
Linked is a highly biased article, focusing on Trump and an FCC commissioner who wants to block it. If the law existed earlier, I don't remember this being discussed about any of Trump's predecessors. California used this recently, to shut down communications around a subway. While the FCC commissioner is absolutely correct, do you honestly think this will be repealed? Even Congress wanted a shutoff switch. National Security is the answer to almost every encroachment, but I'm going to support the FCC here (just once). Do you think, for a minute, that any president would fail to take advantage of this? Look at Egypt and Iraq.



FACEYSPACES NEWS

$550 million settlement reached in facial recognition suit (in Illinois)

New "Off-Faceyspaces Activity' portal lets you know where you're being followed.  Worth a read.

"If you would not confront your neighbor and demand his money at the point of a gun to solve every new problem that may appear in your life, you should not allow the government to do it for you." ~ William E. Simon

My darling dog does some interesting things, most of which can't be explained.
One is standing between the two of us, barking at Mrs lefty when she talks to me, when we're 15' apart. It's not a threatening bark at all. A cynic would say she's protecting me from my wife's talking. As a cynic, I don't agree, but I'm really curious as to what the behavior is.

The dog also does not grok gravity. Or 'gravity isn't her friend.'
Most dogs I know understand this basic law, but Penny has great difficulty with it. She will jump on the couch with a toy and start chomping on it. It falls out of her mouth, onto the floor. This is apparently like magic to her, and it happens every day. Her reaction is almost human: she stares at the toy, but doesn't want to jump down to get it. She's quite normal in other respects, but how does one teach a dog about gravity? And time travel? And not licking pillows or clothes?

I don't know who needs to hear this, but there's nothing libertarian about fighting to keep a corrupt President in office. - Nicholas Sarwark, Libertarian Party president

Speaking of Trump, he unleashed his Middle East peace plan.
Let's suspend disbelief and say it's successful.... what would his opposition do?

• say it was Obama's idea originally
• complain that he was saving it to get re-elected
• state that the plan endangers the Egyptian sand flea and should be rejected
• Hillary would call it an act of war and insist on bombing somebody. Anybody.
• Cheney would invite him to go hunting (sponsored by Martin Marietta)
• ask how to add Peace to articles of impeachment
• shut down all communications so nobody hears about it

Speaking of coronavirus, a cartoonist in Denmark drew up a panel with China's flag, where the 5 stars had been replaced by coronavirus.  China's enbassy blew a gasket and called it "an insult to China," demanding an apology. Denmark blew its nose in China's general direction, stating free speech. This paper also pissed off muslims with a prophet Muhammad cartoon, causing Great Unrest.

Denmark sounds fun.

• Are you on social media? In an argument (they're the same thing)? Great article on a former FBI agent discussing Trolling for Profit. The people you're arguing with might not be people, or might be one paid troll with many accounts, pushing an agenda.

Baltimore, the city that got ransomware that shut down networks, that the incompetent city IT people didn't back up, wants to give out rebates for the purchase of Ring doorbells and do nightly air surveillance.  Gee, it sounds like their priorities are in order....

In any discussion of "should feminists believe X or not-X?" the answer is always "both". Because feminism isn't an ideology, or a movement, but a battle between groups of privileged women over how women should correctly behave    - @pornpanic

• Criminals have used Grammy-winning songs by Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and others to carry viruses.   No one over 13 affected.

Today I identify as   ground beef



 I've long held that we should leave the UN. If you would like to know some of the reasons, check out this article. Aside from those points, we have the rule of law - we're a sovereign nation. Why should any entity be allowed to interfere with this?

• Today's ticketing suggesting algorithm screwup: Frankie Valli advance tickets!

Heroes of the Stupid   

PETA says Punxsutwaney Phil should be replaced with AI groundhog

apparently they're upset they haven't been in the news lately...

Andrew Yang (D-Neptune) "Overdose patients should be sent to mandatory treatment centers for three days to convince them to seek long-term treatment"
Bernie Sanders added "Treatment will be free!"

New York State, in a serious attempt to out-stupid California, is now mandating "Stargazing Permits" for looking at the sky.



Swamp Gas Rides Again!
Colorado experienced a large fleet of drones, each appearing about 6' long. Police came in, government agencies collaborated with each other, and no one knew whose they were. Finally it was deemed 'mass hysteria.'  Sorry, guys.. you tried this one earlier.  One of the people who saw a drone was the captain of an airliner who said it flew too close to his plane. He must've been part of mass hysteria too. Here's how you find out whose drone it is: shoot it down and see who comes a-knockin.



SJW Sports

University of California Berkeley apologized for saying xenophobia was a normal reaction to Coronavirus.

Reflections on a Three Day Weekend (and Nineteen Years)

I took Monday off to celebrate Valentine's Day, which some people might find odd, as today is Valentine's Day.  I prefer less fuss and the roses are cheaper.  Wife agrees, so be it.

But V-Day also happens to be our anniversary.  You see, we were married by Blue Cross of Pennsylvania, after I learned that my work plan would cover her.  We sent email to the families, mentioning that we were married.  It took almost five years before some of the relatives began to suspect we weren't making this up.

So this year makes nineteen.  The woman deserves a medal for putting up with me that long.

Saturday my band practiced for the last time before this weekend's show.  They pleasantly surprised me by learning to play certain songs correctly.  It's the little things with me.

Sunday we went to visit a friend.  Since it was positively frigid here in the frozen tundra of PA, we got some hot drinks for the ride.   There's a Starbucks in a supermarket: beggars can't be choosers.  I ordered a carmel macchiato and a white chocolate mocha.  My wife and I each tasted both and we were unable to tell which was carmel and which was white chocolate.  Kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Monday found us at Barnes&Noble, dodging Kindle displays.  I didn't want anything to drink but that particular Starbucks advertised smoothies made with a banana.  I opted for chocolate.  My wife came back with a chocolate frappucino.  Why?  Because they were out of bananas.  Seems silly to advertise the drink on every flat surface (that doesn't already have a Kindle display) when you cannot produce it.  Maybe it's just me.  I've kinda had it with Starbucks.

Our main fun activity was a trip to the Camden Aquarium.  Camden is a study in extremes.  One one hand you have the waterfront area, with its stadium and aquarium.  On the other hand, you have the city with the most murders in the country, as well as the smallest amount of police.

New Jersey came up with some interesting ideas lately.  For instance, all bridges between PA and NJ are free going to NJ but you have to pay coming back.  I firmly believe that this is because after you've seen New Jersey, you'd pay anything to get back to PA and not bitch about the cost.  Very shrewd.

Along those lines, the signage coming off the bridges is pretty good.  It's when you're trying to get back that things get interesting.  Tiny little signs say TO THE BRIDGE and usually point in the wrong direction.  You're not going to get out of your car to ask directions either.  To their credit, the radically understaffed Camden Police Department maintains high visibility on what passes for roads in New Jersey.  They're probably there to ticket you after you attempt to follow their street signs.

My wife was most complimentary about Camden.  She stated that, for an armpit, the place was really clean.  It showed pride in the neighborhood(s).  Oddly enough, this is not the first time my wife made this observation.  We were on vacation in Los Angeles and took an unfortunate turn.  The map indicated we were in Compton.  She commented on how nice Compton looked.  The people there really took care of their homes and surrounding areas.  [Take note, Philthydelphia]

After locating the aquarium, we were less than enthused at having to pay ten dollars to park our car.  Institutionalized robbery, in its finest form.  The admission had gone up from seventeen to twenty five dollars - also less than impressive.  A review today at work prompted coworkers to tell their favorite aquarium stories.  Tales of being accosted for change in the parking lot, while trying to get children out of the car.

Speaking of robbery, the sodas were two-fifty.

But nothing prepared me for the three buses full of ill-behaved, screaming children that unloaded just as we were walking to the gate.  This used to be a running joke with us.  When we went to a restaurant, I always requested the no screaming children section.  On planes too.  A friend recently told me of her trip to a bookstore with a section of screaming children, officially referred to as the leftystrat section of the store.

The first attraction was a small pool with a rather ragged-looking shark of some sort that you could touch.  My heart went out to the poor lady talking over the p.a. about the shark and telling people to only touch with two fingers, as the shark was sensitive.  The conglomeration of little bastards and bastardettes, all seemingly without parental supervision of any kind, were doing everything but leaping in with the poor shark (whose length barely exceeded a foot).  This might be the first time anyone has ever felt sorry for a shark, but that's the kind of people we are.  I made an off-mic suggestion to the employee (valium lollypops), who seemed to approve vigorously.

No trip to New Jersey would be complete without genuine stereotypes; in this case, Housewives of New Jersey.  They probably weren't the actual housewives but perhaps their good friends.  You could tell as their casual outfits cost more than my car.  Ever see a BMW stroller?  I think I did.

We saw Mike the alligator.  He was the largest alligator we have ever seen.  The employees at the aquarium are extremely helpful and friendly.  When I asked if Mike tasted like chicken, she indicated that he probably did, as that was all he ate.  She proceeded to tell us about when she ate alligator.  Ten points for sense of humor.

We like penguins.  I like them because of Tux, the Linux Penguin.  My wife just thinks they're cute.  These penguins, however, seemed rather lethargic.  They were way more interested in the door backstage than in their exhibit, which I found oddly amusing.

We saw a pair of hippos.  I can't see a hippo without thinking of my cousin Betty, the rude, obnoxious slug of a woman with the social grace of Genghis Kahn.  After she discovers your name, she asks you what you do and how much you make.  My wife thought we were kidding when we prepped her for the inquisition but had to admit we prepped her well.  When my wife asked why the water was brown, I told her because this was Philly/New Jersey, where all water is brown.  Most people won't drink it.  Smart people won't even put their boats into it.  The locals refer to is a Schuylkyll Punch (SKOO-kill).

There's a really cool tube-shaped section that makes it appear as though you're walking through water.  The wildlife is swimming all around you.  We saw some sharks plus what can only be described as a Hedge-Trimmer Shark.  Just don't plug him in while he's in the water, ok?

A cynic like yours truly can't help noticing that the all exits lead through the gift shop.  More clever Jersey marketing, no doubt.

All that aside, we really like the aquarium.  It could be bigger but there's still a decent amount to see.  It is very easy to navigate, even for people with some physical handicaps.  If they can let us know when there will be no busloads of children, we might go back.  More than likely we'll take the drive to Baltimore, where I hear incredible things about their aquarium.  And it's twenty bucks to park.