I've Got a Budgie in my Rhinocerous

A California man was served with a restraining order for 'stalking' Apple CEO Tim Cook.  All was forgiven after it was discovered the man was just an Apple Fanboi, who was begging for Cook to introduce a phone costing less than the Gross National Product of Saudi Arabia. The man was tackled and beaten senseless by other Fanbois, who insisted on paying that kind of money for a phone, allowing them to feel even more superior to android users.



How big companies buy credit card data on millions of Americans
meh - it's only your data - nothing to see here

• Why does this spellchecker know Wimbledon but not internet?

Dear lefty:

• Did you see the Democratic debate?
• No - let me guess: it will cost us lots of money
• Did you see the Republican debate?
• No, was Trump tweeting at himself again?

No, really, I just couldn't make myself watch it.
But let me give you the probable highlights:

• Bernie promised more Free Stuff, including funerals, food, and fornicating
• Bloomberg thought he was the smartest in the room, and never failed to tell  everyone
• Warren identified as smart
• There was a 20 minute argument over how to pronounce Buttigieg
• No one can name the others

The upcoming olympics have changed in the wake of the coronavirus PANDEMIC SCARE RUN RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Rather than risk the athletes' health, the Olympic Committee has ruled that the olympics will go on, with each team performing in their home stadium. The committee apologizes in advance for the lack of amusing possibilities, like javelins impaling other throwers, runners tripping other runners, and the Arizona Bobsled team, which is still looking for a practice facility.



Lambda’s claim, reproduced on its website, that “86% of Lambda School graduates are hired within 6 months and make over $50k a year”

In a section warning that student-debt collections may prove too low, it matter-of-factly states that, “We’re at roughly 50% placement for cohorts that are 6 months graduated.”

Founder defends by saying he liked the higher numbers better.

• ".... she even showed fans how to thread her eyebrows"
• Do not try this at home, guys.

Today I identify as  the dead animal on top of Liberace's head



IRS sues Faceyspaces for $9B, says company offshored profits to Ireland

Lord Zuck appears before Congress again, gets total down to $10.

• Did you know the whale is not a fish?  It is an insect
• Speaking of insects, have dinner at the Frog and Peach
• Peter Cook was a genius and one of my favorites. Watch how he cracks Dudley Moore up. It was a hobby of his.

Barclays installed "Big Brother" software to monitor employees.
"Avoid breaks", "Not enough time in the zone yesterday."
My employer uses this software too. To make sure we're not sleeping.

• McDonald's to sell Quarter Pounder scented candles
• not expected to outsell vagina-scented candles

Speaking of vagina-scented candles, I aim to bring you all the vagina-scented candle news that you can use:

• here's a headline you can't make up: Elton John loves Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina-scented candle. No. He. Does. Not.
• Erykah Badu's (real name Jamie Goldstein) vagina-scented incense sold out. She explains this to her children as marketing genius - not pussy perfume.
• Gwyneth Paltrow shares the story behind the vagina candle. When asked if the scent is hers, she winks slyly.
• Martha Stewart mocked Gwyneth Paltrow's candle, saying she wouldn't buy it. The 78 year old is holding out for 78 year old Sylvester Stallone's "Hey - this is my dick" candle. Elton John also expressed interest, as did most of the cast of cooking and dress shows.
• Little is known about Gwyneth Paltrow's next product because she's waiting til the Vagina-Furor dies down. The new product is Do It Yourself Vagina-Scented Candle Kit. It is aimed squarely at teens, who have that Do It Yourself ethos. Designed to be a lower cost alternative, the Kit costs $437, as opposed to the original's $99.99. When asked why the lower-priced alternative is over 4 times the original's price, Ms Paltrow stated that it comes with a video camera to tape the scenting of the candle, because teens have to take video of everything going into their vaginas and post it online.
• Also not released was the list of other candles that never made it to market: Smells Like My Ass candle, Athlete's Crotch candle, Clint Eastwood - Do You Feel Lucky candle - guess what the scent is, and an Elizabeth Warren candle, that identifies as a baseball bat.

Heroes of the Stupid

This exactly why some dudes be turning gay..it’s cool to show your son how to be a man but in some ways u gota hate yo pops a lil bit. When somebody shows u affection u start to love them. Your son might see something in u to make him like men. All it take is [heartbreak] or the wrong fem.

Google is cutting down on android apps that track your location in the background.  Because our tracking is the only tracking.

A group of black Israelites, managed to convince a desperate white couple to kiss their boots to apologise for slavery. They think this is helping black people.
Hang on... black Israelites? Asian basketballers? Jewish nazis? Black yachtsmen? Scotsmen at Wimbledon?

Doctors should be able to write prescriptions for housing the same way they do for insulin or antibiotics.  - Gavin Newsom, Gov CA

ThermionicEmissions celebrates Week 4 of the Missing Spellchekr. Google?

SJW Slather  

How straight 'bromances' harm the LGBTQ12345+ community.

How toxic masculinity limits men's options for expressing friendship....

Today, in a room full of cybersecurity professionals, there are still more people called Steve that there are women.

Google AI no longer uses gender binary tags on images of people
Working on 'asshole' tag

A new National Geographic commercial talks about getting scientists together to talk about their work and collaborate, in a climate of inclusion. There were Asian women, Asian men, and even a caucasian female. Fortunately the stage was not contaminated by the presence of the Patriarchy (in the form of white cis hetero males). We drink!  To the spirit of inclusion.

Political [yuck]

I hate to get more political than the small bits I put in the regular old blog entries (who are we kidding here - I kinda enjoy it but am afraid it will put readers off). Remember that I'm a libertarian, so I try to present this without bias. Well, I will admit to hating Hillary and everything she stands for but am trying to be fair on all sides.

The presidential debates are upon us, which all but the most politics-resistant humans (and dogs) have realized. Cats don't care either way. The first debate was shaky, the second was carried away by the Trump, often referred to as the Cheeto, the Trumpster, Make America Great and several other names that I won't bother to type.The Hillary (also known as the Criminal and the Saint) campaign is in a bit of a panic, which is very interesting.

The debates have been largely Content Free, with insults and blame being the order of the evening. I hear that they have been the most contentious ever. I refuse to watch them, as they're simply two people lying (they won't allow third parties in the debates) or massive finger-pointing. And let's face it, all a third party candidate has to do is stand there quietly and politely and become the Voice of Reason and they're in. Would you want that if you were one of the major parties?

It has become apparent that the press is squarely in Hillary's corner. They tend to misrepresent Trump's statements to make him look bad. In some circles, CNN is known as the Clinton News Network. They have been caught admitting their bias. MSNBC has been referred to as a Democratic Propaganda wing. There have been times where many outlets have used the same wordings for an event, as if they got their talking points from somewhere (I'll leave it to you to name it).

The Wikileaks documents have provided an important insight into the workings of Hillary's campaign, as well as the DNC itself. I urge you to check them out if you haven't already. Have no illusions that if there were a hack of the RNC, it would look largely the same.

I have said before that this election is historic in that one of the candidates is not owned by the Powers That Be (PTB). Guess which one.  Many maintain that the press is owned by Hillary but if you think about it for a second, Hillary is a bit of a puppet: all major news outlets are owned by six families, who control everything you see, hear, and read. This is why it's important to get your news from a number of sources, not including mainstream media (MSM). It's not Hillary - it's the PTB who are in a Petulant Frenzy over the candidate they don't own. Donald is a very serious threat to their power and the Dirty Tricks Squad is out in full operation, to an extent that dwarfs elections in the past. I feel for the man's life to some degree... look what happened to the Kennedys, who went against the PTB Plans<tm>.

Trump has a really solid base, which seems to feel that he will Make America Great Again (MAGA). It is theorized that many more people are voting Trump but are afraid to say anything for fear of retribution or having to listen to their friends' expressions of horror. As for MAGA, the people are borderline hypnotized and actually believe this. Let's face it, there is no human that will get into office that can MAGA. None at all.

As if Trump's supporters weren't weird enough, the Hillary people (lovingly referred to as Hillbots) are obviously the same people who elected Obama (hope and change). Twice. The Kool Aid is strong with these folks (not 100% of them, of course.. some are just terrified of Trump). Anyone with operating brain cells knows that installing an email server of your own for classified information is not only illegal, it's downright dangerous for the country, in that it can get hacked (which it did, by the Russians and Chinese, for which there's proof). The main reason for the server was to avoid Freedom of Information requests. The other reason was convenience. If one of us peons did this, even at your place of business, it's a fireable (and jailable) offense. The FBI declined to prosecute, probably due to collusion (and Comey's fear for his life). Because there was no prosecution, her followers claim she's perfectly innocent and will hear nothing else.

Hillary's health is another serious issue. It is a matter of record that she sustained head trauma. This was apparently so serious that she could not remember certain things she was questioned about by the FBI. She has collapsed and had tremors indicative of a neurological problem, possibly Parkinson's. All recent medical issues have been taken care of by private physicians, who are exempt from disclosure. There is even a medical technician/physician that is always by her side and carries some sort of rapid injection pen at all times. You'll pick him out as a large, imposing African American man, sometimes closer to her than her own Secret Service detail. When Hillary collapsed and had to be helped into a van, half of the team helped her, in what appeared to be practiced fashion, while the Secret Service got into a formation that blocked any view to what was happening. This is a pretty large concern for someone who would be president. It is also poo-pooed by the Hillbots. If Hillary had a seizure during a press conference, the followers would insist she was dancing.

I have one question for you: Do you want either of these people running the country?
I will not presume to tell you for whom to vote... I just want you to notice what's going on and make the best choice for the country and yourself.

==================================================

Billy Was a Mountain

Fast & Furious star Paul Walker is a new entry in the latest Forbes list of top-earning dead celebrities.

• there is a list of top-earning dead celebrities?
• perhaps I should become dead - it seems to be great for your career. 
• Hendrix did most of his work posthumously

The first republican presidential debate will air only on CNBC. A spokesman for the GOP stated that they don't want the kind of person who doesn't have cable voting for republicans.

ThermionicEmissions would like to congratulate Northrup Grumman, which beat Boeing and Lockheed Martin to win the multi-BILLION dollar contract on the next-generation long-range strike bomber.  When asked for comment on how we're going to pay for this, President Obama said, "What the hell do you think we're doing in Syria?"

• I used to object to the characterization of California as the land of fruit and nuts but it's glaringly obvious that they earned the title fairly.  They are now considering warning labels on meat. As if that weren't enough, San Francisco voted to shield illegal aliens from deportation officials (except they called them immigrants, of course). Next week, San Francisco considers voting to shield serial murderers from the police.

ZOMBIE fan? You'll be disappointed to hear that Hollywood is going back to exorcism and demonic possession. Just in time for the holidays.

• According to Nielsen, football led tv ratings this week.  In a completely unrelated story, Kim Kardashian announces that she and Kanye are getting sex changes.

The Catholic priest who was fired by the Vatican says the clergy is 'full of homosexuals.' Who could have seen that coming?  Apparently he neglected to mention child molesters too.

• In case you're missing this essential skill, Lifehacker will teach you 'how to fart in public and get away with it'.

Ever wonder where crop circles come from? Wonder no more.

• I have posted a few pieces about how the satanists are fighting for our rights. Now the atheists are at it, but apparently they need to take a cue from the satanists about making a point. Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Neil deGrasse Tyson are going to hold a cross burning ceremony for Christmas because 'a cross-burning... would teach them a lesson in rational thought.'  Gents: I fear this is not the way to go about making friends and influencing people. People might not grok the subtlety of your message. Christians will be mad, the KKK will sue you for copyright violation, and the Muslims will probably shoot you on principle.

Fender now has a Jimi Hendrix Stratocaster! And it's only for backwards (right-handed) people. Sad irony.

TECH

A survey of applications installed on Windows computers found that a lot of users don't run up-to-date versions of Apple programs; QuickTime and iTunes were the largest group [Most Exposed to Threats in the US].  As if it wasn't bad enough that people are using Windows AND Apple, I strongly urge you to keep these up to date.  In fact, you'd be well-served to dump QuickTime and use the free (and open source), capable VLC for all of your audio and video needs. It does not have viruses or Phone Home like the bloated QuickTime. As for iTunes, I'm not even gonna bother...

If you use WhatsApp, know that it's sucking up your data like mad. Find an alternative. I don't use this so I can't tell you where to go. 

BILLY THE MOUNTAIN

This is an incredible song by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. It runs a bit long for today's MTV-bred viewers/listeners. When I first heard it, I fell in love. This version features Volman/Kaylan vocals, formerly of the Turtles (Happy Together). It tells the story of Billy (a mountain) and his wife Ethel (a tree growing out of his shoulder). It's rife with references to the Tonight Show, patriotism, the draft, California, and the new superhero for our times, Studebaker Hawk. If you have delicate ears, skip it. If you have delicate ears, you wouldn't be reading ThermionicEmissions.

This opera came out long before compact discs and had to fit on a record. The level of musicianship is stellar, like most of Zappa's recordings. Imagine how difficult it must be to perform a piece this long every night, including the odd change for venue. It's mind-boggling.  Give it a listen and check out the story - it's only slightly bizarre.

If your brain has somehow managed not to explode, check out Mothers Live at the Fillmore '71. It's a little easier on the skull and has a great groupie story. Robert Plant was hysterical over it.

Whale Hunting in Arizona

Playboy magazine will be dropping (fully) nudes. Now when you say you only read it for the articles, you won't be lying. New format to start in March, Hefner to be out of business by April.

• Leonardo DiCaprio will produce a film based upon an as-yet-unwritten book about the Volkswagen diesel emissions scandal. BANG! VROOOOOM! POP!  FTWANG! OOF! Nonstop action! Just as soon as the book is written. All the action, suspense and naked ladies you'd expect from a movie about a book about emissions testing.

A Guatemalan mayor was lynched by a crowd. This is the kind of participatory democracy in which we need to be involved. It's a model for the future. It will also have the unintended effect of keeping politicians 'clean'.

• The president made some candid comments, noting that he finds American's common skepticism of government "paralyzing." Coming up, Dick Cheney upset that people think he's mean.

America's mayor, Rahn Emanuel, blames Chicago crime uptick on officers second-guessing themselves. Office of the Mayor: shoot first, ask questions later.

• The rapper T.I. says "World ain't ready for a female president."  Yeah, boy... dem bitches don't belong in da (White) House.

SELFIE NEWS: Selfie-obsessed millenials are increasing opting for plastic surgery to improve photos. I don't even have to do anything - this stuff comes out weekly and writes itself. And teens spend so much time texting that some miss sleep.

• Because there's an open-carry policy at the University of Texas, gun-grabbing students intend to openly carry sex toys. Guns and dildos - an educational dream come true.  At the risk of sympathizing, I say if more sex toys were used, less shootings would occur.

Ladies - if you sniff this particular phallus-shaped mushroom, you will be highly aroused and have a fifty percent chance of a spontaneous orgasm. Plant them everywhere! Peace on earth!

• NOT Ok, Google: if you talk to your phone (not curse) using "Ok, Google," please be aware that Google stores everything you say to it. This is allegedly for accuracy and definitely for advertising.  Don't take my word for it - go ask Google. You'll find a list of every command given to it. You can opt-out but everything still gets recorded - only with an (allegedly) anonymous ID. Oh, your location gets recorded regardless (it's also available for viewing) whenever you speak, search via Google, Google Maps or other apps that have access to your location. [What does lefty do? The same thing he always does - shut that shit off. I can't deny that talking to my phone would be more convenient, as would getting directions, but not at this price.]

John Schindler, a security expert and whistleblower who now writes for The Daily Beast, has claimed that a senior EU official from an undisclosed country also inquired about impeachment proceedings, saying that the nation believes Obama is not fit for office. Why is it only foreign countries that recognize this?

• Apparently there's a chronic shortage of air traffic controllers, which has reached crisis proportions. This does not bode well for air travel. When you consider the news recently, with ground stoppages, 'glitches', hardware issues, and a seriously dilapidated, insecure, single point of failure infrastructure, you do not have a safe, secure, reliable platform. Do you feel safe flying? Are we going to wait until things collapse completely before doing anything? Probably. I just hope no one gets hurt.
• IRONIC UPDATE: A U.S. Department of Homeland Security computer system that checks airline passengers against terrorism watch lists experienced a brief service disruption. 

Writer Salman Rushdie says violence against writers and a misplaced sense of political correctness pose new dangers to freedom of speech in the West. BUT WE HAVE SELFIE STICKS!!!!!!

• Florida man (of course) arrested for DUI in motorized wheelchair. Kentucky, embarrassed,wants its title back.

Tired of debates and political bullshit? The one thing every candidate agrees on: Punish Edward Snowden. You voted them in. Now vote them out.

• NOTE to my loyal readers: Ebola lingers in semen for up to nine months. Let's not let Ebola become the latest STD, ok?

SELFIE TIME - fatality edition!

• two men in the Ural Mountains posed for a photo while pulling the pin from a hand grenade.
• a university graduate died after trying to take a selfie while hanging from a Moscow bridge.
• a 17-year-old boy fell to his death from a rooftop as he tried to take his picture for his Instagram page
• In the US recently a man died after shooting himself in the neck while taking a selfie. 
• officials at the Waterton Canyon in Colorado were forced to close the park after several people were caught getting a little too close to the wildlife.
• at Yellowstone National Park, officials issued a warning after five separate incidents of selfie-takers being gored by bison.
• In Australia, a rock that looks like a wedding cake was fenced off because too many people were climbing it to take pre or post-wedding photos of themselves.

non-fatalities (yet)

• a man taking a selfie while a bull charges at him
• a man posing with a lion 
• someone taking a picture in front of a train
• a woman taking a selfie of herself and her toddler while driving.

TOONZ:

PURE UNOBTANIUM: The question of where John Lennon's iconic Gibson J-160E acoustic/electric guitar went has been answered. The guitar will go up for auction, with John's widow getting half and donating it to her charity. The guitar is set to auction for between $600,000 and $800,000. Paul's stuff is cheaper and left-handed.

Original Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Gary Rossington (63) is under observation after a heart attack. Gary had previous heart trouble. Being a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd is even more dangerous than going hunting with Dick Cheney.

Having taken an obscure turn here and there, it's time to go mainstream.
The Allman Brothers have a very long history in music, as well as a lot of members. Although broken up as of this past January, the band will live forever. Shortly after achieving fame, original member Duane 'Skydog' Allman died, followed by bassist Berry Oakley. More recently, original guitarist Dickey Betts either left or was politely asked to leave, going back to his side project, Dickey Betts and Great Southern. At the time of their dissolution, Derek Trucks (slide guitar wizard and nephew of original drummer Butch Trucks) went back to the Tedeschi Trucks Band and Warren Haynes continues with his myriad projects (solo, solo band, Gov't Mule).

The definitive Allman Brothers live album is Live at the Fillmore. It comes right out of the gate with Statesboro Blues, featuring Duane's lyrical slide guitar and the ever soulful vocals of one of rock's best, Gregg Allman. Enjoy this full album and rejoice in some of the greatest performances in rock.

An Allmans staple is One Way Out. There's a man down there, might be your old man, I don't know.


Jessica, named after Dickey Betts' daughter, is a really hot instrumental which you'll recognize. Also featured on this track is a previous week's focus, Les Dudek. Instrumentals have an impossible time getting on radio but this one made it.

One of my favorite tracks is In Memory of Elizabeth Reed. I love the way it starts out slowly and ramps up to the solos. I love to jam along with this, pretending I'm with the band. I figure if you're going to dream, aim high.

An even better pretend rock star jam is Hot'Lanta. The interplay of the two drummers is apparent, plus the normal guitar heroics.

Guess which one is me....