Time to Call the Exorcist. Again.

I got out of bed to discover my laptop in the OFF state.

This was somewhat disconcerting, as I had left it in the ON state.

At this point, it was necessary to utter my new phrase: What is it THIS time?

After watching stuff near Mrs. lefty fly off shelves, I had no idea what to expect.

Troubleshooting gave the answer; the power plug came out of the power strip.

This is a new one, especially as it takes great force to plug the cord in and unplug it.

The dog, who has taken to turning power strips off, had no way to unplug it.

Even if one of us tripped over it, it would not unplug.

So there's that.

I don't even believe in exorcists, but am willing to try anything.

There is much more proof for UFOs than exorcists.

*it is best to leave computers off when you're not using them, for security's sake

The other day I was asked to let the dog out. Wife said Dog had to poop.

Ok, the universal Dog sign for going out is to sit there and stare at me.

How Wife knew Dog wanted to poo is beyond my understanding. I'm not sure I need this kind of knowledge. I'd rather know about UFOs or JFK. Instead, I get my head full of knowing when the dog wants to poop. I feel shorted somehow.

I don't think the neighbors like us. I inquired about the forthcoming baby and was told any time in the next 48 hours. Then radio silence. They must be pissed that their dogs can't eat my dog. Or that time I heard him say, "That fscking crazy lady next door." It was very hurtful to hear, because I didn't get called crazy too. I felt left out. Dammit, I have an image to maintain.

On the other side, I have to sit down with that new neighbor to tell him stories of the previous owner, The Crazy Lady, and her tenant, the ex-armed forced schizophrenic who owned guns. It probably didn't help that he was next door to me - I fed his paranoia delightfully, but not intentionally. I wonder if any of his place was booby trapped. I guess I'd know by now... no explosions since the new people moved in.  "Hey, lefty, we're redoing the up" BOOM.

A Colorado pastor says God told him to launch a crypto venture. He’s now accused of pocketing $1.3 million from his followers

It's ok - God told him to steal the money too.

In my house, when someone hears voices, the medicine gets adjusted.

California Bill Calls for Tech to Make New Cars Unable to Speed

California is a weird place. Kinda like Hitler was antisemitic.

NSA finally admits to spying on Americans by purchasing sensitive data

 SHOCKING! Who would have thought? Now give them more tax dollars so they can keep up their good work. $80 billion to the IRS. NSA demands its share.

 

Disposable vapes to be banned for children's health, government says (UK)

but not cigarettes or alcohol. Hypocrites.

 

Gotta go? We’ve finally found out what makes urine yellow

   That's nice. Now what about vitamin B makes it green and smell?

Styrofoam Does Not Make Good Underwear

Doctors are warning people not to put frozen potatoes in their anus
No, it's for hemorrhoids - really!
I ran this past Mrs lefty, who immediately agreed that this would be good for hemorrhoids. There has got to be a name for this... tuberphile?


New Opera browser review - Ars Technica
Remember - it's owned by a Chinese company

• Apple won't let bad guys use iDevices in movies.
• Suggest not letting anybody use iDevices in movies

Look - an open source Ebike!
for an open source heart attack

• Scientists find the first ever animal that doesn't need oxygen to survive
• likely found at recent debates

It's been damn near 3 posts since I roasted Mrs lefty, so I'm overdue.
After really rather a lot of marriage, I start to notice things. No one has ever accused me of picking stuff up quickly. There's a certain series of events required for sleep every night.

• Up the steps to bed
• 5 minutes later: back downstairs because some unthinking bastard (not me) did not get her a drink. I don't know about you, but there is only one thing to do when I hit the bed. Ok, two things, but we've been married a long time.
• 20 minutes later: I can't sleep. The dog keeps jumping on my head. Turns on tv, falls over, asleep.
• I'm nothing if not helpful: Maybe you should sleep in bed?
• I can't.
• Back up steps.
• 30 minutes later: I can't sleep.
• What is it this time?
• Monsters!
• There are no monsters in your room.
• How do you know?
• Because the dog guards you.
• Oh. (back up steps)
• 3 minutes later: but what if she doesn't see the monsters?
• She has a very sensitive nose - she can sniff out anything.
• I'm hungry.
• You might want to try actually sleeping, as opposed to eating, drinking, and the Pajama Parties.
• But I was hungry. (this can only mean 1 thing: crumbs in bed. on my side)
• I am sooo tired.
• You should go to bed then.
• Ok.
• 2 minutes later: boom, thud, BOOM, crash, spill, POW! BIFF!
• 20 minutes later: I can't sleep.
• What were those noises - moving furniture?
• I was doing a little cleaning.
• Weren't you going to bed because you were finally tired?
• Yeah, but stuff had to be done.
• We are now 3 hours into 'I'm going to bed' and not a single wink was had.
• Ok, it's my turn. I'm coming to bed. Honey?
• Yes?
• I'm not sure, but I don't think it's a good thing to sleep 3" over your pillow.
• I'm not doing that.
• Yes you are - I'm watching you right now.
• I don't do that anymore.
• Well then, you better tell your head that.
• Why do I do that?
• If I had M.D. after my name, we'd live in a much nicer house. Good night.
• Honey?
• Yes, Dear?
• I'm not tired.

Mrs lefty's father tortured her when she was little. She'd be upstairs and he'd yell for her... she comes down and ask what he wants. He says change the channel. So they were the first family on the block with a remote channel changer for their tv.

I mention this because I'm not done with the wife yet.
The Bed Routine extends to going out.

• I'm going out - see you later.
• Have fun.
• Yeah, right. (leaves)
• 5...4...3...2...1... knock knock
• Why it's Wife, who forgot something.
• I forgot my pocketbook.
• Yes, Dear.  
• I'm leaving again.
• Til it's time to come home?
• Yes. Why do you always ask me this?
• Never mind - have a good time.
• 5 minutes: knock knock
• It's Wife. Again. I forgot the package I was supposed to take over today.
• 5: minutes later: knock knock
• Do I have my shopping list? Can I borrow your service elephant?
• I don't know - can you? The last time you borrowed Iqbal, you left him in the back seat and he needed a service dog for a year.

Then it hits me: we are the first family on the block with a remote door opener.

The NSA's phone spying cost $100 million and yielded one major investigation.

Where else can you spend that much for the privilege of violating Search and Seizure?

• Just in case you were planning on doing any prosecuting, the wear patterns of jeans aren't good forensic evidence.
• Unrelated: 4,000 pairs of jeans for sale

• Try not to get too excited - here's the 2020 Libertarian debate

Work has procured an interesting box. I have only seen it a few times, but I log into it. This week I log in, and it tells me I'm logged out and to log in again. Why do I have to log into a box for it to tell me I'm logged out? I keep wondering if this thing says Microsoft somewhere on the box.

• It's astounding, how medical care has gone down the toilet. Just the other day, my smartass doctor revealed that he knows precious little. It turns out he had never heard of clown porn, or my personal favorite, hamster porn.
• To add insult to injury, he told me about the time he and his wife....
• No. Just no.

If I led a boring life, there would be no ThermionicEmissions.

Weather forecasts have performed their seasonal change to spring/summer. This means any trace of sun has whisked itself south, and we have one of 2 possible forecasts: gray or brown. It hasn't snowed more than a few flakes this winter. Whether this is global warming or something else, I'll take it. Meanwhile, window treatment sales in the state have ground to a halt. The People's Republic of Pennsylvania is voting on providing assistance to curtain manufacturers. People aren't even bothering to open the curtains in the morning - they can't bear to see another gray or brown. Today it's gray, with rain. If one were to describe our (alleged) climate, it would be gray, with rain. 

Usually it is guaranteed to rain on one of 2 days of the week, if not more: these would be the night I put the trash bins out or the next day, when I bring them in. This has happened, without fail, for years. If you relied on this for the weather forecast, you'd be more accurate than official weather forecasters - the only group that gets paid a lot of money to be wrong (Congress aside).

• ThermionicEmissions is proud to announce, because it just learned math, that we have been around on this platform for 9 years. 9 years. 9 years of merry hijinks, wacky adventures, hilarious misadventures, and proof that the universe really can have it out personally for someone.
• As we often say, this is simply the documentation of one oddball's descent into insanity.
• They told me to go to therapy. After 15 years, I decided to give it a try. Do you have any idea what it's like to come into an office to find your therapist has hanged himself, rather than see you for an appointment?
• Do you have any idea what this is like when it happens ten times? Perhaps therapy isn't for me. Mrs lefty suggests a different type of therapy, but it involves application of electricity to the temples and sounds painful. On the other hand, it would be the first time I've ever awakened refreshed.

Today I identify as   Elizabeth Warren

I have a lot of fun at the expense of our lives, but don't ever think for a moment that I don't appreciate Mrs lefty. She's a hero. Having suffered childhood abuse, gotten Dissociate Identity Disorder (multiple personality disorder) from the abuse, adding in horrible back issues and fibromyalgia, she's a hero to everyone around. She doesn't complain (except about me, but I would too) and always leaps out to help anybody. She's a mentor to family, because Aunt lefty is crazy, so she knows how to help the slightly less crazy. Who knows how I got so lucky...

• Bored? Really bored?  Go to Firefox extensions and add Trace. This will show you what's actually going on with the current page; who's tracking you, and helps you avoid them.