No, it's for hemorrhoids - really!
I ran this past Mrs lefty, who immediately agreed that this would be good for hemorrhoids. There has got to be a name for this... tuberphile?
New Opera browser review - Ars Technica
Remember - it's owned by a Chinese company
- Apple won't let bad guys use iDevices in movies.
- Suggest not letting anybody use iDevices in movies
Look - an open source Ebike!
for an open source heart attack
- Scientists find the first ever animal that doesn't need oxygen to survive
- likely found at recent debates
It's been damn near 3 posts since I roasted Mrs lefty, so I'm overdue.
After really rather a lot of marriage, I start to notice things. No one has ever accused me of picking stuff up quickly. There's a certain series of events required for sleep every night.
- Up the steps to bed
- 5 minutes later: back downstairs because some unthinking bastard (not me) did not get her a drink. I don't know about you, but there is only one thing to do when I hit the bed. Ok, two things, but we've been married a long time.
- 20 minutes later: I can't sleep. The dog keeps jumping on my head. Turns on tv, falls over, asleep.
- I'm nothing if not helpful: Maybe you should sleep in bed?
- I can't.
- Back up steps.
- 30 minutes later: I can't sleep.
- What is it this time?
- Monsters!
- There are no monsters in your room.
- How do you know?
- Because the dog guards you.
- Oh. (back up steps)
- 3 minutes later: but what if she doesn't see the monsters?
- She has a very sensitive nose - she can sniff out anything.
- I'm hungry.
- You might want to try actually sleeping, as opposed to eating, drinking, and the Pajama Parties.
- But I was hungry. (this can only mean 1 thing: crumbs in bed. on my side)
- I am sooo tired.
- You should go to bed then.
- Ok.
- 2 minutes later: boom, thud, BOOM, crash, spill, POW! BIFF!
- 20 minutes later: I can't sleep.
- What were those noises - moving furniture?
- I was doing a little cleaning.
- Weren't you going to bed because you were finally tired?
- Yeah, but stuff had to be done.
- We are now 3 hours into 'I'm going to bed' and not a single wink was had.
- Ok, it's my turn. I'm coming to bed. Honey?
- Yes?
- I'm not sure, but I don't think it's a good thing to sleep 3" over your pillow.
- I'm not doing that.
- Yes you are - I'm watching you right now.
- I don't do that anymore.
- Well then, you better tell your head that.
- Why do I do that?
- If I had M.D. after my name, we'd live in a much nicer house. Good night.
- Honey?
- Yes, Dear?
- I'm not tired.
Mrs lefty's father tortured her when she was little. She'd be upstairs and he'd yell for her... she comes down and ask what he wants. He says change the channel. So they were the first family on the block with a remote channel changer for their tv.
I mention this because I'm not done with the wife yet.
The Bed Routine extends to going out.
- I'm going out - see you later.
- Have fun.
- Yeah, right. (leaves)
- 5...4...3...2...1... knock knock
- Why it's Wife, who forgot something.
- I forgot my pocketbook.
- Yes, Dear.
- I'm leaving again.
- Til it's time to come home?
- Yes. Why do you always ask me this?
- Never mind - have a good time.
- 5 minutes: knock knock
- It's Wife. Again. I forgot the package I was supposed to take over today.
- 5: minutes later: knock knock
- Do I have my shopping list? Can I borrow your service elephant?
- I don't know - can you? The last time you borrowed Iqbal, you left him in the back seat and he needed a service dog for a year.
Then it hits me: we are the first family on the block with a remote door opener.
The NSA's phone spying cost $100 million and yielded one major investigation.
Where else can you spend that much for the privilege of violating Search and Seizure?
- Just in case you were planning on doing any prosecuting, the wear patterns of jeans aren't good forensic evidence.
- Unrelated: 4,000 pairs of jeans for sale
- Try not to get too excited - here's the 2020 Libertarian debate
Work has procured an interesting box. I have only seen it a few times, but I log into it. This week I log in, and it tells me I'm logged out and to log in again. Why do I have to log into a box for it to tell me I'm logged out? I keep wondering if this thing says Microsoft somewhere on the box.
- It's astounding, how medical care has gone down the toilet. Just the other day, my smartass doctor revealed that he knows precious little. It turns out he had never heard of clown porn, or my personal favorite, hamster porn.
- To add insult to injury, he told me about the time he and his wife....
- No. Just no.
If I led a boring life, there would be no ThermionicEmissions.
Weather forecasts have performed their seasonal change to spring/summer. This means any trace of sun has whisked itself south, and we have one of 2 possible forecasts: gray or brown. It hasn't snowed more than a few flakes this winter. Whether this is global warming or something else, I'll take it. Meanwhile, window treatment sales in the state have ground to a halt. The People's Republic of Pennsylvania is voting on providing assistance to curtain manufacturers. People aren't even bothering to open the curtains in the morning - they can't bear to see another gray or brown. Today it's gray, with rain. If one were to describe our (alleged) climate, it would be gray, with rain.
Usually it is guaranteed to rain on one of 2 days of the week, if not more: these would be the night I put the trash bins out or the next day, when I bring them in. This has happened, without fail, for years. If you relied on this for the weather forecast, you'd be more accurate than official weather forecasters - the only group that gets paid a lot of money to be wrong (Congress aside).
- ThermionicEmissions is proud to announce, because it just learned math, that we have been around on this platform for 9 years. 9 years. 9 years of merry hijinks, wacky adventures, hilarious misadventures, and proof that the universe really can have it out personally for someone.
- As we often say, this is simply the documentation of one oddball's descent into insanity.
- They told me to go to therapy. After 15 years, I decided to give it a try. Do you have any idea what it's like to come into an office to find your therapist has hanged himself, rather than see you for an appointment?
- Do you have any idea what this is like when it happens ten times? Perhaps therapy isn't for me. Mrs lefty suggests a different type of therapy, but it involves application of electricity to the temples and sounds painful. On the other hand, it would be the first time I've ever awakened refreshed.
Today I identify as Elizabeth Warren
I have a lot of fun at the expense of our lives, but don't ever think for a moment that I don't appreciate Mrs lefty. She's a hero. Having suffered childhood abuse, gotten Dissociate Identity Disorder (multiple personality disorder) from the abuse, adding in horrible back issues and fibromyalgia, she's a hero to everyone around. She doesn't complain (except about me, but I would too) and always leaps out to help anybody. She's a mentor to family, because Aunt lefty is crazy, so she knows how to help the slightly less crazy. Who knows how I got so lucky...
- Bored? Really bored? Go to Firefox extensions and add Trace. This will show you what's actually going on with the current page; who's tracking you, and helps you avoid them.
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