Bless Us, the April Fools

 

Your love is like  fresh from the exhaust pipe carbon dioxide

Fish can learn basic arithmetic

Will soon be running for office...

Today I identify as  two lesbians

Police find five foetuses at the home of US anti-abortion activist

Fetus - it's not just for breakfast anymore...

I wonder if she's with PETA too... they were caught putting dogs down.

Pope Francis apologises for Canada residential school harms

grab em, put em in your schools, destroy their culture. Molest em if you can 

Not an April Fool: Dyson announces apocalyptic filter-headphone combo

also available:  

• combo earphones and bug zapper
• combo vacuum and toilet paper roll
• combo rug shampooer and spare tire holder
• combo phone and refrigerator

Russian newscaster calls for ‘regime change’ in U.S., reinstatement of ‘partner’ Trump

It will cost us less in taxes and the gaffes will be funnier....

Sometimes they really are out to get you.

Wife calls me.. today it's trucks. Several of them have deployed things from their beds that just missed the car (and her head). This in addition to the normal behavior of vehicles trying to make life difficult for her. I told her to take the tank, but no.....

Great Husband-Wife April Fools Jokes  

• I'm leaving
• I'm staying
• "I've been thinking...."
• About the cat....
• The IRS called
• Who's BOB (or KAREN)?
• Don't forget my entire family's coming over tomorrow and you promised to cook
• It can't be mine - I got snipped!
• please tell me you paid the mortgage
• do NOT swap super glue for lubricant. Ever.

It's difficult when you tend not to read entire sentences, or you miss things like NO and DON'T. Today was "We're giving you a head start...." It looked quite promising.

Flying AIDS News 

Ivermectin worthless against COVID in largest clinical trial to date

Covid-19 hospitalizations hit a pandemic low in the US, but strain on hospitals persists

COVID can cause lingering brain damage — even in mild cases

WHO Covid warning: New mutant 'XE' Omicron variant could be most transmissible yet

Police Are Buying Drones and Armored Vehicles With COVID Relief Funds

• EU draft law adds security checks to all crypto transactions
• You don't think they're going to let you make transactions without them looking at them first, do you? 

Google unrolls search features to tackle misinformation
Alternate headline: Google decides what is misinformation. This is what has become of all social media, including YouTube.

So we're in bed (don't get all excited) and I'm rubbing Mrs. lefty's back. As is typical for long-time married couples, she's drifting off to sleep. My arm hits something. I look down to see the most pitiful face, with the biggest brown eyes, saying, "Daddy, will you rub me too?" And that is why the dog slept on my pillow last night. 




Microsoft Teams informs me that there is a new Planner experience.

I don't want a new anything experience - just let me use the damn program.