Don't Hurt that Concrete with Your Face

Your love is like  green eggs with no ham

So I'm minding my business, performing an activity I'm proficient at: napping. The fancy knock at the door indicates Wife is home. She seems to consider me her electric door opener. It must be something from childhood.  Anyway, I open the door for a salesgirl who wasn't Mrs. lefty and Penny goes running out to greet her. Then the neighbor happened to be walking by with his dog, that Penny has gone after twice. Well, make that three times.

Now awake from my nap, it no longer mattered that I didn't have any shoes on; I took a huge leap out of the house, ran onto the grass, and within a second of my socks hitting the grass, my head hit the grass. It was some sort of Olympian feat that I had no way of understanding. It must have been good, because the guy with the dog and the salesgirl kept asking if I was ok. I did hit a bit of sidewalk, but there was only minor damage (to the sidewalk). So I'm a little sore here and there, with abrasions on elbows and my butt. The strange thing was that I didn't land on my butt. Perhaps it was complaining or jealous that it never gets the attention. The most amusing part of the exercise was that I had to put a towel on the chair so I didn't bleed on it. It's the little things.

Today I identify as  a traffic light that's green on both sides

There is a bag of chips magnetically attached to the refrigerator.

This, I guess, goes with the bag of chips in the refrigerator.

I cannot find any salsa or dip.

Like most things, I don't know why, but choose to just let it be, like the 70s Camaro positioned vertically in the dining room. It's what's referred to as a Monolith. The first day, it appears. After a day or two of ignoring it, it becomes part of the room and nobody sees it anymore, kinda like the ICBM in the basement.

The chips are somewhat difficult to make out, because of the sheer volume of refrigerator magnets attached to it. I never heard this, but I think all that magnetism on the outside does something to the guts inside, causing the refrigerator to be referred to as the fridge, gaining a 'd' in the process. Attached to the magnets are all sorts of funny sayings (funny being in the eye of the beholder). I normally manage to ignore this 'art' but I'm having trouble finding the fridge handle. It's kinda like not being able to find the bed, between the dog's toys and my wife's stuffed animals. I stopped trying to put them back because they kept magically reappearing, like our Zombie Dishes<tm>. I'd sleep on the sofa, but it's full of chips and fridge magnets too.

• I'll bet you like your Chrome browser - most people do.
• But check out how Google builds a profile of you when you use Chrome...

Busy in our newsrooms since the 50s at least, the CIA has been feeding us false info about Ukraine. Trumpie wasn't completely wrong when he claimed 'fake news.' Yes, our government is feeding us whatever they want us to believe, via the news. Are we seriously paying for this? Are we seriously being governed by this?

Speaking of draconian Texas anti-abortion laws, a woman accused of self-induced abortion was jailed for two nights before murder charges were dismissed.

Remember: You own You.

A California (of course) lawmaker is pushing for a 4-day, 32 hour workweek.

"to create a better work-life balance for workers."

California's residents are up in arms, refusing to go to 4 days (from 3).

California's businesses are tired of the government's paws in their businesses.

I heard noise here and there and discovered some guys taking trash away from my ex-neighbor's house. Her patio, which held her rocking chair and plants all over the place, was bare - barren. I'm sure they're cleaning so they can sell it. 

• The guy who shot up the New York subway is in custody. He worked for Doordash and Amazon for a while. Amazon - that explains it. 
• In another rail incident, a former train engineer for the Port of Los Angeles, derailed a train in 2020. His defense team is going with 'studying QAnon and hopped up on caffeine.'
• Hopped up on caffeine? That could describe half the country on any given morning - you don't see them derailing trains....

The Taxing Problem

The system is beyond broken. Remove the IRS and make it simple. Don't forget - Congress got it to where it is. The income tax was 'temporary'.  It never goes away.

Coastal cities around the globe are sinking

When you have lemons, you make lemonade.

• Manilla first floor properties now boast 'a unique unlimited underwater vista'
• Tianjin, China, says cities are not sinking at all; it's just Western propaganda. The Tianjin Planning Department issued this statement from the first few floors of its building, where they're training octopi to type. They figure they can get more out of them with eight arms.
• As for Karachi, Pakistan, they're very upset because they get no press. No one can find it on a map

Everyone's up in arms after Elon Musk offered to buy Twitter for an absolutely obscene amount of money (half the US budget overage). Elon is concerned about free speech on the platform. Twitter has gone down the shitter in terms of free speech, along with all the major social media platforms. It's funny and ironic to watch Twitterites all of the sudden abandoning their beliefs on freedom of speech and endorsing monitoring.

Assuming Musk is taking this literally, it would be great to have actual free speech on this platform, as you can currently get banned for an incredible number of infractions, including posting old actual news from an 'official' source. Social media has a narrative and you had better abide by it if you want to play.

*As a private company, there is no guarantee of free speech, regardless of ownership. The First Amendment guarantees that the government shall make no laws; it doesn't cover private businesses. Your place of business is free to say you can't use the word 'semprini' during business hours.

The rush to regulate social media is obscene and should be resisted at all costs, even if you agree. Further on down the road, it will be you that gets your speech regulated. 

• Zero Calorie Treat: if you mix Cocoa Krispies with Cocoa Pebbles, a quantum reaction occurs and the cereals disappear.

Working at an Amazon Warehouse Got Even More Dangerous in 2021

After an intensive review, Jeff Bezos, Amazon Owner, Top 3 richest people on Earth, man who sent Kirk into space, ordered the following discontinued, effective immediately:

1. Throw the Packages at the Spinning Blades
2. Knife Your Neighbor
3. Parking Lot Whack-A-Mole
4. Cafeteria Stab Yourself in the Eye with Fork
5. you no longer have to Hit Fingers with Hammer if you're written up. It has been changed to 'if you're written up more than once,' for your safety.

Mr. Bezos hopes this will make the Amazon warehouses a safer place to work, or at very least, get off the public stats for unsafe warehouses.

NOTE to the dog out back: stop doing your impression of my dog. This causes me to run to the door to let her in, even when she's already in. It also gets my dog in trouble with the neighbors because they think it's her barking. Ha ha very funny.

She was soooooo ugly.....

HOW UGLY WAS SHE?

She was so ugly, when she said she wanted to be tied up for sex; I tied her up and ran.