Eating Anvils Causes Indigestion

Your love is like   diaper bombs

New book: 101 ways to skin a cat (with illustrations)

Today I identify as  Johnny Depp's penis

Pr0n has a come a long way from the days of 8mm silent films. Some of them can actually act. The plots have gotten 5% better. The titles are funnier. But what we really need is Pr0n as Real Life:

• No, I Won't Fsck You with Blue Hair
• Please Please Please, I Beg You
• No, Mom, I Don't Love You That Way
• C'mon, Just a Handjob Then?
• Can We Try it in Your Vagina for Once?
• Once Every Few Months Isn't Enough
• No, My Ears Are Off-Limits
• That's NOT What 'Daddy's Little Girl' Means
• You Have So Many Tattoos, I Can't Find Your Vagina

Last post I mentioned the guy who asked his company not to make a birthday party for him, they did, he went to his car, got fired, sued, won $435k.

I am pleased to mention that my most recent birthday involved less than one party, consisting of less than one card, and the few people who insist on sending me texts. I think the texts are for under 50s and cards over 50s. 

The theme lately has been 'I ask for so little, and that's exactly what I get.'

I can't say I'm easy to live with (in fact many will tell you I'm impossible to live with, and that's just my mom) but the amount of things I ask for is laughably small. So I asked for my favorite pizza (I'm also an incredibly cheap date). After much struggle and four hours, it arrived, cold. Cold favorite pizza is a real stumper because the pizza place is down the block. Even when frigid outside, like that night, how can a 1/4 mile trek make a just-made pizza cold? It's probably the same law of physics that causes a malt to melt on its 1/2 mile trip. My car is like the Anti-Styrofoam.

Pizza People<tm> like me know that a pizza tastes different hot, cold, reheated, and eaten outside the house. So although there was a pizza-like-substance, there was no actual birthday pizza. This made me unhappy(ier). Loudly unhappy. The dog hid under the couch, in a 2" space. Actually I kid: the dog has taken to barking at loud noises, including my loud speech. This inadvertently makes Wife happy, because the barking covers the cursing.

Our taxes are late. This is another thing that makes me mad. The city never sent certain paperwork, causing phone calls and a trip, where they continued to screw things up, including telling me my email address 'did not exist.' It came as a great surprise to me, as I've had it over 20 years and I get mail every day.

So Stuff piled up over a month or so, making me look more forward to my pizza (that I didn't get). Some people want to golf. Some want tons of money and a gourmet meal. Some want Birthday Sex. All I asked for was a pizza. This shows the power of wishing. Some point to the Power of Attraction. I think I have the Power of Repelling. Next year I plan to cause a statewide shortage of $100,000 Bars by asking for one.

Flying AIDS News  

CDC launches forecasting center to be like a 'National Weather Service for infectious diseases'

Delta dragged for mask stance, walks back “ordinary seasonal virus” line

Covid: Woman caught virus twice within record 20 days

CDC decides to appeal to restore travel mask mandate; DOJ files notice

What experts told me to do after my positive COVID-19 at-home test 

Combo COVID booster is the way to go this fall, Moderna data suggests

Shanghai’s Low Covid Death Toll Revives Questions About China’s Numbers

Lucky Charms is this week's leader of the iwaspoisoned.com race. It's making kids (and adults) sick all over the place.

It's time again, for the anonymous work survey.

I didn't take the anonymous survey, so I got an email that I didn't take the survey.

It's all very anonymous.

Work is weird.

• The Queen is 96. 
• They woke her for the news 

Something called A$AP Rocky was arrested in connection with a shooting.

I miss the good old days of Rock, when the feuds were fast and bloody:

• When Billy Joel (East Coast) fought with Guns N Roses (West Coast).
• When Elton John had words with the homophobic punkers
• When Robert Plant called David Coverdale 'David Coverversion'
• When Buddy Holiday put firecrackers up The Big Bopper's butt
• When BB King called Buddy Guy 'that stupid n****r'
• When ThermionicEmissions told everybody Pink Floyd was named after a gay gangster

Yeah, they don't make violence and feuds like that anymore.

Had to stop for milk at a convenience store today. It was bleak.

No gallons of milk. NO COKE. No Mt Dew, other than diet. Nothing to drink.

Interestingly, there was a lot of Pepsi. Nothing to drink.

• Best email of the week: Exercising? Keep your teeth in shape.

A private purchase of Twitter would be a great idea. The fact that so many are in a panic about Musk is partial proof. Social media is owned these days: you will only see a certain narrative, and nothing else, across most of it. A new Twitter owner committed to reality would be welcome for society as well as upsetting for those benefiting from social media lockstep. Either way, Twitter is most important because of the light-speed in which it news flows.

• Obama Says Social Media Falsehoods Spur Skepticism on Politics
• G-Bus - haven't we gotten rid of him yet? Hasn't he done enough damage?

The UK has decided that it is ok to watch tv in a self-driving car.

I agree. It's like being on the back of a motorcycle - you have no inkling or view of the thing that's going to kill you.

• Russia is shaking its little sword or penis and stating that VP Harris, Lord Zuck, and other American officials are not allowed in Russia. 
• can we get some of that here, in the US?

Because Amazon has become more fun that Tesla recently, I'm happy to report that they're working on robots for the warehouse. We know Jeff Bezos at this point, therefore the employees (that haven't been maimed or killed yet) had better start looking for work elsewhere. The moment the robots can do the job, the employees will be jettisoned. There is no doubt. How the robots will destroy themselves or the remaining employees remains to be seen. 

Happy Happy 

Happy 4/20: if you've been under a rock for years, 420 is the slang for pot smoking. While I have no use for it, I fully support its decriminalization. Imagine a government that we allow to tell us what we can and can't put in our bodies. Just so long as no one is hurt.

Happy World Book Day: I grew up with books. Often they were one of the only positive influences or activities I had. I'd stay up ridiculously late on school nights, reading books I couldn't put down. My favorites were Robert Heinlein and Douglas Adams. I urge you to read them and/or any books and rediscover the magic.

Happy Waco Day: when the FBI burned a house and people to the ground.

Happy MOVE Day: when Philadelphia Police burned a house and people to the ground. Then the taxpayers paid twice to rebuild.

• Sudan anger over racist slur caught on air at Bashir trial
• angry that nobody can come up with a good slur for the Sudanese...

Alex Trebek's estate is for sale in Los Angeles. 

Did you know Alex was 80? 

A number of belongings come with the house.

Once again we're left with the aftermath(?) of Life. Alex ostensibly lived a good life, and this is what's left (ignoring if or where he went after). Whaddaya think? 

I guess the weather is officially changing because the birds are out like mad. The cacophony has started. It's so bloody loud, it's getting hard(er) to concentrate. What makes this worse is the dog, who essentially is a bird dog. The birds sing their song then the dog spends her time whining at them. Whining is definitely not a normal cocker trait when faced with birds. What a spoiled brat.