Yes, Dear

 

Your love is like  blue, fuzzy fruit

Welcome to the 2022 Nude at Work Day (stats)

• Construction: 89% overall accident rate, severed limbs, missing genitals, penises nailed to things
• Music: the usual heavy injuries resulting from guitar players trying to insert themselves into 1/4" jacks, females becoming attached to larger microphones
• Art: c'mon- those people don't put clothes on 
• Newsreaders: they're always naked below the waist anyway
• Firepeople: don't run into a burning building naked, ok?
• Bloggers: we are happy to report not a single injury, maintaining our perfect record. What else do you expect from a group with a single blogging tab and 47 pr0n tabs?

Today I identify as  the guy with the vasectomy and the pregnant wife

$3,374,629,000,000 in federal taxes collected the first eight months of fiscal 2022.

Of course it's the largest figure: we have the largest taxes. The money goes to everything except the debt. Thank President Taxit for the latest rises.

That's an awful lot of money. It sure as hell ain't going to you. We can start with the Military Industrial Complex and go down from there. Or we could scream and riot and vote libertarian. R and D are what got us in this mess in the first place. Talk to your reps in the meantime - this is not acceptable.

The White House is thinking about a federal tax holiday on gas. Don't forget a state tax holiday too. Talk to your reps..... the taxes are out of hand to begin with.

Here It Comes!

Monkeypox outbreak spurs WHO to consider declaring international emergency

but not before they rename the disease because the current name is discriminatory (to monkeys).

• Questionable Phrases: Screwed the pooch
• when I say I'm a dog lover, that's not what I mean 

Ford halts sales of Mustang Mach-Es due to propulsion-loss bug - overheating in the high voltage battery connectors causes inability to start or complete non-propulsion. Asked for comment, Ford said this had absolutely nothing to do with saving millions by firing the Quality Control department.

Author James Patterson:

"I apologise for saying white male writers having trouble finding work is a form of racism," the 75-year-old wrote on Facebook on Tuesday.

"I absolutely do not believe that racism is practiced against white writers.

Black Lives Matter spokespeople said they apologize for saying white people should be shot. They absolutely do not believe that white people should be shot.

• Who besides me is shocked that Ghislane Maxwell is still alive?
• I guess she doesn't have enough to truly embarrass Epstein's clients 

So that's it - Internet Explorer is going away.

It only took about 27 years for us to get our wish.  IE: the 'standards compliant' browser that wasn't. They say the good thing about standards is there are so many of them. I remember doing up a web page and seeing what it looked like in different browsers. It was always far off in IE. It earned the nickname Internet Exploder. The end will come via a Windows 'update', that you naturally will have no control over.

MS is putting its considerable muscle behind Echo, another Chrome knockoff. I use it at work, only because it's the default browser for Windows. I prefer regular old Chrome. Let me say something nice: it's not abjectly horrible.

To keep things simple and end all the in-house arguing, I told the dog that for Fathers Day, a guitar will do. She just looked at me with that 'I don't understand English' face and and went looking for tuna. She understands English when we say "Wanna go outside, Wanna go night-night, and Let's adjust your stock portfolio."

Dear lefty 

• I don't know what to believe: I hear we're in a recession and we have inflation too. Can you help me understand this?
• Well sure I can. I'm Dear lefty after all. First, you cannot have inflation (making things larger) and recession (making things smaller) at the same time, so dismiss those naysayers. There is plenty of money to go around, and if not, the Fed prints more of it. This has no effect on prices of anything or the national debt.  The Debt is more of a sign or a suggestion, and we like to ignore it whenever we can, which is mostly always.
• There is plenty of gold in Fort Knox (I think), but who cares, because, as I said, we just print more whenever we want to. Do NOT try this at home.
• Inflation is when soda costs $5 for a small bottle. This is not to be confused with 'supply chain issues' making a soda cost $5 for a small bottle. Only highly-paid economists, who appear on tv news as 'experts,' can tell the difference. Meanwhile, you're paying $5 for a small bottle of soda, whether you like it or not, regardless of the reason.
• Recession is like when things go to hell, taking your savings and retirement with them. You have no say over this and no recourse, like when The Masked Furry is on.
• Avoiding all of this is simple: be very rich.

I'm not a fan of New York City, because it feels like anarchy is waiting to break out at any second, much like Oprah. One of the things about big cities is that you can count on budgeting an hour or two for a cab ride to the next block. It's an accepted condition, and well-tolerated by travelers, like snow in Minnesota. Philadelphia is full of interstates that were under-capacity on the day they were opened. You can regularly find a traffic jam at 2:00, am or pm. I think we have finally reached the point where we have to budget a ridiculous amount of time to simply travel on these crappy roads. There is simply no way you can compare Philly to New York, unless you count the many parking garages that charge like New York. Philly also has more guns and ATV gangs than New York, making its accent much more feared. In fact, New York taxi drivers, formerly the most feared mammal behind any steering wheel, will pull over when they hear a Philly accent cursing at them.  YO- YOUZE GOTTA MOVE DAFUGOUTTA MY WAY!

• ever wonder who touched themself and thought about you? It's a shame you can't get a report.

Warning! Signs Are Not Enough to Save Beachgoers from Deadly Currents

It's not the signs so much as the people (allegedly) reading them.

• WARNING - THIS SHIT CAUSES CANCER on cigarette boxes
• DO NOT STAB YOURSELF IN THE EYE on forks
• DO NOT STAND ON LAST 2 STEPS on ladder
• DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FLY DOWN STAIRS
• DO NOT OPERATE TESLA FROM REAR SEAT, with or without auto-drive

We're doomed.

1. Some sociologists are going with the theory that this is Darwinism: throwing a little chlorine in the gene pool.
2. Some average Joes are hoping for a bit of Darwinism, then cheering it on.
3. Some sociologists are hoping to get paid as a consultant on stories like this, especially on coveted on-air news programs.
4. Some bloggers, like me, are torn between hysterics and sadness, taking advantage of the headline to show how doomed we are.

Speaking of bloggers, I'm always honest with my readers. I don't consider myself a writer, I don't think I can write the Great American Novel<tm> given a year off and a typewriter. There is no book in me (that would be incredibly painful). I'm barely a blogger. My dog only writes 35% of the content here. I hope you come by/come back because you're entertained. I like Orange Crush but no other orange sodas.

The other day, while driving, I went to put on my sunglasses. They had somehow become way more efficient than before, letting approximately 9% of the light through. A quick visual inspection proved the lenses brown with dirt and crud. It looked like they were tied to the bumper and run through 30 miles of mud from the constant rain here. Curious, I brought them indoors and laid them on a table. Ever considerate, Mrs. lefty moved them so they didn't get broken. I finally made comment about the lenses. She said it was her fault: she attached them to the bumper and ran through 30 miles of mud from the constant rain here. I kept poking at a point, which she failed to get.... if you dragged them through the mud, got chocolate pudding all over them, then wore them for 6 weeks, WHY DIDN'T YOU CLEAN THEM?  We have something of a communication issue in our house.

Researchers believe they have discovered the origins of the Black Death, more than 600 years after it killed tens of millions in Europe, Asia and north Africa.

Lord Fauci has been alerted, resulting in mandates for testing, vaccines, and staying at home. Pharmaceutical companies are working on an incredibly expensive free vaccine that President Taxit will pay for, by shifting the $52 billion he hasn't raised yet to give the semiconductor industry. Small businesses have given up and closed and Jeff Bezos has a hardon that can cut diamonds.

Happy Fathers Day

If this blog is available in the afterlife, you know I'm talking to you (both).