In our quest to be relevant (at least to within a few weeks of the event), and in our quest for immediate jokes in questionable taste, we want to get ahead about this letter bomb thing...
Fox news brought out a 'bomb expert' who said "all it takes is one to go off." This guy obviously understands the seriousness of the letter bombs. He described the bombs as 'things you put together to look like a bomb on a tv show.' [100% true, unlike the rest of this.]
CNN brought out their own 'bomb expert,' reporting from Florida, in knee-deep snow.
One envelope was delivered to Joe Biden (D-Disneyland), who tried to eat it. A second one was intercepted at the post office, and Joe ordered it delivered 'because the last one was delicious.'
Florida was misspelled and there was insufficient postage on the envelopes. Ok, I'll say it before anyone else does: with this level of Stupid, it must've been a Trumper.
Speaking of Trump, the left has already blamed him for this.
Personally, I blame him for the cold weather we've been having this October. In other news, the events of December 22, 1963 were JFK's fault.
One envelope was sent to Robert De Niro, who said he was going to punch it.
The Department of Homeland Security was contacted, but they were out on vacation, sharpening their guns for just this kind of terror. The janitor who answered the phone assured everyone that Homeland Security was ready for anything, provided they got written notice from the terrorists 90 days in advance. Later on, a representative from DHS called back, sounding suspiciously like the janitor, and said these bombs were downright explosive and would require several new expensive departments to deal with this kind of fake terror. They added that we should not assume these envelopes were bombs, just because 'this is a bomb' was written on them.
Democrats were quick to say that anthrax envelopes to republicans were fair game, but it wasn't fair when it happened to them.
Republicans said 'democrats just suck' and blamed Trump.
In a strange but unrelated coincidence, midterm elections are two weeks out.
Remember: if this doesn't result in new, restrictive laws, the terrorists win.
Think of the children!
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