Is that a Real Poncho or a WalMart Poncho

Your love is like   edible cotton underwear

It's been 9 years since Malaysia Air Flight MH370 'disappeared into thin air' (or water).  Scientists have developed a new theory, that comes on the heels of all the old theories. This theory involves barnacles. The previous theories involved seaweed, printer/copier/scanners, the Dow Index, and nose rings. Apparently in more temperate regions of the sea, barnacles grow longer nose hair. This PHD discovery went on to describe the micro plankton attached to the barnacle hairs, even though barnacles are sworn enemies of plankton. The plankton micro-impede the flow of the ocean, resulting in 'updated' patterns for airplanes that go missing. From Malaysia. So there is a new debris disappearance pattern. But still no debris.

This is a national embarrassment, and tragic for relatives and friends of the missing.

Next week, Very Smart Scientists (VSS) will theorize that a UFO came along and swallowed up the plane, which is why we can't find any debris, in spite of all the combined brainpower of the 3 people left looking into this (do not malign goat farmers - one leg is naturally longer due to standing on hills - you are seeing evolution at work).

In unrelated news, there is still no specific slur for Malaysians.

Sometimes I think it's more difficult to find a slur than MH370.

Fukushima: Discharge from Japan nuclear plant safe, tests show

The tests were performed with a plastic bucket and some sand, by the owners of the Fukushima plant. Anyone with a memory knows the same tests were performed when the accident first occurred. They dumped radioactive water and lied about it.

Scientists strengthen concrete by 30 percent with used coffee grounds

The concrete is reported to be stronger and more awake, with an improved sex life.

is there nothing coffee can't improve? 

3D printers printing without consent is a cautionary tale on cloud reliance

You can finally buy Lego’s Braille Bricks

This came after the 1965 Air France disaster, when the blind pilot tried to read regular Legos.

Passenger seat belt warnings should be mandatory, say feds  [including rear seats]

Because there is no area of our lives into which the federal government won't encroach. Seatbelts should be voluntary, as should those stupid warnings when you don't put them on. If I want my car to talk back to me, I'll marry it.

 I am not saying you shouldn't wear them... just that they shouldn't be mandatory. You're a big boy or girl, and you can make your own decisions.

 

Biden to bolster boondocks broadband with a billion bonus bucks (barely)

What would the poor broadband providers do without their country jumping in to pay for their expenses? Poor Comcast. Poor Verizon. Poor Biden administration, upset that its latest giveaway didn't break a billion. PRESIDENT GIVEAWAY IS SAD, DAMMIT!

Iraqi officials have ordered all electronic advertising screens to be shut down in Baghdad after a hacker used one to show a pornographic film.

Owner of signs said ad engagement was near 100%.

 

Xbox’s new “8 strikes” mod rollout judges hate speech 3x worse than cheating

That's right- Big Tech is now regulating speech on your Xbox. Go ahead and cheat - but don't you dare say anything hateful. While it's technically their right, look at their actions on the internet also.

 

I have a cousin. Ok, a cousin-in-law.  She's from the Polish side, which means I can't spell her last name. I met her for the first time at a party I threw for Mrs. lefty. I don't know what I did, but she thought I was the greatest thing since chocolate. Whenever Mrs. lefty visits her, she asks how I'm doing and packs a goodie bag to bring home for me. I asked Wife if she told Cousin that I can lick my eyebrows or something.... She has chronic pain and fights it with alcohol. I did not know this. While visiting, Wife left to pick something up. Cousin offered me a drink. I'm easy - water, Coke, just no diet soda. She brought me a vodka bottle with a straw. I thought I had a communication issue with Wife, but this was a whole new universe. Cousin thinks I'm cute, which identifies another problem that runs in the family...

I need to buy a pipe and a porch if this continues....

I am gross and perverted, I am obsessed and deranged

I have existed for years, But very little has changed

I am the tool of the government, and industry too

For I am destined to rule, and regulate you.

I might be vile and pernicious, but you can't look away

I make you think I'm delicious, with the stuff that I say

I am the best you can get, have you guessed me yet?

I'm the slime oozing out, from your tv set

I am the Slime   -Frank Zappa