The Key to Life can be found in those little Plastic Computer Speakers

Your love is like  baskets of vegetables for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

Alien autopsy: Those viral 'non-human corpses' get lab tests

I guess we'll see. Maussan tries really hard in Mexico.

Debris found from F-35 jet in South Carolina after US pilot ejected

Military jets have black boxes, right?

 

Private: General, we found the $100 million crashed plane 

General: Where was it?

Private: Slightly north of where the pilot landed.

General: How slightly?

Private: Two hours, Sir.

General: Why two hours?

Private: The pilot left it on autopilot, Sir.

General: At least he pointed it at civilian neighborhoods.

Private: Not exactly.

General: Whaddaya mean, not exactly?

Private: It was supposed to land on base, Sir. 

General: We narrowly avoided disaster.

Private: Next year's F-35 can take off and land itself.

General: I see. Well that's great. The pilots can eject all day and none of the expensive hardware will get hurt or escape.

Private: About the pilot, Sir...

General: What pilot? Oh, the plane's driver. How is he?

Private: The good news is he's fine.

General: What's the bad news?

Private: He landed in a very rich neighborhood and the residents are incensed. At first they thought he was a spaceman or a satellite driver or King Kong, but they figured it out and lodged a formal protest at the base. They don't want "this sort of thing in their neighborhood." The Homeowners Association is seeing red because they have a no parachuting clause in their agreement. Sir.

General: Stupid civilians. Can we bomb the neighborhood?

Private: If we can keep the pilots in the planes, technically yes. However, it tends to generate bad press. 

General: Can't we just nuke it and pretend it never existed? Tell people we'll look into it and get back to them? Keep the information secret for 75 years? Worked for Kennedy.

Private: I'll look into it and get back to you.

Trump abortion backlash spotlights a Republican balancing act

Said Florida's 6 week abortion ban was terrible. As a result, conservatives threw bibles at him and called him the antichrist. Just another day for Don.

 

Google spies on 2.89 billion users through mobile devices

Through the mic on the phone too!

 

Why privacy matters (even if you have nothing to hide)?

Lotsa great information here. If you don't insist on your privacy, you'll lose it. We all will.

Then we'll come to your house and explain to you how it was your fault and take your kittens, effectively removing you from social media.

A key cold medicine ingredient is basically worthless

The FDA really jumped on this one... maybe they'll have something to say about Flying AIDS vaccines...

One of the most serious health effects of being in space is bone loss. A new medication has been shown to prevent bone loss in mice, and perhaps humans. Next week, SpaceX will launch a radically small spaceship, with a crew made entirely of mice. SpaceX spokesman Harold "Not Mentally Stable" Fusebox said there will be no bone loss among the mice. Unfortunately their craniums tend to explode in zero-gravity, but what are a few mice in context of the space program?

 

Archaeologists find 500-year-old board game carved in ruins of Polish castle

Upon further examination, it turned out to be the recipe for toast.

US child dies from fentanyl kept under nursery nap mat

Yes, we finally found 2 parents too stupid to live.

Libya flood: Derna mayor's house burnt down in protests

Ya know, this is the kind of feedback that would help the American political process...