"WTF," went lefty. That's just creepy.
"Would you like to make a payment? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no."
presses 1
"If you would like your balance first, press 1. If you want to pay now, press 2."
presses 2
"Your balance, that you just told me not to read, is $100. Would you like to pay $100 now with your card on file?"
"Yes."
"......... Sorry, I don't understand. Would you like to make your payment now?"
"YES, PAY, YES, PLEASE"
"......... You selected 'talk to customer service.' There will be a $17 charge."
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU A FRIGGIN DEAF MACHINE? I SAID YES, YOU IDIOT. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YES? I REALIZE THIS IS NEW TECHNOLOGY AND HAS ONLY BEEN AROUND FOR 25 YEARS, SO YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT RIGHT YET...."
hangs up
calls again
"Hi, lefty!" went the automated assistant.
same routine.
"Pay. PAY. YES I WANT TO PAY, YOU DONKEY PLOOKER. PAY. P, A, Y - GOT IT?
"There is a longer than normal wait for Customer Service. Please follow the link we sent you or you'll have to call back 20 more times and you won't get any further."
follows link, pays in 14 seconds
"We detect you have paid online. Thank you for your payment and go fuck yourself."
click
The US Navy will be replacing their touch screen monitors on their ships because they're stupid (the monitors and the designers). The new tech is being blamed for a ship crash: there are separate controls for left and right power, located on different sides of the bridge. Plus the monitors are apparently too complex for the users. Feel safer now?
Hey, do you have one of those new wifi routers with the WPA3 incredibly secure standard? It's already been hacked to allow password discovery.
Wanna see some stats on the NSA's telephony metadata program?
You know those voting machines that are Very Secure because they're not hooked to the net? Oops.
Dear lefty
- I'm a closet Trump supporter and I'm getting tired of all the divisiveness. What should I do?
- Have the president announce that he is categorically against jumping off buildings. By the next morning, there won't be a single divisive person alive.
Hey, Kids - it's Sunday morning and I'm in bed.
Well, I was in bed.
Now I'm typing this to you, my good readers.
On a Sunday morning, what's the best thing you can do at 8am?
That's right - the neighbor is having their roof redone!
There are a bunch of dudes with hammers hitting things, conveniently located outside my window. There are also two guys on the roof with those auto-hammer/stapler thingies, playing call and response.
Left: bang bang bang
Right: bang bang bang BANG
It took me a while to figure out they were doing Led Zeppelin's Moby Dick.
Mrs lefty went out to ask them if we should move our car.
They stared at her, silently.
Apparently there's a regulation that companies hire non English speaking workers. This is a problem if you need to communicate with them, but the amount of complaints has plummeted to zero.
I just wanted to let you know that if you hear on the news about some unfortunate roofers in my area falling 2 stories to the dirt, next to the sidewalk, and being impaled on 4.7" wood 2x4's, spitting out their spleens and a pancreas or two, just before lunch, near a red truck.. I had nothing at all to do with it. I was asleep.
Speaking of the news, there's a lot going on in Kashmir lately.
I just can't listen to this human tragedy.
(without hearing Led Zeppelin's Kashmir)
It's been a great time for Led Zeppelin.
- a fake Hillary Clinton Twitter account sent this: Jeffrey Epstein was once a close friend. His impending suicide will take a heavy toll on us all.
A Tesla caught fire after hitting a tow truck in Moscow.
Regular cars also have this annoying habit.
One should always avoid tow trucks.
South Wales police want to remind you that if you make fun of this convicted drug dealer's hair, you will be investigated. Even if they take lack of freedom of speech into account, the right to pick on this person's hair should be universal.
- My dad, retired and in need of hobbies, is still agitated I use 4 spoons of sugar in my coffee. I took offense, as I whittled down to two spoons. The secret here, in case you need to cut down on sugar too, is to use really sweet, high sugar creamer. When I retire, I hope I find better Stuff to bitch about.
Something is wrong in the UK government.
Boris Johnson's hair barely points north, east, and west since the election. The news says this signals his about-face on Brexit and Life in General. The people remain more divided than ever. The Americans ask "What's Brexit?"
If you watch Sky News, I'm dating Kay Burley.
The bad news is that she's not aware of it.
The good news is that neither is my wife.
Hong Kong has gotten a bit riotous lately, with protesters getting more bold, since they found out they can Get Stuff when they protest. The current protest is being held at the Hong Kong Airport. The police are out in force and the government has shut down all flights out of spite. Forgotten during this massive argument as to whose penis is bigger, is the reason for the protest: renaming the airport Donald Trump Honorary Airport.
This would be even funnier if it appeared when the protest started happening, not weeks later. This is the quantity quality of work I put into this blog.
Positive government action
Yes, I know... you don't hear about that a lot.
The FDA warned that drinking bleach will not cure cancer or autism.
On the other hand, the fact they had to put this out is terribly sad.
SJW Stuff
[twitter]
Dear white people: If you haven't apologized for being white today to a person of color, maybe you should.
[also twitter]
Do you have white teenage sons?
Listen up.
I've been watching my boys' online behavior & noticed that social media and vloggers are actively laying groundwork in white teens to turn them into alt-right/white supremacists. Fake news... everybody to the right of Michael Moore has been purged from the larger social media platforms.
Two commercials have been banned in the UK because they perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes. Yes, this is an actual law. There is a funny point: news people refer to one of the commercials as Philly Cheese, when the product is Philadelphia (brand) Cream Cheese.
No comments:
Post a Comment