Mollusks in my Molars

Just saw a book called A Practical Guide to Racism.
Couldn't you just take the ball and run across the country with it?


Does it guide you on how to practice racism?

• a black man asks if he can date your daughter. You tell him "not in muh house, colored person."
• LeRoy the drummer wants to join your band. You say no because he's black. The joke's on you because white people have no rhythm.
• see what I did there?

How to spot racism?

• Good morning, class. I'm from the Mayor's Commission on Racism. Since you're white, you're automatically racist.  [true story-Temple University]
• the guy in the white dunce cap and bedsheet, holding the rope? He's the racist.

How to use racism to shut down any argument?

• Trump building The Wall is racist.

It turns out that the name of the show is RuPaul's Drag Race, not RON Paul's. I know this now. In completely unrelated news, I will not be speaking at the libertarian convention after all.

• Before you take a ride on Lyft or Uber, or after, if applicable, you should probably know what they're up to with your data. Not only do they snoop on riders, the executives are spying on journalists who ask too many questions. This is in addition to your data that allows tracking, as well as a decent idea of where you've been going. Read and weep.

Plugging in a new USB device on a Windows 10 machine sends data to Windows, without encryption. Windows is a dumpster fire. A dumpster fire that positively EATS your privacy. This is something just discovered, in addition to the rest of the backdoors to Microsoft and the NSA. I am not making this up.

not that it really matters....

• I often rant about the IoT (Internet of Things): your toaster and Alexa, sending data up the line. Let me illustrate via the news: people are figuring out that there's something going on militarily. How? Some in the military are wearing Fitbits and their data is going upstream. People have looked at the data and figured out there's movement because the individuals are in places we don't know about or they shouldn't be. It's bad enough that data is leaving our house; now it's perfectly illustrated by possibly secret military data. A failure on the military's part, a failure on the public's part, and on the part of the manufacturer (who is profiting from the data).
• When we're done with this issue, don't take any time to think about military being in places they shouldn't be. Oops.
• All of the sudden, Strava, the manufacturer of the devices, is committed to safety.
• What a perfect time to take a public lesson on this activity. Considering it was just Data Privacy Day, I'm willing to bet it will be completely ignored.

So that Spectre/Meltdown issue with the CPUs... the first fix was recalled. When the real fix comes along, it could slow your computer significantly. Superbly bungled. However, the head of Intel says there will be a fix by the end of the year. A silicon fix (hardware/chip). For all future CPUs. Your CPU? Well, you're screwed. I'm full of righteous indignation today, aren't I?

• Let this serve as your periodic reminder that Tony Curtis' real name was Bernie Schwartz. Michael Landon used to be Eugene Orowitz. Furthermore, Steven Tyler is, in reality, Steven Tallarico. He must have changed it because it sounds too Jewish.

SNAPPLE - further

For those of you following along at home, as well as those of you who can bother to be bothered with Trivial Shit<tm>, I'm continuing on the Snapple path. After several months of attempting to purchase lemon Snapple, which is allegedly on sale, and failing miserably, I managed to procure two large bottles, much to my surprise.  Things were good.

But the Snapple Gods were not smiling down upon me. In fact, they were laughing hysterically. Upon opening, the first taste was weird. The second taste continued to be weird. Thinking maybe I ate chocolate or something that would throw the taste off, I tried later. I had my wife try it. I'd have had the dog try it, but he doesn't indicate on quality. He'd probably reject it anyway, on the basis of lemon. He'll eat almost anything but lemon.

It's odd... maybe too much lemon. I'm not exactly sure. Will have to open the second bottle. Who else do you know who has trouble procuring a decent bottle of Snapple? Things are a little... different.. in my house.

I don't mean to come off all negative. I can say conclusively that every bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms that has entered my house has been consistently delicious. There's never even a problem purchasing it. Or eating it.

UPDATE: Snapple and YooHoo, among others, were just purchased by Keurig Green Mountain. While Keurig is one of the greatest products ever invented, Green Mountain has spammed people relentlessly and their coffee is like light brown water, with all the taste of... light brown water.

• Speaking of getting out, I finally managed to get to the guitar store that was (intentionally) closed on New Years Day. With more than enough money for strings and picks, with a great collection of effects pedals, with about four lefty guitars, I could not find a thing I wanted. Nice employees, though.
• Fender has some interesting new guitars coming out; a new series called American something or other Series. Unfortunately it won't be in stock for a while. The positive news is that the existing series guitars will be blown out, hence a potential good deal. I love Fenders, even if they don't make much I like these days. I have older ones.
• Do you ever feel like feeling like you're old? Of course you do. When I was young, I got my first Fender. These Stratocasters were generally regarded as dogs. It was a bad time for Fender and their products suffered. Flash forward to modern day and the 'dogs' I bought are now considered 'vintage'. They command a lot more than they were purchased for. Dogs.
• Meanwhile, I want a real vintage guitar -  1950s.  I played a 1958 Strat once.. it was like butter.. it almost played itself, like something out of Spinal Tap. It would have cost me about $12,000. Today that same guitar would cost triple, quadruple, or more, depending on condition. Since we're rather fond of living in our house, I'll have to find an alternate funding source.

The self-replicating dirty dishes have taken on almost plague-like conditions. I leave a clean sink and the next morning it's full again. Remember, there are only two (alleged) adults plus a precocious spaniel in the house. For this occasion only, I feel safe saying it's not the dog's fault, as he cannot grasp dishes, due to that Lack of Opposable Thumb Thing. I haven't fully ruled out the wife, though, as things tend to happen when she's involved. Logically, all things considered (such as my physical well being), I have only one choice: to believe that the dirty dishes are self-replicating. 

• Interns at the Kansas Capitol must sign a confidentiality agreement. Some outside experts say this is to deter sexual harassment claims.  Imagine an employer so dirty that one has to sign an agreement not to talk about what goes on? Imagine that it's the government.
• Nope, sorry. The government is to remain transparent (Obama, the most transparent administration). They're always up to no good, and that's just the part we can see. Who allowed the Patriot Act to pass? Who just reauthorized unfettered spying? Congress.

Way down there in Mumbai, referred to by Lynyrd Skynyrd as Sweet Home Mumbai, a man died when he was sucked into an MRI machine.  My wife had an MRI and was terrified, so I went with her. Nobody told us what to expect. The machine started and I noticed the necklace I was wearing at the time seemed to be very eager to leap into the machine. We're talking about a piece of metal the size of a guitar pick.

So I'm wondering if maybe the guy was wearing a metal suit. No, as it turns out, the poor fellow was carrying an oxygen cylinder. A doctor and another person were arrested under Indian law for causing death due to negligence. This is one law you won't see in the US. Ever.  It is believed that the gentleman died from inhaling liquid oxygen, which cools the machine.  So remember, kids... breathe oxygen, don't drink it.

If I don't see the sun soon, all of the stories here will be like this.
I mention this because not only is it dreary, we have two days of Nuisance Snow this week. Although all snow is a nuisance, Nuisance Snow is up to one inch, which only serves to cause car accidents and panic buying of bread, milk, and those hats with the whirlygig on top.

• A Russian military jet came within five feet of a US Navy plane, out in international waters. 
• Asked for comment, Vladimir said, "That's a nice plane. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it."
• Navy experts said that it was an attempt by the Russians to show that their... fuselages... were bigger than ours.

Some historically black colleges are struggling with rock bottom graduation rates, some as low as twenty percent. Based strictly upon recent events, there are several ways to deal with this:

1. Lower standards for graduation. A city police force (Philly?), under orders to hire more black people, had to lower the test scores for hiring because not enough black people passed the test.
2. Bring in Other Than Black (OTB) students, on a scholarship, to hopefully raise graduation stats.

That should go over like the proverbial fart in church. Like a Black Sabbath concert for the pope. Like a sermon on bodily fluids.

• Thrillist’s Definitive and Final Ranking of All 50 States ranks Florida as the worst state in the nation.  California's governor Jerry Brown has passed a law, ignoring Florida's rating, and pledges to get his state ranked "right where it belongs."
• Stockton, California, has come out of the gate swinging. Bankrupt since 2012, Stockton's mayor is going to implement Universal Basic Income. For one year, several dozen families will get $500 per month, no strings attached.  In addition to tracking what the residents do with the money, they will be monitoring how a basic income affects things like self-esteem and identity.
• At this point, there is a one million dollar contribution to go towards funding this experiment. If implemented, there will be no donations: it will come right out of your pockets.
• Where did the crisis come from? Stockton racked up millions in debt in development projects in the past, among other things. But it's Magic Money!
• Seriously?

Never accuse ThermionicEmissions of failing to feature feel-good stories, chock full of good old fashioned family values. In fact, the Philadelphia Inquirer just ran a great, sensitive story about generations of families in jail together. It just [sniff..] tugs at your heartstrings. 

• The Indians baseball team is going to change their "Chief Wahoo" logo, deemed offensive to Indians. To avoid causing any further upset, the Indians' new logo will be a swastika.

I've been married a while, so naturally I got to thinking about marriage licenses. Sit a spell and think with me, please.

A couple must go to the city/state/locality and pay for a license to marry. 

Let's not get into the discussion over the state telling you who you can marry.

Why should the state have a say in your marriage? At most, perhaps they can act strictly as a registrar, keeping a record that you are married. Maybe.

This is one of the many reasons I'm a libertarian. We believe in small government. I'd go so far as to say we don't need car registrations. Some go further.

And then when you're done getting the state's permission to marry, you have to find someone to marry you (hopefully you already have a spouse picked out). Apparently this is considerably easier a process, in that just about anyone can marry you. Justice of the Peace, religious leaders, ministers of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, pretty much anybody with the right piece of paper.

• Campus Reform took a trip to New York University to ask students what they thought about President Trump's State of the Union address. Students hated it. The only problem was that the address was a week away. Did the students get an advance copy? Did they somehow travel to the future and back? Ladies and gentlemen, the future of America.
• Next week, NYU will review the 2020 elections.

Ripped from the headlines: last night I read, wherever it was that I read it, that you might as well eat pizza for breakfast, especially if you normally eat cereal. The logic here is that they have the same amount of calories, but there's a chance that you'll get some protein from the pizza, as opposed to a bowl full of sugar from the cereal. Personally I find nothing wrong with either, although I prefer a bowl full of sugar in the morning and pizza for lunch and/or dinner. Also mentioned is the fact that the cereal sugar is full blast then burnout, while the pizza sugar takes longer, so you don't get the burnout. Not mentioned is whether you like your pizza from last night's box (or last week's), cold from the fridge, or frozen with maple syrup.

• The NSA literally deleted 'trust' and 'honesty' from its core values. At least they're straight about something. By the way, don't say anything when you're near the toaster, ok?

Canada has a C-16 bill, which makes it a criminal offense to 'misgender' people. In England, you cannot use racial slurs, in person or on the internet. The US is working on a law that would make it illegal to make fun of someone's nose hair. Which one of these laws is made up?

I submit that it's difficult to misgender or gender people if they don't tattoo it on their foreheads. Sometimes you see people and ask if they're.... 

And now, ThermionicEmissions is illegal in Canada AND England.

• Boy, am I sick of football. Mind you, I'm sick of football at all times, but it's worse lately. Because the Eagles (Dem Iggles) are going to the Superbowl, television is nonstop Eagles. The morning multi-hour news show is All Eagles, All the Time. The anchors are now in Minnesota (minus the comical accents). Fortunately, there's nothing going on in the country or the world at this moment to break into the 6 hour daily coverage of Dem Iggles, although they did a highly relevant news story about the Mall of America.
• It would be unspeakably rude of me to disallow sports, even though the idea constantly tugs at my being, like certain ideas do when watching Shakira. So watch your sports (after you pay attention to the local and world news, not instead of it). Just get it off the damn 24 hour news cycle.
• It's a good thing I don't watch broadcast television or this blog would be the headquarters of the AntiSports. Moreso.

As I lamented the extreme lack of music on MTV, I discovered an actual CLASSIC channel! Forgetting MTV's mandate, it became clear that Classic means the songs that were HOT fifteen minutes ago. You haven't lived til you hear your tunes on the oldies station.

• While it is possible that the dog sits under other people and gasses them into oblivion, I can only speak for myself. Last time it was so bad that I ran into the kitchen to see if the stove was on. I'm ordering a WWII gas mask  or some SCUBA gear.

Michael Moore, multi-millionaire filmmaker and celebrity*, says that America must be 'Cleansed' of white male privilege.  If he were really serious, he'd cleanse America of Michael Moore's white male privilege.

* I'm against personal attacks. If I weren't against personal attacks, I'd say something like, "...and Famous Fat Person,"

• Quincy Jones took a swing at Taylor Swift recently, saying we need f***ing songs, not hooks. 'A bad song can't be saved by the three best singers in  the world'.
• Go, Quincy! Although this is way late in coming, and probably should have been directed at a previous generation or two, it needed to be said. However, the blame ultimately lies with the record companies. They will only sign and put out garbage for the lowest common denominator. When it starts to sell, all you get is copycats, including the songs, which are written by only a few people. To be fair, Taylor writes her own songs.

Hey, remember that false alarm about the incoming missile in Hawaii?  

It would seem that we have the Original Excuses, and now we have a Report, just made public. For your reading pleasure, the Original Excuses are in blue and the Report Excuses are in red.

The employee hit the wrong button.

The employee misheard something during the drill and believed there was an incoming missile.

The employee made a mistake: we didn't fire him, we reassigned him.

The employee was fired last week.

He was a good employee.

He has been a source of concern to other staffers for over ten years.

We are fed such crap on a daily basis.  Mainstream media lies and/or makes things up routinely. Regardless, all news outlets are owned by six organizations and they print what they're told. When there's an emergency, Damage Control goes into action. Read it again. Boldface lies. Or, if you'd rather, what we heard that day was the truth and this report is full of lies. It's not like you can get the truth anyway.  Remember this next time something big happens. Write it down or record it, then watch the narrative 'evolve'.

• Glee star Mark Salling hanged himself after pleading guilty to child pornography charges. If only more would take the honorable way out.

In case you've booked tickets for that holiday in Poland, be aware that the government has limited Sunday shopping to benefit family life.  Hey, that's just as stupid as some country not allowing car.. or alcohol... ummm... sales.. on Sunday because of.... Blue Laws. Oh.

Special Flying Section

• Astronauts will soon recycle their waste into protein paste. Because you know what they say... Eat shit and fly.

Eighty five plumbers headed from Norway to Germany got unlucky when their plane was forced to return to Norway. Because of a broken toilet. 

I will now ruin the hilarity by telling you that the repair needed to be done outside the plane and no one would volunteer. Or the airline couldn't afford their rates.

• United Airlines, who shares Adolph Hitler's publicist, declined a woman's emotional support animal. She even purchased a second ticket, but United refused to let her emotional support peacock on the plane. In a statement, United said they explained this to the lady three times before they arrived at the airport.
• Something tells me they're really not going to like my emotional support elephant.

Best Headline: Dems panic over avalanche of good economic news...

• I hate it in PA. In the summer, you have to get the ice cream home before it melts. Tonight the ice cream was just fine, but the cereal froze.