Mayonnaise in Relation to Ferrets

So I'm on a conference, using video for the 2nd time, and I see myself in a tiny window up top. At the bottom of the tiny window, it says YOU. Good thing, too, in case I forget who I am.


Your love is like  a kick in the nuts.


Russian interference in the election appears to be heating up: Yuri asked Jesus to make the American elections fair.



Dear lefty

• What would you do if I sang out of tune?
• I would stand up and walk out on you  

• Is Lucifer Satan?
• How the hell should I know? Maybe it's one of those trinity things, with Lucifer, Satan, and Hillary. (It turned out to be Dick Cheney, because Hillary scared everyone too much.

You'll be shocked and sickened, but perhaps not surprised, to learn that Lyme Disease was a manufactured disease, caused by weaponized ticks. The ticks did not just appear by themselves. Once again, Fort Detrick was involved. I would not trust Fort Detrick to manage some spare cardboard, because they'd weaponize it, then it would go missing. This was part of a program your government used, right after the Bay of Pigs, to get even. It involved lice, ticks, and who knows what else. Lyme started in the state of Washington and Lyme, Connecticut at the same time. What a coincidence! Naturally there's all sorts of stonewalling, involving everybody's friends at the CDC and NIH. You know, the people who will be our saviors with the Flying AIDS. Yes, your government is trying to incapacitate you. As described, Lyme is pretty nasty, and that's after you get the diagnosis. Click the link and gain some knowledge. Take it with you to the polls in November.

Your government is trying to kill you. At least in Washington state, where a heat ray was requested against protesters in Lafayette Square. The police requested one from the National Guard, which doesn't use them. The weapon is essentially a microwave oven, to make skin feel like it's burning. Authorities say it causes no permanent damage (unless your fries aren't done and you have to put them back in the beam). Being a huge fan of the right to protest peacefully and the rule of law, police certainly need something for crowd control, when it gets violent (only) but between microwave projectors and LRADS, the weaponization of police via the army has gone too far.

• Harvey Weinstein was stripped of his honorary (British) CBE. They couldn't tell him because whenever you say 'Harvey Weinstein stripped,' he gets very excited.

In yet another vindication, the director of the FBI said it's a mistake to get election information on social media. It would be a lot faster and easier to just quote me.

• Occasionally I need recognition  -maybe a gold star. At no point today did I say that the First Lady had the first set of implants in the White House. I didn't even ask the president if it was true. Just put it on the fridge - this is my first one.

It wasn't bad enough that we had Attack of the Stereo Lawnmowers. Now we have Attack of the Commercial Lawnmowers. Naturally I learned about this during a virtual meeting. The only thing missing was cutting down trees and feeding them into the Chopper Machine. A coworker wanted to feed her husband into a Chopping Machine, but it left too much evidence. Now that I think about it, she was probably right.

The only thing good about this changing weather is that the bleedin' grass will stop growing, so I can stop mowing. It's a gift from God, or whoever controls the weather.


Dear l33t haxors: be careful where you ransom. A German woman died because of ransomware, after she had to be transferred to a more distant hospital. Now you've gone from ransomware to murder. The hackers eventually provided the decryption key.

• Human footprints dating back 120,000 years found in Saudi Arabia
• don't they ever clean? 

In the meantime, right outside my window, is the Commercial Lawnmowers, with that backpack thingie, going VOOM VOOM. There is no mechanical reason for it to go VOOM VOOM, but the mowers really like it and it lets people know there are Professhionels around. If there were any way to make a noise like a 190 decibel plane taking off, they would. VOOM VOOM.



Here are the winners of the 2020 Ig Nobel Prizes to make you laugh, then think.

There's so much going on here, including a bunch of researchers proving that knives made of human feces do not work well.



We visited Ebay, 5 days ago, to order some Stuff. The stuff ordered from literally 5 miles away has not arrived yet. The vendor said this is because it was shipped from Houston, which, according to my memory of high school geometry, is more than 5 miles away from my house. No one knows why Ebay thinks Houston = Philly. I got notice that the next item will arrive early. Yes, the item from California will arrive in 6 days. Everything else will arrive from 9 days to a few months. I still have not received the vibrator female massage device from the last order. Perhaps Ebay does not ship cross-country, which would make sense.  Ebay ships the other way, cross-Russia, hence the delays. Have you ever looked at the delivery dates? It could take over a month to get a phone cover from Nevada. 6 weeks for some electronic parts from Ohio (the next state over). Perhaps this is all a ploy, so they can tell you the purchase is arriving 'early'. I used to avoid ordering from suppliers in China, but that stuff is now getting here faster than the continental US purchases.

My first real job was shipper/receiver, a looong time ago. I remember how long it took and how much it cost to send things all over the country. Let's say the shipping prices have risen exponentially, as has the time to ship things. Worse, some of the expedited shippers use the USPS for the final leg of the journey. So it will take 3 days to get across the country, then another month to get to the final destination. Across the country used to take 5 days, sometimes 4 if you were lucky.

• Every now and then I'm forced to look over the top singles list. I recognize fewer and fewer alleged artists on the lists, and none of the songs. 
• Yesterday someone referred to a Radiohead song as arguably the most important song of the 90s. Oops.... never heard it. And this guy was a guitar player, not a fanboi.
• Camila Cabello is very attractive: haven't heard her music. I'm guessing it's better that way.

This is going to be an historic election.
I'm not sure why, but just keep repeating the above.
Either loser will raise taxes and continue bombing other countries.
At least I'm voting for someone who represents my principles.

With that in mind, here are some voting tips, to make your voice heard

• Vote early, vote often.
• Don't bother - it won't count anyway
• You're American - we don't show up over 50% anyway
• There are a lot of advantages to mailing in your ballot, the least of which is not standing in a socially-distanced line, stretching all the way to the next polling place, and decorated with socially-distanced tape. And your nose sweating all the way. Then there's the USPS, which will always deliver your item, even if it takes 100 years, as recently proven. Start mailing now, folks.
• If you vote by mail, know that you must obtain a form to obtain a form to vote. Then somehow make it all the way to the mailbox, where it might will be picked up by one of the many federal workers assigned to the project.
• Speaking of Federal workers, if you like marijuana but don't partake because it's illegal, just hang around in back of a post office. Second hand smoke is a bitch. WARNING: unless you're a federal worker, take the rest of the day off work.
• If you're in Chicago, don't worry.. there are many dead people whose votes can take your place. If it matters, you may want to find out how they're voting.

SJW Smattering

Lady Gaga says "every American drinks the poison that is white supremacy."
  -Tastes like Yoo Hoo


If all 4 of the Beatles were somehow to reunite, there would be complaints that there were no women or people of color in the band. That they were a band held aloft by white privilege.