Thursday, September 24, 2015

Volkswagen Emissions

Volkswagen is in trouble because the sensors in some of their diesel cars were calibrated to cheat on US emissions tests. This is a huge scandal across the globe and even huger because the US has some of these cars. With schnitzel on its face, the CEO of Volkswagen called a press conference, during which he said he was "endlessly sorry" and the firm "totally screwed up."  He apologized for the mistake (shades of BP Oil). Much like the BP Oil press conference, his sincerity was called into doubt when he kept crossing his fingers in front of his chest. He apologized most profoundly, on behalf of Volkswagen, for their error (in getting caught) and blamed it on a small clerical error (of 11 million cars). He had no idea how this could have happened (getting caught) and would instigate a full investigation (into how they got caught).  He was on the verge of tears because the major shareholders (including Porsche) wanted his posterior in a sling (because they wanted a CEO who could avoid getting caught).

Reaction was swift from all over the globe: Germans hid their heads in shame, Israel wanted to purchase the cars on discount, Syria offered to send 100,000 refugees, and General Motors, which just got caught putting exploding ignition switches in their cars and received a paltry fine, has made a lowball offer to purchase Volkswagen. Their brief pitch to VW's shareholders included the fact that even when they did get caught, it didn't make a difference.

The CEO got caught leaving the company yesterday.

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